Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Archives for September 2011

Nobody’s fine

I’m so tired of being “fine.”

You know how it goes:

Some other person: “Hi. How are you?”

Me: “Fine.”

Or sometimes I upgrade “fine” to “good.” Rarely do I think about my answer. It’s automatic.  Spit out an answer. Don’t take too long. Nobody’s interested in how you really feel.

Most of the time, I’m not even sure how I do feel. Maybe at that exact moment, standing in line at the grocery store without kids and everything checked off my list, I am fine. My overall state of well-being, though? Probably somewhere less than fine.

I’m obsessed with “fine.” And “OK.”

“Are you OK?” — I’ve noticed I ask my husband this question a lot. I want the answer to be “yeah, I’m fine,” but lately it hasn’t been. We’re working on some things to help us be more honest about how we’re feeling and our states of mind. He surprised me one day when he answered that question, “No. And that’s OK.”

Last week, the kids and I all caught some kind of stomach bug which one day resulted in our 20-month-old puking in the grocery store. If you’ve never cleaned up puke in a grocery store with people maneuvering around you to check out the produce offerings, let me tell ya, it’s a thrill. I think I used an entire roll of paper towels.

Because the illness had cycled through both kids and me, I thought we were done with it. The in-store puking caught me off guard.

The next day, I took the kids to the park for some morning fun and a picnic lunch. We had a great time, which I sort of didn’t expect. I’m learning that I associate leaving the house with things going wrong so having a great time at the park with my kids by myself was a pleasant surprise.

We had walked to the park, and on the way home, Corban started making some weird mouth expressions and my first thought was, “Oh, no. He’s going to puke again.”

So I made a beeline for home. Get home, get home, get home, was all I could think. I almost started to panic at the thought that he might puke in the wagon on our walk home. I kept turning around asking him, “Are you OK?” This must be part of my mantra for life. I’m noticing it more and more.

We arrived home safely, without incident, and Corban perked up like nothing was wrong.

I felt silly for worrying that something might go wrong. In all reality, something is always going to go wrong. I should be more surprised when things go right.

I hope that doesn’t sound cynical. I’m just re-learning that the world in which we live is wrong. It has been since Eve ate the fruit and gave some to Adam. It’s not a perfect world. Sometimes it’s not even a good world.

Bad things happen. Bad days happen. Sometimes I’m going to feel “fine” and sometimes I’m not.

And that’s OK.

Most people aren’t “fine.” And that’s OK, too.

So, how are you today?

Why some restaurants shouldn’t let us in the door

There’s a good reason some restaurants don’t go out of their way to cater to families.

We might be that reason.

Our family of 4 — including an almost-2-year-old and a 3-and-a-half-year-old — doesn’t eat out a lot, unless we’re on the road visiting family. Our most recent trip reminds me why eating out is usually limited to adults-only date night.

We’d been in the car for about 7 hours and made our usual stop in Toledo, Ohio, near the airport, where the restaurant choices are more varied than what is available on the turnpike. We’ve done Chipotle (not terribly kid-friendly despite a new kids menu) and Panera (ditto) and we’d eaten fast food (Wendy’s and Chick-Fil-A) the day before.

Even though sit-down is a risk, that’s what my husband and I thought might work. Healthier options. More room for the kids. That kind of thing. So, we chose Chili’s.

The host wisely seated us in a corner booth, near the door. We put the kids on the inside and started looking at the menu. I was impressed with the kids menu. Not only did it have a lot of options but it had pictures of the food. Isabelle, the 3-year-old, pointed to a chicken sandwich and corn on the cob. How grown-up, I thought. She had passed on the mac and cheese and the corn dog.

OK, I thought. We can do this.

Then she had to go to the bathroom. She skipped the entire way. This scene would repeat itself 4 more times while we were in the restaurant.

Meanwhile, back at the booth, my husband was in charge of the Corbanator. He destroys everything in his path, food included. The poor ladies sitting adjacent to our booth were subject to his non-stop greetings — hi, hi, hi — and pokes. If that weren’t enough, he was trying to climb into the window and eat the end of the blinds cord. Once, while my husband was extracting Corban from the window, Corban flung himself backward and cracked his head on the table. The entire restaurant seemed to go silent.

I wanted to say, “Carry on, folks. This is normal for us.”

Fortunately, we ordered chips and salsa. Throwing food at the children — hungry animals — seems to help. Corban, however, mostly just crushed the chips all over the table and the seat. I’d like to tell you things improved after their food came.

Not so. Now that Corban had more “supplies,” he decided to use the ketchup all over his hands to “paint” the window separating us from the entryway. And when he wasn’t redecorating, he was pulling sugar and Sweet ‘N’ Low packets from the table and dropping them between the booth and the wall.

On one such occasion, when Phil was with Isabelle in the bathroom, our waitress came by to ask if I needed more water. I wanted to tell her to bring a straitjacket instead. For me, not the kids. When my husband returned, we were both pretty much hysterical with laughter. Our kids were wild but they weren’t hurting anyone or themselves. We knew that, for the most part, their behavior was due to the long car trip.

Next time, I think we’ll just have to settle for a McDonald’s with a playland. At least there we’re understood. And accommodated.

So, fellow parents, tell me, am I destined to eat only at kid-friendly places for the forseeable future or is there a way to make eating out anywhere more family friendly? Your experiences are invaluable!