Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Archives for May 2013

35 things I've learned by 35

I turned 35 on Saturday. This birthday has been bugging me all year. I don’t remember having a problem with my 30th birthday, but for some reason, adding that “5” after the “3” is messing with my head. I feel like I’m supposed to be old now. Or wise. Or accomplished. I don’t feel any of those things. But I’ve learned some important things in life. Here’s a list of 35 of them, in no particular order. (I was inspired by this post earlier this year.)

  1. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. And sometimes there’s no good explanation.
  2. Even if you’re almost 30 and married to your best friend, motherhood will still scare the crap out of you. (And by “you” I mean “me.”)
  3. I don’t have to like or believe all the same things as my friends to still be friends.
  4. It’s better to hear the truth than believe a lie.
  5. You can do everything right and follow all the rules and still be wrong.
  6. Housework is an inescapable necessity, and it improves my mood.
  7. I didn’t know how selfish I was until I got married and had children.
  8. God will make you eat your words when you tell Him something is impossible.
  9. Conflict is unavoidable. And sometimes it’s healthy. And helpful.
  10. Control is an illusion. Just when I think I have something “under control,” my son rolls around in the aisle at church or my daughter throws a doll across the room when I ask her to put her pajamas on.

    His Easter finest

    His Easter finest

  11. Apathy is just as (and maybe more) dangerous as hate.
  12. I can’t save the world, but I can make better choices that have an impact on the world and the people who live in it.
  13. Life moves fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. (Okay, I stole that one from Ferris Bueller. Still …) OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
  14. I’ll do just about anything for a full night of sleep. (Especially after having kids.)
  15. Just because I think I have something to say doesn’t mean I should say it.
  16. One toilet for four people is not enough, especially if two of those people are recently potty-trained. Inevitably, they have to go potty at the EXACT SAME TIME and RIGHT NOW. Same holds true if anyone else dares to enter the bathroom to do “business.”
  17. Life is always a good choice. Not just when it comes to the unborn.
  18. The number of laundry baskets in your house should match the number of people in your house.
  19. It’s better to ask a question, even if I think it makes me look stupid, than to assume I know something.
  20. An introvert (I am one) needs extroverts for friends. I am blessed to have several who push me out of my introverted tendencies (in a good way).
  21. Failing at something doesn’t make me a failure.
  22. I still blush when I talk to the opposite sex, even if they’re teenage boys. And I fear I might become one of those old ladies who flirts with guys of all ages just to be embarrassing.
  23. When you set out to write a list of 35 things you’ve learned in your lifetime, the list starts to read like a confessional.
  24. Drinking coffee with my dad and talking to my mom while we wash dishes or take a walk are two of my favorite activities. (And I don’t do either nearly enough because of an 800-mile separation.)
  25. I’m more task-oriented than people-oriented and learning to love people when they get “in the way” of my tasks is hard. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
  26. I’m likely to say something awkward when making small-talk because I think better with written words than spoken ones.
  27. I’d rather take a risk and fail than not try at all.
  28. What I think we needed for marriage (the stuff we registered for) is not what we really needed. My registry list would look completely different now after six years of marriage.
  29. I am a writer. (Profound, right?) And no amount (big or small) of money, publication credits or blog followers will change that. It’s part of who I am. And it’s what I was made to do.
  30. Whining and giving constructive criticism are not the same. I have a low tolerance for the former, which accomplished almost nothing, and a growing tolerance for the latter, which can make a difference for the better. And I appreciate even more those teachers from grade school who had a “no whining” policy in their classrooms. (P.S. If you’re an adult, I tolerate your whining even less than I do my children’s.)
  31. Cooking a turkey is not as scary as I once thought it would be. I am now comfortable with all aspects of preparing and cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving or other meals. Ditto for a whole chicken. I have not, however, attempted to cook a live lobster or prepare anything that still has a head (fish, crawfish, etc.). Something to shoot for in the next 35 years.
  32. It’s okay to cry. But I’ll still probably apologize for doing it, even it’s an appropriate response.
  33. I take life and myself too seriously, but I love laugh-till-you-cry moments.
  34. I love my husband more now than I did when we first started dating, and I can’t imagine how my love will deepen and change in the coming years.
  35. I am an unfinished work.

How I Learned to Give Up Control by Sue Edwards: Mother's Day blog series

This week, I’ll be hosting several posts from this series. I hope you’ll tune in for some motherly encouragement!

Welcome to Pearl Girls™ Mother of Pearl Mother’s Day blog series—a nine-day celebration of moms and mothering. Each day will feature a new post by some of today’s best writers (Tricia Goyer, Lisa Takeuchi Cullen, Beth Vogt, Lesli Westfall, and more). I hope you’ll join us each day for another unique perspective on Mother’s Day.

AND . . .ImageProxyServlet do enter the contest for a chance to win a beautiful handcrafted pearl necklace and a JOYN India bag. Enter at the bottom of this post. The contest runs 5/4-5/13, and the winner will be announced on 5/14. Contest is only open to U.S. residents.

If you are unfamiliar with Pearl Girls™, please visit www.pearlgirls.info, subscribe to our blog, and see what we’re all about. In short, we exist to support the work of charities that help women and children in the US and around the globe. Consider purchasing a copy of Mother of Pearl: Luminous Lessons and Iridescent Faith to help support Pearl Girls™.

And to all you MOMS out there, Happy Mother’s Day!

~

How I Learned to Give Up Control by Sue Edwards

I’m one of those mothers who would like to control everything in my children’s lives. You may be too, all out of the best intentions. I tried frantically to do that for many years until God grabbed my attention and wrestled my control issues from my clenched fists. It happened this way.

My youngest daughter attended a large university where campus housing was at a premium. Her second year she was accepted into one of the nicest dorms on campus, but the rule was that you could either choose the room or the roommate of your choice but not both. Well, I had heard horror stories of what happened when you roomed with some girls–like men in the room, and I turned into mother bear. I was not going to allow my child to take pot luck in roommates, nor were we willing to give up that choice room.

I had heard that if your child had a learning disability they would ditch the rule. So I decided to make my case with the administrator who could fix this unfair situation. All week, I was on the phone long distance climbing my way up the ladder to the gentleman who could give my daughter the room and roommate she deserved.

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And finally, I was on the phone with him. We talked for a few minutes, and then he asked me, “Does your daughter have a learning disability?” I answered rather indignantly, “Well, I prefer not to label people.” That did it. He bought it. I had done the impossible. I called my daughter, she turned cart wheels on the other end of the phone, and we rejoiced together.

Only the roommate she had chosen, the dear Christian girl from her church, did not turn out to be the roommate she expected. In fact, she did have men in the room, a lot. And she went home at Christmas under suspicious circumstances. All fall I had to endure calls from my daughter who was trying to figure out how to navigate this awkward situation. And it was my fault. Some of us are stubborn and God needs a two by four to get our attention, and break us of our control issues. This was that time for me, and for my daughter. Now, when we are tempted to take control instead of trusting God, we look at each other, remember, smile, and let go.

God knows what he is doing in your life, my life, and the lives of our children. And he loves our children more than we do, as impossible as that may sound. So trust him, follow him. Two by fours are rather painful. You won’t regret trusting your Sovereign Father who has your, and your children’s, best interest at heart.

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sueedwardsDr. Sue Edwards has over thirty-five years experience as a Bible teacher, overseer of ministries to women, and author. Now, as a full-time professor at Dallas Theological Seminary, she equip men and women for future ministry all over the world. And women everywhere enjoy learning the Scriptures in face to face groups as well as an online community using her Bible studies, the Discover Together Series. To join the online Bible study community or to converse with Sue, go to Facebook.com/discovertogetherseries. She is currently working on a book with Barbara Neumann on mentoring millennials. Married for forty years, she and David are the parents of two married daughters and the grandparents of five.

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