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Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Archives for March 2019

Everything I know about living a beautiful life

March 5, 2019

It was Monday, and the world had been painted white with snow. It clung to the trees like ornaments on a Christmas tree. Few surfaces were left uncovered.

Our family had spent the previous day watching the snow fall, wondering when it would stop, guessing how many inches would accumulate. While it was coming down on Sunday, we observed one accident happen on our road (no injuries but it was a hit-and-run), two fire trucks respond to a call at the nearby apartment building, a utility truck parked near where the hit-and-run accident occurred, and a couple of Amish buggies pass by like it was just another day.

When we went to sleep, it was still snowing, and we already new our start to the week would be delayed.

A two-hour delay for work and school meant extra time for shoveling the driveway and clearing the car along with all the other getting-ready-for-school-and-work tasks. There was also extra time for social media and viewing what felt like a zillion posts about the snow.

“A winter wonderland!” the pictures were captioned with one man even suggesting everyone go outside and take a walk WHILE IT WAS STILL SNOWING. I have no doubt that it would have been magical, but not even the promise of wonder could entice me from my cozy jammies and warm house.

It certainly looked pretty from inside my house, but the beauty of it was lost as I grumbled about the work yet to do. After my husband had been out to clear the driveway for half an hour, I went out to clear the car. Not much about my attitude had changed as I pushed and brushed and swept snow off the roof and the trunk and the windows. I stopped for a moment and looked at the tree in front of our house, the one that marks the seasons, whose beauty first welcomed us when we moved in.

When the car was clear, I went back inside to get my phone to take a picture. Documenting beauty is an occasional practice and I was out of practice.

Everything I know about living a beautiful life is found in these photos.

If you look close enough, just past the tree displaying its winter splendor, you’ll see the trash can and recycling bin. Mondays are garbage days and before I took this photo, while my husband was shoveling the driveway, I dragged the can and the bin to the street. Usually I cut through the yard but I didn’t feel like traipsing through snow up to my calves, so I walked the short distance from the driveway to the road sign where we place the bins for pickup. Only once did I have to dodge traffic.

While I was taking these pictures, one of our neighbor dogs was barking at me. It is the loud and annoying yipping that accompanies any outdoor activity and prompts the neighbors to then yell at the dogs to “shut up.” And inside, my husband was negotiating with the kids about who was going to take the first shower like it was a hostage situation. Anxiety was building inside of me because this was only Monday and it was going to be a long week.

I took these pictures to capture the beauty. Maybe I was even feeling a little bit left out of the perceived serenity of the winter wonderland pictures.

I did not feel serene as the dog barked and the children fought and the snow slowed my routine. But that didn’t make the scene in my yard any less beautiful. The truth is the beauty of life is smack dab in the middle of the ordinary. Sometimes it’s even in the middle of a mess.

I used to think living a beautiful life meant having a perfect life. That an Instagram-worthy life was evidence of a beautiful life. That poetic words and portraits of a well-kept home were the proof that life was beautiful. I used to think a beautiful life was beyond my reach. Or that I’d have to wait for “someday,” when everything fell into place.

But I’ve changed my mind. I think that a beautiful life happens when we choose to see the beauty right now. When we stop to take the picture of the tree while the dog is barking and the kids are fighting and the garbage can sits at the curb. Beauty is in the ordinary. Beauty is in the mess. And I’m not saying that you have to see garbage day as a gift or adopt a thankful attitude for the tenth load of laundry, but I think we can find a way to notice how the sun streams in through the mud room window while we’re doing laundry or take an extra second to remember how the snow-covered tree looks in spring. To see the white clouds and the blue sky and the snowy limbs stretching up and out and ask yourself if what you’re seeing is even real. (I could have sworn we were living in a painting.)

Sometimes a beautiful life is seeing what’s right in front of you and sometimes it’s hoping for what you can’t see. (Like spring when it’s snowing in March.)

A beautiful life is not a perfect life, it is a life being lived. Even when that living includes a sink full of dishes, an overflowing mound of laundry or a garbage can being hauled to the street.

This is the stuff of life. The wonder and the work. The ordinary and the extraordinary. The perfect and the not-so-perfect. The tidy and the messy.

All I really know now is that I can’t wait to have a beautiful life because I already have one. A beautiful life isn’t beyond my reach; it’s right in front of me.

Filed Under: beauty Tagged With: a beautiful life, snow

I gave away my coffee

March 2, 2019

I gave my coffee away again today.

When I go to the city, I almost can’t help myself, but to be honest, I wasn’t even thinking about that when I bought the coffee.

Photo by Tamara Bellis on Unsplash

My son and I had a rare morning just the two of us while my daughter was at a school practice. We made our usual Saturday trip to the library to pick up a couple of books and then I promised him a treat for helping with the snow shoveling the past two days.

“I want to go to Prince Street,” he said. Music to my ears. (I miss coffee shops, although it is nice to have a job that helps pay for the trips to the coffee shops, even if I have less time to visit the coffee shops. The struggle is real.)

It was the morning after a second hit of snow in as many days. Most of the sidewalks were clear, but the air was chilly, and the city is busy on Saturdays. Which often means more people on the streets–both in the pedestrian sense and in the homeless or panhandling sense. You see the evidence in the backpacks slung over shoulders and the worn winter wear on their bodies. One woman started coughing as we passed. I’ve seen her before, and I wondered if the cough was timed for our passing or just a coincidence. Sometimes, my heart is still so cold.

If I spend too much time thinking about the suffering I see or sense in the city, I become overwhelmed and almost paralyzed by the enormity of problems. I cannot do anything, I think, to fix this (whatever “this” might be). I rarely carry cash, so I can’t even help with a request, and the city has been discouraging open panhandling anyway. I don’t know what the answer is but I know I want to keep my heart more on the side of soft and open than on hard and closed.

We stopped in at market to see my husband and just say “hi” then made our way to the cafe. It was a bit crowded, so we decided to take our food and drink to go. We left with a coffee, a hot chocolate and two Nutella cookie sandwiches. My son held the cookies and I held the drinks. Every coffee shop we had passed in the city was full. I’m rarely in the city on Saturday mornings, so maybe this is normal. On the route back to where I’d parked the car, I saw a man I’d seen before, holding a sign.

“Homeless. God Bless.” As we passed, my right hand, the one holding the coffee, lifted almost on its own.

“Could you use a coffee?” I said as he took the cup I offered. My son and I had only paused, and the man looked at me and said “Thank you, darlin’.” It is the same every time. I have given this man a cup of coffee more than once. (The last time was not recent.) He is always in the same spot and we always say the same things, and I never miss the coffee I gave up.

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash

It solves nothing, really, except that it makes me more aware of my own humanity. I give up my coffee to keep my heart soft and to communicate to another human being that they are worth at least as much as a hot cup of (good) coffee. The price of not sharing my coffee is higher than what I paid for the cup of coffee.

It was almost easy and instantaneous this time, but only because my soul has practiced this particular action. Sharing what I have, even when it isn’t a lot, or when I don’t have any money, is a skill, in a way. I had to do it once so that I didn’t have the excuse of “I could never do that” and then I had to do it again to make sure I believed that it was something I could repeat. Any new skill takes practice and is awkward and clumsy at first. Only with practice do we improve. We might never be pros but we also won’t be beginners.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Practice has become a word I can’t escape lately. If I want to have a life that looks like Jesus, I have to practice. It’s not going to be like a magic spell that turns Cinderella into a princess. If I want to be kind, I have to practice. If I want to be generous, I have to practice. If I want to serve others, I have to practice. If I want to love, I have to practice.

Practice. And repeat. Until it is almost second-nature.

Sometimes that practice looks like doing something I don’t really “feel” like doing. I could have talked myself out of giving away that cup of coffee, but I knew I still had coffee at home. And that man might not be welcome to walk into a coffee shop and order his own coffee.

This action was easier than others. I still have many ways in which I need to practice what I believe.

I gave away my coffee today, and I tell you about it because I believe you can, too.

We all have a list of excuses and reasons why we can’t get involved in someone’s life or why the problems of the world are too big, but I am naive enough (okay, make that hopeful enough) to believe that small actions can make a difference, even if the difference they make is only in me.

Except that I know that they are making a difference in someone else, too.

After I handed my coffee to the man, my son patted me on the back and said, “Good job, Mommy.” (He also wanted to make sure I had given him the coffee and not the hot chocolate. Baby steps!)

What makes a difference in us will often be visible to those close to us. And maybe it will make a difference in them, too.

Filed Under: city living, faith & spirituality Tagged With: city living, coffee, homelessness, practicing the Christian life

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Hi. I’m Lisa, and I’m glad you’re here. If we were meeting in real life, I’d offer you something to eat or drink while we sat on the porch letting the conversation wander as it does. That’s a little bit what this space is like. We talk about books and family and travel and food and running, whatever I might encounter in world. I’m looking for the beauty in the midst of it all, even the tough stuff. (You’ll find a lot of that here, too.) Thanks for stopping by. Stay as long as you like.

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