Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Archives for May 2021

A month to remember: A lot of firsts for our family in May

I forgot how overwhelming and busy the month of May can be when life is closer to normal. Last May was nowhere near normal, so I was unprepared for how exhausting (mentally, emotionally, spiritually) the month would be. But here we are, at the end of it, and we made it. Summer is knocking on the door, and I’m hopeful for some rest and rejuvenation. Before we hit summer hard, though, here’s our round-up of May: What We Did, What We Ate, What We Watched and What We Read. Buckle up! It’s a ride.

What We Did

One of the first things the kids and I did was re-organized and cleaned out the pantry. Confession: we had a small ant situation that necessitated this action, but overall the pantry shelves become a catch-all, especially after a significant grocery trip. Stuff gets forgotten and pushed to the back. It was in desperate need of cleaning and re-organizing. I did not take a before picture because that would have been embarrassing. The three of us worked together, and my son’s main contribution was taking each item out one at a time and reading the label. Out loud. “This is fun,” he said. Meanwhile, I was holding in a scream.

After we reorganized.

Next up was a trip to Longwood Gardens. At the end of April, we purchased a membership for the year. It was a retroactive birthday present for me since last year I was supposed to go see Hamilton in Washington, D.C. We repurposed the Hamilton money and bought a membership, something we’ve been wanting and meaning to do for years. May 2 was the last day of the spring blooms exhibit at Longwood, so we made the day trip. We had never wandered the meadow trails and honestly, these were some of the best moments of the day because fewer people were on those trails. The main garden area was packed with people in various states of COVID compliance. Stay tuned for future visits because we can.

I love tulips.

May is a month of celebrations, and first up is MY birthday. I took cupcakes to work to share with some friends and some of those friends treated me the next day to lunch and bought balloons for my desk.

I was told I’m supposed to announce my birthday so my co-workers can help me celebrate.

Quarantine. Again! No, that’s not a holdover from last month. Our daughter had a second quarantine just two weeks after her previous quarantine. It’s wild times we’re living in.

All-day lacrosse tournament. (Twice.) I was sort of dreading it, but they turned out to be mostly enjoyable. The first one was cold but fun, even though our team lost all of its games. I enjoyed being around the other lacrosse parents and cheering on our sons. The second one we were at for 10 hours total. So much lacrosse.

One of our firsts in May is that I got tested for COVID. I woke up one morning with cold-like symptoms that had developed overnight. In normal circumstances, I would not have thought twice about the symptoms but it was the worst I’ve felt in a year (even though it wasn’t that bad). After a video call with a health care provider, I got a COVID test. It was negative so it must have been just a body-shutting-down end-of-school-year cold.

We had a FaceTime Uno date with our niece and her parents. One of my favorite things about quarantine is learning how to play games with people via video call. I want to do more of this.

Another first: our daughter got her first dose of COVID vaccine. She will be fully vaccinated by the end of next month, which will bring us great relief.

Phil stopped at a record shop after getting the car inspected and added to his cassette tape collection. Either that or he time-traveled.

I said “yes” to an invitation to drink margaritas at a friend’s house with her neighbors. I usually need a lot of encouragement to leave the house on a Friday night. I have no regrets about this decisions. I met some new people! 

Apparently trying new things with new people is another theme for the month. Since January, we’ve been attending a new church online. This church hosted the first of its summer hikes in May, so the kids and I went. Meeting strangers in the woods? What could go wrong? The answer was nothing. The next day we attended that church in person and have now been there in person twice. It’s not easy being the new people, especially during a pandemic, but this return to community has been encouraging already.

We were nervous, excited and awkward … so you know, totally normal.

We took a virtual adventure to Myanmar (Burma).

And finished the lacrosse season. As fun as it was, it is so good to be done for the year.

Another celebration: our anniversary. I took the day off, and Phil and I went hiking together at Otter Creek Nature Preserve. We hiked for an hour and a half then stopped for a picnic lunch that we had purchased at Wegman’s. Then it was another couple of hours of hiking. Four hours total on a 90-degree day and we ran out of water while hiking because we packed too little with us on the hike. (There was plenty in the car.)

At the Urey Overlook of the Susquehanna River from the York County side of the river.

Then, date night! For the first time since pre-pandemic. We sat on the porch of a local restaurant and ate and drank while it rained. But the rain only added to the experience, and I could eat outside most of the time for the rest of my life and not be sad.

Did I mention that this was my first time eating out since pre-pandemic? We’ve done a lot of take-out.

Isabelle and I ran the Race Against Racism virtual 5K. It was after the reporting window for the race, but our spring was a little bit cray-cray so we ran it on Memorial Day just to say we did.

Before we started running

Then we weeded the garden.

Maybe it won’t be a lost cause after all

And went for ice cream at Lancaster Sweet Shoppe. They were having an anniversary sale. Does BOGO ice cream taste better? Can’t be sure because the ice cream at the sweet shoppe is always good.

I thought we were done with the tongue photos, but apparently not.
I cannot begin to count the number of ice cream photos we have of him.
Her Insta photos always look better.

What We Ate

While we were visiting Longwood Gardens, we bought food there, another thing we’ve never done, mostly because pre-pandemic you could leave and come back, so we would picnic. Among the four of us, we had a wood-fired pizza, smoked cauliflower bites, parmesan truffle wings, a brisket grilled cheese, Hershey chocolate ice cream, and two ice cream sandwiches from a local place called iSwich. We will now be searching for their ice cream closer to home. It’s pricey but all the food was delicious and we needed the fuel for all of our walking.

So. Many. Cupcakes. I had three from Lancaster Cupcake in less than 24 hours: a London Fog, a Cannoli and a Vanilla Party Cake.

I also ate peanut butter pie and a southwest salad for my takeout lunch at work.

We did not light the candle because I was not about to be the reason the fire alarm went off.

And we ordered from Annie Bailey’s Irish Public House for my birthday dinner. I had the Irish nachos over waffle fries. Two of the family had bangers and mash, and our meatatarian ate a Beyond Burger. He is sold on this plant-based protein initiative and I am all for it.

What’s not to love?

Pizza and stromboli from Pasquale’s because of lacrosse tournament number one. It normally would have been a pizza night from our son’s menu but we figured none of us would want to cook after being gone all day. (We were right.)

Mother’s Day breakfast: Eggs Benedict, potatoes O’Brien, danishes, donuts, fresh strawberries, chocolate milk.

I didn’t have to cook: my favorite kind of breakfast

Frisco’s Chicken with some delicious sides: mac and cheese, chicken fried rice, plantains, yuca fries, empanadas.

Smoked turkey breast. Phil did the smoking. We pulled it and made sandwiches for one of our busy lacrosse nights.

Chicken biryani for our virtual adventure to Myanmar.

It was a Burmese take on chicken biryani and we ate this for an entire week as leftovers.

Ice cream at Freeze and Frizz with the entire lacrosse program in our school district. It was 50 degrees outside.

Meat, cheese, bread, almonds, nectarines and a ganache cheesecake for our anniversary hiking picnic.

We made our own charcuterie for hiking.

And then we went out to anniversary dinner at Quip’s Pub, a local British pub. We shared crab dip for an appetizer. Phil had fish and chips (wrapped in newspaper!) and I had Miss Lacreevy’s chicken (chicken with ham and brie and asparagus, topped with balsamic and served over mashed potatoes). And beer. Because it’s a celebration.

What We Watched

More WandaVision. If you read last month’s description of the show, it was not inclusive of everything the show is about. I mean, after four episodes, I don’t have a clear idea of what the show is about. That doesn’t mean it’s bad. The opposite in fact. Compelling. Good storytelling. Every episode leaves us with a “WHAAAAT??” feeling. We finished it, and we still have that feeling.

The Nate Bargatze episode of The Stand-ups. More laughter. Some backstory for the jokes he told in the longer special we watched last month, which I now want to go back and watch again.

And his other comedy special The Greatest Average American. Again, lots of laughs.

Footloose in Switzerland with David and Debra Rixon. Do I now want to move to a Swiss village in the mountains? Yes.

Call the Midwife. 

Kim’s Convenience. I laughed out loud within minutes of the first episode. I’m always reluctant to start a new series, even when I’ve heard good things. So far, this one doesn’t disappoint. One thing that’s hard for me is the accents because I think I’ve only ever heard Korean accents in television in a mocking sort of way. So, it’s jarring to hear them used in everyday conversation as part of the show and not be internally offended. We finished season 1 and are already several episodes into season 2. I’m stilling LOLing.

When Calls the Heart. I was so bummed when the show was pulled from Netflix. I had watched up to season 5 (heart-breaking!) so earlier this year I bought the DVD boxed set and shared it with friends. When they were finished watching, it was my turn. I picked up where I left off with the Christmas special at the start of season 6. And continued watching a few episodes in that season.

The Africam at Neledi Dam, South Africa. In keeping with our birdcam obsession, a wildlife cam in Africa came up on our suggested list and we watched for many minutes and now I’m going to be obsessed even more. I’ve since tuned in to other African wildlife cams. I can’t stop. I’ve seen birds sleeping near hippos, giraffes just eating till they can’t eat anymore and warthogs.

For our virtual adventure, a documentary about the Burma Road that is being built by hand through Myanmar to connect China and India. Fascinating.

Another episode of History of Swear Words. The “b-word” this time. My favorite part of this show is how academic and professional people talk about these words and their origins and usage. I’m also learning about all kinds of jobs I think I wish I could have had.

What We Read

The Brutal Telling by Louise Penny. It left me with questions and an immediate need to read the next book, which I requested from the library.

Evicted. Finished it for book club and am still reeling from my second read-through.

Truman. Continued. Slowly chipping away at it. Will I finish it before summer is over? Stay tuned!

When He Was Wicked by Julia Quinn. Bridgerton Book 6 and is it repetitive to say that each one is better than the last?

A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway. It was like reading Hemingway’s journal. And he made Paris come alive at a time when it was filled with American writers. Enjoyable.

Come Back to Me by Jody Hedlund. This is the first in a new series by one of my favorite authors. It has echoes of Outlander themes in it (modern woman time travels to the past, meets handsome rescuer, struggles with decision to return to her time). Not a substitute for Outlander but a strong story that tugs on your emotions in all the right places.

It’s In His Kiss by Juila Quinn. Bridgerton book 7. Not my favorite of the Bridgerton books, but I’m nearing the end and I won’t stop until I’ve read ’em all.

Bury Your Dead by Louise Penny. I’m already about a third of the way through it, and I cannot stop reading about Inspector Gamache.

Bonus book treat: I did not read all of these books yet, but on a particularly stressful day at work, I went shopping at the BOGO (buy one, get one) book fair at our school. I have no regrets.

This stack does not include the books my daughter bought. Do we have a problem? Nope!

Thanks for reading along with our May happenings. Next month brings the end of school and the start of summer and what I hope are more adventures. Till next time!

Cold medicine, crutches and capability

“Why are you in the sped class?”

We were walking outside with some of our students when I overhead a student from another class that was also outside say this to one of our students. I didn’t hear our student’s reply, but I couldn’t let it go, so I turned and said, “That’s not what it is.”  The student who asked the question seemed surprised that I had heard and responded. She asked a follow-up question: “Is it the Leap class?” and by that she meant the “gifted” class. I shook my head and walked on. 

I probably could have had a longer conversation with the student, but I didn’t. Maybe it wasn’t the time or place. Maybe I was reluctant to draw further attention to the student in our class. The teacher of the class and I continued our conversation as we walked and I realized that this is one of the reasons students hate having to come to our class.

We teach reading skills. It’s not a special education class, it’s an intervention class, a distinction I still don’t fully understand. What I do know is that the student’s comment is probably not the first one our students have heard when they say they have to come to our class instead of stay with their friends. And it’s indicative of a larger societal problem.

Needing help in some area of our lives is seen as weakness. As something wrong with us. I try to fight this stigma with our students by constantly reminding them that needing help is normal. Asking for and accepting help is healthy. There’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t know if they believe me, but I know I have to keep trying.

Because sometimes I don’t believe me, either.

—

Earlier this month I developed what I was pretty sure was some kind of head cold/sinus thing, but to be on the safe side, I scheduled a telehealth visit with a provider who sent me for a COVID test that turned out to be negative. My cold symptoms persisted and taking cold medicine helped me sleep and get through the day, so for two days, I relied on Mucinex to keep my cough under control so I could sleep and function.

And I hated that I had to do it.

Photo by Kate Hliznitsova on Unsplash

I can’t remember a time in my life when I was eager to take medicine. My body is extra-sensitive to it, so I usually have to take a little less than what’s recommended as a dose and I don’t like the not knowing: am I feeling better because I’m healing or because of the medicine? (It’s usually the medicine.)

But I’m learning. Medicine is a tool when used properly and responsibly. It can become more than that but sometimes we need a little help to get through the day. Sometimes we need more than a little help.

After a couple of days, I was able to get through a day without the medicine, which felt like a victory. Because in my mind, needing medicine is a sign of weakness. If I need medicine, I’m somehow deficient, unable to function “normally” (whatever that means). I’ve been conditioned to believe that a medicine-free life is the normal way to live.

Maybe I’m not that different from the student I corrected after all.

—

I listen religiously to the “Office Ladies” podcast with Jenna Fischer and Angela Kinsey. It’s the only thing better than re-watching all the episodes of “The Office.” (Actually the podcast might be better than that because you get commentary and behind-the-scenes info.)

On a recent episode, Jenna Fischer talked about her anxiety. (Side note: I love, love, love when actors and other performers and famous people talk about their anxiety and self-consciousness. They are regular human beings who have succeeded at a job, but that does not mean they are perfect and love every minute of the fame.)

Photo by Luis Quintero on Unsplash

She said it was like a backpack. Some days it’s light and some days it’s heavy, but it’s never not there. I appreciated this description because that’s how my own anxiety feels. It does not weigh me down every day, but some days it feels overwhelming. On those days, I usually take a small dose of Xanax to help me navigate the world. Sometimes I will tell my husband, “I have to take a Xanax today” or “I’m going to have to take a Xanax to get through this.” I say it like I’m apologizing or making an excuse. Sometimes I’m still ashamed that I have a medicinal tool that works in my life when I need it to.

But the truth is: the anxiety meds help me carry the backpack when it’s too heavy. And a weird thing about anxiety in my experience is that sometimes I start out the day with a light backpack and I don’t even realize that throughout the day, I’m putting more stuff in it so that by the end of the day, I’m carrying a much heavier load than I started with. And the next day, my body aches on the inside from hauling all that stuff around. Sometimes I take the anxiety meds the day AFTER a stressful or overwhelming day because my body has been trying to handle it all on its own.

My anxiety medication is a tool.

I keep telling myself. Maybe one day I’ll believe it.

—

“Crutches are a tool, not a toy.”

I said these actual words in the cafeteria this week while I was supervising a lunch period. A student is using crutches for a legitimate medical reason, and another student grabbed them while that student was sitting and started using them. That’s when I said what I said.

We have the same problem sometimes when our students use the chairs with wheels in the classroom to move themselves from one side of the room to the other. We ask them to please stand up and move themselves and their chairs across the room because these are chairs with wheels not wheelchairs. I don’t know if we’re doing this right, but we’re trying to teach them the difference between rolling themselves across the room because they don’t want to get up and needing to use a wheelchair because of a disability.

My sister-in-law is a vocal advocate for disability rights and correcting the language we use. I learn from her about ableism and ways I didn’t even think to see it in society and in my life. She has taught me to remove the words “lame” and “crutch” from my vocabulary when they are used to describe non-medical situations. 

Photo by Lance Grandahl on Unsplash

I thought about the word “crutch” a lot as I struggled with the head cold. In my head, I thought that cold medicine was a crutch for me to get through the day. It had a negative connotation in my mind. But if a crutch is a tool you need when your body needs help, then so is medicine. Crutches don’t mean we’re weak or less then. It means we need help in some way.

I have a lot to learn. And I’m sure I’m still getting it wrong. But I’m trying to tune my ears and focus my eyes on the way our culture values ability and devalues disability. 

Please, keep teaching me so I can keep teaching my students that there’s nothing “wrong” with them if they need help in some way. Whether it’s with reading or math or social skills or managing their emotions. Whether they need meds or assistive technology.

And so I can see the world more clearly and deconstruct my own ableist tendencies.

—

Talk to me about this topic. Are you aware of ableism in our society? How do you see it? And who or what teaches you more about it?