Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Lisa

The things that helped me

It’s easy on January 1 to want to put the past behind us (especially when the past is a year like 2020), but as I was reminded by Sarah Bessey (a favorite writer of mine), there were things that helped us get through 2020 that I want to carry into 2021. She shared her list via email newsletter. (If you want a copy, I can forward it to you and then you can sign up for her monthly words! Or click the link to sign up.)

Here are a few things that helped me:

  • My Peak Challenge. I joined this program last year when it started in February before I knew how much I would need the structure and accountability for my health and fitness journey. The program includes monthly workouts and meal plans (the latter of which I followed very loosely because it’s set up for one person with lots of leftovers throughout the week and I cook for a family of four). I bought a tiny bit of equipment (bands, running shoes) and could do all the workouts or modifications at home. This is a plus for me because I hate going to the gym. I also connected online with Peakers (what we call ourselves) all over the globe. The program also raises money for charity. It’s a win-win-win for me and I’m back for a second year. (I get no compensation or reward for telling you about MPC. I just love it!)
This is a photo from April. The shirt has seen a lot of sweat since then.
  • A coffee subscription. I’m very particular about my coffee. (Read: snobby.) And I love supporting my local coffee shops. Every month bags of locally roasted coffee arrive at my house. I am always supplied with the coffee I love to drink and I’m supporting a local business with a regular purchase. (I happen to love Square One. If you find a local roaster you love, consider a coffee subscription!)
My preferred coffees are decaf because of my anxiety, but all the coffee from Square One is gooooood.
  • Sending mail. Forget the past few weeks of mail nightmares. Sending and receiving actual physical mail was a highlight of 2020. I’ve always loved this but I seldom take time for it. In 2021, I’m pledging to mail a letter to someone once a week. (If you’d like to be a recipient, send me a message with your address. I’ll put you on my list!) Postcards are an especially simple way to send a little note of care or encouragement. I was pleased to learn about these beauties from Ink & Willow. (I did receive a sample of these postcards to review. My opinion is independent of the freebie.) These hopeful messages you can color and send to others is a simple way to let people know you’re thinking of them. (I particularly love that they aren’t all Bible verses. Some are song lyrics; others are quotes from inspiring writers.)
  • Reading. (And the library). This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me, but one aspect of reading I want to take into the new year is reading what I enjoy. Maybe that’s a no-brainer, but I still feel pressure sometimes to read what I think I should be reading. There is a place for that, and I do want my reading to educate me. But toward the end of the year, I just need to read for fun. I binged on cozy mysteries and my mood improved. Our family has always been prolific users of the public library, and 2020 was no different. I will continue to support them with my donations, late fees, and loans.
  • Supporting small businesses. This ties in to the coffee, I know, but it goes beyond that. I made a decision a while back to no longer buy books from Amazon because I have two really great independent bookstores nearby. I ordered all my books this year from independent bookstores. (If you don’t have one near you, check out IndieBound. You can shop the site just like you would the other site and your purchase will help independent bookstores around the country. I made one purchase like this.) Beyond bookstores, I tried to purchase Christmas gifts from local shops or online stores that are tied to small businesses. And we committed to eating takeout once a month from a local restaurant. All of these things make me feel good about how I’m spending my money and how I’m investing in the community.
  • Hiking. We did SO MUCH hiking this year, even when it was cold. And we plan to continue monthly hikes during the school year and, I hope, weekly hikes in the summer. Being outside refreshes me, and we have a plethora of parks and conservation areas within a short drive of our house, so there was no shortage of places to explore. We’ve barely even started. (You can find most of our hiking pictures on my Instagram.)
  • Puzzles and cross-stitch. Both hobbies help me focus when my brain is trying to lead me in a hundred different directions. I completed two cross-stitch projects this year and started a third. That’s more than in previous years combined. While my family isn’t as crazy about puzzles as I am, they do make room for my obsession at the dining room table and occasionally join my quest. Between me and Santa, we’re covered for puzzles this year.
One of the cross-stitch projects I completed and framed to give to a friend.
  • And like it or not, but video calls helped us stay connected with people. We could have done more than we did, but we participated in games with friends and family, toasted with friends on my birthday, and had family video chats that felt like being together. I don’t want to let distance or social distancing to be an excuse not to connect with people anymore.

There are probably more things, but this is a good list. What helped you get through 2020 that you want to carry into 2021?

What we’re missing

I was 20 the first time I missed Thanksgiving with my family. I was nearing the end of a semester of study abroad in England during my junior year of college. I waited my turn to call home from the phone box at the school. (This was the late 1990s, no cell phones widely available.) I cried hearing the voices of my family all gathered for a meal and board games. I could envision every little thing I was missing by being across the ocean from them.

I told them of the meal the British kitchen staff had prepared for us, complete with pumpkin pie made from canned pumpkin purchased in London at an astronomical price. Pumpkin pie, it turns out, is not a British food. Our host families had joined us and bravely tried the pumpkin pie we were all so fond of.  I wonder now if it was really the pumpkin pie we were fond of or just the taste of home. We dined in a hall of the 19th Century manor house that was our home and school that semester. Travel in Europe was at our fingertips. Our semester abroad was a dream come true.

And still we missed home.

Those of us who were American students had the advantage of all being together in our homesickness on that holiday. And while I remember the homesickness, I also remember the hospitality. American Thanksgiving is not something widely celebrated in other countries, yet the staff went out of their way to make us all feel like we weren’t missing out.

That is something I’ll never forget.

Photo by Element5 Digital on Unsplash

The next time Thanksgiving was missing something, my fiancé was in Iraq. He missed a lot of things during the year of his deployment but the holidays were the hardest. In our case, he missed them at the beginning of his deployment. I don’t know if that made the separation easier or harder. Either way, it was difficult.

Until these two experiences, I had not ever had to miss a holiday with my family, that I can remember. Sometimes I’d have to go in to work toward the end of Thanksgiving to help put out a newspaper for the next day, but I still got to have a meal with my family. 

After Phil and I were married, missing holidays became a regular part of our holiday tradition. We haven’t been home for Thanksgiving in 12 years. For a few years, Phil had to work on Thanksgiving, sometimes during the day, other times at the end of the day in preparation for Black Friday shoppers. Over the years, we’ve had family come visit us for Thanksgiving. We’ve celebrated with friends who invited us to their house. And we’ve been on our own. One glorious year, we made our own family–a blend of blood relatives and close friends who gathered at our house for the day.

This year, it’s back to the four of us, and while this is not a new situation for us, I understand that it might be new for some of you. Some of you are missing an in-person get-together with family. Some of you are missing travel. Some of you are going ahead with your plans, pandemic be damned.

I know what it feels like to miss your family on holidays. I know what it feels like to be separated from the people you love. I know what it feels like to be lonely when others are gathering with family and friends. One year, we left a Christmas Eve church service depressed and nearly in tears because the pews were filled with families, and we were missing ours. It was a year we weren’t able to go home in time for Christmas but would be traveling the day after. Because we’d always missed this particular service due to travel, most people were surprised to even see us there. Our presence was acknowledged but we left that night feeling lonelier than when we had walked in.

Few people want to miss getting together with family. Few people want to feel lonely on a holiday. Few people want to break from tradition or be told they can’t do what they’ve always done. I get that. I think.

But can I offer you a challenge of sorts?

Lean into those feelings of loss and grief and loneliness. Let them increase your compassion for those who always or often spend the holidays apart from loved ones. For military families stationed overseas. For people imprisoned. For refugees who live in a country not their home. For healthcare workers and first responders who spend time on call during the holidays. For retail store employees who can’t afford to not work a holiday. For those whose loved ones have died and will never rejoin their holiday table. For those who are estranged from their families for whatever reasons.

Let this holiday season be an opportunity to increase your compassion for those whose life situation is not exactly like yours. Let it be a chance to learn what it’s like. Let it make you grateful for what you have, that in all likelihood, next year will be “back to normal.” Let it open your eyes to see what you’ve been missing–empathy, compassion, understanding.

Photo by Josh Calabrese on Unsplash

I don’t believe COVID-19 was sent to us by the universe to teach us lessons, but I do believe we can learn from anything, if we choose to. So, whatever your holidays look like this year, may they give you a new way of seeing the world around you.