Lisa

The number of days I’m covering in a single post is getting longer. Maybe by next week I’ll be covering a whole week at a time. If you’re still following along, feel free to read these in as many chunks as you need to. A reminder: I’m doing this mostly for me and I’m letting you in on the ordinary, everyday stuff of this strange new life.

Day 22: I slept in, meaning that I didn’t get out of bed until after 7. I had scrolled social media for far too long before I decided it was time to get up. I made breakfast and coffee, paid a couple of bills, and now I’m at the computer, logging more diary entries for me and anyone else who cares.

By the time I finished blogging, it was 9 o’clock and the kids had still been watching screens. I heavily encouraged them to stop. I needed to get to the dishes, so I put on an Office Ladies podcast. Daughter put on her skates to go outside. Son decided active video games was not a screen and who am I to argue? Although I’m skeptical that Hot Pursuit is an active game. He does seem to move around quite a bit trying to get the car to do what he wants. Fifteen minutes of skating was enough for the girl, so she came in and resumed online shopping.

I finished the dishes and folded a load of laundry. I had a snack and did some reading and by 10:30, the boy was still playing video games. Saturdays, man. On the one hand, I want this day to feel different from school days, but the screens. Trying not to beat myself up about it too much. We gathered some lunch materials and went our separate ways. Just before lunch, a package arrived for the children full of random stuff to occupy their time. Also, a card from my grandmother lamenting the changes to Easter this year.

By noon, I was ready to do my workout for the day, so I suited up and again, highly encouraged the children to stop watching their videos and to please for the love of God finish their lunches. I watched a few minutes of the daily Pennsylvania briefing on coronavirus. More than 1,500 new cases in a day. I’m not hopeful this will end, but I was encouraged by the video our governor shared of the mask his wife made him. The directions for mask wearing are clearer and less daunting.

Both kids wandered into the kitchen just after I’d started my workout. The boy decided to take his RC car outside. The girl is trying to rest. She’s tired a lot lately, which normally would not be cause for concern, but anything even slightly out of the ordinary right now has me panicking on the inside. The RC car didn’t last long because it needed a rest. I finished my workout. Now the kids are making shopping lists and I’m headed outside to read. It’s a cool, calm day, overcast but spring-like. I want to be out there. I’m tired of the inside of my house.

I sat outside reading and was struck by the sounds of songbirds that I haven’t heard much or at all recently. I’ve read stories where people say they’re seeing birds they haven’t seen in a while. I’m wondering if that’s what is happening. Nature is taking back some ground. The squirrel that lives in our ornamental pear sure is cozy with our porch. It barely startles when we step outside.

It’s been a lazy afternoon. The kids watched screens for too long. They can’t be convinced to go outside which makes me feel like a failure mom. I looked up some recipes to make sure everything we needed was on the shopping list before Phil went to the store. He got off work later than anticipated, which is good for his hours, but I’m waiting on him to get dinner ready.

Well, I made it till almost 4 today before losing my $h!t. Technically, according to the kids’ schedule, it’s play time, but my son can’t come up with anything to do. I started listing things that he immediately rejected as “that’s not playtime,” and then I shouted and stormed off. I can’t be the entertainment director on this cruise along with all the other hats I’m supposed to be wearing. This ship’s going down, if that’s the case. I might have said that we should eliminate “play time” from the schedule if we can’t come up with anything to do. Never mind that no one has picked up an instrument all week nor did we do any chores today. Schedules are flexible, people!

He made his shopping list and I kept reading. By the time Phil got home from the store, it was nearing 5 o’clock. He spent an obscene amount of money, but the idea is that we won’t need to go back for at least two weeks. When you add up all our daily grocery trips from before, I’m sure we’d come close to this number, but it’s shocking to see it all at once. Our fridge and pantry are stocked full. There should be no one saying they have nothing to eat. That is not a problem right now.

I finished making dinner. We had planned to watch LegoMasters but the show must have taken a break this week, so it was a Supermarket Sweep episode first. Then we video called my parents because my grandma was over there for dinner and talked with her for a while. She wanted to see us. We did an episode of Mr. Bean after that, then put the kids to bed.

Phil and I watched the newest Brooklyn-99, then I went to bed to read.

Day 23: I like sleeping in on Sundays and not feeling rushed. But I miss going places and seeing people. I went to bed last night with a new fear haunting me: what if one of my kids got sick and needed to be in the hospital and we couldn’t be with them? Separation from my kids in a time of need is one of my biggest fears. I tried to calm those fears but my sleep was restless.

Now it’s morning and I’ve made coffee and pancakes are in progress (for me). We worked through our church’s Worship At Home guide and watched the sermon while having breakfast. 

Interlude: I’m currently arguing with my son about nonsense. I’m at quarantine level gonna-lose-my-mind because of the people that live in this house with me. It’s little, minor annoyances, but oh. my. God. If this kid doesn’t have something to do 24/7, he whines until you want to stab something in your ears. (I’m being dramatic. No ears were harmed in the writing of this.) All I want to do right now is go outside and read a book, but I can’t leave my children unsupervised because they get right in each other’s spaces and annoy the living crap out of each other.

Back to the ship’s log.

Sermon finished, I prepared for a run. I mapped a new route because I needed some change. I overdressed. The last few times I’ve been out for a run, it’s been chillier than the temperature would suggest. Today, I tucked my gloves into my shorts. I only took my Buff in case I needed to cover my face when approaching another runner. I didn’t need long sleeves.

The change did me good. I could see the river. And neighborhoods we usually drive through on our way to school events. I only chose the route because I knew traffic would be lighter. It was hillier than I expected, but in the end, I posted my farthest distance at my fastest average pace since August. If I’d been dressed more appropriately, it would have been perfect.

This time last year, we were running a 5K in a state park together as a family, so I wore the shirt from that run, in the hopes that later this year we’ll be able to run in races together again.

When I got home, Phil was working out and yelling at the children to get off screens. Maybe I should have more grace about this, but I’m tired of YouTube and online shopping. I took a quick shower before our sermon discussion class was scheduled to meet via Zoom. (I’m also really wanting to see people in person. Technology is not the same.) We had a good discussion time.

The kids started making mac and cheese while we finished our sermon discussion. They did it all themselves, so there’s progress. I set out making my salad for the day, which included cabbage, chicken and apples. I made double so I have some for tomorrow, and even a single portion was huge.

I probably needed to drink more water because I was just hungry for everything. I ate a small portion of the rest of the kids’ mac and cheese. Phil and I talked about the rest of the day’s schedule. We didn’t have any family or friends video calls to make, so the afternoon was kind of wide open. We decided to do some work on the garden.

We headed out there about 1:30 and gave our best effort at the weeds and grasses. Our son joined us for most of the time we were out there. We told our daughter that she would be responsible for chore time for half the time we were out in the garden if she didn’t come out and help. (Spoiler alert: She didn’t come out and help. We found her “sleeping” in her bed when we came in.)

Phil got ready to go to another grocery store. Yesterday’s trip, as extensive as it was, didn’t yield everything that was on our list. And, I’m going to be honest, we need a little more alcohol in the house. (We’re sharing a beer once a week, in case you’re concerned. I have more I could say about this particular coping mechanism, but I won’t right now.) I started washing dishes while we initiated a conversation with the kids about chores and school schedules. The current system is not working because our son is inflexible. If something academic overlaps another time on his schedule, he doesn’t go back and complete that block. So, I decided maybe a checklist system would be better.

Phil left and the kids contemplated what other snacks they might want or need from the store. I made the checklist and we’ll review it later as a family. I’m hoping this will work. Also, the mental energy required to solve all these problems right now is exhausting.

Now the kids are sitting on opposite sides of the living room asking each other ridiculous questions. But they’ve been given a deadline for getting their laundry done and we’ve told them no more screens today. (When we say this, we generally  mean individual screens. Television is okay if we’re watching as a family.) I’m not hopeful the laundry is going to get done, but that just means early bed time! We don’t mess around here. (Okay, sometimes we’re not as serious as we want to be about consequences but this time we definitely are!)

I’ve had a snack and updated the journal. Do I dare go outside and read while they’re unsupervised in the living room? I just might.

I did. And they decided to play outside together in the back parking lot. By the time Phil got home, I was starting to cook the bacon to top our salad. He suggested we take a family walk and asked if it should be before or after dinner. The kids decided after. So, I assembled the salad and we ate dinner while watching a couple of Alton Brown videos on YouTube.

It was a gorgeous night for a walk. Both kids took RC cars, although the one our daughter was driving didn’t quite live up to its purpose in life. We did a large loop of the neighborhood, swinging through the Costco parking lot because they were closed or nearly so. Quite a few people in the parking lot wearing masks. Our friend David called while we were walking, so we talked to him almost the whole way home.

The kids asked for ice cream. And then they started to fight over getting their laundry done, so we almost cancelled the ice cream offer. I sat the kids down at the table to talk through the school schedule for this week and introduced them to the new checklist I made. I hope it will offer them more flexibility for completing their required duties while also balancing their screen time. Phil looked for a movie to watch, and then our son threw a fit about needing to eat more food and not being able to find his water and we decided not to watch a movie. Now, we’re arguing about shower time again. We’re going to need to start marking the days that we bathe so we know how long it’s been. (Please tell me, we’re not the only ones.)

We managed to get both kids bathed. Our daughter started reading a compilation of Edgar Allan Poe works because we’re limiting screen time starting tomorrow. They went to bed around 8. Phil and I shared a beer, ate some snacks and watched the first episode of The Story of God with Morgan Freeman on Netflix. It was interesting. A friend dropped off some goodies for our garden. I wish I could have run outside and hugged her, but it was still comforting to know we were thought of.

Day 24: Another restless night. Will I ever sleep well again? I think I was dehydrated from the run, the gardening, the walk and the beer. I downed some water at 5 a.m. after taking my temperature (normal) and my blood pressure (a little high on the bottom number but that was before my meds). I finished book 1 in The Wingfeather Saga before I got out of bed. The kids were not on screens when I went to the living room, although my son wanted to discuss whether listening to a YouTube video counted as screens if he wasn’t actually watching. They are on screens now, but they know their time is limited.

I ate breakfast, then went to the porch to see what “the Easter bunny” left us last night. I was blown away by the size of these seedlings. I don’t think we’ll need anything else for our garden this year. Plus my friend brought us a variety of seeds to plant directly in the ground. Now, to secure a tiller so we can get to the planting. We’ve never in the history of our garden planted anything as early as April. It’s usually Mother’s Day or later by the time we get everything together. I don’t think it will be that late this year.

I printed some materials for my nutrition and exercise program and made a plan for the week. Last week, I failed to set times and intentions for my writing time. Even though I don’t have a lot of external motivation to get the writing done, I have to make space and time for it. So, I blocked out some times for that as well as the times for the kids’ school meetings and my workouts. We briefly met about the kids’ educational plan for today/this week. I’m feeling a little better about it now.

The kids transitioned to active time and my son wanted to use his RC car in the back parking lot, but that business is still open and I don’t like him to be back there when there are cars potentially in and out. So, I laced up my sneakers and we went for a short walk. When we got back, Phil and our daughter were getting ready to work out and our son decided to join in. So, their active time is done for the day. While they worked out, I called about my medication to let them know I was waiting on an answer from the foundation I applied to for assistance with the cost. Then I washed the dishes and ate a snack.

It’s almost 3 o’clock and and the kids are on screens because they earned it and I feel 100 percent better about how this day has gone so far. They spent the allotted time on academics (and a little more), did some chores, practiced band and were active. NOW, they can relax a bit and stuff still got done. Maybe the newness of it will wear off in a day or two but today, I call it a victory.

One of my daughter’s assignments was to build a tower taller than herself and then write eight sentences about it. She decided to use our jigsaw puzzle collection and I helped her haul them off the shelving unit where we keep them. Everything was really dusty, so I took the opportunity to clean and vacuum around that area. Turns out we have 49 puzzles and 24 of them we got on trips somewhere, including our honeymoon. Not bad. Not bad at all. After touching all the puzzles, I want to pick another one to do. Maybe something less challenging than the last one.

I did my workout but I took it easy because of the dehydration. Something is better than nothing is what I keep telling myself. I ended up tuning in to part of the daily news conference from our state. The last two days have been steady for new cases, but it’s too soon to tell if we’ve peaked. Jesus, Lord, I hope so. Earlier in the day, I learned that the writing retreat at which I was schedule to be a presenter in June has been cancelled. It didn’t surprise me but it is another loss. We had so many fun plans for the summer. I’m wondering if we’ll get to do any of them.

It’s a gorgeous day. I opened windows. My time outside working out was invigorating and refreshing. I slotted myself for some work time this afternoon, but I think I’m going to bump it to the evening. It’s just too nice not to be outside. I don’t have to get an early start on dinner. It’s okay to take care of myself and do things that fill me with joy and peace. It’s a lesson I’m still learning and one I hope I can continue to take from all of this.

I was sitting on the porch reading when Phil got home from work. I transitioned back inside just to spend some time with him. I made dinner. We watched an episode of America’s Test Kitchen. I wanted to go back outside to read for a while, and the kids decided to play outside. All of us, excepting Phil, spent about another hour outside. Then we ate ice cream and watched another episode of Nailed It!

I put the kids to bed, and not long after that, I put myself to bed because I’ve just been feeling a little off today.

Day 25: I slept better last night but still had a couple of vertigo moments. I didn’t write much about those yesterday. I suspect it’s a combination of dehydration and sinus stuff. My nose has been running, and I have classic allergy symptoms. This happened a couple of months ago. I had to take a day off work because I didn’t trust my balance. I’ve also been feeling flushed off and on, but I don’t have a fever (not one that registers on our thermometer). Under normal circumstances, I would not even worry about this stuff but now I’m internally freaking out. I’m not having any trouble breathing, so that’s my one consolation. Still, it sucks to not be feeling “normal” physically. I might take the day off from working out today and try to get some extra rest.

I listened to Pray As You Go, then watched the second episode of John Krasinski’s Some Good News on YouTube. I cried. It’s such pure joy. When I got out of bed, my son had already done some of his math academic work and my daughter was reading. She’s got some allergy symptoms going on, too, so she loaded up on fruit for breakfast, including breaking into the juice box stash that’s usually for school. (I’m not sure we’re going to need them for school.) Now they’re doing 30 minutes of screens before we check in for academics.

I made oatmeal for breakfast and am drinking coffee. This is not thrilling stuff, friends, but it is the stuff of life.

Around 8, the kids worked on getting dressed, which was more of a chore than it has been There was a little bit of annoyed fighting. I did not get dressed because I wanted to take a shower. The kids were moving into active time/chore time, so I was a little bit frustrated. My daughter watered the plants. My son put his stuffed animal friends in the washer. Then they went outside to the porch and I took a shower. Can I take a moment and celebrate our porch? It’s literally like an extra room. I’m grateful we have more space than probably most two-bedroom apartments have. Still, it doesn’t always feel like enough space. But when it’s nice outside, the porch is like an extension. We can play out there or read or just put a little distance between ourselves and the other people in the house. (This is how I use the porch.)

After showering, I folded a couple of loads of laundry and listened to the Office Ladies podcast. The kids came back in. We transferred the stuffed animals to the dryer and I started dishes. My son wanted to check off his chore time so he decided to dry dishes. It doesn’t take any more time for him to do this. Sometimes I relish the alone time in the kitchen, but he’s a good helper and now the counters are clear as well as the dishes being done. So, win-win. Our daughter moved to academic time. She’s solving area of triangles problems. Our son practiced band. The new schedule seems to be working and I’m not sorry.

Sometimes this all feels normal, and that scares me a little. Because it’s not normal. Or what we used to think of as normal. There are moments I can convince myself that nothing is wrong with the world, that this is just a typical day in our lives. I don’t know what to do with that feeling. I don’t want to forget what life was like before nor do I want to forget what life is like now.

The rest of the morning went pretty smoothly. The boy took a quick shower before his class meeting. This is usually an area where we fight to get him to do it. Daughter and I cleared some things from the table and she went back to her homework. We watched some TV together at lunch. There’s a channel on our TV that plays Nickelodeon games and it takes me back to my childhood a little. Daughter checked in with her band teacher at noon while son had his small group meeting with his teacher. During afternoon academics, he and I sat together and worked on a writing assignment. This is a trickier area for him, so I practiced presence and patience like I do with my kids at school. Sometimes they just need to know someone is there and believes they can do it.

I worked out after that, literally running circles around the outside of my house. I had a tiny bit of vertigo while I was warming up, just when I was lying down, so I wanted to stay close to home. The previous tenant (see post about Virgil Wander) would have worried that she looked like a crazy person running circles around her house. Now, I don’t care. My neighbor is wearing a mask 24/7 and I can count more people than not wearing masks when they walk by the house. This world is different.

I had to hold the line on shower time with our daughter who wanted her extra screen time before she’d finished everything else on the list. That’s not fair to our son, so there was some crying and disappointment but she practiced band and did more academics and she’s showering now. It’s almost 4 o’clock. Too early to start dinner. I’ve been reading on the porch for about 45 minutes, trying to get ahead of the box of books arriving tomorrow. (It’s paid work from now till the summer. Still, I like to get started as soon as possible.) Also, the book I’m reading is a page-turner that I’ve read before.

Dinner started and made. We watched an episode of America’s Test Kitchen. I was really tired after that but Phil suggested we play a game or start a puzzle. The problem with starting a puzzle is that our dining table has become a work area for the kids with school, so I’m afraid we’d lose the momentum there. The kids decided on a game–Ticket to Ride–but our son insisted on playing on someone’s team. We decided he was fully capable of playing on his own. We had a bit of a standoff about this but eventually he gave in and the four of us played. It was one of the best games of Ticket to Ride we’ve ever played.

It was after 8 by the time we finished and closer to 8:30 by the time we got the kids in bed. Then our friend David called and we talked to him for a bit. We watched a couple of episodes of The Office after that and went to bed.