It took a stern-but-playful command from my chiropractor to get me out of the house yesterday. It had been almost a week without the kids and I wasn’t really spending my days doing “me” things, at least not relaxing “me” things.
So because I had birthday money to spend, I went shopping, which is not exactly relaxing, but sometimes buying new clothes can be fun. I hit the clearance racks at a department store in search of shirts that are neither T-shirts nor fancy. Honestly, when it comes to clothes I would happily wear the same thing every day unless someone else was going to make the decisions for me. Getting dressed in the morning sucks up so much emotional energy for me. Again, why was I shopping?
When I’m not in a hurry (i.e. when the kids aren’t with me), I’m more likely to take some fashion risks and just try a bunch of stuff on whether I think I’ll like it or not. That’s how I ended up with two dresses in my hands, along with shirts and a pair of jeans. I don’t mind dresses, but rarely do I feel confident enough in myself to buy a new one.
I tried them both on and one was definitely a better fit than the other but since I had no in-person backup with me, I shared a couple of photos with an online tribe of sisters who overwhelmingly helped me pick the right one.
Here’s what it looked like on me when my husband and I went out later that night:
Phil and I had a date planned and though I told him I wasn’t wearing a dress, I changed my mind after buying this pretty garment. ($13. I love a good deal.) We had theater tickets for a local production of Footloose, and because it was our city’s Fourth of July celebration, a whole street was lined with food trucks, which is what we planned to eat for dinner.
After finally making it downtown through numerous road closures, we were pushing it a little bit for time. We set out for the food trucks. The streets were crowded. People walking. Sitting on the curb or steps of businesses. Listening to music. Eating. It’s a lot for my senses to take in.
Which is why I’m surprised I even heard these three words at all. But I did.
We approached a corner and were getting ready to cross when I caught the words, “All dressed up,” uttered in not-the-nicest of tones. I so badly wanted to turn and look at the person who said them, but we were on a mission and I wanted to let it go.
I think she was talking about me, but maybe she wasn’t. I immediately felt shame for what I was wearing. And I wanted to go back to her and defend my decision to put on a dress. But it wouldn’t have helped anything, and I probably just would have been more upset about the whole thing.
See, I understand where these words come from. I’ve uttered them or similar things myself. It’s insecurity. Making someone else feel bad about themselves because I feel bad about myself. It’s horrible. I hate being the receiver of comments that are meant to tear down and too often I’m dishing it out, if not in public then in private.
It took a lot for me to put that dress on last night, and I’m not just taking about maneuvering my arms so I could reach the zipper. I rarely feel fabulous in a dress, but my sister-tribe on Facebook assured me I was. Even if they hadn’t, my husband appreciated my outfit. (Not that I solely dress for him. I don’t.) Last night I felt like a new woman. Dare I say, sexy?
I almost hate using that word because it has such negative connotation. It’s difficult in our society for a woman to feel confident and beautiful and sexy in what she’s wearing and not be labeled as something I don’t even want to type here. (Fill in the blank with your own least favorite derogatory word.)
Those three words truly could have ruined my night, even though I didn’t know the woman who said them. Hearing them made me so thankful for the women who continued to affirm me. Honestly, the three-word comment is one reason I might not have picked out the dress in the first place. But I’ve come a long way, and I still have a long way to go.
All that to say, thank you to the ladies who helped me walk in confidence. I hope I can be more like you in how I affirm and encourage other women. Because let’s face it, there are a lot of voices out there telling us things about ourselves that aren’t true.
Isn’t it time we tell each other some true things?
There is room enough for all of us to celebrate each other’s strengths without pointing out each other’s weaknesses. A woman who looks fabulous in a two-piece swimsuit doesn’t take anything away from me, even though I’m not yet comfortable in one. A woman who is following her dreams and succeeding takes nothing away from me and my dreams, even though they are not yet succeeding the way I want them to. A woman who is friendly and compassionate and easy with people takes nothing away from me, even though I am slow to approach new people and it takes me time to make new friends.
Whatever she has in abundance does not mean I lack or am lesser.
I’m going to wear the dress again. And again. No matter what anyone else says or thinks.
Because it’s less about the dress and more about how I feel on the inside.
Years ago, I wouldn’t have thought to try a dress that might make me noticeable. I wanted to hide because I didn’t like who I was, didn’t really know who I was. And now, I like the person I’m becoming, and I’m okay with getting noticed, even if it’s for the wrong reasons.
Has anything like this ever happened to you? How did you handle it?
I’m happy to report that I had a fabulous evening in my “hot dress.” And I’m looking forward to wearing it again.
