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Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

dreams

A talent (and a TV) show

April 16, 2020

Last month our church hosted a talent show. In the weeks leading up to the event, we were encouraged to sign up for a slot displaying our talents. I was reluctant to do it because my one talent-show type of talent is reading my writing. At best, that’s awkward and anxiety-inducing. At worst, it’s a nightmare I have about being booed off the stage. I considered it for a moment, then put it out of my mind, then decided to go ahead and do it. As we talked about it as a family, my daughter decided she would play a flute solo for the show, too. So, I sent our names in via text to the friend that was organizing it and when the list came out in digital form, I was surprised to see more kids than adults on the list.

A few weeks passed and the number of adults on the list dwindled to one–me. Me and a bunch of kids showing off a variety of talents from singing and playing instruments to magic tricks. And then there was me, reading my writing.

So, my initial hesitation was that I don’t talk about my writing much at church. A handful of people at church know I write and if they follow me on social media, they see it and read it and sometimes comment. But it’s never been something I’ve been loud and public about, in any setting. I was nervous to share so vulnerably and when I get nervous I get awkward-funny. Like, I think I’m hilarious but it sometimes comes across sounding cocky or arrogant. It’s horribly embarrassing.

I decided I would read from a short story I wrote a few years ago when I was wondering what it would be like to set Easter morning in a contemporary time and place. In the last town we lived in, you could walk everywhere, even to the funeral home and one day I envisioned a woman waking up one morning for a funeral, walking to the funeral home for the service, only to discover a hitch in her plans for the day.

This is the story I called Alive! An Easter Story. I couldn’t read all of it at the talent show because it would have taken 45 minutes. As it was, I read more than half of the story and it took probably 25 minutes. There is nothing longer than standing on a stage in front of a microphone reading for 25 minutes to a mixed crowd. I could hear every shuffle and screech from the children in attendance and I nearly regretted signing up. A book reading is an appropriate choice for a coffee house or an artsy gathering. A talent show? Maybe not so much.

But I got through it and I was proud of myself. I loved the story all over again and people were so kind in their words after.

(This was only a fraction of the pride I felt at my daughter playing a solo.)

The only regret I had about the whole evening was that I was the only adult participating. That left me with a lot of questions.

—

Our friends in Arizona want to have a family talent show via Zoom. It is one of the many surprising ways we’re connecting with people these days. Since it was proposed, the four of us have struggled to come up with ideas. There are the musical instruments, of course, that the children could play and play together. Our son knows a couple of magic tricks. I was maybe going to play guitar. Phil is at a loss. It’s not that we don’t have talents; I’m just not sure they always lend themselves to performances. How do you turn food and relationships into something worthy of a talent show, even a fun family one that is just to pass the time? Maybe Phil could do a cooking demonstration. Or we could give him a list of ingredients like on Chopped and ask him what he would make with said ingredients. 

A family talent show with our friends is a safe space to try and fail. I would do anything for and with these friends. But I know this isn’t always the case.

—

Phil and I were sitting on a couch in my parents’ house a couple of Christmases ago the first time we saw an ad for The Masked Singer. I was horrified. No, thank you, I said. If you’re not familiar, it’s a singing contest but all the contestants wear elaborate head-to-toe costumes that conceal their identities. The judges are given clues to the singers’ identities and spend episodes trying to guess who is behind the mask. To me, people singing and dancing wearing these ridiculous costumes seemed weird at best and creepy at worst. I wondered if this was just another way for celebrities to grab attention.

Phil, however, was interested. He watched a few episodes, and I kind of got hooked on the guessing process. We’ve never watched the show regularly, but we tune in now and then. And it’s kind of grown on me, but not for the reason I thought. (I still think the costumes are weird.)

Often, when the masked singers are revealed, there is shock and surprise from the audience and the judges. And the singers themselves, especially celebrities from other arenas of entertainment like sports or movies, generally express how much joy and freedom they found in singing behind a mask. Sometimes they are singers who get to try a different genre. Or artists who had a stellar career in a previous decade and maybe have faded from memory. I’m often moved by the gratitude these celebrities express. It reminds me that they are just people, too, and some of them have the same fears the rest of us have.

And it’s inspiring to know that even people who have succeeded in one area of life might still need a little encouragement to try something new and different in another area of life. Without anyone knowing for sure who they are, they have the freedom to sing and dance as if they were unknown. For a few weeks, they get to be anonymous in their endeavors.

I’m wondering if that’s what the rest of us need, too.

—

If our talent show at church had been anonymous somehow, would more adults have stepped up? Are we afraid of being seen trying (and maybe failing) at something new? Would we feel more freedom if we could be unseen?

Maybe it’s not always a fear of looking silly or trying and failing. Maybe it’s the feeling that we don’t know what our talents are. I’m wondering how we can help each other remember what we’re good at. What’s unique to us.

If you could try something new as an unknown, would you? What would you do?

Filed Under: dreams, entertainment, Writing Tagged With: talent show, the masked singer

Highs and lows

October 3, 2019

I’ve been watching the temperatures this week. We hit 90 on Wednesday, the second day of October, which just made me cranky. A day later, the high was projected to be 25 degrees lower than that and by the end of the week, there was a projected low in the 40s. 

Photo by Alex Geerts on Unsplash

Fall, finally. I fully acknowledge that some of us love summer and hate to see it end, but I’m the kind of girl who longs for the relief of fall, when you can open the windows and leave them open and wear layers of clothes without sweating through them. I know fall means winter is coming and the cold with it, but even that is not something I dread. I need the variety of seasons in my weather and in my life.

Besides the temperatures, there were some other highs and lows I noticed this week. Each one is significant in its own way, a signaling of a season change or a subtle shift.

Let’s start with a high.

//

300.

Last week, on a whim, I decided to ask people for likes on my Facebook page. It’s not something I do all the time, but I wanted to see if I could get to 300. I was surprised when it actually happened because Facebook is such a finicky place to be.

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

It’s not that 300 is any kind of magic number or that I’m desperately seeking attention. It’s just that Facebook page likes are a necessary part of what I want to do with my writing, and since I don’t always talk about that, I thought I’d try to explain.

I’ve pretty much always been a writer.  I was filling notebooks full of stories as far back as elementary school, shoving them into the hands of unsuspecting guests at our house. When you’re a child writing stories, there’s not a lot of risk involved in showing someone what you’ve written. Few people will squash a child’s creativity, at least that’s my experience. But when you grow up, it’s different. I’ve had dreams of writing books and having them published. This dream may not go back as far as my early writings but it’s been with me long enough that I can’t ignore it. And I’m learning that it’s a lot of hard work, no matter the path you take. Dreams don’t usually land in our laps or get handed to us like gifts. They take work.

So, three years ago, I created a Facebook page as a way to establish myself as a “serious” writer. (Note to all writers reading this: you are a serious writer, even if you don’t have a Facebook page.) I had been to a writing conference and met with a couple of agents, one of whom asked me how I was reaching my readers. And I was all like, “What readers?” (Just kidding!) But her question had me thinking that I could do more, so I created the page and tried not to send an invite to everyone on my friends list. As much as I’d love for everyone I know to read my writing, the truth is not every person I know or have ever met is going to be a reader of my writing.

Still, finding readers is hard when you don’t have a lot for them to find. The world is saturated with words, so finding MY readers sometimes feels like whispering into a noisy crowd. I sent some invites and had my blog posts sent to the page, but I didn’t do a whole lot more to “grow” my readership or engagements.

Last year, when I turned 40, I made an after-40 list. I’ve talked about this more than once here, how it’s not a bucket list because I’m not interested in a literal deadline for the things I want to do. Some of the goals I put on that list are writing goals, things I don’t want to say I’ll do “someday.” And then this year on my birthday, a writer I respect, who changed the way I think about a lot of things, died at the age of 37. And I realized even more that I want to chase my dreams in every way I can.

So, asking people to like my Facebook page is one component of that dream chase because the writing I’m doing is not just these sometimes blog posts or the occasional Chicken Soup article. I’m writing novels, and some of you don’t know that because it’s hard for me to talk about something that I hold so close to my heart. I have three novels in various states of progress, and I’m actively working on one to finish it. 

I tell you this, hoping you’ll stick around for more than just blog posts.

300 is just a number. But it’s also more than that.

//

4.

I’ve told you about my recent anxiety struggles and how I’ve been given medication to take to help with it. It’s an as-needed kind of medicine, and I’m using it sparingly, often as a last resort. (Please don’t take that to mean that’s my belief about medication for you or anyone else. Take your meds, if you’ve got them. Do whatever it takes to be the best version of you.)

As I’ve been able to manage the anxiety with medication, I’ve also been able to take action on some of the stressors in my life. I haven’t removed them completely, of course, because that’s mostly impossible. But taking these small steps has lessened my anxiety about all the things I think I’m supposed to be handling right now.

So, “four” is the number of days I recently went without taking any anxiety meds. I had been taking a small dose most days to get through, and after those four days passed, I was back on the meds for a couple of days. 

I’m not going to lie, those four days felt really good. Like I had accomplished something big, and I could “handle” this on my own. But I’m also trying not to frame my days as good or bad based on whether I take meds or not. A day with meds or a day without, they’re just days. They’re different but one is not better than the other.

I’m still working on that perspective.

//

108/74.

A month ago, my blood pressure was so high that the doctor who is going to perform my surgery made a funny-not-funny joke about having a stroke. After being on blood pressure medication for years and then making some positive health changes and being taken off the medication, this was a difficult time for me. So, I went back on a lower dose of my previous medication and gradually, my blood pressure returned to the normal range.

When I went to the doctor this week for another check, my BP registered at 108/74. That’s about as low as it was earlier in the summer when we decided to take me off the medication. For now, I’m staying on it, and I’m so relieved by this number because that should mean that surgery will go ahead at the end of the month, and that I’m finding my “normal” again.

//

6.

Almost a week ago, I decided to swap out my regular coffee habit for decaf to see if it would help with the anxiety. The four-days-without-meds coincided with this decision, and since I haven’t really noticed a negative effect of switching to decaf, I’m sticking with it for now. The only drawback is I’m tired by about 9 o’clock, but maybe that would happen anyway.

Photo by Heather Ford on Unsplash

Have no fear, coffee lovers, I’m still choosing to drink high-quality decaf coffee. I’m planning to pick up some premium local decaf this weekend, no matter the cost because if I’m going to choose to drink decaf, then I’m going to make it count.

//

Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Ebb and flow. Life, I’m continuing to learn, is not about either-or. It’s both-and. Even when those things feel like opposites.

Filed Under: dreams, health & fitness, mental health Tagged With: anxiety, coffee, Facebook, fall weather

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Hi. I’m Lisa, and I’m glad you’re here. If we were meeting in real life, I’d offer you something to eat or drink while we sat on the porch letting the conversation wander as it does. That’s a little bit what this space is like. We talk about books and family and travel and food and running, whatever I might encounter in world. I’m looking for the beauty in the midst of it all, even the tough stuff. (You’ll find a lot of that here, too.) Thanks for stopping by. Stay as long as you like.

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