Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

faith & spirituality

Here am I. Send me!

I’m not sure how often you’re “supposed” to post to your blog, but I feel like I’m making up for lost time. So, if these posts are too frequent to begin with, I’ll pray that you don’t get sick of me, and maybe in a few weeks, they’ll be fewer and farther between.

Or maybe they won’t. My husband and I talked about blogs on the walk to seminary yesterday, and I thought about whether or not I should start one. I wondered, Do I have anything worthwhile or unique to say? And I questioned my motives. Did I want a blog just because “everyone else” had one?
But God’s been impressing on me the issue of calling lately. For me, writing is part of that calling, and I’ve been challenged to take that calling more seriously. A few weeks ago in Sunday School, we studied God’s call to Moses in Exodus 3 and 4, and I found myself identifying with Moses and the excuses he gave the Lord. “What if they won’t listen?” “I’m not eloquent.” And I add a few of my own: “I’m too busy raising a child, soon-to-be two.” “I’m at a different season of my life than the other writers I know.” “I don’t have enough experience.”
And God says to me what He said to Moses. “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now then go, and I, even I, will be with your mouth and teach you what you are to say.” (Exodus 4:11-12, NASB)

That promise isn’t enough for Moses, who then begs God to send the message through someone else. I don’t know that I’ve ever begged God to do that, but twice in recent memory, He’s shown me that if I won’t write for Him, He’ll find someone who will. In both instances, it’s been through people who would say of themselves that they aren’t writers but felt a burden from the Lord to communicate His message that way. Those were wake-up calls to me to embrace the calling and obey God’s leading to write.
When the prophet Isaiah was called, the Lord asked, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Isaiah said, “Here am I. Send me!” Only after he responds does he find out what God’s plan is. Me, I always want to know the details first before I volunteer. Where are we going, Lord? How will we get there? What are we going to do, exactly? But if I knew all that ahead of time, I’d probably never sign up for anything!
It’s scary to say to God, “Here am I. Send me!” But if He chooses us for a task, we won’t regret saying “yes” whole-heartedly. And if we won’t do it, He will find someone else.

Every Day, Jesus

I’m still new at this stay-at-home mom thing. It’s been almost a year since I quit my job and moved from the Midwest to the Mid-Atlantic to join my husband on the adventure we call seminary. Part of the adventure has been for me, the former “breadwinner” of our relationship, to stay home with our now toddler daughter. Financially, it looked like a suicide decision, but God has shown Himself faithful beyond our imaginations. Emotionally, it’s been a roller coaster. Spiritually, it’s been like appearing on “The Biggest Loser” — God is trimming the excess from my life to make me a lean, mean, spiritual machine. Or something like that.

One of my biggest struggles has been with mundaneness. I worked in journalism for 8 years — I’m used to deadline pressures, breaking news and the exhiliration of a story well-written or a page well-designed. Some days, it seems all I’ve done is cook, wash dishes and hang clothes out to dry. And I wonder: Am I wasting my college degree? Am I doing anything worthwhile with my life? What IS my purpose now?
I suspect I’m not alone. That there are other mothers asking the same questions in the midst of a day at home and other people, in general, who wonder if their work is all there is to life.
Recently I read in Oswald Chambers’ “My Utmost For His Highest” this passage about the Christian life: “Jesus does not ask me to die for Him, but to lay down my life for Him … It is far easier to die than to lay down the life day in and day out with the sense of the high calling. We are not made for brilliant moments, but we have to walk in the light of them in ordinary ways.”
I long to do something great, something big in the “grand scheme,” but in reality, I may not ever make a huge impact, and what I consider “grand scheme” may be small potatoes to God. He has better vision than I do, and He can see what truly matters about my life and what I’m doing. So, I’m trying to see Jesus in the so-called mundane stuff of life. How can I serve Him in my ordinary life? What can I do each day that will last forever?
I’m learning that cooking, dishes and laundry may be all God wants me to accomplish in a day, but by serving my family, creating a loving and somewhat orderly home, and teaching and caring for my daughter, I’m also serving God.