Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

health & fitness

Beginning again

Five months ago, I made a promise. I pledged to donate money for every pound I lost by the end of the year. Others joined the pledge, either with donations or support or a weight loss pledge of their own.

I’m here to tell you that I’ve failed. But that’s not the end of the story.

Since I made that promise, I overate at church camp. I let my workouts slide while we visited family in Illinois two different times. I ate “comfort food” after our basement flooded and I didn’t want to deal with the reality of clean-up and loss. And I took the month of November to write a novel.

So I find myself here, the 1st of December, having made negative progress, closer to 200 pounds than I’ve ever been when not pregnant or just having had a baby. Yet I’m resolved to not give up.

I restarted my twice-a-week 5 a.m. workouts this morning. And even though Christmas is coming, and sweets and goodies abound, I’m determined to keep it under control.

Can I just say what I’m thinking?

I DON’T WANT TO BE FAT!

There. That’s my fear. I see the misery in the faces of Biggest Loser contestants and I know that not much separates me from the downward spiral they’ve experienced.

Maybe that’s too dramatic. Or maybe it’s realistic. I just know that I’m not getting any younger and losing weight isn’t going to get any easier.

So.

I’m restarting my quest to lose weight and raise money for widows and orphans in Liberia. And I’m extending my deadline to March, at least.

“What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down.” — Mary Pickford, actress. (Also similar to a Chinese proverb.)

I have fallen. But I will get up.

I will check in monthly, here, with my progress.

Stay tuned.

And help inspire me.

How do you keep your weight loss goals?

No, really. There are starving children in Africa.

I don’t know if my parents ever said those words to me over the dinner table. If my current eating habits are any indication, I seriously doubt I ever failed to clean my plate.

My parents weren’t really the guilt-trip kind, either. And now that I think about it, forcing your kids to eat everything on their plate because “there are starving children in Africa” is some messed up logic.

When I read something like this about what’s happening to children in Somalia, my heart breaks. And my first inclination is not to eat everything in sight but to actually eat less. That’s the whole point of this challenge. But I feel like I’m failing.

We, Americans, are nothing if not gluttons. My personal recent examples: Popcorn at the movies. Pizza and fried pickles afterwards for supper. No-bake cookies on a night when I just HAD to have chocolate. A refrigerator so full of food we had to invite people over to help us eat just so we didn’t have to throw stuff out before we head to Illinois for two weeks. We have so many choices we can eat whatever we want. And even when my kids refuse a meal, I know they won’t die of starvation.

Heavy thoughts. Pun, sort of intended.

Weight update for the week: I gained 2 pounds. Since I began this challenge, I have GAINED 4 and a half pounds. Not what I thought was going to happen.

A high point from the week: Even though I didn’t make it to the gym at all, hubby and I cleaned the house from top to bottom over three mornings. Housework equals burning calories, even if I was not as faithful with my eating habits.

Another high point: While out with a friend on Tuesday, I ordered an avocado turkey burger with roasted spaghetti squash and a salad. And I wanted it because it sounded good, not just because I felt the need to watch my calories. Later, we went to Dairy Queen and I ordered a mini Blizzard instead of larger size. It was just enough to satisfy my taste buds.

I know I can make good decisions. Now, to follow through. My husband and I are planning to train again for the 5K we ran last year. Running 3 times a week for 9 weeks will help. So will accountability. I’m thinking about starting a food journal to raise my awareness of what actually goes into my mouth in a day. Has anyone had any success with this? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Pray for me, also. I feel like I’m failing the Liberian women and children I vowed to help. Discouragement is a nasty enemy, and with your help, I will fight it.