Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Marriage

The book of love

All right. Let’s just get it out there. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and you probably either love it or hate it. If you’ve found a way to stay neutral, I applaud you. You are among the few. Or maybe you’re the silent majority. If you don’t give a rip about Valentine’s Day, maybe you just let the day come and go quietly.

Many years ago when I was single and working for a newspaper (this one) that let me write a weekly column about pretty much whatever I wanted (they probably regret that!), I took on the topic of Valentine’s Day one year. All I really remember about that column (my personal archives are not yet digital and may never be. The best collection of my work went up in flames last year in my grandparents’ house) is I wasn’t “in favor” of Valentine’s Day so much, and I found a few people to agree with me. But mostly, it was a mistake to even take a stance. (I’m finding this is true for just about everything I was sure about in my 20s. Oh to be young and naive. Now I’m in my enlightened 30s. Oh so wise.)

So, if you’ve read this far, I WILL NOT be giving you advice for how to have the perfect Valentine’s Day or give you the secrets to what all girls want on this special day (personally, you can skip the flowers and chocolate and just wash the dishes in my kitchen) or telling you all about my plans for celebrating. (My husband will be in a theology class on the topic of suffering. How romantic. My night will probably consist of a guilty pleasure chick flick, some contraband chocolate, and all the Pinterest I can handle. I’m totally addicted.)

I also WILL NOT tell you that Valentine’s Day is evil. Or is meant to make single people or lonely people or any other people feel left out or discriminated against. Or that it’s a Hallmark holiday and we should NOT give in to commercialism. (Although I might tell you that chocolate tastes even better when you buy it 50 percent off the day after Valentine’s Day.)

But I do want to talk about love today. If you have to gag, now is the time to do it. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Even if you’re not the sappy type, good love stories are compelling, are they not? I just read this week abut a couple in western Pennsylvania who had been married more than 60 years and died 88 minutes apart. (Read the story here.) I think that’s how I want to go.

A few weeks ago, I was inspired to document a love story. It started with a reflection question at Bible study asking me to consider how God has been good to me. On a walk that same week, I thought about that and how I wanted to express that. I’d also seen this post by friend and newly published novelist Courtney Walsh. (Stay tuned! She’ll be on the blog next week talking about her book.) Scrapbooking your faith. Hmm … I’d never considered that.

So, I jumped in with both feet. I have a small stash of scrapbooking materials that haven’t seen the light of day recently because of two munchkin-sized kiddos who tend to scatter and destroy everything in their path. But I dusted off the drawers and grabbed scissors and glue for the kids to do their own projects, and I started making a book of God’s love in my life.

I worked with what I had. This is my canvas. (Thank you, Canadian friends to the north. These notebooks were 25 cents each at a discount store 4 years ago. I bought dozens for a youth retreat. We still have them, obviously.)

Here’s the cover now.

And a few of the inside pages.

It’s a work in progress, far from finished, but I’m having fun with it. And it’s been a great reminder to me of God’s unfailing love in my life.

Here are some of the psalms I chose to include:

But I trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me. — Psalm 13:5-6

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life — Psalm 23:6

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. — Psalm 37:4

I have a great earthly love story with my husband, but it doesn’t compare to the love story God has written in my life.

If Valentine’s Day has you down, think on these things.

God has loved you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

Nothing can separate you from his love. (Romans 8:35-39)

His love endures forever. (Psalms)

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Happy every day.

An open book on marriage

It started with a sermon series called “The Peasant Princess” about the Song of Songs. My husband and I started listening to this series a while ago when our marriage was in need of a serious boost. (Confession: we haven’t finished the series but hope to go back to it soon.) During that series, the pastor, Mark Driscoll, revealed that he and his wife, Grace, were writing a book on marriage. Based on the insights I was gleaning from the sermon series, I considered the book a must-read before I even knew when it was releasing.

When I had the chance to get my hands on Real Marriage: the Truth about Sex, Friendship and Life Together for free through the publisher’s blogging program, I grabbed it.

I would have paid money for this book, though. The Driscolls haven’t just written a book on marriage. They’ve written THE book on marriage. They pull no punches when it comes to the foundation for a successful marriage (friendship), how to have a fulfilling love life (serve one another), and keeping hope alive (plan and dream about the future). The book is part memoir — the Driscolls honestly talk about their mistakes before marriage, the early years of their life together when they weren’t living “happily ever after” and what it took to overcome and change all that — and part handbook. A good chunk toward the end of the book offers a blueprint for intentionality in marriage. It’s like homework, but I’m really excited to dig into it with my husband and dream about all our marriage can be.

If your marriage is new, Real Marriage can help you avoid some common — and maybe not-so-common — pitfalls. At the very least, it’s encouraging that no matter your past or current experience, a great marriage is possible.

If you’re in the pre-marriage stage — engaged or nearly engaged, then Real Marriage would be useful in a premarital counseling setting. I consider some parts of the book “for marrieds or to-be-marrieds only” so use discretion if you’re in the single-and-looking category.

If your marriage is seasoned with years, use this book as a way to connect with younger married couples and pre-married couples around you.

FAVORITES: The reverse-engineering plan at the end of the book. I love practical application. It would be a shame to have read this book and not known what to do with the information. The plan offers a lengthy and detailed examination of your marriage and where you want it to go. Like I said earlier, I’m excited for this.

FAULTS: The Driscolls take firm stances on just about everything. I disagreed with them on a few points, and at times I felt like they were portraying themselves as the only couple with the truth about marriage. It’s irritating but not a deal-breaker for reading the book. The Driscolls even give that as a warning in the preface “How Not to Read this Book,” saying that they strive to be biblical but are imperfect and will make  mistakes.

IN A WORD: Real. Okay, so it’s in the title of the book, but the Driscolls are Real (capital “R” intended) about everything from their lives before marriage and the mistakes they’ve made since to the hyper-sexualized culture we live in. Seriously, there were times in this book I was almost blushing because of how frank they are in discussing certain topics. But an unwillingness in the church to discuss sex and the questions everyone’s thinking but no one dares ask can lead to an unhealthy and ungodly view of sex and marriage as God intended. I’m sure writing the book couldn’t have been easy, but bravo to the Driscolls for holding nothing back.

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In exchange for this review, I received a free copy of Real Marriage: the Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together from Thomas Nelson Publishers.

I review for BookSneeze®