Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

The Weekly Read

Like looking in a mental mirror: Review of The Road Back to You by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile

How a book can so accurately reflect the personality of the person reading it, I cannot say, but what I do know is that The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile should be required reading for anyone over the age of 20.

Three books in recent years have made me feel this way: Quiet by Susan Cain, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron and The Road Back to You. The difference with this book is that it’s a helpful tool for anyone, not just an introvert or an HSP, audiences to which the previous books are geared, respectively. (Disclaimer: I received a free digital copy of the book from the publisher but am in no way required to write a positive review.) rbty

The Road Back to You is all about the Enneagram, a term which might make you scratch your head. I knew little about it before this year but have found it to be the most helpful personality typing tool I’m acquainted with. Even that description falls short.

In short, the Enneagram reveals who you are at your worst and at your best. It’s based on a number system, 1-9, as follows. (Thanks to the folks at Intervarsity Press for the breakdown.)

Type One: The Perfectionist

  • Famous Ones: Hillary Clinton, Jerry Seinfeld, Nelson Mandela
  • Ethical, dedicated, and reliable, ones are motivated by a desire to live the right way, improve the world, and avoid fault or blame.

Type Two: The Helper

  • Famous Twos: Mother Teresa, Desmond Tutu, Princess Diana
  • Warm, caring, and giving, twos are motivated by a need to be loved and needed, and to avoid acknowledging their own needs.

Type Three: The Performer

  • Famous Threes: Taylor Swift, Mitt Romney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise
  • Success-oriented, image-conscious, and wired for productivity, threes are motivated by a need to be (or appear to be) successful and to avoid failure.

Type Four: The Romantic

  • Famous Fours: Vincent van Gogh, Thomas Merton, Amy Winehouse
  • Creative, sensitive, and moody, fours are motivated by a need to be understood, experience their oversized feelings, and avoid being ordinary.

Type Five: The Investigator

  • Famous Fives: Stephen Hawking, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Bill Gates
  • Analytical, detached, and private, fives are motivated by a need to gain knowledge, conserve energy, and avoid relying on others.

Type Six: The Loyalist

  • Famous Sixes: Ellen DeGeneres, George H. W. Bush, Frodo Baggins
  • Committed, practical, and witty, sixes are worst-case-scenario thinkers who are motivated by fear and the need for security.

Type Seven: The Enthusiast

  • Famous Sevens: Robin Williams, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Stephen Colbert
  • Fun, spontaneous, and adventurous, sevens are motivated by a need to be happy, to plan stimulating experiences, and to avoid pain.

Type Eight: The Challenger

  • Famous Eights: Martin Luther King Jr., Muhammad Ali, Angela Merkel
  • Commanding, intense, and confrontational, eights are motivated by a need to be strong and avoid feeling weak or vulnerable.

Type Nine: The Peacemaker

  • Famous Nines: Pope Francis, Barack Obama, Renée Zellweger, Bill Murray
  • Pleasant, laid back, and accommodating, nines are motivated by a need to keep the peace, merge with others, and avoid conflict.

What is fascinating about the Enneagram is the variation each of these types can have. Personality and behavior are affected by the neighboring numbers, called wings, and each number reflects another number in times of stress or in times of security.

That all sounds complicated but as you explore the Enneagram, it becomes crystal clear. At least, that was my experience.

Cron and Stabile make this accessible through personal examples using stories from people in their families or friends. They also co-host a podcast of the same name where they talk to people about their Enneagram number and how that plays out. That’s the way I discovered what my number was.

After reading this book and listening to the podcast, I see things about my life and the way I react to the world around me in a new way. Discovering your place on this chart and how it uniquely plays out in your life is eye-opening. It’s hard to unsee once you see.

A word of caution: the Enneagram is a tiny bit addicting. While I was reading, I was assigning type numbers to people I know, and my husband is probably tired of me talking about my actions in light of my Enneagram number. You can go overboard with it, but it’s meant to ultimately be a tool for transformation, not an excuse to shame or typecast anyone else.

The purpose of the Enneagram is to show us how we can release the paralyzing arthritic grip we’ve kept on old, self-defeating ways of living, so we can open ourselves to experiencing more interior freedom and become our best selves.” (p. 36)

I could list dozens of quotes from the book to try to convince you to buy it, but I think the best starting point if you’re unsure is the podcast. Listen to the first couple of episodes to get a feel for the Enneagram. Or, if you have more time available, check out The Enneagram episode of The Liturgists podcast. It’s almost two hours long but is a helpful overview of the Enneagram.

However you choose to, though, I encourage you to investigate the Enneagram as a gift to yourself.

(This post contains an affiliate link, which means I receive a percentage of any purchase you make. It doesn’t cost you a thing but helps maintain this site!)

The book I was afraid to read: Review of Falling Free by Shannan Martin

To me, the scariest books to read aren’t the ones that conjure up the most horrific scenarios meant to thrill and terrify us. Nope. The scariest books I read are the ones that challenge me to do something difficult, or at the very least, outside of the comfortable world I’ve created for myself.

falling-freeThat’s the kind of book this is. Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I Always Wanted by Shannan Martin is a book I would only recommend if you are willing to re-evaluate the status of your life. If not, I’d advise you move along. (And while I did receive a free copy of this book from the publisher, my review reflects my opinion only and a positive opinion was not required.)

Martin was living her dream life in a cute farmhouse with her family surrounded by acres of land, full of friends and church family (she used to be known as the Flowerpatch Farmgirl) when that life began shifting in ways they didn’t expect. And it opened them up to so much more.

They gave up the farmhouse and moved into the city, a change that seemed all wrong from the outside: wrong side of the tracks, wrong schools, wrong job. They took a chance that God was serious about less being more, and they’ve discovered that He is true to His word. But it’s a struggle to get there. Martin writes:

In order to live an abundant life, we will lose before we gain. We will be last so he can be first, but no worries, he won’t forget in the end. God promises us gifts of loss and less, and though we know all his promises are for our good, we resist them. (p. 101)

And just because God is in it doesn’t mean it’s been easy. As the Martins moved into the neighborhood and began to open their lives to their neighbors and eventually the men in the jail where her husband is a chaplain, they learned the truth about community. Martin writes:

Community, in its purest form, is anything but pure. It’s noisy. Inconvenient. It demands we com to painful terms with the persistent cultural lies of independence and self-sufficiency, both of which run contrary to the gospel. … To be in community is to be painfully aware of our own unlovability but to offer ourselves anyway. Community simply can’t share space with masks or props. (p. 123)

Falling Free is Martin’s personal story of having her eyes opened to the world around her, but it’s also a challenge for the rest of us to see our lives anew. In the book, she doesn’t lay out a step-by-step plan for everyone to follow exactly in her family’s footsteps. But she does invite us to see in a different way.

One encounter with God’s sovereign love and consuming power can change your heart’s desire on a dime … It doesn’t mean it will be easy or simple or that there won’t be some mid-grade anxiety. There’s a difference between being too scared to do hard things and doing hard things scared. Communing with the God of the universe will inspire all kinds of unscripted movement and giant leaps past “normal.” It’ll make surrendering seem like the safest way. (p. 82)

There’s so much to digest in this book that a once-through isn’t enough. Beyond just reading Martin’s words and calls to step away from comfort, though, I want to live it out.

Falling Free probably won’t leave you feeling satisfied or calm. It might make you angry, defensive or scared. I think that’s okay. Just know that reading it might make you squirm and set you on a new path for life.