Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

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Shadow

“I’m watching you.”

These words from my 2-year-old immediately triggered in my mind the lyrics to The Police’s “Every Breath You Take.”

Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you.

TMI alert: I was shaving my legs at the time. I’m hoping we have years before we have to talk about why.

Her declaration was not news to me, but it did remind me that my actions, words and attitudes don’t go unnoticed.  She also takes note when I wear makeup, brush my teeth, comb and dry my hair, and wear deodorant. I can see the little wheels in her head turning, wondering why Mommy does these things, some of which she doesn’t do yet. Last week, she was playing Mommy to her baby doll, feeding her, putting her facedown on a mat to do “tummy time” and strapping her into the bouncy seat.

Yes, indeed; I’m being watched.

I’ve heard people call little ones of this age “sponges.” I can’t think of  a more apt word. While I hope she’s absorbing healthy attitudes, kind words and beneficial practices, I’m too fallen to deny that she also picks up criticisms, unkind words, poor attitudes, frustrations and bad habits.

Fortunately, we haven’t seen many of the latter develop in her yet. I don’t want to be a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do parent, so I think the next 10 (15? 20? more?) years of my life is going to be a time for God to continually show me where I can improve in these areas. In the end, I know I’ll be better for it, not only as a parent but as a Christian seeking to share the love of Christ with others.

Because I don’t want to be a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do Christian either. I want my life and words to match, and at times, for my life to speak louder than my words. As with my daughter, I know any inconsistency in my life will be an easy target for anyone not following Christ to continue not following Him.

The apostle Peter spoke of this in relation to husbands and wives: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (1 Peter 3:1)

I love the idea that a life lived purely and reverently can win over someone who does not believe. I fall so short of that, but I pray that God can take the imperfect life I offer Him and make something of it.

Paul, also, in giving instruction to Timothy, advised him about the importance of his behavior: “Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (1 Timothy 4:16)

“Watch your life.” In my house, I need no greater reminder because if I don’t watch my life closely, someone else surely will. And will what she sees draw her nearer to Christ?

Lord, I hope so.

Hold tight

I can hear the wind howling outside. Two nights ago, the gusts were almost scary as a storm rolled in. The living room shades rattled and flapped. Papers flew off the printer and desk. The bedroom doors slammed shut.

We were in the midst of putting Isabelle to bed, and I knew the storm would hit soon. Although she sleeps soundly in her own room, in her own bed, I wanted to hold her close and sleep in the same room. And I wanted to keep Corban with us in the living room. Something about severe weather makes me want to hunker down, huddle up and stick together till the storm passes.

I wonder if we aren’t made this way — to crave community when the going gets tough. Our need for each other never seems to be more clear than in a time of crisis or great need. Think natural disaster, terminal illness, financial hardship or severe weather, to name a few.

We’ve been talking about and studying community for the last several weeks in Sunday School, and we were asked to share how we were welcomed into the community — the geographical and spiritual — because we moved from the Midwest to the mid-Atlantic. I had a hard time voicing my feelings on this subject because we felt very welcome, and we generally find people to be friendly and engaging. We know quite a few people, but we don’t know them well. Sometimes I think I have more of a bond with the nurses from our birthing unit than the people in our church. But maybe it goes back to the crisis and time of need idea.

The people I feel the closest to in my life are those with whom I’ve shared large chunks of life or something significantly out of the ordinary. I’ll always feel a bond with my maternity ward nurses, even if I don’t remember their names or faces, because they walked me through recovery and first-time mom worries.

I wonder if it’s like this for other people in church, even people who have been going to church together for decades. Maybe it’s just me. And I wonder if the church doesn’t need more crises, more significant moments, more life together in order to demonstrate the kind of bond and love that Jesus intended. I think of the disciples and how they held together after Jesus’ death, before they knew what had really happened, and how they held together after that, even when they faced extreme opposition.

At Bible study this week, we were reminded of this verse in 1 Peter: “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (4:8, NIV) We were challenged and encouraged to protect and defend our Christian brothers and sisters from outside attack and to stand close together to not leave room for evil’s entry.

I don’t like storms, neither the ones that bring physical rain, thunder, lightning and hail nor the ones that bring pain, turmoil, confusion and despair into people’s lives, but if they’re necessary to form bonds that can’t be broken, then I have to be willing to let them come.

They will know we are Christians by our love. That’s my prayer. That the church will more evidently show itself as a people who rally around the defeated, pick up those who have stumbled, walk alongside the wandering, protect the weak and defend the weary. And in the process, maybe we’ll find ourselves a little tighter.