Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Home

3 is the magic number

Week 3, Day 1. Saturday’s training included a 3-minute run, no walking. So far, that’s our longest stretch of straight running. I was a little nervous, but like anything else, it’s partly mental. And, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, also like the rest of the running so far. We took the kids again, even though the temperature when we left the house was barely 50 degrees.

Because of the chill in the air, I made a rookie mistake: wearing pants. By the time the run was over, I was hot from the waist down. My husband, who is more experienced at running in a variety of weather conditions and temperatures, said it would have been better to wear shorts and a long sleeve shirt instead of long pants and a long sleeve shirt. I think I agreed with him afterward but would love to hear how others of you deal with the cold while running. The 5K we’re looking at is the weekend before Thanksgiving, and I don’t know what the temperature will be like. But the next month or so should give me a better idea what running in cool weather is like.

We’re learning to be flexible and creative with our running schedule, making a point to find three days in a week to fit in our run. I shed a little more weight this week, and Phil was asked today if he’s been losing weight. He doesn’t rely on those sorts of measurements to track his progress, but I’m hoping we both see results, physically, from this training.

Another set of 3 minute runs tomorrow. I can’t believe I actually look forward to this now.

Blog tour: Carol Kent ‘Between a Rock and a Grace Place’

Between a Rock and a Grace Place by Carol Kent (Zondervan)

From bestselling author Carol Kent comes a riveting journey of facing the impassable obstacles of life and discovering the last thing ever expected—the sweet spot of grace.

Carol Kent and her husband, Gene, are now living what some would call a heartbreaking life—their son, Jason, a young man who initially had so much promise, is now living out a life sentence for murder in a maximum security prison. All their appeals have been exhausted at both the state and federal levels—humanly speaking, they have run out of options. But despite their hopeless situation, Carol and her husband live a life full of grace. Kent reveals how life’s problems become fruitful affliction where we discover the very best divine surprises, including peace, compassion, freedom, and adventure. Through the Kent’s remarkable ongoing journey, Jason’s riveting letters from behind bars, and true “grace place” stories from the lives of others, Between a Rock and a Grace Place reveals that when seemingly insurmountable challenges crash into our lives, we can be transformed as we discover God at work in ways we never imagined. With vulnerable openness, irrepressible hope, restored joy, and a sense of humor, Carol Kent helps readers to find God’s “grace places” in the middle of their worst moments.

About the Author

Carol Kent is the bestselling author of When I Lay My Isaac Down and A New Kind of Normal. Carol is an expert on public speaking, writing, and on encouraging people to hold on to hope when life’s circumstances turn out differently from their dreams. She lives in Florida with her husband Gene.

Carol Kent is a popular international public speaker best known for being dynamic, humorous, encouraging, and biblical. She is a former radio show co-host and has often been a guest on Focus on the Family and a featured speaker at Time Out for Women and Heritage Keepers arena events. She has spoken at The Praise Gathering for Believers and at Vision New England’s Congress. She is also a frequent speaker at Women of Virtue events across the country.

Questions/Answers from Carol Kent

Tell us about the Christmas gift you received. How did it help you to find grace in the middle of a seemingly hopeless situation?

Two weeks before Christmas our doorbell rang at 9:15 p.m. It was dark outside and by the time my husband, Gene, joined me at the front door, we were surprised to find no one there. It was already dark, but my eyes fell on a large, exquisitely wrapped gift. The card on top said, “Mom.” Initially, it felt like a bad joke. Nine years earlier our son, a graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy had been arrested for murdering his wife’s first husband and he was in prison serving a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence.

However, I am a “Mom” and the package was left on my doorstep, so I opened it. The note appeared to be in my son’s unique handwriting. The note expressed his deep love for me and his gratefulness for what I had done to help him since his arrest. He said a “friend” had helped him deliver the surprise. Opening the box, I discovered a gorgeous russet-colored silk jacket—and it fit me perfectly.

That night I discovered something new about God and something I had forgotten about myself. He loves to interject divine surprises into our lives. His timing is always perfect, but it had been a while since I had been surprised by joy, wonder, and grace in the middle of one of the tight spots of life.

What are “grace places,” and how can hurting people in need find them?

All of us experience tight spots when life turns out differently from our dream. When we face the overwhelming obstacles of life, we can experience the last thing we ever expect—the sweet spot of grace. Grace places have a variety of forms, but some include:

  • Receiving love when we don’t deserve it
  • Finding safety in the middle of a fearful and uncertain experience
  • Being comforted by friends and family (people who are extensions of God’s love)
  • Experiencing the embrace of God when we have run out of strength and courage

“Grace means the free, unmerited, unexpected love of God, and all the benefits, delights, and comforts which flow from it.” (R.P.C. Hanson)

How important are contentment and gratitude in finding grace and peace?

My son, Jason, is teaching me that I need to choose contentment and thanksgiving in all things. As an inmate in a maximum-security prison, all of his personal items must fit in one small one-foot-high and one-and a half-feet-deep and two-and-a half feet long steel lockbox. He has learned to live comfortably with very little, which brings him a surprising sense of peace.

When I was visiting him one weekend I asked how he holds on to hope in the middle of a life-without-the-possibility-of-parole sentence. He said, “Mom, I have a gratitude list. Whenever the clouds of depression try to discouragement, I get out a piece of paper and write down everything I have to be thankful for. I’m thankful I have two parents who will be my advocates for as long as they live. The average number of years a lifer gets visits is five years and then no one comes anymore. I’m also thankful I can be a missionary on a compound that houses up to 1,700 men.” I’m learning from Jason that I find contentment when I choose to be thankful and when I invest my time in helping other people.

What are some unexpected gestures of kindness you’ve received in the past, and how did they help you through difficult times?

A couple of years ago Jason’s appendix ruptured and he was rushed from the prison to a civilian hospital. Gene and I were not allowed to know where he was and I prayed for someone to care for him as a mother would. He had two armed guards in his room at all times. Nurse Betty was assigned to Jason’s care. She treated him with respect and extraordinary care—and I knew she was a direct answer to my prayers.

A group of people who called themselves our “Stretcher Bearers” received an e-mailed monthly update on how to help with our needs. We were blessed with meals, cards, and financial gifts, often just before we needed extra funds for the next legal payment. These amazing people waited with us for two and a half years through seven postponements of the trial.

How has your definition of adventure changed over the years, and why is it important to retain adventure in your life, despite your situation?

True adventure is seeing the potential of living for things that matter in the middle of your current circumstances. We had the adventure of launching a nonprofit organization that helps to empower our son to facilitate classes by having books and DVD teaching series sent to the prison. We also have the adventure of reaching out to other people who are in crisis, which brings purpose and deep meaning to our lives.

There is a theme of surprise throughout the book. What is one of the greatest surprises you’ve had?

The powerful story of Tammy Wilson and Matthew Ben Rodriguez is in this book. Tammy contacted me after I spoke at an event she attended because my son is incarcerated in the same prison where Matt, the man who killed her mother thirteen years ago is incarcerated. She had been praying for someone to lead Matt to Christ and asked if Jason would try to meet him. It turned out that Jason and Matt were already friends and this amazing story is one of forgiveness, redemption, and restoration that can only be explained in the supernatural dimension.

Between a Rock and a Grace Place releases 10 years after your son, Jason, was sentenced to life in a maximum security prison and includes excerpts from Jason’s letters. Can you tell us how he’s doing now?

He has just taken his 8th group of men through Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University Course and he will be facilitating a biblical counseling class on marriage and family this fall. He has a prayer group of twelve inmates who fast and pray for the needs of each other and their families. Prison is a depressing, dark, and sad place, but Jason is living for things that will outlast him.

When you received news about Jason’s clemency hearing being denied, how did you respond?

I wailed like a baby, sobbed, felt angry, hurt, and disappointed in God. Then we saw Jason a day after this devastating news. He was calm and very much at peace. He hugged me as I wept and said, “Mom, this case isn’t about having the best attorney or about having the favor of Florida’s top executive political leaders. If I am ever allowed to walk in freedom in this lifetime, it will be because God miraculously opened a door that was closed.” My son helps me to develop an eternal perspective and that day he comforted me. 

What advice do you have for those who are stuck between a rock and a grace place?

In the middle of your own hurt reach out to someone else who needs help worse than you do. When you involve yourself in meeting the needs of others, you discover an unexpected freedom on the inside. Corrie ten Boom once said, “What did you do today that only a Christian would have done?”

As a result of your journey, you and your husband have founded the nonprofit organization Speak Up for Hope. What are the goals of the organization, and how can people get involved?

Our vision: To help inmates and their families adjust to their new normal.

Our mission: We exist to provide hope to inmates and their families through encouragement and resources.

Please go to www.speakupforhope.org for a list of practical ways individuals, churches, and organizations can help with specific projects. Our goal is to live out the truth of Prov. 31:8-9: “Speak up for the people who have no voice, for the rights of all the down-and-outers. Speak out for justice. Stand up for the poor and destitute!”

Where may we connect with you further or to purchase a copy of Between a Rock and a Grace Place?

I would love for you to visit my web site at www.CarolKent.org, browse through the various events and other resources available. You may also join me on my Facebook page, please click here.

Lisa’s review

From her own set of devastating circumstances, Carol Kent has written a manual for not just surviving the tough stuff of life but thriving in it. Her story and the others chronicled in “Between a Rock and a Grace Place” provide encouragement and example of how the unplanned events and dashed dreams of life can be turned to good in ways we may never have imagined. I appreciate Kent’s transparency as she shares the struggles she and her husband have accepting and living with their son’s life imprisonment. This is not an everything-will-work-out-if-you-pray-harder book. It’s a testimony of enduring prayer when there’s no clear or immediate answer, of a continued trust in God even when the miracle you want doesn’t happen.

A complimentary copy of this book was provided to me as a blog tour host by Zondervan in exchange for posting this interview on my blog. Please visit Christian Speaker Services at www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com for more information about blog tour management services.

Lessons learned

Week 2, Day 3 done. We completed week 2 yesterday, and it was a good day for learning a few running lessons. Until now, we’ve had a relatively easy time finding childcare, fitting the run into our schedules and letting it be a refreshing sort of event in the early or middle part of our day.

Not so yesterday. Phil had an all-day training for substitute teaching, so our run was scheduled for after 4:30 p.m. — after he’d been in a seminar all day, after I’d been with the kids all day, and right around supper time. Thankfully, my grandparents bought us a jogging stroller/bicycle trailer for Christmas and it arrived last Saturday. So, we planned to load up the kids in it and get our run in for the day.

A little easier said than done. We changed and stretched, then had to cart the stroller up from the basement, reassemble it, air the tires and secure the kids. By then, we’d already been stretched for 10 or 15 minutes and it was dinner time. I started our run with a bad attitude, thinking there was no way we’d be able to get this done, that I’d be starving and because it was the end of the day, I’d be extra worn out. Some of those things were true, but five minutes in to the routine, I was feeling good. The kids were mostly happy. Corban looked a little uncomfortable but he put himself to sleep. Phil worked harder than usual because he was pushing 55 extra pounds. But all in all, it was a successful end to the second week.

I don’t really like running that late in the day, especially with supper waiting in the oven, but I learned that mental obstacles can be overcome and discipline is about sticking with the committment even if conditions aren’t ideal.

On to week 3.

A ballerina firefighter and her brother the clown

The kids seem to be growing/changing/developing at a crazy fast rate these days, and I feel like I can’t keep up with it all. To remember for posterity, to share with family and friends who are far away and might possibly not check Facebook every second of the day. (Shoot, if that’s the case, they might not read this blog, either!)

Isabelle, at 2 1/2, has decided that she wants to go to kindergarten. Tomorrow. And ride a school bus. Today. We live along the school bus route, so when she sees the buses go by, she almost always  notices and asks, “Am I going to ride the bus?” She also has asked if we’re going to watch her when she rides the bus. Another almost-daily occurrence is the declaration that she’s going to kindergarten or school. She often dons her backpack and says she’s ready for school. I’ll remember these days when she’s a teenager and refusing to get out of bed, right? Who knows, though, maybe she’ll actually like school and be one of those weird kids (me) who wanted to go to school. It’ll be here soon enough; I just wish she wasn’t trying to rush it.

When asked what she wants to be when she grows up, her current response is “a firefighter.” Good thing her grandparents found a firefighter jacket for her to play dress-up with. Occasionally, she also wants to be a ballerina. You go, girl. We live in an age where she could totally do both.

Today at the park, I saw, once again, our little social butterfly emerge. When we arrived, there were no kids at the park. Within minutes, a woman showed up with six  kids and another woman brought her two kids. Forget whatever plans I had for a relaxing time at the park with my two kids. Instead of letting Corban swing in a baby swing and Isabelle play on the age-appropriate slides and equipment for her, I ended up following my daughter around as she tried desperately to join these other kids in their pursuits. She even started calling out their names when she heard the other kids call them. I sort of felt bad, like maybe she needs more social interaction. But maybe she’s just got the sort of personality that easily makes friends and includes everyone. She certainly didn’t get all that from me. I couldn’t even bring myself to say more than “Hi” to the other women at the park, even though I wanted to tell the woman with six kids that she was brave to take on such an endeavor.

This girl wakes up at 90 mph. and doesn’t slow down for most of the day. Including now when she’s supposed to be napping so we can go to the library later. Some days, she is a greater test of patience than others. But she’s better than a cup of coffee to get me going in the morning. She jumps out of bed and yells, “Mommy, mommy” then takes off for the kitchen or living room before I’ve even opened my eyes completely. And if her brother happens to wake up at the same time, she runs to him, loudly shouting, “Cor-ban. Cor-ban. Hey, popsters.” (His dad sometimes calls him Mr. Popsters or Popping-pops. The little sponge has picked up on this nickname and many others we use to describe him. I hope he won’t have a complex that therapy can’t solve later in life.)

Speaking of the boy, he is nearly 10 months old and just this week has started to stand without holding on to anything for longer and longer periods of time. It’s still only a few seconds, but I can see his improved balance and confidence on his feet. He also “walks” while pushing things. It’s only a matter of time. He’s also developed what we call the maniacal laugh. It’s different from his giggle or I-think-my-sister-is-hilarious laugh. He’ll be playing with something and all of a sudden let out this deep “ha-ha-ha” sort of sound that puts Phil and me in stitches every time.

He’s starting to eat us out of house and home. OK, so I know that’s not true yet. Friends with teenagers, especially boys, would tell me it only gets worse. But he’s eating more and more, especially if he can pick it up himself and put it in his mouth. He shunned baby food from a jar for a while, but now he’s eating entire jars in one sitting. We may burn through our stash yet.

Maybe he doesn’t intentionally do it, or maybe he does, but Corban seems to always be doing something goofy to put a smile on our faces. Sometimes it’s just putting an entire piece of fake food in his mouth then smiling. Or walking around with a fake hot dog hanging out of his mouth. Or banging on stuff to make loud noises. Whatever he does, he thinks he’s funny. And I guess that’s a good ingredient for a playful personality.

I often feel like we’re in our own little world and I forget to share these meaningful and ordinary moments with those we care about and who care about the kids. This is my attempt. I know it can’t totally make up for our physical absence in people’s lives, but it’s something.

Enjoy. We sure do.

Runnin’ in the rain

Week 2, Day 2. One more run, and we’ll already be done with two weeks? Hard to believe. Today it poured during our scheduled run time. It was a cool, refreshing sort of rain, but we were soaked and chilly by the time our run was done.

Not much to report, but here’s proof that we stretch.

Our little fitness trainer makes sure we do the right ones.

Does pain equal gain?

Week 2, Day 1. Today we ran for 90 seconds and walked for 2 minutes, according to the plan. It was our first afternoon run, and the temperature happened to be over 80 today. A gentle breeze kept us cool as we tackled the first day of a new training week.

But I have to say, I’m a little confused. Is this supposed to hurt? Because I’m not feeling much pain or soreness in my muscles after I run. I feel good, but for some reason I don’t expect that to be right. As we ran, I was recovering well in those 2 minutes of walking, catching my breath and able to gear up for the next run. Am I not working hard enough? Or is this what it’s supposed to be like?

I’m expecting to feel it more the more time we spend running with less walking in our routines, but I’m pleasantly surprised to be feeling good. I even lost a little over a pound this week. So far, I’m hooked on this plan.

I welcome your experience and advice. I feel like I could push myself a little harder when we run, but I’m just not sure if that’s wise.

One week down

Week 1, Day 3, thereby completing week one. I didn’t feel particularly challenged by today’s run/walk. Is that normal? I’m glad it gets increasingly more difficult, though I may regret saying that. Part of me wants to push it harder, but I definitely don’t want to injure myself, so slow and steady is the way it goes for now. I appreciate the encouragement that anything we’re doing is better than nothing, so even if I don’t feel like I’m working that hard, at least I’m working. Right?

We drove our two previous routes and discovered we’re covering about 2 miles with our warm-up walk, the 20 minutes of alternating running and walking, and the cool down to get us back to our starting point. That’s nice to know, too. I like measurable goals and that sort of thing, so knowing that we’re doing 2 miles encourages me that at some point we can do 3.

Feeling good still. Saturday begins week 2.

Press on!

Hills and flattened caterpillars

Week 1, Day 2. After the soreness of the weekend, I wasn’t sure I was going to look forward to today’s run. But my legs were not as sore this morning as they were yesterday, so my outlook for today’s workout improved.

We tackled one of the giantish hills in our neighborhood but also slowed our pace a little. By the end, I was still breathing normal and I didn’t feel like I was going to puke. I realize these moments may return another time, but I’m glad that I felt good, maybe even great after today’s run.

Isabelle likes stretching with us. It’s adorable. I hope to get a picture soon. She takes good care of us as we “suit up” to run, making sure we have our shoes and socks and do our stretching. “You wanna stretch with me?” she asks after we get back. A fitness trainer in the making?

Phil stayed ahead of me today instead of beside, which was fine except that I didn’t always notice immediately when he stopped after a minute of running. I guess I run with my head down because I noticed a lot of flattened caterpillars on the road. And when I’d look up after running for a time, I’d see Phil walking, unsure of how long it had been since he stopped. In a few weeks, we hope to be running distances instead of times to give us a better gauge of how far we’re going.

We’re taking your advice and applying it as best we can. The encouragement is great. And being accountable to you keeps us going.

Till next time.

First run

Week 1, Day 1 completed.

If you’d have told me even a month ago that I would have run/walked for 20 minutes on purpose, because I wanted to, I would have said you were crazy.

But we did it today. And I actually looked forward to it. There were some tough moments. My husband’s stride is longer than mine, so we had to make some adjustments so I wouldn’t wear myself out trying to keep up with him. I had to remind myself not to go too fast too soon.

When the last minute of running was done, I had to will myself not to throw up. My lungs were burning. My legs wondered what had happened. And I felt a little bit sick. But by the time we finished the walk back to our friends’ house, where the kids were playing, I felt good.

Now, over an hour after we finished, I feel great. My legs hurt. I’ve discovered muscles I hadn’t used in a long time. I’ll probably feel worse tomorrow, and I’m sure when we set out to do this again on Monday that I might dread it.

But I’m excited.

Small steps.

Thanks for the support and encouragement already.

Running for our lives

In high school, our gym teachers had this horrible conspiracy to torture us. It was called “the mile and a half.” Freshmen talked about it as a thing to be feared, and each semester, it was the time of year to be dreaded. At least for the non-running types, of which I was one. I’ve never been in what I would call great physical shape, so running was difficult for me. I wasn’t good. If the weather was hot, I sweated too much and had bouts of nearly passing out. One summer during softball practice (I know this has nothing to do with running), I puked in center field and was seeing white spots because I was overheated. Our hunky high school “coach,” more like an instructor, bought me a Sprite and ushered me to a shady spot on the bleachers. The other girls were slightly jealous, but that didn’t last long.

Enough digression. Tomorrow, despite all my past declarations against the sport, I become a runner.

The gear has been purchased (See new shoes in photo).

The plans for watching the children have been made. The fitness plan has been decided. My husband and I will set out tomorrow morning to begin our journey to run a 5K in late November.

This idea first popped into my head after I saw a friend “like” the “Couch to 5K Running Plan” (http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml?cmp=18-1) on Facebook. The idea intrigued me, especially since I would consider myself pretty much a couch potato now. Though two kids do keep a person hopping. But I also cope with bad days by eating chocolate and Cheetos. Sometimes together, sometimes not.

There’s more to this wacky plan than fitness, though. To be honest, our marriage is hurting right now and 30 minutes three times a week running with my husband, without the kids, will be precious couple time that we haven’t sought often enough. The physical benefits will be a bonus, as we both could stand to lose some more “baby” weight. Mine from the actual pregnancies, my husband from the sympathy eating.

Also, I’m realizing that I’m not terribly disciplined nor do I really understand what hard work is. Most of my life, I’ve chosen the easy way. Or avoided hard work altogether. Growing up, when my parents went outside to do yardwork, I more often stayed inside and read a book or watched TV. Even now, I have trouble not being selfish or lazy with how I spend a day. I sit way more often than I should, even with the aforementioned children running, crawling and climbing all over the house. I’m a writer by design, so naturally I’m drawn to sitting at a computer, reading a book or doing more intellectual things. Physical training has only ever been fun for me if it’s part of a game. Like volleyball or softball.

Running is hard work. I think that’s why I’ve avoided it. I don’t have a lot of self-discipline or mental strength to push myself to do something that takes work. I’m impressed by runners because they can push themselves to go another mile when their bodies want to give up. I need that sort of fortitude in other areas of life. The will to keep going even when the going gets tough.

I used to tell people, when dismissing the idea of running for fun, that I would only ever run to save my life. In a way, that’s what I’m now doing, what I proposed to my husband. In a lot of ways, we need to save our lives right now, and running is the answer.

I’ve been thinking about what the apostle Paul wrote about running in his letters to the early church. I used to read over those words. Now I’m paying more attention.

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.” (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” (1 Timothy 4:8)

We invite you to join us on this journey. I’ll be blogging regularly about our progress and would appreciate any advice, encouragement, tips you have about running, or living a self-disciplined life in general.

Stay tuned.

SaveSaveSaveSave