Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

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The healing power of relationships

Stories That Bind Us by Susie Finkbeiner

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A beautiful story of how relationships have the power to heal.

When Betty Sweet loses her husband, she loses some of her passion and purpose in the world. But when her sister shows up with a child Betty has never met, purpose returns as Betty cares for the both of them.

Betty and her nephew Hugo heal something in each other in the quiet, ordinary days of their life in 1960s Michigan. This is what I love about Finkbeiner’s storytelling: it is gentle and tinted with dramatic moments that don’t overpower the story. She has a way of making the ordinary lives of her characters page-turning compelling. I couldn’t wait to see what happened next.

I received a free copy of the book in advance. Review reflects my honest opinion.


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Come, Lord Jesus

We were watching The Titan Games premiere last night when the news broke in with a special report. Our kids groaned and my husband quickly corrected them. “This is important,” he said. I reminded them that the show is accessible the next day. Just because we were missing something doesn’t mean we had missed it forever.

Lester Holt reported on protests and riots in cities across the nation, gatherings focused on the murder of George Floyd, a black man who was killed while in the custody of police, even after he begged for his life. “I can’t breathe,” he said as an officer knelt on his neck. I haven’t seen the video. Just the thought of it brings tears to my eyes.

For more than an hour, Phil and I watched the news reports. From California to Philadelphia. It was the most I had allowed myself to engage with the news, not because I don’t care but because I have a tendency to absorb all the hurt and suffering and pain into myself. I have to take the news in small, intentional doses and even though watching the news on Sunday night wasn’t my intention, I needed to see.

I went to sleep with images in my mind of a world on fire. In one city, the crowd emptied a trash can in the middle of the street and set it on fire. In another, people ran into shops whose windows had been broken, carrying out goods they didn’t pay for. In many cities, police were dressed in riot gear, armored trucks blocking off city streets. In one city, a woman screamed in the face of a police officer, trying to get him to react.

It’s just so sad. All of it.

And I don’t know what to say except the only prayer that makes sense:

“Come, Lord Jesus.”

Photo by Chris Liverani on Unsplash

—

“Come, Lord Jesus.”

I used to pray those words wishing that God would intervene in a world gone bad, that He would step in with something akin to a cosmic magic eraser and undo all the things we’d done wrong. “Come, Lord Jesus” was a plea of escape: Rescue us from this mess we’ve made.

Now, though, I see it differently. When I pray “Come, Lord Jesus,” it’s an invitation for God to step in, but not to make it all magically go away. Instead, it makes me think of one of the most familiar prayers of Christianity. When people asked Jesus to teach them to pray, he included these words: “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven.”

To me, “Come, Lord Jesus,” is a plea for the earth to become more like heaven, like the world God intended. It is a prayer for the world to look more healed and whole than it does now. And I know that that doesn’t happen without human help.

Photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash

When I pray, “Come, Lord Jesus,” I’m asking God to come with me. I’m asking for His help to do what needs to be done. Because if His will is to be done on the earth as it is in heaven, it’s going to involve me. And you. And all of us.

I believe, in some way, God made the world. And I believe, in most ways, we humans have unmade it. And while I believe God could wipe it all out and start over, or miraculously make it all better, I don’t believe that’s the way it’s going to work. It is us, the ones whose feet walk the earth, who will make the kind of world we want to live in.

Come, Lord Jesus.

To me, it’s a prayer of belief in a better world.

And the catalyst for change.

I don’t always know what to do, but doing nothing is not an option. Praying for escape is not an option.

Today, I am watching. Listening. Speaking when I can. Listening some more. Weeping with those who weep. Acknowledging the suffering.

It is literally the least I can do.

If you also don’t know what to do, let’s start there, okay? 

Refuse to sit this one out, especially if you’re white.

The Distancing Diaries: Venturing out, looking ahead, and celebrating an anniversary

Day 67: Uggghhhhhh. That’s just an overall feeling, nothing specific. I woke up before my alarm. Scrolled socials then got out of bed to take my coffee to the porch. The scrolling of socials sort of negates the going outside. Must. Break. The Habit. I sat on the porch listening to the squirrels scamper and the birds chirp. I spotted a woodpecker in the neighbor’s tree. I realized my house is like an island for me. It’s a place of safety and stepping off the porch or out onto the road is kind of scary. My daughter and I have to leave the house tomorrow for a routine doctor’s appointment, and it will be the first time I’ve driven in more than 2 months, the first time I’ve been anywhere I couldn’t walk or run to, the first interaction I’ll have had with people who are not my family.

My house is also like an anchor that tethers me. When I go for a run, I stay close enough to the house that I never feel too far away.

I paid bills when I came back in. Have I mentioned before how oddly satisfying it is for me to check off the bills for the month?

After getting the kids started on school work, sort of, I went outside to take care of some plant tasks. There were two, no three, I wanted to repot, so I worked on that. Son needed my help with school, so I was in and out a lot. When the three plants were in new pots with new soil, I decided to clear the flower beds. Some weeds had taken over. Someone in a large truck honked and waved as I was clearing the bed by the road. I’m not sure who it was, but thank you! After the weeds were taken care of, I cleared the rest of one flower bed and scattered some wildflower seeds I found in “storage.”

The despair was hovering today so I attacked it with aggressive weeding and planting hope and beauty. These are my weapons. My body aches from the effort, and I hope it’s worth it.

I changed into workout clothes when I came in, just to prepare myself for the afternoon. We ate lunch. I watched a When Calls the Heart episode while having lunch, washing dishes and folding laundry. Daughter had to manage a couple of video calls. Once we decided we were set with those, I got to my workout. But I also had to reply to a couple of work emails and the training and the recording of hours, so my mindset for my workout was distracted at best. Still, I did it. 

Then, daughter wanted to upload her video for the virtual choir, so she practiced and then we reviewed all the requirements. We did a practice video and she decided that she needed to sing more loudly. I agreed. We managed to get a good second take that she was proud of and wanted to submit. Then came the hard part. I had to get the video from my phone to my computer to upload it on the site. I probably could have done it all on my phone, but sometimes it’s just easier for me to do it on the computer. All of my cloud storage apps were practically full, so I took some time to download and save photos from our trip to Boston three years ago onto my computer. That freed up a lot of space, but took a lot of time. Then I had to transfer her video and compress it and upload it, and two hours after we started, it was done. Her certificate is printed and I’m proud of her for doing something new that wasn’t necessarily easy.

I changed into regular clothes in the hopes that I would be able to get some other work done. I did do a little bit of reading. The TV has been on all afternoon. We haven’t met all of our daily requirements for tasks. I’m out of energy to force it all to happen. I have a plan for dinner. Phil just got home. I’m feeling a little bit aimless right now, which is not an unusual feeling these days. I don’t know what normal will feel like in the future.

My attention span is waning and I want to numb all of my feelings. Sometimes. Not all the time. I probably just need to drink more water and eat a semi-nutritious dinner. Afternoon snacking might be the downfall right now.

We had dinner while watching Good Mythical Morning. Watered the garden while the kids rode bikes. Sat on the couch reading. None of us seemed to have the energy for a family game night. Phil and I watched the rest of the Cotswolds travel documentary and then went to bed.

Day 68: One of my favorite songs right now is “Caution” by The Killers. It’s the beat and the words and it just makes me feel wild and free, which is just about the opposite of how life really is right now. But the last few lines are what are sticking with me: “Cause it’s some kind of sin, to live your whole life, on a might’ve been.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about what life is going to be like on the other side of this pandemic. When we’re freer to go places and see people. It scares me sometimes but also excites me. Because it’s like we get to reset. We don’t have to go back to the way things were. And that line from the song fits with my attitude since the year I turned 40 and made the list of things I don’t want to put off anymore. I’ve been trying to live with no regrets, not in reckless abandon but with courage and curiosity and intention. This whole social distancing/isolation/quarantine reinforces this idea that I don’t want to live a might’ve been kind of life.

I want to have experiences and go places I’ve always wanted to go. I want to tell people what they mean to me and never miss a chance to give a hug or a kind word. I don’t want to be afraid or overly cautious about new things. I might not throw caution, like the song says, but I definitely want to make it a lesser voice when I make decisions.

Anyway, those are the first thoughts of today. I took my coffee to the porch without checking my email or socials first, so that’s a small victory. Today, I’ll get to see the world outside my neighborhood for the first time in months, and I’m anxious. It will be okay. When I did get to my email, I had one about a launch team I joined, so I took some time introducing myself to the group. This is hard for me because I can never sum up who I am in a short comment. (It’s usually not that short!) Connecting online is hard. I usually want to know more and everything about people with whom I share a little thing in common, like a favorite author.

I spent the first part of the  morning helping my son with a letter to his fifth-grade teacher. It’s a generic letter; we won’t know his teacher till summer. Then I worked out and organized the boxes for donation. Phil took seven boxes of clothing, shoes and toys to the thrift store that’s accepting donations. This does not count the book boxes still sitting in our house waiting for the library to reopen. The decluttering refreshes my soul.

Lunch. Dishes. A phone call from my doctor’s office that they finally have my medication, so I’m all set with an appointment for that. Yahoo! Started laundry. Showered. I took some writing time this afternoon before the girl and I have to go out for errands.

We each made our own masks. Without a sewing machine. I think they turned out okay.

I was pretty anxious about leaving. I wiped down every part of the car she and I would touch because it hasn’t been done. We gathered our masks and our courage and the items that need to be returned to school. We passed the road that marks the farthest I’ve been away from our house in more than 2 months. And we found the world mostly as it was. It’s still spinning. It’s still beautiful. There are messages of hope in front of people’s houses and on businesses. It reminds me a little of how the world was after 9/11. We dropped off the books at the school and drove to the doctor’s office for an immunization booster. And it was a little surreal. We had to call the front desk to check in and wait outside for someone to come get us. The nurse who came was wearing a mask and a face shield and she escorted us to the back. There was some confusion about what kind of appointment we were there for, but it was quickly and easily cleared up. My daughter got her immunization and we had to wait for 15 minutes. We had nearly the entire office to ourselves besides the medical staff because they aren’t seeing patients for regular appointments in the office. The 15 minutes passed. We chatted briefly with our provider and then another nurse escorted us out of the building, offering to open every door for us so we didn’t have to touch anything. This is not the most efficient way to practice medicine, I know, but the personal service was nice. We drove home, deposited our masks in the hampers and washed our hands. 

I’m not eager to go out and about in a full-fledged manner, but knowing that it’s possible and not as scary as it seems from inside my house is comforting.

Phil made us another delicious dinner, a vegetarian korma over smashed fingerling potatoes. He also made rice pudding and chocolate chip cookies. You can be a little jealous. We watched some Jim Gaffigan content during dinner. Son and I went for a walk because he needed active time for the day. Phil had an evening chiropractor appointment. I watered the garden and some of the other plants. I read another chapter of Upside-Down Magic out loud to my son.

Phil and I watched an episode of Poldark and The Office. Both left me with a lot of feels.

Day 69: I woke up early to go for a run. My son has a telehealth counseling appointment this morning, which throws off our rhythm a little, but I don’t mind getting out there early and getting it done. It was cool this morning, but not uncomfortable. Forty degrees in May is different from forty degrees in January. I took a country route today. One thing this pandemic has done for me is lessened my fears of running on roads and it’s given me more time to vary my routes. The decreased traffic helps with the road running, also. I had to hopscotch some “road apples” on my route this morning. (To be clear: Amish buggies are pulled by horses and horses poop on the road.) Yesterday, my daughter and I drove with the windows down and smelled the pungent manure odor in the air. “Poop’s not cancelled,” we said, giggling.

The neighborhoods were quiet. I passed a couple of other runners and a friend’s house that had been decorated for a 16th birthday. It made me smile.

Breakfast. Late coffee. And it’s time to meet with the kids. I’ve missed my morning quiet on the porch for today, but maybe I can do it later in the day.

Checked in with the kids then got in the shower before son’s counseling appointment. We gathered his necessary materials for that, namely his blankets and stuffed friends. We set ourselves up in the fort of his bed, and it was a productive and helpful hour for me, at least. Our schedule for the rest of the day was off a bit. Son skipped his class meeting because of the counseling appointment but tuned in for a reading game with his class. The morning felt a little aimless for me. Phil left early for work because they’re loading up for the holiday weekend. What even is a holiday weekend anymore?

I washed dishes. Folded laundry. Listened to Office Ladies podcast. Made guacamole for a snack and prepped the meat for dinner. Son had a band lesson and then he finished his academic work. Phil was home earlier than usual. I sat on the porch to read for work because it’s a beautiful spring day.

While I was sitting on the porch, the bird left the nest and came back. Not long after it came back, a crow got too close and there was a sort of bird fight. I don’t know if the dove was trying to draw the crow away on purpose, but they both flew away in a sort of chase. Only the dove returned a few minutes later. It landed on the porch roof and kept peeking its head over as if to check if it was all clear. Then it flew to the ground and looked around before going back to the nest. It was wild in the wildest sense.

Dinner and Good Mythical Morning, a couple of episodes we had to abandon because of inappropriate content for our children. Daughter did Just Dance for active time after dinner. Son wanted to ride his bike, so I sat outside and watched him. We didn’t water the plants because rain was on the horizon.

Negotiations for dessert almost ended poorly. Then I read some more Upside-Down Magic to my son before tucking both kids in. I settled in for a When Calls the Heart marathon and cross-stitch. I ended up watching 3 episodes and trying to untangle some strands. I forgot to get my coffee set up for the morning, but by the time I remembered, it was too late to run the coffee grinder.

Day 70: It’s evening and the first time I’m sitting down to document the day. I don’t know if that means it feels more like normal or if there’s no meaning in it at all.

The kids are making a workout/playlist on Just Dance, and it’s kind of dizzying if you’re just watching.  They’re burning a lot of calories arguing. I’ll go backwards for the day now, I guess. We just finished watching the first episode of Ultimate Tag, which premiered this week on Fox. It’s surprisingly a lot like American Gladiators which was a favorite in my childhood. I want to show the kids some episodes of that. Ultimate Tag was interesting, but honestly, it’s a little overdone on the drama and the characters of the taggers. I miss the simplicity of American Gladiators, but maybe I won’t think that way if I actually watch an old episode. I guess this means I’m at the age where everything old is new again.

It rained most of the day today which means I wanted to eat all day and drink all the warm beverages, even though it wasn’t really cold outside. For a Friday, it felt like we got a lot done. I started the day on the porch with coffee, but I could feel the antsy-ness in my body. Not that I had a lot to do but just getting on with the day gives me a sense of purpose. I spent the first chunk of the morning researching the next month of my fitness program. I’ve heard from others who are ahead of me that it’s challenging and I wanted to make sure I had variations for each exercise picked out. I’m starting tomorrow on month 4. Although I’ve been working out according to this program for almost four months already.

We checked in about academics, which aren’t a lot on Fridays. I know I did dishes and laundry this morning while listening to Office Ladies. I started another book for judging. At lunch, I started watching When Calls the Heart and continued after lunch while folding laundry and resting. I watched two episodes and the second one had me crying lots of tears. I completed another training module for work and made dinner.

There’s a rhythm to our days, sometimes, and there’s not a lot of variety. My grandma called. That was something out of the ordinary. She thanked me for the school pictures of the kids I sent, and we talked a little bit about the monotony of our days. Always good to hear voices of my family.

Phil is prepping for work tomorrow with laundry and getting his food ready. We made the produce list for next week. Because it rained all day, there’s no need to check on the garden. I can see it from the kitchen window and I hope the rain will be beneficial to it. I’m pretty sure we’re going to have to replace the tomato plants. I didn’t take as good care of them as I could have when they arrived in my care.

I also learned during the day that our entire state will be moving to the yellow phase on June 5. It’s movement, but I’m trying not to get too excited about it because we still need to be careful. I’m not eager to jump back in to life as we knew it once.

I watched 2 episodes of When Calls the Heart while cross-stitching and talked to our friend David for a little bit.

This tree in front of our house always refreshes my spirit this time of year.
The blossoms look like stars.

Day 71: Saturday. I read books. I watched Netflix. I washed dishes. The kids played an imagination game. I worked out (and sweated a lot). I invested emotionally in a lot of fictional worlds today so I’m kind of drained. Our daughter chose the dinner for tonight and made most of it herself. I helped out a little. She enjoys cooking so we’re adding a night of the week for her to contribute, too. 

The garden has been well-watered from the rain, and there are shoots coming up from the seeds I planted, which makes me happy. 

Today, I’m just tired, even though I don’t feel like I did that much. Also, it’s okay to be tired. And unproductive. Some days, I just need the escape of fiction and the refreshment of rest, and Saturdays are a good day for that.

Phil and I rented Knives Out from Fandango for 99 cents and it was an enjoyable movie. I’d heard good things about it and I’m glad we had the chance to watch it.

Day 72: Highlight of today is that I went to the grocery store instead of sending Phil.  I needed some things for my new month of the meal plan, and it’s not necessarily his time to go. Plus it’s just time for me to start venturing out when necessary. I went after my workout, which was sweaty and tiring, but I had adrenaline and endorphins on my side. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was strange to see everyone wearing masks and it seems like people are hyperaware of other people. I had a list and I stuck to it mostly. I was in and out in less than 30 minutes, and if I think too long about it, I’ll probably be anxious about it, but I survived it and still had time to take a quick shower before online church.

After lunch, I did some food prep with the ingredients I picked up at the store. I made three things for breakfasts and snacks in the coming weeks while catching up on Office Ladies podcast, then I needed to lie down and take a rest, so I watched When Calls the Heart. The kids played outside for a bit. Phil took a nap. 

With dinner, we watched the first episode of The Big Flower Fight. We like creative competition shows.

My workouts the last two days were challenging, so I’m struggling with some sore muscles right now. Hoping it won’t be too hard to go for a run tomorrow. There’s no school tomorrow, and we’re in the home stretch of online schooling. Summer is coming, and I don’t know what it will all look like for us.

There was a NASCAR race on, so Phil and I filled out our mail-in ballots for the primary election while watching. I read some of Good Omens, my current loan from the library.

Day 73: My hope is that we’re on the downside of all this. Not that everything will magically go back to normal but that we’ll be able to ease back into some sort of normalcy. I fear for summer and what it means for how we spend our days.

I sat on the porch with my coffee. It’s quieter this morning, probably because it’s a holiday, although I don’t know how much “holiday” there is. I need to go for a run, but drinking water and stretching have been good for me.

It’s evening now, and I have a colossal headache. I’m not sure why. Here’s how the rest of the day went after this morning. We video called with my parents. The kids half-listened while playing games on their screens. Ugh. I went for a run. I wasn’t sure how far I was going to go. I ended up running almost 3 miles. My hamstrings were so tight at the beginning, but I feel good now having done it.

This statue I saw on my run made me smile.

The alternative rock station was playing the top 90 alternative hits from the ’90s, so I spent the rest of the morning listening to that while I had a post-run snack, washed dishes, folded laundry, showered and put together more letters/pictures for friends and family. No mail today, but when tomorrow comes, our box will be FULL of outgoing mail.

I took my work reading outside to the porch because it’s another gorgeous day. I checked on the garden. All’s as well as can be expected out there. Phil came home and together we encouraged the kids to get outside. His encouragement included locking the house after we were all outside and not opening it again for an hour, unless there was a bathroom need. (There wasn’t.) News flash: we’re the worst parents ever for making our kids be outside on a nice day. FYI. Man, this is going to be a great summer because I think it’s the only way we’re going to get the kids outside on a regular basis. They’re super excited about our hiking and biking plans, too. (sarcasm font)

A relaxing family afternoon on the porch.

I made dinner. We watched another episode of The Big Flower Fight, then tried to get together our online dinner order for tomorrow. (It’s our anniversary, so we’re ordering takeout.) It was more of an ordeal, and with all of the sass and attitude we’ve had to day, the kids are going to bed early. Maybe I’ve found the source of my headache.

The kids went to bed early and I watched several episodes of When Calls the Heart.

Day 74: It’s our anniversary, and I’ve had a full experience of emotions today. Everything from anxiety and irritability to overwhelming gratitude and love. I cried real tears streaming down my face when I got my husband’s annual anniversary tweet that dedicates a song to our relationship. I’m just overcome with a lot of memories and moments from 13 years of marriage.

We ordered dinner from a local restaurant and set the table for two. The kids ate in the living room and watched YouTube while Phil and I pretended we were at a restaurant. We put on nicer than usual clothes and ate off of fancy plates with a lit candle on the table. Sometimes, you just need to make it special anyway.

The Distancing Diaries: Eight not-so-crazy days

The length of time between posts is increasing, and I think that’s mostly because the novelty of documenting our days is wearing off. I’m taking fewer photos. Maybe things will change when we’re done with online school. Anyway, here are the last eight days of our ordinary pandemic life.

Day 59: Oh boy. The number of days. The weather is being wacky. Cold. Rainy. That’s not so wacky, but I long for the sunshine. I listened to Pray As You Go this morning before getting out of bed. It’s a run day, so I checked the weather to see when the rain might clear up. Late morning should be good. Ate breakfast. Now I’m drinking coffee. The kids have been up for a while watching TV. Now they’re on screens while they eat breakfast. They’re also already dressed, which is kind of weird for them.

Yesterday during the sermon, our pastor asked how many of us were ready for quarantine to be over. I couldn’t raise my hand all the way because I’m not sure the world out there is ready for the quarantine to be over. We’ve gotten into a rhythm and re-entering society is going to be an adjustment. Things won’t be as they were. Not completely. I’m nervous about our county’s plan to move from the red to yellow phase, that people will take more liberties that will endanger my husband. If we could just hunker down and stay inside and let everyone else do what they want, maybe I wouldn’t care as much. But Phil goes out there five days a week for work and sometimes once a week for groceries.

I spent some time prepping a blog post while drinking coffee.

I met with the kids for school check-in then went out for a run. My goal for today was around 2.25 miles. Over the weekend, there was social media campaign aimed at running 2.23 miles to raise awareness/call attention to the shooting death of Ahmaud Arbery, a black man who was running through a neighborhood when two white men chased him with guns and killed him. I ran a little over that set amount. My goal is not to bandwagon support something because it’s trending. In recent years I have been grieved by the injustices facing black people, injustices I was not aware existed as a white person. I’m still learning and listening and unpacking the biases in my own life, acknowledging the ways I have benefitted from white supremacy. It is a long journey but one I want to continue on. Running and posting a photo with hashtag is a tiny step.

It was hard to find a rhythm today. The sky was intermittently sunny and the temp is going to drop again tonight. I washed dishes and did a little bit of laundry. I ate lunch and helped my son with homework. I didn’t do much of my own work, not reading or training or writing. I did watch the governor’s press conference. It’s about to get ugly here in this state. I hate conflict, even if it doesn’t directly affect me. Midafternoon I hit a slump and just went to my bed with my phone to watch Netflix. I’m totally hooked on When Calls the Heart. I finished the first season while making dinner.

Last week, our son planted these zinnia seeds for a school assignment. They are starting to sprout.

During dinner, we watched Some Good News, the wedding edition, and we all laughed and cried and wanted to dance when The Office cast reunited for THE dance. It’s so uplifting. I hope it never stops. The kids are out riding bikes now. I hope it tires them. They’ve been a little off-kilter today. Overly expressive and a bit rowdy. I don’t blame them. It’s just hard to handle when there’s no place to go, no separation from them.

We haven’t eaten many dinners at the dining table. Pre-COVID, that was our gathering place to reconnect at the end of the day after being apart, the place where we heard about each other’s days. Now, we kind of already know about each other’s days. I’m not saying it’s wrong for us to gather in front of the TV and experience a show together. It is its own kind of connection. I hope we don’t lose that aspect of family time when this is over.

The kids and I ate ice cream then lounged before bedtime–reading, playing games on screens. I finally settled in to watch the Outlander season 5 finale, and it left me with some big feelings, so I watched an episode of When Calls the Heart. Unfortunately, that was part 1 of 2, so now I’m left wanting to watch another episode. But I went to bed instead.

Day 60: I had a restless night and woke up for good at 5:30. Then I made the poor decision to just scroll through Twitter and Instagram for half an hour. I listened to Pray As You Go then pulled myself out of bed. I paid some bills and adjusted my monthly coffee order. I want to be more motivated today than yesterday but I’m not sure it’s something I can just decide. Maybe it is, though.

It wasn’t all bad today. I did my workout. The kids did Just Dance for active time this morning. My son had fewer Zoom obligations today and less class work, and I think that helped with my productivity. I gave him a deadline to be done with the computer so I could start my online training. After my workout, I did dishes and laundry (did you guess it? It’s a constant part of my day!) including our sheets. The thought crossed my mind that we might want to get a new comforter. It’s 13 years old this year. Later, Phil told me he had the same thought for our anniversary present to ourselves. Good to know that we still track on the same page sometimes.

After lunch I settled in for my first two-hour training. Check. Part of me just wants to keep going to get it done, but I’m going to do my best to spread it out a little bit so I don’t get information overload. After that, I needed afternoon tea and a snack. I watched a few episodes of When Calls the Heart, and I did some early prep work for dinner. I’m totally hooked on the show and having trouble rationing the episodes. The kids did some chores in the afternoon. I got to work on dinner just as Phil texted that he was on his way home. We had fish and rice and asparagus, a tasty, light dinner. We watched some Good Mythical Morning to pass the time.

I hadn’t been outside much all day, so I took a book to the porch. The kids decided to ride bikes for a bit. It wasn’t long for any of us because there’s still a chill in the air this time of night, especially on the porch, but it was good to get some fresh air. They came in and had ice cream. I did too much scrolling on social media after reading a few pages of a book about how social media distracts us from spiritual formation. *facepalm*

While I was making dinner, a car pulled into the driveway, but I didn’t see it until it was backing out of the driveway. I looked at the porch and there was a package with my name on it. Inside the package was the coffee and tea I had ordered this morning from the local coffee shop. They delivered it right to my porch! I have a coffee subscription through this shop because I am supporting local business and always supplied with coffee and now I may never do anything else. I have come to more fully appreciate local businesses in this time.

Phil and I started watching Troop Zero. There was an Internet connectivity problem in the middle and I was tired so we didn’t finish it, but I’m enjoying it so far.

Day 61: What a day! Not your typical Wednesday, although maybe we could say that about every day right now. Phil left early to go rent a tiller so we could get the garden in. Finally. The weather has been so wacky with late overnight lows near freezing, plus we just haven’t had a good time when Phil is available. He came back with it and got started right away, and his morning of hard work made my day. Because we rented a smaller tiller than we’ve used in the past, he was able to turn up the soil almost all the way to the edges of the garden, and he went deeper than ever before. The dirt looks so healthy and fertile.

I worked out for part of the time he was tilling. The kids had trouble getting started on academics and honestly, we are in the home stretch of distance learning and even if we weren’t we’d be D-O-N-E with school. May is a notoriously ridiculous month of busyness for schools, so in some ways, I’m not sorry we’re homebound.

After Phil returned the tiller, we sat outside and planned out the garden while he ate lunch. We had some seeds to plant and some transplants to put in, all courtesy of a friend who dropped them off what feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve been trying not so well to keep them alive. I’m hoping having them in the garden will revive their spirits. I took time in the afternoon to do the planting we’d planned while Phil got started on dinner. I love our collaboration on all things household. Neither of us have the exclusive on any given job or duty.

I showered and watched an episode of When Calls the Heart. I’m not sure what all the kids have done today. Our son did finish his school work with the help of his sister, but it’s been a struggle lately to keep him on task. Our daughter is already thinking about middle school, and while I can’t blame her, I just want her to finish this year well.

Phil is baking again–part of his Wednesday routine–and finishing up dinner. I could have taken my writing time this afternoon, but it was such a nice day that the garden seemed like a better use of my time. I need to do some writing, but it’s not anything urgent. 

I took a call from my doctor’s office this afternoon. The drug company approved my medication, but we’re not sure what the next steps are because that’s all the information they gave the receptionist who answered the phone. I’m hoping to get this sorted out soon, but I don’t have any energy to track it down myself. I might be waiting a while if I wait for them to call me, though.

We ate dinner and watched Jim Gaffigan’s latest “Let’s Get Cookin'” episodes. These make our son giggle, and it’s the best sound. After dinner, we went outside to water the garden, but we had some struggles with the hose. It had fused to the splitter on our spigot, and our landlord had removed the splitter from the spigot a while ago. Phil worked on it for the better part of 30 minutes and couldn’t get it all the way off. So, we had to hand water the plants. Phil filled a bucket for me and I got my little watering can for the indoor plants and I watered the little babies in the garden that had wilted in the afternoon sun. We have reached the season where I obsess over the plants. And because we’re in quarantine, I’m also talking to them. (Or providing them with extra CO2, you decide.) It’s going to be cool overnight so I’m a little worried about them.

The kids rode their bikes. We had the dessert Phil made when we came back in: rhubarb crisp with vanilla ice cream. I am not the biggest fan of rhubarb but what my husband made was good. The kids went to bed, and Phil and I finished watching Troop Zero. I’d call it a feel-good film.

Day 62: I slept better last night. I think my afternoon tea habit was harming my sleep habits. The afternoon tea was caffeinated, so I don’t think my body liked that. I washed not a single dish yesterday which means the pile of unwashed dishes is staggering today. And it’s a run day. And my son has a virtual field trip that he sort of doesn’t want to attend because of the time it’s being held. What a full day already!

I saw a small airplane in the sky yesterday while Phil was tilling and realized that the contrails from planes is something that’s been missing from the sky. All I see are clouds now, which is not a complaint. It’s just further evidence of the strange times we’re living in.

Coffee and breakfast as usual this morning. We have a Target order arriving sometime today. I didn’t think I would like online shopping for necessities, but it’s not so bad. Especially when I can consult things already in the house. (Like, which deodorant does Phil wear again?)

We checked in on academic stuff then I prepared for my run. My plan was to go 3.5 miles, so I mapped out a route that I was pretty sure would work. The kids decided to play their made-up cooking show game for a while, which sounds innocent enough but involves props and taking over large areas of the house. I’m all “see ya bye” when things get like this. Summer is coming and I am not prepared.

The weather was practically perfect for running, and I was actually excited to get out there. I did a little bit of walking for some of the route but I ended up running 3.7 miles which is the farthest I’ve ever run. 3.5 miles would have been the farthest I’ve ever run, but I decided to overachieve myself. I’m not sorry, but ask me tomorrow if I have any regrets. This running journey has been something else, and it’s only been six months since I was recovering from surgery. I was devastated back in those days at the fitness I was losing, but look at me now. I’m choosing to be grateful for what my body is capable of.

By the time I got home, the kids were being wild, so I made them pack it up and get ready to do academics. It feels like the end of the school year in so.many.ways. We got everything sorted out for my son’s class meeting and while he was on it, I called his counseling office to reschedule some appointments that were canceled because the office hours had changed. That felt good to get done and it feels good knowing we’ll have some time to talk out some of the things that have been going on here in quarantine. (Nothing dangerous or destructive, just concerning.)

I got started on the dishes toward lunch time and at one point, I just started crying because so many things feel like they’re falling on my shoulders these days. And the week hasn’t been productive in the ways I expected, but it has been good and necessary work. Next week will be better and the end of school is on the horizon.

Finished up the dishes after lunch. Helped son with his schoolwork. Took a shower. Got some of the dinner prep started, then watched an episode of When Calls the Heart before finishing up dinner. While I finished dinner, the pharmacy that is distributing my injection medication called, which had me hopeful that the whole payment thing had been taken care of. But it wasn’t. I expressed some serious frustration on the phone with the representative I was talking to. I did tell her that I knew it wasn’t her fault, but I needed to understand this process. I’m going to give it another day or until Monday and then I’m going to have to make some more calls. Ugh.

We watched a couple of episodes of Good Mythical Morning while we ate. Then we all went outside–the grownups to add some water to the garden plants, the kids to bicycle for a little bit. The garden is my new obsession. I am concerned for the plant babies and have actually started talking to them. Haven’t named them yet, but the garden season is young.

Phil and I sat at the table while the kids lounged on the couch/folded laundry. We ordered a pair of T-shirts that benefit our local refugee resettlement organization and talked through some financial stuff. Now it’s just a waiting game till the kids go to bed so I can resume binging When Calls the Heart.

Son said he wasn’t feeling well before bed. Thought he might puke but he ended up just going to sleep in his clothes. Sometimes this happens with him. He’ll be fine in the morning.

I watched three episodes of When Calls the Heart, finishing out season 2. When I started the last episode of season 2, I was hopeful I’d have some resolution. It was a lie! This show is so good at cliffhangers. I’m in suspense now.

Day 63: Son is fine this morning. It’s going to be 80 today. The garden looks better from what I can see from the kitchen. This is part of my morning ritual. I think sometimes that I should have been a farmer, but I probably don’t mean that.

Breakfast is in the works.

Some days, I just have to let go of the expectations I have for how the kids spend the day and get on with what I have to do. That’s most days, if I’m honest. This morning, I put on the next episode of When Calls the Heart while I did dishes and laundry, not realizing it was almost 90 minutes long. The kids may or may not have been on screen time most of that time, although I think my son was folding his clothes from yesterday.

By the time I finished the episode and various household chores, including getting some letters in the mail seconds before the mail truck pulled up to our box, my son was ready to look at his school work. We sat together and did a few things before his meeting. I had to print some things for him and as long as I had the computer plugged in to the printer, I sent my pages to the printer as well. The printing finished with two minutes to spare before his meeting. I will be glad when my computer is not so needed during the day. I did reading work during his meeting, which included a scavenger hunt and was kind of fun to listen to. He finished his school work after his meeting while daughter and I prepped our lunch. The kids ate lunch and watched screens. I pulled laundry from the dryer and watched another episode of When Calls the Heart as I folded. I did rest a little bit this afternoon to finish the episode.

I finished another book for judging this afternoon. Some of that time I spent outside because it is absolutely gorgeously warm outside. And sunny. At 1:30, I tuned in to a livestream that my teaching co-workers were doing to raise money for a local organization that helps families in need. I couldn’t interact with them as I watched, but it was good to just see their faces.

It’s pizza night, so when the time rolled around, I started getting to work on that while listening to the Outlander podcast. I’m in full on Droughtlander with every other fan now, so I’m trying to cope as best I can. May read some more of Diana Gabaldon’s books in the meantime. But I’m still up to my eyeballs in books to read right now. I have one to finish that I’m helping to launch and one I’m reading just for fun but isn’t as much fun as I hoped it would be. Still, I have a hard time giving up on books, so I’m muddling through. This is not how every reader reads. Others would give up and move on. I have trouble leaving a story unfinished. Only two books can I remember totally giving up on and both were nonfiction.

We watched Good Mythical Morning while eating pizza, then headed outside to tend to the garden. I relish this practice of daily check-ins with the plants. It adds a rhythm to our days that I love. There is something about taking care of things planted in the ground that feeds my soul. We watered the plants, which were looking droopy after a day in the sun. I am amazed, year after year, how the plants rebound with a slight change in circumstances.

When we came in, it was time to pick up the living room–put clothes and towels away that had been folded–and take baths/showers. While our son was bathing, daughter and I looked at this virtual choir opportunity she has the chance to participate in. We got her signed up so she can practice. After his bath, my son was kind of bored. Phil has used some fancy (probably not at all fancy) technology to limit the hours the kids can connect their devices to the Internet. I offered to read some more to him from the book we started together. He didn’t want to be in the living room while his sister was singing. So, we got him ready for bed and he curled up and I read two chapters.

Both kids settled in to bed, and I settled in to watch three episodes of When Calls the Heart while doing cross-stitch.

Day 64: We slept with the windows open last night. It’s my favorite time of year when we don’t have to run the heat and don’t have to put the air conditioners in the windows yet. We can open the windows and just enjoy the fresh air. I planned ahead and set my coffee pot to “delay brew” last night so that I would have an easier time returning to the practice of sitting on the porch first thing in the morning. Several summers ago, I think it was after a vacation to Florida, I started taking my first cup of coffee to the porch in the morning. No books. No journals. No devices. Just me, the coffee, the wildlife and the traffic. It’s something I often do on vacation because I don’t feel the need to jump right into my day, and I wanted to carry it over into my non-vacation life. This is not sustainable in winter and last summer I don’t know what happened.

I need to set it for earlier though. I woke up before the coffee pot started so I scrolled social media. This is what I want to avoid. So when the coffee was ready, I took my cup to the porch. I immediately take a deep breath and exhale. Stepping outside is a powerful action for me. I am born to be outside. To meet with the earth. I let my thoughts take me wherever and what I learned this morning is that I miss the possibility of travel and adventure. We should have had summer vacation plans by now. We should be looking forward to adventures. I don’t know if I’m ready to go out yet. My house is safe. How can I trust coming into contact with others? I also know I can’t experience the world virtually in the long-term. I could watch videos of the places I want to travel to, I can video chat with friends, but it’s not a replacement for the in-person experience. I can’t live in a virtual world, and I hope I don’t have to.

The days to come will be interesting days, just as the days past have been interesting.

I took my writing to the porch sometime after 7. The blessing of days where the sun rises early. I wrote for about an hour, then came in and decided to knock out some more training for work. Both of those things made the morning pass quickly. The kids wanted to go outside and bike but we have some black-and-yellow buzzing creatures on our porch. They are not bees. One was hovering near the girl’s bike and she had herself worked up about biking at all. She saw it go into her handlebars. I spent some time trying to talk her into still riding, then I saw the insect emerge and we decided to duct tape the ends of her handlebars so nothing could get in or out. Sigh. These are the days.

With lunch and after, I watched When Calls the Heart. Two episodes, then my workout for the day. Another beautiful spring day. I checked out the garden during my cool down. It’s so tender at the moment. I want to protect it from everything. By the end of the summer, it will be out of control, probably. I hope. It is the same fear and hope that I have each gardening cycle.

I washed dishes after my workout and watched more When Calls the Heart. I finished season 3, which just about tore my heart out. Now I’m thinking about dinner while the boy watches too many screens and the girl video chats with her best friend. Saturdays, there’s no hope for them to be any different right now.

I started another book for contest judging and sat on the porch to read it. Phil came home, so I put away the produce and other groceries he brought home. Then, he headed out to Costco for what is becoming a monthly run. I started dinner a little bit after he left. By the time he got home, I was a bit overwhelmed. Maybe I was just hungry. We have a stack of boxes of books and clothing to donate that are starting to overrun the kitchen, and the garbage is overflowing and then the Costco groceries came in and the freezer was disorganized, so I was a little bit cranky. The kids and I ate while Phil showered. We put the rest of the groceries away. Phil bought a new hose at Costco, so we watered the garden. Then I sat on the porch to read. It was almost 8 o’clock before I came in.

Phil and I started another travel documentary, to the Cotswolds this time. It is barely feeding my travel/adventure bug.

Day 65: The days are melding into one. I almost forgot it was Sunday when I woke up. Sirens pierced the morning silence, and after some investigation, we learned that it was a mobile home nearby. I took my coffee to the porch but my mind was on the fire. 

What all can I say about our Sunday. Three of us worked out in the morning. I did another mile run for time as extra credit. I tried to head toward where the fire call had been but I couldn’t see much before I had to turn around and head home.

Seen on the way back from my one-mile run. Are they flowers or weeds or both?

We got ready for online church, which had some technical difficulties. Has the quarantine finally broken Zoom? But we still had a nice online gathering and discussion afterward. We ate lunch and Phil went to the grocery store. I sat outside to read while also answering grocery inventory questions via text from Phil. He came home and made chili for dinner. With corn chips. We’d both gotten a craving for it while watching something on TV a few nights ago.

The kids were having some issues with each other and the TV had been on all day so we made them separate. I took our son to his room and read some chapters to him from Upside Down Magic. Daughter reluctantly went to our room to “nap” but ended up starting an art project, I think. We are reaching peak teenager stubbornness, it feels like, but I’m also pretty sure we’re nowhere near the peak. Lord, have mercy.

We ate while watching the NASCAR race and discussing whether it was actually necessary for them to be racing right now. Sure, they were all wearing masks, but practicing social distancing is questionable when you have a pit crew surrounding the car to change tires, etc. It’s a confusing time. We started talking about our summer plans, too. Not that we can go a lot of places but online school is coming to an end soon and we need to have a plan for how we spend our days. We have some ideas that I think will be fun. We went outside to check the garden but it didn’t really need watering. We caged the tomato plants and I am holding my breath to see if these plants recover from their sketchy start to life. (The sketchiness is all my fault.)

We talked to our friend David for a bit, then it was time to put the kids to bed. Phil and I went back to the Cotswolds, but I didn’t last long. I was super tired for some reason.

Day 66: Coffee on the porch this morning. I saw a bunny. And a small squirrel. And the mourning dove left the nest. Yesterday, we noticed that the bird was moving around a little more in the basket nest, so we’re thinking the egg or eggs might be hatching. We have no way to find evidence of this because there is always a bird in there and we don’t want to disturb nature’s process. But I think there will be babies soon.

Sitting on the porch drinking coffee accomplishes nothing except it delays me jumping right into the day. This is a good practice and I’m thinking it’s going to have to be longer than one cup of coffee. Some days.

I ate breakfast and drank coffee so I could have enough time between breakfast and going for a run. Met with the kids for their academic time, then left for my run. My leg had hurt a little bit yesterday. I had to stretch it and rest it, so I was concerned that I might not be able to do much running. I set out on a route that would keep me close-ish to home, just in case I needed to walk the rest of the way. It was a pleasant morning although I could feel the humidity in the air. I felt a little bit like Forrest Gump out there. I just kept running. My running app kept stalling, and when I was getting close to 4 miles, it stopped completely. So, it logged less than that when it finally came back, but I mapped the route on my computer and it was more than 4 miles. So, there’s that. Quite the accomplishment.

Our son had finished his schoolwork by the time I got home. It was close to 9:30. I drank a lot of water and made a smoothie. I’m going to have to start taking water with me if I’m going to run that far in the summer. Longer distances might require more running gear. For now, I’m just glad I’ve done it. Son got on to his meeting and I took a shower. I was sort of aimless for the rest of the morning. Stretching my legs and drinking water to recover from the run. I had walked more than usual, too, but I still covered the distance. It used to bother me if I had to walk any portion of a “run,” but it doesn’t any more.

We ate lunch. Son had a math lesson. Phil left for work. I took care of some minor tasks that were hanging over me and knocked them all out in less than an hour. Then I did dishes. Next, I had to sit in the living room and time my son while he sorted through a bin and watched YouTube. He needs data to believe that he is not getting as much work done while he watches TV. I triple-tasked. Reading. Timing him. And casually paying attention to his YouTube video which did not annoy me as much as I thought it might.

This was how we passed the afternoon. Daughter did school work. I remembered to start laundry so my workout clothes would be clean for tomorrow. Phil got home from work. Showers were happening. It was too early to start dinner. I just feel like the day passed in a kind of weird way. I feel like I got a lot done but also don’t really know how I spent the day.

We ate dinner and watched Some Good News. Then it was out to the garden to water. We need more sun, I think. The watering is going well, but I don’t know if we have enough sun. Plants are resilient though. Phil brought home some potting soil. I have some plants to repot. Maybe tomorrow. The kids rode bikes for a little bit.

I went out to the porch to finish reading a book for the contest judging. I don’t like to do work after dinner, but I was so close to finishing, I thought it would help with my productivity for tomorrow. I did finish it, so now I’m ready for what’s up tomorrow.

Kids and Phil are watching Bon Appetit videos and laughing.

I turned the TV off around 7, when Phil went to bed. We had some troubles winding down. The kids started making lists of places they want to “visit” this summer. We’re planning some virtual adventures via Google Earth and other online sources. It got a little rowdy and they had trouble calming down. I had to take some things away from my son after he was already in bed.

I talked to my mom on the phone for a few minutes. And watched three male ducks fight over one female in my front yard. It was like a nature documentary.

I watched the Christmas episode of When Calls the Heart. Christmas episodes are strangely comforting in this time.

The Distancing Diaries: Birthday to Mother’s Day edition

Day 52: IT’S MY BIRTHDAY! I woke groggily, in need of food and water, so I pulled myself out of bed for those two reasons. I made coffee and breakfast while starting the online celebrations of my birthday. I sat down to eat breakfast and found a card from my husband on top of my computer. I took it to the bedroom so I could open it near him and friends, it’s a good thing I was sitting down because HE GOT US HAMILTON TICKETS. Of course, it’s a cautious sort of excitement with a pandemic and everything. We’re hoping we’ll still get to go see it. It’s been a dream of mine for years and now that it’s actually in the works, we are in a global crisis.

So far, I’ve eaten breakfast, had coffee and water and sent out some Facebook greetings to all the friends who share my birthday. It’s funny because growing up I knew not one single person who shared my birthday and now there are close to a dozen people that I’ve actually met or know in person. Birthday buddies are fun!

I decide it was a good day to wear a dress. Who says you can’t be fancy in quarantine? Sometimes, wearing a dress makes me happy.

A dress and slippers is the height of quarantine fashion

I took a call from my parents. We video chatted with Phil’s parents. I met with the kids about school work. I washed dishes, cleaning up the memories of last night’s dinner and dessert. Drank a lot of water and coffee. Surprisingly don’t feel awful after splitting a bottle of wine yesterday.

Phil and our daughter worked out while I washed dishes and started listening to the Hamilton soundtrack because it makes me happy. When my son logged on for his class meeting, I took a book out to the porch to read. I sort of decided today would be as little work as possible. No work reading. No workout. I kind of needed a day off from all the things I’ve been trying to keep up with. Plus, Facebook is like a job all by itself today managing birthday greetings and the little challenge I initiated. It’s been fun to see the creativity! I can’t wait to pick a winner later!

Kids are doing their schoolwork and other things. I’m unmotivated to keep them on track today. It’ll all be fine. We would be feeling this way if school was in session, too. Under normal circumstances, we’d be into the last month of school and everyone gets a little spring fever in those days. Phil went to work. I finished a book. I’m not sure what else the afternoon holds. Dinner is frozen pizzas because I’m also taking a break from cooking–two nights in a row!

I talked to my grandma on the phone. Got two more birthday cards in the mail. As I told my mom, I’m living my best life today. Trying to make the best of a cruddy situation.

I folded laundry. Spent some time reading birthday greetings on Facebook. Started another book. Phil came home. I searched the driveway for the needle to our air pump (for sports balls and the like). We offered our son a couple of options for active time and he chose to go for a walk with me. I decided we should wear masks, for practice, especially since he was going to ride his scooter.

I think we’re going to have to get used to this

That took some time to find one of the ones I’d made to fit him just right. He’s going to be a tricky one to please. Took a short walk. Saw some interesting construction on a house that’s been vacant for months, and a cat in the farm field.

Talked to my birthday buddy David and put the pizzas in the oven for dinner. We watched Some Good News’ graduation episode and I was crying in the first two minutes. Now we’re just hanging out. Daughter is finishing school work. Son is playing on the tablet. Phil is watching an old F1 race. It’s been a nice day.

I did some reading before putting the kids to bed. Then just took a few minutes to sit in quiet and write a few things about my birthday in my journal. I had an episode of Outlander to watch, but I knew it was going to be a rough one, so I delayed a little bit but finally watched it. Then went to bed to pretend it never happened. Drama, y’all. I know it’s not real and I know what’s coming because I’ve read the books, but still.

Day 53: The day after my birthday is always kind of a letdown. There are no more greetings (or not a lot), no more cards in the mail. I did get some belated wishes today, and I picked a winner for the challenge. But it was a mostly ordinary day with academics and workouts and food and work. I did help our friend David, via phone, clean his coffee pot and it’s working now, so that’s something fun. The kids got work done today. I cleaned the bathroom closet because I realized we have an excess of toothpaste — some from dentist’s visits, some from not realizing we had it in there in the first place. It’s much more accessible and better now. These small projects, like cleaning out drawers, etc. are giving me life.

It’s 4 in the afternoon and I can feel the chill in the air. I need to bring the garden plants in before dinner, I think. Phil just got home. I don’t know what all to say about this day.

We had pasta for dinner and watched a Bon Appetit video about how to cook hamburgers (almost every way). The kids went outside for a little bit, but it was one of those nights that felt kind of aimless between dinner and bedtime. We tuned in to the Gaffigan dinner for a few minutes. By 7, we asked the kids to put the screens away. Our son actually grabbed a book and read all curled up on the couch. I did some reading, too. Daughter did some coloring. 

After the kids were in bed, Phil and I watched another episode of the travel documentary we’ve been enjoying: this one the first part of a trip to Italy. The couple visited Cinque Terre, a place I’ve never heard of but now insist on visiting. The wanderlust is strong right now. We turned it off before they went to Venice because I was starting to feel sleepy.

Day 54: Waking up was hard to do today. Fitful sleep is not a sustainable practice.

I’m not sure I have a lot to say about this day. Three-quarters of us worked out in the morning. We went about our business. I went to bed early.

Day 55: A night of sleep changes perspective on things. Yesterday, the afternoon especially, was just hard because of some miscommunication and an overload of feelings (that one is on me). I went to bed early which meant I was 1) wide awake at like 1 a.m. for no reason and then 2) awake before my alarm went off at 6:15. Planning to go for a run this morning anyway, though, so breakfast and coffee and water and then I’ll head out when it warms up a little bit.

It’s a day later when I’m writing this now. I’m having trouble checking in with words right now. Maybe because the days are starting to feel the same again. I ran for 3.33 miles, the farthest distance I’ve ever run, and I want to keep going, just for personal goals. The rest of the day went pretty much as usual. 

Pictures or it didn’t happen. That’s how I feel about all of my running.

After dinner, I played two Mastermind games, against each of the kids. And then we played Apples to Apples as a family. When Phil went to bed, I gave the kids some quiet options, one of them being that I would read aloud to them. My son actually took me up on that, so we started reading a series called Upside-Down Magic. I was reading to him, but eventually my daughter set her book down and listened as well. Even though we are a reading family, this is something we don’t do much of–read out loud. Would the book have been my first choice? No, but I’m willing if it means I get to read to my kids.

I watched a couple of episodes of When Calls the Heart and worked on cross-stitch before turning in.

Day 56: Friday again, in case you need to keep track. Sometimes I only know what day it is because of the container that keeps my medication. Do I sound like an old lady?

I took another rest day today from running and working out. I’m enjoying pushing my body to physical limits but don’t want to overdo it. I spent most of the morning in the kitchen washing dishes and prepping tonight’s dinner and tomorrow night’s dinner, both of which need to marinate for hours or overnight. I got through quite a few Outlander podcast episodes. It felt good to be done with housework early, including some laundry. Son had a light academic day, so he didn’t need as much help. It’s a rainy, overcast Friday, easy to just stay inside and do nothing.

I sort of missed the news yesterday that our county’s stay-at-home order has extended to June 4. Almost nothing surprises me right now, so I don’t feel any kind of wild emotions about it. It’s already the middle of May. (Okay, maybe it’s still early May, but it feels like the middle?)

We ate lunch and I did some more kitchen clean-up just to be sure it’s ready for actual dinner prep later. Then I retreated to the bedroom and cut T-shirt material for more masks. We’re slowly introducing our kids to the idea of having to wear them when we go out because even when our stay-at-home order is lifted, I’m not sure we’ll be able to go places without masks. I listened to more Outlander podcast episodes and ended up sewing two entire masks. I think I’m getting a little better at it with practice. We have numerous ones to choose from now, and I’m going to go back and redo one of the first ones I made so it’s a little more reinforced.

I feel good about what I accomplished today, which means I will feel good about relaxing tonight and taking writing time tomorrow morning. I know I don’t have to be productive in these days, but there is still stuff to be done. I finished another book for contest. Maybe I’ll reward myself with a book for fun!

Life feels really small right now. And in some ways that’s hard, but I think it’s also good. This narrow focus on the people and the work literally right in front of us is different and can still be meaningful. 

Dinner. Television. List making for the weekly produce grab. A digital book was ready for me from the library, so I read that. I wouldn’t say it’s a “fun” read, but it is interesting. Two more episodes of When Calls the Heart after the kids went to bed. This is an easily binge-able show.

Day 57: The people are restless. Two nearby counties are moving themselves out of the red phase to the yellow phase, without the governor’s permission. On the one hand, I admire the “you can’t tell me what to do” sentiment. It is, in many ways, what our country was founded on. On the other hand, I worry that a desire to “get back to normal” will cause more harm than good. Our county is run by Republicans, I think. I fear we might be next. I send my husband out there in the public three days a week. These cavalier attitudes cause me to think his safety–and the safety of others working on the front lines–means nothing. The World War 2 generation would be ashamed of us. And probably are, those who are left.

Those are fun thoughts for first thing in the morning. I’m not even to the bottom of my first cup of coffee yet. Happy Saturday!

Saturday passed without a lot of excitement. I made tea with the tea ball for the second afternoon in a row.

It felt like March 9 today instead of May 9, so hot drinks in the afternoon are a thing. Phil went to the grocery store after work. We finished the travel documentary episode we were watching. The couple went to Venice, so I pulled out my pictures and travel journal. My memories of Venice are sketchy. It was the last adventure of my college semester in Europe.

Day 58: It’s Mother’s Day, and my daughter has been up since 6:10 to make me pink pancakes for breakfast. The plan is that everyone in the family takes a meal to make today so I don’t have to cook. The dishes, though. Maybe I’ll think about that tomorrow!

Pink pancakes from the girl.

The pink pancakes were delicious and pretty, topped with homemade whipped cream. Yum! After letting that sit for a bit, I got ready to do my workout while Phil and our daughter got ready to do theirs. Our son is the odd man out right now when it comes to these things and I want to find a way to include him more. He loves video games and YouTube and riding his bike. I might have to do those things with him.

My workout was good, and I wanted to do an extra credit, so I ran a mile for time. I thought it was 11:05 at the end of it but my app had stalled, and it now looks like I ran the mile in 10:33. What?!? It hurt to keep that pace and I know I can’t do it long-term but that’s a fast mile for me.

Short turnaround until we had live church, so we gathered what we needed for that and spent the next couple of hours with church folks online. As that wrapped up, the kids collaborated on lunch: french toast sticks and eggs. Lunch, also known as second breakfast.

Lunch, also known as “second breakfast”

They were still working on it when we finished our meetings, so we sat in the kitchen. Phil started prepping for dinner and I put away some of the clean dishes to make more room. The dirty ones were going to have to wait.

Instead of syrup, I ate my French toast sticks with thawed frozen fruit and some of the whipped cream. It was a nice balance. We started watching The Last Dance documentary about the Chicago Bulls and the road to the sixth championship. Our son, surprisingly, isn’t interested, but the rest of us are hooked. We watched a little less than half of it and then went back to the kitchen. I washed dishes while Phil continued working on the dinner prep. When I got to a stopping point with the dishes, I asked the kids if they wanted to video chat with my parents, so we did that. 

Just before we got on the call with them, I learned that our county is planning to “reopen” without the governor’s approval on Friday. I have so many feelings about this, and I don’t like it, not one bit. I may have to write a separate blog post about it. We had a nice chat with  my parents. Phil had more dinner prep to do, so he and I went back to the kitchen. I ate a snack and we talked while he worked on food stuff.

I decided to take a book outside to read for a little while. Yesterday felt like winter again. Today feels more like spring. I came back in to start looking ahead at the week, making a plan for the things I need and want to do. I have training for work to squeeze in. I’m still reading books for judging. I’m still planning to run and work out. And write. Maybe that sounds busy but these are some of the things that fill my days and I want to be sure I have time for them. I emailed my son’s counselor, as well, because there was some confusion about the timing of his last appointment. She cleared it up but now I have to call to get some dates rescheduled because of limited hours the office is open, even for telehealth.

All the carbs were catching up with me, so I had to lie down for a while. I watched an episode of When Calls the Heart, then I folded some laundry before dinner was ready. The shrimp and grits was SO tasty.

We are not Southern but we love a variety of regional cuisines

Three breakfasts in one day was the exact way for my family to love me on Mother’s Day.

Three of us finished the first episode of The Last Dance after dinner, which took us right up to bedtime, basically. Then Phil and I watched a couple of episodes of The Office. I had a Zoom meeting at 9 with the launch team of a book I’m helping to promote. Then it was bed time.

The Distancing Diaries: The Big 5-0

That’s 50 days of quarantine/isolation/social distancing. This post actually takes us to Day 51, the day before my birthday and the start of my celebrations. I’m running a bit behind in posting these because of said birthday. Nevertheless, enjoy!

Day 46: It’s afternoon already as I sit down to put some reflections in the journal. I don’t know how many “digests” I’ve published now since this started, and I’m not hating the daily practice of thinking through the day. But I’m also tired of isolation and quarantine and being so careful about everything. I don’t want to cause anyone harm by actions, and I know things will be different going forward. Part of me is afraid that I won’t know how to go out in the world again when it’s time. I’ve been nowhere that I couldn’t walk or run to and not inside any building except my house. Going somewhere feels foreign.

I started the morning as usual with socials and Pray As You Go. I didn’t know what time it was when I woke up. I don’t remember Phil leaving, which means I was probably sleeping hard. I had a kind of restless nights o maybe the last few hours of my sleep were deeper than the earlier hours. I made coffee and figured out breakfast. Then I took my blood pressure so I could report in to my doctor. She replied later in the morning that my numbers looked okay overall and that I should keep monitoring it, exercising, and limiting salt. I’m to check back in with her if it consistently rises above 140/90. I can probably do better on the salt intake. I don’t really pay much attention to that.

The kids and I met for school check-in, but almost immediately my daughter had a meltdown about something she’d been working on that was appearing on the screen differently than yesterday. I took a brief walk to the mailbox to put some letters in. Then I came back to deal with the rough start to the day. In these instances, I have to consciously calm my exterior and do the opposite of what I want to do (which is run screaming in the other direction). We sat together and talked through it and the solution was simple. Then I met with my son and looked at what he had on the agenda for the day. He got started right away on more coding. I washed dishes and started some laundry. And cleaned out a junk drawer. Then my son needed some help with a writing assignment, so we took a look at that and got started before his meeting.

During his meeting, I read for contest judging and got a puzzle ready for exchange. Our friends were going to drop one off at our house, so I set it out on the porch. Every exchange like this feels semi-clandestine, or like we’re all celebrating May Day early. (Did anyone do this? We would fill May baskets and drop them at our neighbors’ houses. I’m not terribly sneaky. I’m pretty sure I was caught more than once.)

Lunch time. I researched my workouts for the day while arguing with my son about his screen time for lunch. We turned the TV on, which is a gray area some days. His next meeting started at noon, and I read for a little longer and helped him finish the writing assignment afterwards. Then I changed into workout clothes and did the prescribed exercises. It’s beautifully sunny out, and cool, springlike. I’m grateful we’re still getting a few days like this interspersed with all the rain.

The kids worked on projects while I worked out. I made a smoothie. Daughter is tuning in for her band lesson now. I’ll start thinking about dinner prep soonish, but I might try to sit out on the porch for a bit. It’s cooler in the shade, but I can’t resist the lure of spring.

I read a little and started laundry. It’s Taco Tuesday, and we had ours over roasted potatoes. Just before dinner, Phil learned that Jim Gaffigan has been releasing content on YouTube, including livestreams of their dinners. We watched a couple of short episodes of Jim cooking (toast and hamburgers). The kids cracked up. After dinner, they went outside to play for a while, and we’re now watching Dinner with the Gaffigans. They’re raising money with their livestreams, so it’s not just an attention grab.

After the kids went to bed, and we had denied their request (demand) for ice cream, Phil and I watched an episode of The Wall (a game show) featuring a grandmother-granddaughter pair from Lancaster County. It was an interesting show that I could easily get attached to.

Day 47: My intention was to wake up early and go for a run. But I had a hard time sleeping last night. Dreams and restlessness. I saw an article about this that I should go read so I understand why it’s happening. Anyway, I slept in till almost 7 and then dragged myself out of bed to get ready to run. The weather was just so nice and doing the run in the early part of the day frees up time this afternoon for me to write. It took me about 30 minutes to get ready to go. I headed out on a new route that was challenging but fun. I’m needing to see new areas of the world without driving to them. So, the longer I run, the more I’ll see.

I did another 3 miles, in a little bit less time than last run. And I felt good. I’m tired now, both from running and the strength training. Tomorrow is a rest day, and I welcome it.

The kids got a late start on their academics because I was back late from my run. We accomplished a few things in the morning, though. And I took a shower. Sometime in that time, my new wireless earbuds arrived, a birthday present from my parents. I can’t wait to try them out on a run. No more wrestling with the cord when I try to put my Buff over my face! It’s the little things. I struggled through some poetry work with my son and then he had his class meeting. I don’t feel like the morning was super productive from a housework standpoint because it takes so long to prep for, do and recover from a run.

The mail arrived, and with it a Target order and a card from a friend, so that was exciting. Phil had to run to the post office to send a piece of paperwork because the mail came to our house so early today. I did some reading for the contest. And then it was lunch time. The kids are eating and watching the Minecraft channel on our TV, which is only slightly better than staring at a screen. We’re trying to institute a new screens policy, and the TV is different because you can walk away from it. I guess. We’ll see how it goes.

I washed dishes. And helped my son with his school work. Then I did some more reading and took a couple of hours to write. Phil worked on dinner. He baked shortbread for dessert and made cornbread muffins, sweet potato fries and spinach salad. He cooked brats on the grill. It was all delicious. We watched Dinner with Gaffigans again. Family dinner is pretty universal, no matter where you live or how many kids you have. 

The kids are going outside now to play.

It’s basically baked butter; what’s not to love?

We ate shortbread when they came back in. I wanted tea with mine, and the kids also wanted hot drinks. We decided they could split a cup of tea. Too much sugar/caffeine potential with hot chocolate. The shortbread was delicious. We sat around doing not much before bed. Our son showered. I colored some pictures to send to friends. The kids went to bed. Phil and I watched The Office while I finished coloring.

Day 48: Whew. I don’t like where this daily count is going. And at the same time, it’s another day we’ve made it. That’s what the radio DJ said yesterday. Every day is another day we’ve gotten through. We can do this.

Sleep was better last night. Dreams still vivid. In one, I dreamt that the school district turned our classroom into a teacher’s lounge. Except it didn’t look anything like any room in our school currently. Weird.

I made breakfast and got my letters ready to send. I created another post for my birthday challenge. Put the letters in the mailbox and met with the kids about school stuff. When I went out to the mailbox, the lilacs were so fragrant that I had to bring some inside. So I did.

Son plowed through his schoolwork, and we celebrated the positive comments on the paragraph he wrote yesterday. Because writing is a struggle for him. But he did it and did it well. He worked on a secret project for his student teacher. I went outside to read for a bit because it’s supposed to rain hard later. It’s windy outside and a little bit cool but still pleasant.

Phil worked out and is now watching an old F1 race that our son has joined in watching. It would seem that we’re in for a sort of calm day. Or at least, we are for the moment.

It’s 7:30 p.m. now, and I would say the day has been mostly that. It rained all afternoon which kept us indoors more than usual, although I’m not sure anything is “usual” anymore. Academic time was logged. Dishes were washed. Laundry was folded. As I was folding laundry, I decided to start matching the mis-matched sock pile. Last week Phil did a major cleaning of his part of the bedroom, and it looks amazing. I wanted mine to match, so I started sorting through all the stuff that just piles up on the floor. Why it does, I don’t know. Sometimes making decisions is hard. I threw a bunch of stuff away and salvaged a bunch of stuff to make more masks. There’s a towering pile of potential materials on my sewing box sitting right at the dining room table, so I can’t ignore it.

I managed to create order out of my own personal chaos in the bedroom and I feel so much better about walking in there and living in there. I did some reading for the contest judging. I made a second pot of coffee and realized the coffee pot needed to be cleaned. It’s always good to discover this in an afternoon or evening instead of morning, so I ran vinegar and water through once and then two pots of water. I’m hoping tomorrow’s coffee will come out better than today’s. 

Confession: sometimes I make an afternoon pot of coffee so I can eat something sweet. Remember the shortbread Phil made yesterday? Yeah, I’ve been snacking on it today, and it tastes really good with coffee or tea.

We struggled a little with active time and chore time, but overall things went pretty well today. Dinner came together well–butter chicken thighs with rice and roasted vegetables. We watched Good Mythical Morning’s Ice Cream Tournament of Champions. A family member recommended Good Mythical Morning and it looks like it will not disappoint. We’re doing okay with family shows to watch. I’m about to be in a show hole myself, so I’m auditioning new evening companions via Netflix and Prime. If you’ve got a rec, I’d love to hear it. (It’s not that there’s nothing to choose from; it’s that there’s too much to choose from and I want it to be good.)

After dinner, I did some Just Dance songs with my daughter because she wants companionship when she does things. I won’t say I killed it, but I killed it on a couple of dances. I may also have uttered the phrase, “You know TikTok didn’t invent dancing, right?” (She’s not on TikTok but watches YouTubers who are.)

This brings us close to bedtime, and I haven’t yet decided what my evening will look like. I may try to make another mask. Or get closer to finishing the cross-stitch. There might also be ice cream. The possibilities are endless! (Okay, not really, but there are at least possibilities.)

I made masks and watched two episodes of The West Wing. I think the straps are too small on one of the masks, but maybe they’ll fit around one of my children’s large heads? Dunno.

Day 49: Here we are again. It’s Friday. I didn’t sleep soundly. This is becoming the norm. In one dream last night, I left my son at a movie theater with older adult friends. (He’s 10.) And for some reason, I couldn’t get back to him. Maybe it was the influence of The West Wing episode I watched where three staffers are left behind by the motorcade and have a heck of a time getting back to D.C. I don’t know. It doesn’t make for good sleep.

I used my new wireless headphones to listen to Pray As You Go. And scroll through social media. I woke before my alarm went off, so now the coffee is brewing and I’m ready for breakfast. The kids are on screens. Fridays can be as hard as Mondays to get motivated, sometimes.

So I planned to do my workout this morning instead of this afternoon, just to get myself moving. I put on my workout clothes then checked in with the kids about their schoolwork. Son had a virtual field trip as his assignment today, which was really cool. He learned about Yellowstone. I did my workout while they did schoolwork. Then I transitioned to housework–the ever-present dishes and laundry. The mail came. I got a birthday card from a writer friend. And a package for the whole family that we’re waiting to open till Phil gets home.

Later, I got a birthday present from my grandmother. It’s a scale because ours is broken, and it’s not that we’re obsessed with our weight numbers; we just like to have the information. It’s sleek and fancy-looking. No weighing myself till tomorrow, though.

We had lunch. Son’s class meeting went long, which was no problem, but now the kids are lingering a little over lunch, the boy especially. Daughter is doing more schoolwork. A pile of laundry sits in the living room for them to fold. I took a shower then went out to the porch to read. I’m feeling sleepy, but I think I just need to drink more water. I’ll probably go back outside. It’s just too nice not to be out there.

This was pretty much my afternoon, bouncing back and forth between the porch and inside. At one point, I had to call my doctor’s office so they could complete some paperwork that I hope will lower the cost of my next injection. It was a five-minute phone call but I’m so grateful for the nurse who is working on this for me.

I made soup for dinner and Phil got home from work. I talked to my mom on the phone for a bit. We opened a package for the family during dinner. There was a little something for everyone in it. We watched another episode of Jim Gaffigan’s “Let’s Get Cookin” because it makes the kids chuckle hilariously. After dinner, the kids went outside to play. I worked on a shopping list for Phil, who is going to the grocery store tomorrow. And I made a hummus for my meal plan snacks in the coming weeks.

I started listening to The Outlander Podcast earlier in the day. It’s definitely not like Office Ladies, but it’s an interesting look behind the scenes. I don’t know what it says about me that one of my leisure activities is listening to podcasts about shows I love. After the kids went to bed, I finished listening to episode 2 while coloring a picture to send to friends.

Then, on the recommendation of a friend, I started watching When Calls the Heart. I know there’s a big fandom out there for this show, and I enjoyed the first episode, although I was a little bit distracted. It was kind of hodge-podge day so I think my attention span was limited. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on it.

Day 50: So that’s a fun number. And by “fun” I mean “not at all fun.” I know we’re getting restless. I read it on social media, and there just seems to be something in the air. Phil and I have both noticed more cars on the road. My fear is that our restlessness will make us reckless and we’ll be in a worse position than we are now. Sigh. One day at a time.

I weighed myself this morning, not because I consider it torture but because I like concrete information. I’ve gained about 3 pounds in the last two months, which in all honesty, could have been a much higher number considering how much dessert I’m eating. I don’t berate myself for numbers on the scale, just use it to make adjustments as necessary.

Now, we’re all awake and sliding into Saturday with what I’m sure will be low motivation to do anything except veg out. I feel it, too. But it’s going to be almost 70 outside today. Outside time is a MUST.

Well, it’s almost 10 o’clock and all of us have been outside for at least a little while. I ate breakfast and read a book, then got ready to do my workout. Switching to mornings the last few days has been helpful for the rest of the day, I think. I don’t know if I can keep to this schedule, but for now, it’s working. The kids went outside and rode their bikes. I washed dishes. The boy is taking a bath because he talked me into skipping shower time yesterday. Hmmm…

The kids told me they’ve made a scavenger hunt for my birthday to find my gift so if I find any clues don’t look at them yet. I can’t wait!

Made a snack. Then I’m going to transition into some work time.

A little writing, a little reading, then lunch. More reading. And then my second workout of the day, live. It was a challenge, but kind of fun to be participating at the same time as thousands of people around the globe. Then it was another snack and a shower.

More reading and responding to Phil’s grocery texts. I cooked bacon and prepared a salad for dinner. When Phil got home, the kids helped put the groceries away, and then wanted to do the scavenger hunt right away. We decided it would be better to let Phil shower and eat dinner before we did that. Our daughter kept trying to tell me the instructions for the hunt, but I kept telling her I wanted to wait until just before the hunt. It was almost an ordeal.

We ate dinner and watched an episode of Absurd! Planet which was less gross and a little funnier than the first episode.

I think I’m reading a clue out loud. I’m a little concerned about the scissors in my hand.

Then it was time for the hunt. I was handed a notebook with my first clue along with a card I could not open until I found the gift. There were eight clues, each hidden in some part of the house. For one clue, my son basically told me where it was because I was taking too long to find it. They both hovered, waiting eagerly for me to find each hidden piece of paper. Finally, I was led to their bedroom and under my daughter’s dresser. I took my gift back to the couch to open it. I read the card, which was full of alphabetical adjectives for me, and admired a hand-painted gift from my daughter. Then I unwrapped the present.

The picture is blurry. I was trying to be sneaky or something.
Quarantine life be like … (He’s not asleep just protesting.)

It was Code Names, a board game, and we decided to play it. After a short call to a friend who had been trying to reach us, we paired up and played the game. It was fun and not terribly difficult.

We put the kids to bed, then watched the Parks and Rec special from Thursday night, and the season finale of Brooklyn-99. Both provided some much-needed laughter.

Day 51: I woke up with the intention of going for a run. It took a little time to get out of bed and get going. I did listen to Pray As You Go. I got up and had breakfast and made coffee. I wanted to drink a bunch of water before heading out because I was feeling a little bit dehydrated. By about 7:45 I was ready to go, intending to run 3 miles again this morning. The humidity is starting to increase. I could feel that right away, and wearing a mask made my face hot pretty quickly, but I persisted in wearing it until I was through the park. I’ve encountered enough walkers not wearing masks that I like to have mine ready just in case.

Mask up!

I knew sort of where my stopping point would be and I reached the 3 miles before that point, so I kept going. I did a 5K distance of 3.1 in about 40 minutes. Felt good.

Phil drove to a store to get a few things that were missing from yesterday’s grocery trip, but the line to get in was so long, he came home so he wouldn’t be late for online church, which is going live every Sunday now. I took a quick shower and we got our Communion elements ready. Participated in online church and sermon discussion. The kids spent some time on screens and some time outside. It’s a gorgeous day outside. I can’t wait to be out there more.

I ate lunch after church. Phil got ready to go for a run. I washed dishes after I finished eating. The kids are getting bored with quarantine life, I can tell. Son is reluctantly sorting through his collection of cars to figure out which ones work on his Hot Wheels track or not. Phil is finishing his workout and our daughter is coaching him a little.

I spent most of the afternoon on the porch reading fiction because that’s how I wanted to spend my pre-birthday celebration. Phil and our daughter made a cake. And Phil ordered our food for the evening.

My plate of food

We had a delicious birthday feast. I had three tender lamb chops. Our daughter had pork cutlets. Son ate pork sliders. Phil had shrimp stuffed with crab. We also ordered a bottle of wine that cost the same as my age, and I make zero apologies. We each had a glass with dinner. Then with dessert. Then later when we toasted with friends via Zoom. More on that.

After dinner, we just turned on the TV and watched Little Big Shots followed by The Wall. And ate the chocolate cake. Delish.

Rich, fudgey goodness

Phil arranged for a FaceTime toast with our dear friends who live in Arizona. So, at 9 p.m., after we put the kids to bed, we called our friends and talked and toasted for nearly 2 hours.  It was such a gift. Sunday felt like my birthday even though the actual day is not until tomorrow.

We went to bed late, having split a bottle wine. I feared the morning might be rough.

The Distancing Diaries, Days 41-45: The tooth fairy, a letter from England, and the birds are back

Five more days in the life of isolation and quarantine. We cover a lot of ground in this edition. I realize I made a counting error. I get a letter from overseas. We have porch visitors. And, as always, there’s food! Shall we begin?

Day 41: I’ve seen others with different counts for the day of quarantine/isolation we’re on. I’m not sure how we all arrive at different numbers. Maybe some started earlier than us. Anyway, for us, it’s day 40. Unless I miscounted somewhere along the way. I have big feelings about this number. And it’s supposed to rain all day. Hoping I can stay positive and not lose my shiitake with the rest of the family.

I DID miscount. I counted day 35 twice! That’s okay. It’s officially day 41! Maybe it’s good that I didn’t know yesterday was day 40. I still can hardly believe it.

Breakfast and coffee as usual. Phil is working out in the living room.

School went pretty well today. I don’t know what the “secret” is to a good day. Maybe it’s not anything I have any control over. It’s mostly not. My son got through his work before 9 a.m. and then did some coding online. I washed dishes and listened to Office Ladies. And read some more for my judging job. Phil worked on the tub drain, clearing it out, and patched a blow-up cat chair that’s had a leak for months.

We tuned in to The Price is Right again for high schoolers during kids’ week and it was as entertaining as I hoped it would be. More academics after lunch. Sometimes this middle of the day time span feels like a blur and I can’t remember exactly how I spent that time. Maybe it doesn’t matter, but it does kind of bother me. After the second class meeting, I worked on some things I needed to do for the judging job and printed my materials for the next week of my fitness and nutrition program. The kids practiced band. There was a little bit of fighting. And they folded towels. Everything having to do with the checklist went better today.

I talked to our friend David on the phone briefly. Phil came home and I started putting dishes away and working on dinner. Dinner didn’t go exactly as I had hoped. We ran out of parchment paper last week and I forgot to put it on the list for the grocery store. And we’re not making extra trips to the store. So, I used foil instead and the fish stuck to it and one piece didn’t cook so well, but it was mostly edible. We watched a Mr. Bean episode that was hilarious and hinged on a long joke. 

Now the kids are doing Just Dance to round out their active time since it’s raining outside. Phil and I made the produce list for the week. He’s looking though cookbooks for a pickled ginger recipe. I picked a new puzzle and I’m considering getting it out and starting it. I also need to stretch and I may take a bath tonight. My muscles are sore from all the ways I’ve been working them this week. New exercises start tomorrow, and I’m kind of excited.

Memories of happier times from last year’s vacation

After Just Dance it was chill time. I opened the puzzle and started sorting pieces while listening to more of Andrew Peterson reading book 1 in The Wingfeather Saga. The rest of that video was my cue to put the kids in bed. They went to bed without much fuss. Considering how the day started, I wasn’t sure we would have an okay day. And we did.

I put on the last episode of season 3 of The West Wing while I stretched and rolled out my sore muscles. Then I worked on the cross-stitch project. I ended the night with an episode of Grace and Frankie. This is my balance on nights when Phil has to go to bed early for work–a little drama, a little comedy.

Day 42: I woke at 5:15, a full hour before my alarm goes off. And I felt rested, which is a new feeling for me these days. I drank water, took my medication and grabbed a book. I listened to Pray As You Go and scrolled socials, then read for about 30 minutes. Since I’m starting a new set of workouts today, I decided to take body measurements again. Our scale broke last month, so this is the way I’m tracking progress. Although it’s not really about that for me. I like the way I feel when I’m exercising. It helps my mental state and gives me something to look forward to and check off on these endless days of sameness.

I made coffee. The kids are still sleeping. Our son lost a tooth yesterday. I’m waiting to see if the tooth fairy remembered to pay him a visit. At least there’s a pandemic to blame if he didn’t.

The kids are awake now. I’m about to sneak in to the bedroom and see if the tooth fairy came. Asking my son outright always feels a bit obvious. I need to eat breakfast, too. And now I have a puzzle to work on. It’s Friday, which in some ways is a relief because the school work pressure eases, but in other ways is not because the weekend is no longer the weekend. We can’t go anywhere, and I’m not always good at making our own fun. 

It’s night now and the kids are not sleeping. I think it was the chocolate cake for dessert. Or maybe there’s a full moon and I don’t know about it. They’re mostly just talking but it’s loud enough for me to hear it through the wall shared with the living room. I’ve been in there numerous times, and I’m afraid the only thing that’s going to work is turning the light off. Then there will be screaming and I’d really like to sleep tonight.

A recap of the day:

The tooth fairy came as usual.

The day was so-so overall. Because it’s Friday we’re less motivated to keep up with our schedule, I guess. The kids started out doing Just Dance at 8:30 this morning.

Just Dance!

They did this for more than 30 minutes without fighting, so I’ll take it. Then they moved on to coding while sitting next to each other at the table. I washed dishes and did some work reading. And I made progress on the puzzle. I purposely picked a smaller one so I could finish it sooner. I’m still not over the last puzzle I did.

My son played a form of Bingo with his classmates as they reviewed time, and he was one of the winners. After his class meeting the kids kept coding online. I put together some lunch for myself and turned on The Price is Right. College kids today, which is not all that different than adults. Still, it’s fun to watch. The kids weren’t as interested but did wander in after they grabbed some lunch. 

The afternoon was hit and miss. I folded some laundry and got ready to work out. Daughter went back to academics and I had to take the computer from my son so I could follow along with some of the videos to learn some new exercises. He got bored and I had to keep interrupting. Meanwhile, a friend was expected to stop by to drop off some planters we’d loaned them. We waved through the window because it’s goodbye for now as they’re moving out of state.

I finished my workout and helped my son with his homework a little bit. We were still working on it around 3 o’clock, which is frustrating for a Friday. But he finished most of it. Our daughter had a music lesson with her band teacher, and that was fun to listen in on. I’m looking forward to my kids getting back to regular lessons for their instruments.

I started prepping for dinner: homemade pizza night. I chopped the ingredients for toppings but waited till Phil got home to work on the crust. It’s a no-yeast recipe we’ve been using regularly so it doesn’t take much time. After he got home, I finished the pizza prep while he showered. He finished just in time to help me get it into the oven. We cook it in a large cast-iron pan that’s hard for me to handle. 

BBQ Chicken Pizza with a homemade no-yeast crust

We watched a new series on Netflix called Absurd Planet. It’s … uh … interesting. The kids enjoyed it, though. The kids took showers and zoned out on screens. I did some work on the puzzle and took a shower. Phil turned the NFL draft on and we watched a little until he had to go to bed. It is 9:40 p.m. as I write and I can still hear the children talking. Lord of Heaven, please let them sleep in.

I’ve watched a couple of episodes of Grace and Frankie and did some online shopping while prepping meal plans for the next week or so. I should have been in bed a while ago. It won’t be long now and I may sleep in tomorrow.

Day 43: Weirdly restless night. I mean, I slept, but it’s not good sleep. But I didn’t really wake up till almost 7, so maybe that’s good? Not sure what time the kids got up but they’re already on screens. I made coffee and took my blood pressure, which was high, so now I’m waiting a few minutes to take it again. Seems like it’s high in the morning but comes down during the day with the medicine’s help. I’m not sure if that’s better than what it was doing before, keeping it consistently low. Stress and dehydration, I feel are contributing factors. Only one of those can I do something about with any consistency. (Drink. More. Water.)

Another Saturday. What shall we do with our day? Daughter has a book club this afternoon. And I have a live yoga session I could attend, which I’m considering. There’s the usual housework. The puzzle. And random cleaning projects I keep putting off. Also, I have reading and writing work I could do. So. Many. Choices. I think that’s one of the hard things about all this unscheduled time. I don’t always know how to spend it. And maybe I don’t need to always know either.

I took the garden plants outside to water them and repotted the gerbera daisies to give them a little more life. We haven’t done the garden yet–too wet and too cold–so digging in the dirt a little bit was good for my soul. The kids had come outside to play as I was finishing up. It was pleasant out so I took my work to the porch and sat down. Not long after I’d settled in, the kids were done biking. After only 15 minutes, they were tired. This is not a good sign. I feel the need to push them a little harder to stay active. I did strongly suggest that they stay outside for a while because it had rained all day yesterday and tomorrow is calling for rain. Daughter brought her book club book outside. Son brought the rest of his breakfast then complained constantly about how it was so boring sitting outside. I gave him a bunch of options for things he could do while outside and he rejected all of them. He did stay outside until 10 a.m., which was the cutoff time I had set, but he wasn’t happy about it. C’est la vie!

I had a snack and worked on the puzzle some. I’m down to all white pieces, the spray from Niagara Falls, so it’s taking a little longer. Then I grabbed some materials and my computer and decided to try to make a cloth mask. I had a no-sew T-shirt pattern that I wanted to try, but it didn’t turn out right. There was too much material left when I was done. So, I tackled the sew version even though I don’t have a sewing machine. It took me a while to figure out, but I’m happy with the result. It’s not pretty or fancy but it works. It was close to 11:30 by then so I got myself some lunch and reminded the children that they, too, should eat lunch. I worked on the puzzle a bit then started gathering things for my live yoga session at 1. The training program I’m part of is offering a series of live sessions in the coming weeks. I have not done yoga really before–one time during a women’s group when I was volunteering with refugees–so I was kind of nervous. It was rough because I’m not familiar with the terminology and I’m not flexible. I think I may need to add some yoga into my workout routines. I gave up before it was over because the Instagram feed quit on me. So, I quit on it and went to my workout for the day. My arms and shoulders are killing me as I transition back to strength training after a month of cardio. I can’t wait to run tomorrow.

I started washing dishes after that so I’d have some things clean for dinner prep. Phil came home while I was doing dishes. We caught up on our days a little bit, then I got to work on dinner because our son was playing a handheld game on the couch and the noise from it was causing some minor insanity in my brain. I retreated to the kitchen to put some distance between myself and the sounds.

Soup and salad dinner night while watching Night at the Museum 2. This one Phil and I hadn’t seen, and the kids laughed as much during this one as they did the first one. A good way to spend the evening. I made a second mask after I was done with dinner. Cross-stitch skills come in handy when you don’t have a sewing machine.

The rest of the fam helped me bring the plants in from the porch. Now we’re killing time till the kids go to bed, which will be early tonight because they were up so late last night and still up early this morning. My son swears he’s not tired and won’t go to sleep right away. I’ll take that bet. This isn’t my first bedtime rodeo.

Phil and I watched Brooklyn-99 and an episode of Poldark.

Day 44: This is the first day that I haven’t tracked the entire day, or anything about it really until it’s already night. Part of that is because we did a screen-free afternoon with the kids and put our devices in the bin as well. Here’s a little bit of how things went today:

I made breakfast and coffee. The kids were on screens all morning. I decided to spend the morning working on a breakfast dish for the rest of the week. I wanted to get that and some dishes washed first thing this morning so that I could go for a run this afternoon. I made the baked oatmeal and got through the dishes, then I got dressed and worked on the puzzle while we waited for church to start. It was live church today. Phil worked out this morning.

Live church started at 10, so Phil and I tuned in. The kids were a little bit out of sorts. We told them our screens were going away after it was over. By the time we took a break for our sermon discussion, the kids were throwing fits about not having screens. They both curled up under blankets on the couches and sulked. Our son actually fell asleep and napped for a little bit.

Spring is showing off. This is what I see when I run.

Things turned around a little as we worked on lunch. Phil and I sat at the table and worked on the puzzle. Then it was time to go for my run. I was waiting for the temperature to warm up since it was going to rain all day. It was raining when I left, but it wasn’t too cold. My plan was three miles, and I did three miles. It took me 40 minutes, which feels like a slow pace but really wasn’t too bad.  I’m just really glad to have done the miles. I’m going to keep going with three miles on future runs. The kids were occupying themselves pretty well when I got home. Phil was working on the puzzle.

I showered. Phil got ready to nap. I put some laundry in. The kids were fussing with each other a little bit. Things got a little heated. I yelled. The kids got irritated. There was a rough stretch where our son needed to be escorted to his room and a cup of watercolor water got spilled in the living room. It was the low point of the day. But I rage cleaned the bathroom sink and organized our growing pile of stuff to give away. These two things took not a lot of time but offer me a lot of joy right now.

I like a finished work.

I worked on the puzzle in the quiet of the house. I finished it before dinner, then worked on making dinner. We let the kids get back on screens around 5 p.m. We did a quick video call with grandparents before doing another video call with our niece to play a game of Uno with her. She fell asleep partway through and we still had a nice visit with the kids’ aunt and uncle. Playing games via video call is something I never considered before this time of our lives, and it’s something I want to continue when it’s all over.

Board games via video call–who knew?!?

The kids went to bed. Phil and I are watching episodes of The Office, and we realized that this season first aired while Phil and I were recovering from our marriage crisis. So we don’t remember these episodes as well as some of the other ones we’ve watched. 

Overall, this day had some ups and downs. But I think we’re going to do the screen-free again next week.

Day 45: The highlight of this day so far–it’s 11:30 now–is the letter I received from my friend in England.

A letter from my friend in England is always good; especially so now!

She and I have been pen pals for more than 20 years. We met in the general store of the college I attended for a semester there, working together and learning the trade together. She is one of my best treasures from that magical semester. We only communicate via mail, and I was worried about her and how she’s faring in these trying times. A letter from her was such a lift to my spirits. We also received our postal order–stamps and postcards–today. More mail to send!

I had trouble getting out of bed this morning. I silenced the alarm twice then picked up my phone and scrolled a little before listening to Pray As You Go. Today’s lingering question is what do you need from the Lord to fill your Spirit? The letter from my English friend was part of the answer.

Breakfast and coffee. I planned my week for work (mine) and meetings (the kids’). It’s not a lot of scheduling but it’s necessary for me to find the time I need for my own work and goals. I met with the kids a little after 8 to look at their plans for the day and a little bit for the week. We have band lessons scheduled now, so I want to make sure we don’t forget those. Phil worked out. I researched wireless headphones for my birthday gift from my parents.

While my son worked on his schoolwork, I read for my judging job. Daughter also did schoolwork. Son met with his class as usual. And then it was lunchtime. I didn’t do any housework yet this morning, and I’m not sure why. Wasn’t feeling the need for it immediately. I have the usual dishes to wash and laundry to fold. I have time this afternoon.

Our daughter was able to video chat with her best friend this morning, too, and that improves her mood greatly.

I also spent part of the morning planning my birthday celebration. It’s a terrible time to be having a birthday, but we’re still going to celebrate. We’re ordering fancy takeout from a local restaurant, something we haven’t done at all yet, fancy or not, since the quarantine. And I launched a birthday mission on social media. (You can check it out here if you want.) Just trying to have a little fun when life is not always so much fun.

As I ate lunch, I watched some videos related to today’s workout so I’ll be prepped and ready to go for that. I still can’t believe I ran three miles yesterday. The question now is how high will I go in mileage? I want to run the three miles a few more times before increasing the distance, but I’m just thrilled right now at my body’s ability to recover. Six months ago, I was approaching surgery and spent an entire month in recovery, unsure what my body would be capable of when it was over. Maybe in some ways, we’re all in recovery right now and we’re not sure what’s going to happen on the other side of it. I still want to believe there is good on the other side. But I know it’s hard to keep up that hope.

I forgot to mention yesterday that the mourning doves are back. I left a hanging plant outside overnight and they rediscovered it. Today, they’ve both visited the potential nesting site. I’m guessing we’ll have baby birds later this spring.

Laundry and dishes took up some after lunch time for me. The kids did more of their academic time and our daughter had another Zoom meeting in the afternoon. I read more of my book for judging. Around 1:30 I got ready to work out, which meant I had to ask for my computer back from my son and pop into the background of my daughter’s Zoom meeting to get my workout clothes from the bedroom. 

My workout was challenging. I’m building strength again, so I’m trying new workouts and working new muscles and generally enjoying the change of pace. The kids both showered and practiced band while I was finishing up  my workout. Not long after I finished my workout, while I was preparing my snack, Phil got home from work. There’s a nice little stretch now before I need to start working on dinner. These are the moments that stretch out and feel like longer than they are. When you’re used to being busy, all the down time can be jarring. It’s like when I was trying to practice yoga on Saturday. My body starts to resist before I can even get started. Rest. Sitting still. These things don’t come easy to me.

Black bean and cabbage soup

I made a beautiful and delicious soup for dinner. We watched Some Good News that left Phil and I in tears. Then Phil switched to some Cubs content. It only made me miss baseball more. Our son went outside to play. Daughter had ice cream. Son had ice cream when he came in. I took a shower. The kids went to screens, and I filed out some more cards to mail to people.

Put the kids to bed. Watched Outlander, followed by the last episode of Season 6 of Grace and Frankie. I colored a picture while I watched my shows.

The Distancing Diaries: The Big 4-0 edition

I realized as I was putting this together that I counted day 35 twice, so when the Big 4-0 happened yesterday, I didn’t know it. That’s why there’s nothing in that day’s reflection about us being at day 40. I only realized it this morning, on day 41. It was bound to happen. I’m just glad it didn’t happen way back in the early days of quarantine counting! How are you keeping track of the days?

Day 36: Things I miss, according to my dreams and in no particular order: my students, my co-workers, driving, sharing food with friends. I woke after having a dream that I was driving somewhere mountainous and I got lost and couldn’t find directions, but I wasn’t too panicked. Before that dream, we were visiting one of my co-workers at her house where she’d made dinner for us before we were going out somewhere all together. They lived on a cul-de-sac with a large in-ground pool in front of their house that didn’t belong to them. Weird. Two days ago I dreamed that some students were allowed to come back to school and I walked into a study hall in a science classroom to see some of my students there.

Quarantine dreams, y’all. They wild.

While I was still in bed, scrolling through social media, my daughter came in and asked if they could finish listening to the Weird Al Yankovic cassette on my husband’s new cassette player. I said “yes” because apparently this is the ’90s now. When I wandered out to the living room, they were playing Lego Star Wars and listening to Weird Al sing his parodies. It’s going to be a fun day.

I made breakfast and coffee and took my blood pressure. It’s slowly coming down. I’m hoping that means we have the right dosage since it’s not dramatically dropping. Give it more time.

It’s been a rough morning. Apparently we have energy but no direction. When the video gaming was over, we met to talk about expectations for the day, even though there’s no “school.” I need them to do some things that aren’t strictly lounging. So, the kids kept listening to the music tuning their dad’s new radio into a local station and shopping for things online. I tried to read for my judging job  but they kept screaming at things they were seeing online and crawling all over each other. So, I turned the music off and asked them to spend the next 45 minutes doing something else. Anything else.

Before that, though, I washed dishes and listened to Office Ladies while we waited for the fire truck parade to come past our house. At a little after 9:30, I heard the sirens and ran through the house telling the kids to get jackets and shoes on. The parade was in the neighborhood next to our house. We ran to the porch and started waving while I took shoddy video and a few pictures.

It was emotional to wave to our first responders, who are volunteers mostly (if not all; I’m still not sure how it all works out here) as they wore masks and drove through the entire district.

After I turned the music off, my daughter started reading the first book for her book club that starts next week while her brother rolled around in his bed complaining that he had nothing to do. This is my current “work” environment. Heaven, help me.

By 11, it was time for lunch. They made mac and cheese and I made a salad. I’ll go back to reading while they watch YouTube and then I probably should work out. And double check the shopping list for Phil so that it’s complete or nearly so when he goes to the store later.

Phil went to three stores and stocked us up again for what I hope will be closer to three weeks now. It’s not that we’re trying to hoard, just trying to limit our exposure to the outside world. The kids and I ate dinner while he was gone. He ate when he got home and had showered. Getting the kids showered and off screens was a little bit rough. But we managed.

Phil and I watched Brooklyn-99 and then tuned in to the Global Citizen At Home Together event. It was moving. And I’m obsessed with background bookshelves, so if we’re on a video call and you have a bookshelf in the background, I’m staring at it trying to figure out your reading tastes.

Day 37: The kids were awake early but I didn’t hear them. Our daughter was finishing a book for her book club that starts Saturday. Our son was playing a game on the tablet. I got up and made myself some pancakes, then we settled in to watch the sermon for this week and listen to the songs picked to go with it. This took us a little longer than it has in the past, or maybe we got a later start, but it was 9:30 by the time we finished, and I still planned to go for a run before our live sermon discussion at 10:45. 

I got ready in a hurry and headed out into a beautiful spring day. Sun shining. Cool temps. Gorgeous. My plan was to run 2.5 miles no matter how long it took. I’m technically finished with the C25K program but haven’t actually run the 5k part of it yet. I’m working up to longer distances. Last time I was out, I ran 2.35 miles in 30 minutes. I picked a route and did the work and ended up running 2.54 miles in a little over 32 minutes.

The evidence of a car accident we were briefly aware of earlier in the weekend.

This is a proud moment for me. It’s taken so long to get back to where I was last summer, but I’m getting closer. I”m not sure what my next goal is–2.75 miles or jump straight to 3. I need to start looking for a 5K I can register for, even if it’s a virtual one at this time.

I got back, downed some water and had a quick snack. I changed out of my sweaty running shirt for a dry one and we logged in to chat with our church friends. We had a fun and interesting discussion. I miss these people and I’m glad we can still see each other’s faces once in a while.

The kids have been on screens all morning, and Phil is getting ready to go for a run. The transition from screens to no screens may not go well. I guess we’ll see what the afternoon brings. Personally, it’s the nicest outside it’s been all week and I want to be there. Outside. With a book, probably. I’m tired of dishes and laundry and cleaning and seeing the inside of my house.

We ate lunch, and then I did sit outside for a while and finish reading Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson. But it’s a little too chilly to just be sitting. So, I came in. Phil got back from his run. The kids started working on a secret project in their room. They yelled at us if we came anywhere near them. Phil started cleaning the kitchen counters, which turned into a bit of a project but man, do they look good now. I washed some dishes and did some early prep for dinner and meal planned for the week and mostly just kept Phil company. Some of our best talks happen in the kitchen when both of us are doing other things.

The kids spent some time outside but came back in frustrated by their togetherness. They didn’t separate immediately, though. I took a shower and made dinner. We decided to watch The Sandlot as our evening entertainment and it was not a mistake. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that movie. I did have to tell the kids that pretty much the only thing they’re allowed to repeat from the movie is “You’re killing me, Smalls!”

Now it’s almost bedtime again. Another school week ahead of us. I don’t know if we’re ready. Phil and I watched an episode of Poldark, and that was all, folks!

Day 38: It’s Monday again, and honestly, I can’t figure out if it being April 20th is surprising or disappointing. In some ways, April feels like it’s flying by but in other ways, it’s dragging. Time is so weird right now.

I listened to Pray As You Go this morning and scrolled the socials for a little bit. Monday morning socials are tricky because the new episode of Outlander airs on Sunday nights and sometimes there are spoilers on Twitter and Instagram. Even though I’ve read the books, I like to enjoy the episodes for what they are. So, I do a lot of scanning past those tweets and Insta posts.

The kids were playing Star Wars first thing. Now we’re on to breakfast. We didn’t do much planning out of the week yesterday, so our morning meeting is going to be a little more substantial I hope.

What a day it’s been. I don’t know if we’re all just on an emotional roller coaster or what. Just after our morning meeting, I did sit down with my son to help him with some work from last week. Eventually, his sister finished her work and came to sit with him. Things started to get a little wild but they were still working, so I removed myself to the kitchen to wash dishes and listen to Office Ladies. He finished his presentation and they kids went outside for a little while before his class meeting.

Class meeting happened. I did some work reading. When the class meeting was over, we all started to get lunch-y. And then we found out that it’s Kids Week on The Price is Right, so after Phil went to work, we switched it to that. Kids playing pricing games with parents/caregivers is wholesome entertainment.

My son had another meeting at noon, and I got ready to do my workout. It’s a mild day outside so I was able to run ladder intervals instead of doing burpees like I did last week because it was raining. I spent a glorious amount of time outside doing my intervals. The kids were watching TV and doing some school work. At 2, I asked them to turn the TV off and you would have thought I had asked them to kill a puppy with their bare hands. Daughter stormed off to her room. Son rolled over on the couch. I tired to figure out what had just happened.

I switched out the laundry I had started earlier, got a blanket from my son’s bed, checked on my daughter and took my book outside to the porch to read. When I came back in a little before the time they had a band meeting, things were somewhat better. They briefly tuned in to band. Phil came home and we had another discussion about screens. Son is sorting through a box for chore time while watching YouTube. I’m not sure how much work is getting done. Daughter is doing school work. I’m about to get dinner started.

We are under a stay-at-home order until May 8 which means I am totally going to think up something fun to do for my birthday online. I’m turning 42 this year. What would be fun and encouraging?

Prepped dinner while listening to Office Ladies. I’m afraid I’m going to run out of episodes. I was a big podcast listener but in the past year or so I couldn’t keep up so I stopped listening. I’m not sure why this is the outlet for me now except that I can listen on my phone while the kids are using the computer for other things. 

We watched the new episode of Some Good News. Prom edition. I’m almost jealous that I don’t have a kid old enough to go to prom so we could have danced in our living rooms live when it aired. Still, it was fun to watch the edited episode. I nearly cried at the news that a kennel’s cages were empty because every dog had been adopted.

We talked to the kids about showers after dinner. Son got a little miffed that he wasn’t aware showers were part of the plan today. He had too much energy and no outlet for it so once I had dinner put away, he and I went for a walk. He rode his scooter.

Scooter all day

I like the fresh air, but I’m tired today. So are the kids. I don’t know if this is just mental drain catching up to all of us or if it’s our diets or just the trauma of living through a global crisis.

Both kids are bathed and hanging out on the couch. I’m about to join a virtual launch party for a book I’m scheduled to read as soon it arrives at my house. Then the kids are going to fold laundry while we watch Nailed It!

After those two things and the children went to bed, I watched Outlander and worked on a cross-stitch I’m trying to finish.

Day 39: My dreams are weird these days, probably a conglomeration of all the things I’m taking in during the day and all the things I’m missing. They often feature people I haven’t seen in a while and places I haven’t been in a while. This morning I woke from one that didn’t make a lot of sense. It’s a tad disorienting first thing in the morning. So, I listened to Pray As You Go and scrolled through Twitter and Instagram while contemplating the extra unemployment compensation I received today. Our state expanded the benefits and it’s just a wild, unexpected positive of this time. But money from the government always feels uncertain to me and unpredictable. I think it’s a holdover from all the years we we received SNAP benefits. I always felt like at any moment it could be taken away. Or maybe I’m still thinking of the time Phil received unemployment benefits and had to fight to keep them because his employer contested.

Anyway, my first thoughts today are of money. Does that make me a terrible person?

I made breakfast and coffee. The kids are on screens already. I’m reading the book we borrowed from the digital library for my daughter’s book club that starts Saturday. She wants to read it again before then, so I’m trying to finish it. We’re waiting on a shipment of books for her book club and don’t really know when they’re going to arrive.

I miss the sounds of school buses. Every truck that passes our house that sounds like a school bus makes me think we’re living in normal days. And then I remember that we’re not.

It’s after dinner now and I’m back to the computer. I just checked my blood pressure and it’s in the super normal range, which is both comforting and surprising. I hope the numbers remain in the normal range without going too low. 

Quarantine life right now: my son is trying to break a plastic egg by throwing it off the wall, on the floor, by banging it on a table. This is the most animated I’ve seen him all day. Meanwhile, my daughter is nursing a bruised bum. I don’t know if it’s actually bruised but she fell while roller skating on the porch this morning. Here’s how things went down: the kids both did some academic time then went outside because I told them it was nice outside. I had gone out to the mailbox to send some more letters. Son wanted to ride his scooter, fast. Ricky Bobby style. Daughter tried to ride her scooter at a leisurely pace but that frustrated her brother. She switched to skates but that only aggravated the situation. At one point, he came up right behind her trying to get her to go faster and that’s when she fell. There were tears. And ice packs.

Son stayed out scootering which was good for him overall. He had his class meeting. I washed dishes and folded laundry while listening to Office Ladies. At lunch time, we watched The Price Is Right because elementary kids were on for kids’ week today. It was fun. Except for the part where the girl almost cried and threw a fit. Son had another meeting at noon. I wanted to work out but it appeared that some thunderstorms were getting ready to roll through. I postponed and when my son was done with the computer, I did some work for the contest judging. 

Then I worked out while the kids did some sorting chores. I reached a new high score in jumping rope. Maybe they call that a personal best. My legs feel like jelly. I showered and started working on dinner. Son worked on more academics. Phil came home from work. We watched another Bon Appetit “Every Way” video about chicken breast while we ate dinner.

And this brings us to the plastic egg throwing. I’m not sure what happens in the evening. Three out of four of us tend to wind down by now while the other one tends to ramp up. We have no set plans for this in-between time and on a night when Phil has worked all day, it’s hard to get motivated for a game night.

When the kids were in bed, Phil and I split a Scottish beer and watched the first part of a documentary of a driving tour of Scotland. We ended on the Isle of Skye, which is the only place in Scotland I’ve spent any significant time. I need to dig out my picture memories from 22 years ago so I can relive that trip.

Day 40: Is anyone sleeping well these days? I mean, I sleep, but I’m up a lot and my brain has trouble shutting down. My night is full of dreams of random things from my day and life. I don’t remember last night’s dreams but I don’t feel well rested. It’s chilly this morning. Granted, it’s still April, but I’m ready for consistent spring. Although I’m not sure spring is ever as consistent as I think it should be.

We all woke up in the 6 o’clock hour. Phil, to work out, the rest of us to eat breakfast and ease into our mornings with games or videos or social media. Last night, my blood pressure was in the most normal range it’s been since lowering the dosage. This morning, it’s a little higher. But I’m dehydrated and I take my pill in the morning. I’m just collecting data for my doctor.

Coffee. Breakfast. At least these things are consistent in my life. I finished a book last night, this one the one my daughter’s reading for her book club that starts Saturday. I can’t wait to keep reading the picks for this book club. YA fiction is just the right amount of escape/length for reading right now.

I don’t know if it’s all Wednesdays or just certain days of the week but today I felt like the walls were closing in. At one point, Phil was working out or watching TV and both children were at the table. One was complaining about the work for the day; the other was talking through math problems out loud, and I was trying to read for work. It was too much. I wanted to jump out of my skin, and I’m pretty sure I said some outburst types of things. We got through some academics, and I washed some dishes and started some laundry. Phil did some cleaning in our bedroom.

By lunchtime, we were sort of all gathered together to watch middle-schoolers compete on The Price is Right. It made me miss my students. Then it was another round of academics for my son while Phil and our daughter started deep cleaning the kitchen. I have to confess/admit here that Phil is much better at cleaning our house than I could ever be. He is thorough and meticulous. I am easily bored by the monotony of it. I just want it to be done and not have to be done again. There is no method to my cleaning madness, but Phil takes it in logical steps.

I went for a run, partly because I needed to just get out of the house. It’s sunny today but breezy and a little cool. I suited up and planned a new route because my runs are getting longer and I need the variety. My goal was 2.75 miles but the route I mapped out was 2.8 miles. I did it, and according to my tracking app, I did it in 34 minutes. I’m a little skeptical of that being my actual time, but hey, I did it. I had to walk a teensy bit up a hill I forgot about, but otherwise, I ran the whole thing. Endorphins are a powerful drug because I was practically dancing on my walk home as I listened to the local alternative station.

When I left, my son was working on his final assignment for school. When I got back, he was done. Phil and our daughter were finishing up in the kitchen. Did I mention they also made a chocolate cake for after dinner tonight? Amazing. Both of them.

The lighting in our kitchen is terrible, so trust me when I tell you the counters shine.

Now that I’m more recovered from my run, I need to set out and do some writing work for a couple of hours. But first a shower.

I spent almost two hours on a writing project, and I feel good about that. Then I hung out in the kitchen with my husband as he finished dinner. We watched a little bit of TV then bribed our son with the chocolate cake to take a shower and do band practice. He hurried to do both of those things. Phil brought up a couple of bins from the basement because after watching the Scotland documentary, I wanted to revisit my visit to the Isle of Skye. I pulled out the scrapbook, looked at the pictures and read my account of the very short trip to Skye.

Just before the kids were getting ready for bed, the one teacher I work most closely with called and we chatted about how school life is for her. She gave me some updates on our students, which helped me with my feelings of grief and being separated from them. The kids went to bed and Phil and I finished our tour of Scotland. We also discovered that the same couple has a TON of other documentary tours.

Guess who’s going traveling virtually now?

The Distancing Diaries: Into the second month now

Day 31: This feels like the turning of a page. Like I should start with Month 2, Day 1, but also there’s something about the tallying of the days that I don’t want to forget. How high will this number go? I don’t know.

I went to bed early last night which meant I was up before the alarm went off. It had rained hard overnight and is still raining as I write this almost six hours later. We’re in for a soggy day. I started reading the library book that arrived on my Kindle last night, Olive, Again, the follow-up to Olive Kitteridge, which was an amazing read. I finally got out of bed when I decided I needed coffee and breakfast. While the coffee brewed, I took my blood pressure. It’s still higher than I would like. I hope I have enough data soon to send to my doctor and go back on my medication, even if it’s a lower dose.

I also woke to a message on Facebook that our friends in Kenya want to video call with us, so that’s a fun surprise. I hope we find a way to make that happen.

I put together a blog from the last five days while I ate breakfast and the kids played video games. They’re working hard on a Lego Star Wars battle. As the 8 o’clock hour approached, I kept reminding them of the need to meet to talk about our day. It’s not a school day today, but I still wanted them to do some things on their checklist. They started playing with their dolls and animals and I worked on dishes from our Easter feast while listening to Andrew Peterson read more of On the Edge of the Dark Sea of Darkness. I love this story so much, and it’s fun to hear the author read it.

When I finished with dishes, I put some laundry in. Phil wrangled the garbage to the curb in the pouring rain and we barely got it out in time for it to be picked up. They’re coming earlier and earlier these days. As is the mail. Speaking of which, I received a note on a coloring page from a friend today. It made me smile.

My son had an appointment with his counselor at 10 and I had some time before that so I researched the books my daughter needs for a book club later in the month, and we made a purchase from a local book store and got her signed up for the class.

Then my son and I settled in for his telehealth appointment. It’s such a blessing to be able to talk to someone about life and his behaviors, which aren’t destructive or damaging but some of which aren’t the healthiest they could be. We had a nice chat, and I was almost moved to tears because mental health care workers are bearing a burden as well. Can you imagine trying to take care of yourself mentally during a pandemic while needing to take care of others? I thanked her and asked her to take care of herself.

Phil left for work and the rest of us fought over lunch after my son’s appointment was over. Everyone wanted the delicious leftovers from Easter and there weren’t exactly enough to go around. We made it work. The kids watched a UK version of Wipeout with their lunch. It’s so hard to get motivated to do much of anything when it’s raining all day. I’m not even sure what I’m going to do for my workout.

The answer: burpees! Okay, so they were modified burpees but they were still burpees! I did some high-knee walking and wandering around my kitchen for a warm-up, then I did a bunch of sets of hands elevated burpees. Oh. Em. Gee. I’m going to be hurting tomorrow. The rain stopped for a bit so I could take a cool-down walk outside. The storms had knocked a lot of branches out of the trees.

Then I decided to sit outside and read for a bit while the rain was in a lull. The kids were folding clothes and watching YouTube but they’d been at it for a while so I asked them to stop. Daughter started doing Just Dance for her active time while son wandered around the house saying he was bored and hungry. (Can relate.)

He helped me make my bed after I washed the sheets, and we talked for a bit. Daughter finished Just Dance and got in the shower. Son wanted to take a bath and there was a misunderstanding about when he was going to do this. I almost lost him for the rest of the afternoon but we talked and he agreed to take a bath after his sister’s shower. Daughter did band practice. Son completed a lesson for band, which is an alternate option this week to the 15 minutes of practice because we haven’t done a single band assignment since moving to online school.

Now the kids are back to video games. Phil is home–with local asparagus for dinner! Dinner will be simple and uncomplicated tonight so I’ll probably read some more before setting to work on that. A second round of thunderstorms tried to move through but mostly missed us. The sun is shining now. I’m not sure what the weather will bring tomorrow but we return to more of a schedule tomorrow. I think I need it, too.

Also, I need to stop eating all the sugar in the house. I’m not usually a sugar fiend. I mean, I like it, but if I’m going to snack I usually choose something salty or savory rather than sweet. (Unless it’s ice cream.) But it’s wrecking my body. Headaches. Lethargy. It might be other stuff that’s causing it, but I know the sugar isn’t helping.

Dinner was simple and good. We watched the new episode of Some Good News, then we played Skip-Bo as a family. We discovered that our second-hand set of cards is missing some cards, so we altered the rules a bit. Our son won. It might be his favorite game because he can win. Phil went to bed and I asked the kids to do something quiet to calm us down before bed. I wanted to finish the book I was reading, and I did.

I settled in to watch the new Outlander episode then went to bed.

Day 32: It’s morning again. I slept pretty well. I woke up before my alarm and read for a bit. Then I listened to Pray As You Go. I made coffee and sat down to take my blood pressure, a daily task that is causing me stress. The kids are playing video games. If they don’t finish Lego Star Wars by the time this pandemic is over, I’ll be surprised.

They’re making their own breakfast right now, which is good but now I have to wait because too much activity in the kitchen first thing in the morning is hard for me to handle. Maybe I’ll wander in and get coffee. I took my blood pressure twice and it’s high. I’m not sure if I’m going to wait the full two weeks to send my doctor the numbers. When my blood pressure starts to rise, I panic and want to go back on the meds. It hasn’t even been a week since my telehealth appointment with her. Ugh. I hate medical issues and everything feels more complicated now than it needs to be. If I go back on the meds, it will be at a lower dose, which means a new prescription, and I definitely don’t want to go to the pharmacy. Phil has been running all of our errands to limit our exposure. I think maybe I can have it delivered, though, too.

My breakfast is in progress. The kids are doing well making their own. They’ll be back to the video game with the knowledge that our educational schedule begins again at 8 this morning. I had been in the habit of writing cards and letters to friends and putting them in the mail before the mail came. The mail has been coming by 9 a.m. most days.

We looked at the educational requirements for the day and both kids set to work on their assignments. I washed dishes and listened to Office Ladies. Helped the kids with a few of their questions. Folded laundry. I started another book for judging. Daughter went outside to get the mail. My coffee arrived. This is the second best kind of mail. Books is the first. I ran out of coffee after this morning’s pot, so I’m glad the timing worked out. I’m spending more money on coffee right now, but I’m supporting my favorite local coffee shop, so I’m going to feel good about it.

Son had his class meeting. Daughter had a scavenger hunt. Both of these things nearly brought me to tears. During my son’s meeting, his school counselor was there talking to the kids about their feelings and ways to stay positive. Meanwhile, my daughter raced around the house to find the objects. I’m just so moved by how educators keep showing up for their kids. I get it. And I’m just grateful because I know they’re dealing with emotions and feelings of their own. I took a call from the chiropractor’s office, cancelling both my next adjustment and next massage. They’re only open for pain management. I’m feeling okay, so I’m going to hold off until May before going back in.

I read while the kids finished their meetings. Now, we’re lunching and watching Nick games on TV. Second round of meetings at noon. I love listening to my son participate in his school lessons. That is an unexpected benefit of having school at home–being able to be more involved in his learning, even if it’s just in the observation phase. I kept reading. Daughter went back to academics, but the TV was still on so I’m not sure how effective this method is.

It’s a kid’s jump rope; ask me if I care.

Toward one o’clock, I wanted to get my workout in and my son hadn’t eaten lunch yet, so we talked through his options. I made him a grilled cheese and he gathered some other lunch items. Then I got myself ready to work out. It’s a beautiful sunny day outside, perfectly spring. Cool but not cold. Today it was some weight and cardio intervals. It’s the first time I was able to do two different sets. The first set, I walked and ran for the cardio option but for the second set, I needed to choose a different cardio option. I decided to trying jumping rope, and I am here to tell you that I JUMPED THAT ROPE LIKE A PRO. My legs are going to be jelly tomorrow, but I did three 2-minute sets of jumping rope and for the third set, I went all-out and jumped more than 200 times in a row. Yes. That is correct.

This is a big deal because I forget what my body can do and I don’t often challenge it beyond what I know I can do.

After my workout, I got ready to take a shower. My son wanted to know if we could make a trail mix sometime so I found him a recipe and helped him gather the ingredients. He made his own trail mix, and I think he’s pretty proud of himself.

Not sure what the rest of the afternoon holds. I want us to get outside but the kids are glued to the TV.

I ended up clearing some photos off of my phone, then I started working on dinner around 4 o’clock while listening to Andrew Peterson read from the book. Phil brought home some overripe bananas to freeze for smoothies, and lettuce which made a nice side to our pasta dish. We watched some random stuff on YouTube–faux sports is what it is–and really we’re just missing everything sports related right now.

We kind of just hung out in the living room. Our daughter worked on some cards/letters to send. Son played his new Star Wars game on the tablet. I read. Phil had an old F1 race playing on the TV. We watched a short TikTok video some of the teachers from the kids’ school put together. Then it was bedtime for the kiddos.

Phil and I shared a beer and watched Brooklyn-99 followed by a couple of episodes of The Office.

Day 33: Another good night of sleep. It does make a difference. I woke up thinking about my students and all the things I still want to say to them. I noticed that our stimulus money came in today, as did an unemployment payment. This is rainy day money for us right now, I feel like. Our biggest bills come toward the end/beginning of the month, so tucking it away for the days when we come up short feels like the plan. 

I took my blood pressure first thing so I could message my doctor about the readings. She wanted them after two weeks, but it’s been trending upwards so I don’t want to wait another week. I feel better having sent that message because it’s action. I don’t like the feeling of things happening to me that I can’t do anything about. (Isn’t that how we feel about this whole time?)

Phil and our daughter are working out first thing. Son is playing his game. I had breakfast and I’m going to get ready for the day. We have a full day of school and video calls ahead of us, as well as the usual stuff of life. We met at 8. My son had finished his academic work pretty quickly yesterday, so he wasn’t sure he wanted to start that right away. We explored the page for specials and he checked off a few things on library BINGO. Then he folded his laundry. I washed dishes and listened to Office Ladies. Then my son was ready to start on his academic work, so I helped him get set up.

I worked on my snacks for today: I hard-boiled two eggs and made some hummus. I forgot I had the ingredients for homemade hummus and that’s a good and filling afternoon snack for me. I read a little bit and helped my son more with his school work. I’m in the tech support role mostly right now. He finished before his class meeting, so he played his game a little. Our daughter had been working on academics for most of the morning and then she decided to do some sewing.

Feeling fabulous after my longest run since August.

My son’s class meeting started at 10 and I got ready to go for a run. I wanted to get it in this morning so I can spend some time writing this afternoon. I left not long after his meeting started. It’s a cool sunny day. I layered up and decided to run for another 30 minutes, with no distance in mind. I didn’t think I would go too far or too fast because of all the jumping rope yesterday. I went to the park and there were quite a few people. I always wear my Buff so I can put it over my mouth and nose if necessary. Only one other person in the park was wearing a mask and I had to adjust my route a couple of times to avoid people. When the 30 minutes was up, I had gone 2.35 miles. That’s my farthest distance yet in my post-surgery training. And I didn’t feel winded or exhausted. So, next time, I’m going for distance. 2.5 miles, no matter how long it takes.

I saw a bluebird in a field. It’s the kind of bird I don’t see too often when out and about. And I noticed a helicopter hovering over the river/country club. Strange days.

My son greeted me as soon as I was home and asked me to help him make mac and cheese for lunch. I did, and I prepared a salad for myself. The kids and Phil are watching ESPN’s Horse Challenge. It’s pretty interesting what we can come up with for entertainment when our usual outlets aren’t available.

I took a shower while our son had his math meeting. At 1 we had a Skype date with our friends in Kenya. It was an encouraging and uplifting conversation, and I’m always interested to hear what life is like in other parts of the world, especially parts I’ve been to. We chatted for more than an hour about all things pandemic, Kenya, and food. Our assignment for them before they come home again is to find a Moroccan restaurant. I’m pretty sure we have one in the city.

We tuned in to the state news conference and then our friend David called and we talked to him for a while. Now, I’m settled in at the table trying to write while Phil and our daughter vacuum the living room. I’m not actually sure what my son is doing. There was some discord and our son was escorted to his room. The other two did a thorough vacuuming of the living room, moving furniture to get under the couches.

I had a productive stretch of writing time, and I went in to talk to our son because he’d been acting in a way that signaled to me he needed some attention. We talked a little bit, and I went back to writing. Phil started on dinner. Our son came out to the living room to move around some. Even though it was nice outside today, I couldn’t get him to go outside. He wants to play in the back parking lot but that business is still open, so he can’t. He eventually took a shower as we had asked.

As Phil worked on dinner, the three of us chilled in the living room. My goal was to finish another book for judging, and I was getting close. We had dinner and watched the rest of the quarterfinals of the Horse tournament on ESPN. Professional basketball players battling each other in a game of HORSE from their homes all across the country is a fun way to engage sports fans. After dinner, Phil went for a walk to break in his new shoes. My son asked for snuggles on the couch. I’m wondering if this is what he needed earlier but couldn’t ask for it.

Bedtime, finally. Phil and I watched the third of four comedy specials from James Acaster on Netflix. Laughter is good medicine.

Day 34: I was up at 5 a.m. to use the bathroom and I heard my son pop out of bed and tell his sister it was time to get up. I think he thought it was 6 a.m., so I poked my head in their room and said, “No. It’s only 5. Go back to sleep.” And they did. No one got out of bed till almost 7 a.m. today. My alarm went off at 6:15 and I picked up my phone to scroll socials. It’s not a healthy habit first thing in the morning. Sometimes I think I’ll have missed something. I listened to Pray As You Go.

Yesterday, my doctor got back to me and said I could go back on the BP meds at a lower dose. I cut some of the pills I have in half until one of us can go to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. I’m both curious about the outside world and not at all interested in leaving the house until it’s “safe.” Honestly, this is a normal battle for me when my social anxiety is flaring. In some ways, being told to stay home and not go anywhere is good for my anxiety. If the rest of the world wasn’t on fire, I might not have any anxiety at all! (Attempt at humor; probably failed.)

Breakfast and coffee, as usual. I paid a couple of bills and managed our money a bit. The day and its workload will be on us soon.

I haven’t been to the computer to write all day. We kept busy with a lot of stuff. My son and I worked on the dishes first thing after our meeting. He dried some of them. We had a little talk about his school work, some of which has corrections. I wanted him to know that it’s not a bad thing to need to elaborate or make a correction. Fortunately, his teacher addressed this during their morning meeting. He got to work on his school work while Phil and our daughter worked out. There was some crankiness on my end this morning feeling like so many things were being asked of me all at the same time.

I spent a lot of the day reading for my judging job. Phil did some work around the house. Our daughter had a meeting at 11, so after my son’s class meeting, it was lunch time. We made mac and cheese, the crowd favorite. It wasn’t long before Phil had to leave for work. Since lunch was staggered, by the time my son had his next small group meeting, my daughter was ready for lunch.

I took my blood pressure around noon just to see how the half pills are working. It’s gone down from a couple of days ago but is still in the borderline range. I asked Phil to pick up my new meds on his way home from work.

The day is kind of a blur as I look back on it. I started some laundry. I printed some pages for my next week of nutrition and training and scanned a photo for my daughter. I worked on the shopping list for this weekend and planned some meals for the week ahead. The kids had a band meeting, which I said could count for practice today. I washed some more dishes, and I made dinner. We had lasagna with some fresh noodles Phil brought home from market last week. (So, they aren’t fresh, but they are homemade, not store bought and I haven’t made a lasagna in a long time.) We watched LegoMasters: The Finale. What a fun series that has been. It has not sparked a ton of creativity in our house, but I haven’t suggested it, either. Maybe we could have a LegoMasters competition of our own.

The kids decided to go outside after dinner and ride bikes in the back parking lot. It’s chilly but they needed the fresh air. I need it, too, but today is a rest day in my program. Stretching and water consumption are the orders of the day for me. Now they’re playing Lego Star Wars on the Wii. They haven’t spent much time with each other today.

I did some leisure reading while they played outside, and Phil opened his quarantine splurge–a new radio that also plays cassettes. He saw it on the Tiny Desk Concert featuring The Lumineers. He spent his Christmas money, so don’t worry, we’re not recklessly spending our stimulus money. (Sorry. I saw some things online today about how people are spending their government money. I get a little worked up about people judging other people’s money decisions.)

We’re on the downhill slide of another day, another week. Tomorrow is Friday already again. The days both drag and fly right now.

Day 35: It’s almost 6 o’clock and I’m just now logging words for the day. I don’t know if this is progress or not, that I don’t feel the need to hourly or regularly record all of our doings. It’s becoming more of a reflection on the day than a rundown. We’ve had dinner and are watching ESPN’s HORSE tournament semi-finals. Who would ever believe this is what’s “on” for sports right now? It is oddly satisfying to watch professional basketball players participate in a game that is played on home courts everywhere.

We got a late start on school this morning. This whole week has been a little tough to stay on task. Our son has a presentation to create and he’s a little bit intimidated by the amount of work it requires. I’m not sure it requires as much as he thinks, so we’re just trying to take it a piece at a time. I folded some laundry while they got started on a few assignments. As I was starting dishes, the kids asked for help. While our son was on his morning meeting, I helped my daughter with areas of composite polygons. Again, if you had told me that I would be using those combinations of words, I would have not believed you. We mostly figured it out.

My son won his class’s Boggle game via Zoom. We gathered our lunch materials and talked to my mom on the phone for a bit. The kids researched some online gifts they would like to receive during this time. I read some from the next book I’m judging. My son had another class to check in to, and it got a little wild. The kids got a little unmotivated to do more school work after that. We received our Target package and the mail, which also included two books I’ve been looking forward to reading. 

I suited up to do my workout. It’s chilly today but it’s snowing in our hometown, so things could always be worse.

I had a really great workout. I felt strong during my intervals and then I did a cardio finisher of more jumping rope. I might have a new second favorite activity. I made a smoothie and changed my clothes. The kids played video games. I made cole slaw to go with dinner and then I decided to try to finish the novel I’ve been reading Olive, Again. The kids went outside to play for a bit, then tired of that and started a load of laundry before watching YouTube. I talked to our friend David a little bit, then finished the book.

Phil got home from work and I put away all the vegetables and processed the strawberries to go with dinner. I finished cooking dinner. Which brings us back to the HORSE competition. We watched it to the end. Then Phil decided to play with his new toy while making his sandwich for tomorrow. So, while the kids and Phil listened to ’90s era cassettes in the kitchen, I showered.

Happy little trees are in my future

The radio with cassette player was Phil’s impulse quarantine purchase. Mine was a Bob Ross coloring book. I’m not big on shopping, but there are some things that I can’t resist when I’m in need of some comfort. I’ve been coloring more lately, and I wanted a new book.

Putting the kids to bed was kind of an ordeal. They were a little too hyped. So, once they were settled, I scooped some ice cream and went to the couch. I watched two episodes of The West Wing while eating ice cream and doing my nails. They’ve been bare for a week or more and I like having them polished.

I miss baseball.

Sleep, blessed sleep.

A talent (and a TV) show

Last month our church hosted a talent show. In the weeks leading up to the event, we were encouraged to sign up for a slot displaying our talents. I was reluctant to do it because my one talent-show type of talent is reading my writing. At best, that’s awkward and anxiety-inducing. At worst, it’s a nightmare I have about being booed off the stage. I considered it for a moment, then put it out of my mind, then decided to go ahead and do it. As we talked about it as a family, my daughter decided she would play a flute solo for the show, too. So, I sent our names in via text to the friend that was organizing it and when the list came out in digital form, I was surprised to see more kids than adults on the list.

A few weeks passed and the number of adults on the list dwindled to one–me. Me and a bunch of kids showing off a variety of talents from singing and playing instruments to magic tricks. And then there was me, reading my writing.

So, my initial hesitation was that I don’t talk about my writing much at church. A handful of people at church know I write and if they follow me on social media, they see it and read it and sometimes comment. But it’s never been something I’ve been loud and public about, in any setting. I was nervous to share so vulnerably and when I get nervous I get awkward-funny. Like, I think I’m hilarious but it sometimes comes across sounding cocky or arrogant. It’s horribly embarrassing.

I decided I would read from a short story I wrote a few years ago when I was wondering what it would be like to set Easter morning in a contemporary time and place. In the last town we lived in, you could walk everywhere, even to the funeral home and one day I envisioned a woman waking up one morning for a funeral, walking to the funeral home for the service, only to discover a hitch in her plans for the day.

This is the story I called Alive! An Easter Story. I couldn’t read all of it at the talent show because it would have taken 45 minutes. As it was, I read more than half of the story and it took probably 25 minutes. There is nothing longer than standing on a stage in front of a microphone reading for 25 minutes to a mixed crowd. I could hear every shuffle and screech from the children in attendance and I nearly regretted signing up. A book reading is an appropriate choice for a coffee house or an artsy gathering. A talent show? Maybe not so much.

But I got through it and I was proud of myself. I loved the story all over again and people were so kind in their words after.

(This was only a fraction of the pride I felt at my daughter playing a solo.)

The only regret I had about the whole evening was that I was the only adult participating. That left me with a lot of questions.

—

Our friends in Arizona want to have a family talent show via Zoom. It is one of the many surprising ways we’re connecting with people these days. Since it was proposed, the four of us have struggled to come up with ideas. There are the musical instruments, of course, that the children could play and play together. Our son knows a couple of magic tricks. I was maybe going to play guitar. Phil is at a loss. It’s not that we don’t have talents; I’m just not sure they always lend themselves to performances. How do you turn food and relationships into something worthy of a talent show, even a fun family one that is just to pass the time? Maybe Phil could do a cooking demonstration. Or we could give him a list of ingredients like on Chopped and ask him what he would make with said ingredients. 

A family talent show with our friends is a safe space to try and fail. I would do anything for and with these friends. But I know this isn’t always the case.

—

Phil and I were sitting on a couch in my parents’ house a couple of Christmases ago the first time we saw an ad for The Masked Singer. I was horrified. No, thank you, I said. If you’re not familiar, it’s a singing contest but all the contestants wear elaborate head-to-toe costumes that conceal their identities. The judges are given clues to the singers’ identities and spend episodes trying to guess who is behind the mask. To me, people singing and dancing wearing these ridiculous costumes seemed weird at best and creepy at worst. I wondered if this was just another way for celebrities to grab attention.

Phil, however, was interested. He watched a few episodes, and I kind of got hooked on the guessing process. We’ve never watched the show regularly, but we tune in now and then. And it’s kind of grown on me, but not for the reason I thought. (I still think the costumes are weird.)

Often, when the masked singers are revealed, there is shock and surprise from the audience and the judges. And the singers themselves, especially celebrities from other arenas of entertainment like sports or movies, generally express how much joy and freedom they found in singing behind a mask. Sometimes they are singers who get to try a different genre. Or artists who had a stellar career in a previous decade and maybe have faded from memory. I’m often moved by the gratitude these celebrities express. It reminds me that they are just people, too, and some of them have the same fears the rest of us have.

And it’s inspiring to know that even people who have succeeded in one area of life might still need a little encouragement to try something new and different in another area of life. Without anyone knowing for sure who they are, they have the freedom to sing and dance as if they were unknown. For a few weeks, they get to be anonymous in their endeavors.

I’m wondering if that’s what the rest of us need, too.

—

If our talent show at church had been anonymous somehow, would more adults have stepped up? Are we afraid of being seen trying (and maybe failing) at something new? Would we feel more freedom if we could be unseen?

Maybe it’s not always a fear of looking silly or trying and failing. Maybe it’s the feeling that we don’t know what our talents are. I’m wondering how we can help each other remember what we’re good at. What’s unique to us.

If you could try something new as an unknown, would you? What would you do?