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This is who I am (today)

September 24, 2013

I’m struggling right now.

Overwhelmed.

Discontent.

Stuck.

Too many changes, too fast, and I haven’t caught up. I may never catch up.

I crave order and simplicity, yet my life feels messy and complicated.

There are things I want to do–feel like I need to do–but I can’t figure out how to make room for them in my life.

Physically, spiritually, emotionally, I am spent.

That’s okay, right? So, why am I not okay with it?

—-

Last week I was experiencing some social media envy as writers I know and whose books I have read converged on Indianapolis for the American Christian Fiction Writers conference. There was no way for me to make it this year, no reason really for me to go. I don’t have anything close to a finished manuscript. I’m not even sure where I am in the writing journey right now. (Stuck. I feel stuck.)

While I was trying to convince myself my jeans had gotten smaller over the summer months (and that it was not my body that had gotten bigger) I was obsessing over pictures of writing friends dressed up for dinners and an awards gala.

As I mopped up yet another bathtub overflow and cleaned up messes around the house, I let myself believe that I wasn’t living the life I want to be living.

The truth is: I want to be writing. A lot. Way more than I am now. And I’m torn between the camps who say “if you really want to, you’ll find a way” and the ones who say “don’t rush it; your time will come.”

Because I see people just.like.me living their writing dreams. They have kids and families and some of them even homeschool. They’re my age or younger and somehow, they’ve made it work.

So, I wonder: what’s wrong with me?

—

The weather took a turn toward fall, finally, and I was so excited to get my jeans and sweatshirts and long-sleeved shirts out of hiding.

But months of inactivity (mine) have led to several wardrobe disappointments. I totally wanted to make this shirt look cool.

I certainly felt cool in it. But let’s just say it’s more flattering for a different body type.

Here’s another place where desire and reality can’t seem to meet.

I want to work out, or at least do something more active than laundry and dishes, but I can’t figure out how to find time in the schedule.

I’m just a mess of excuses right now.

We probably spent 10 minutes trying to take a picture of me in this shirt so I could send it to the author whose writing it represents, and I walked away from that “photo shoot” with the conclusion that I am just not photogenic.

This, to me, was the best picture we took.

Izzy was in charge of the poses at this point. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to look scary or silly.

Sigh.

—

“Mom, you really aren’t that good at parking. Dad is better.”

The 3-year-old in the backseat made his position clear after I pulled into a tight spot at Costco. My husband was in the car, too, and on that particular day, the statement didn’t cause a war.

Because, let’s face it, I’m pretty horrible at parking. I think I was better when I drove a sedan. The van, however, is like a boat to me, and I’m convinced I’m going to ding someone in the parking lot if I don’t leave a ton of space.

I laughed and told him he was right.

This is progress.

Part of my One Word journey this year has been accepting what I’m not good at. Parking, driving. Those are a few of my weaknesses.

I’m okay now with telling you what I’m not good at because I can’t be good at (or pretend to be good at) everything.

(I used to think I was good at remembering birthdays and sending cards. Here’s a confession: I’ve had the same card sitting on my desk for my father-in-law’s birthday two years in a row. Also, I’m pretty sure I still have a birthday card for our daughter that is unsigned. Her birthday’s in March.)

I’m not good at everything. Nor do I have to be.

Some days, I can say that with confidence.

—

So, where’s the hope in all this?

Because if you’ve read this far, I’ve got to give you credit. I feel like what I’ve written is kind of depressing.

The truth is I’m not on my A-game every day. Some days, I’m not even sure I’m in the game, whatever the game may be. And that’s okay. I read this post by a classmate from my hometown and breathed a sigh of relief. Permission to be uninspired, granted.

Are there things that need to change in my life? Yep. Do they have to change today? Nope. Does feeling this way today mean I’ll feel this way forever? Absolutely not.

Some days I just need to give myself permission to be human. And weak. And needy. To not have it all together. To not be where I want to be.

There’s a part of me that wants to fix whatever is broken in my life today. Immediately. And all at once.

That, in itself, is overwhelming.

So, today, I say: this is who I am. These are my struggles.

Tomorrow, who knows? I might be different. I might not. Or maybe I’ll be different in subtle ways I can’t see until further down the road.

All I know is that today, I need the grace to not have to be anything more than I am right now.

5 on Friday: Ways your money can make a difference

September 20, 2013

Chances are, you’re going to spend some money this month. Bills aside, many of us have a little extra to spend. So, if you knew that your money could do more than just buy stuff, would you spend it differently?

Here are five ways that your money can make a difference, in this country and around the world.

1. This sustainable goods company provides a fair wage for women in Cambodia. You can read more about why I love them here. And until Sunday, if you spend $50 (not hard to do!) on the Website, you can get $10 off your purchase with the code “AutumnSale” at checkout. You can be sure that your purchase empowers women, provides a living for a family and has been responsibly made.

2. This filmmaker has a story to tell about trafficking in the U.S. but he needs our help to produce the film. Check out the giving options, which range from $15 to $500, and learn more about the project.

3. If you’re ready for a long-term commitment, consider sponsoring a child. I wholeheartedly embrace the work of Compassion International, and this month they are aiming to find sponsors for more than 3,000 children. And it’s a little more than a dollar a day.

4. For about a dollar a day, you can also be part of a team that rescues women and children from slavery. If you join one of the teams with a monthly commitment, the staff at The Exodus Road will provide you exclusive updates on real-life rescue happening in Southeast Asia.

5. Okay, so I know money is tight, too, and there are a TON of worthy causes out there. But you can also give any extra stuff you have sitting around the house. One organization that uses this giving method is Hope International. Check it out here. You can donate your stuff. Another company sells it and the proceeds benefit Hope, which offers small loans to entrepreneurs in impoverished countries, helping them learn financial responsibility while maintaining their dignity and acknowledging their creativity. It’s un-charity, as they call it.

Not an exhaustive list by any means, but if you’re looking to make a difference with your dollars, these are some quality options. Feel free to add more in the comments section!

A lesson in listening: Review of Every Waking Moment by Chris Fabry

September 18, 2013

Chris Fabry consistently challenges me with his stories. His books are among the best, and most unique, I’ve read in the last several years, and while I don’t consider his latest, Every Waking Moment, his best book, it was still a worthwhile read. (Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book from Tyndale House Publishers in exchange for my review.)

It’s the story of a girl, Treha, who works in a nursing home and has an incredible gift of listening to the residents. So much so, that she often reaches them in ways no one else can or thinks possible. But her own life is a mystery. She has no memories of her childhood or her past. With the help of the nursing home’s recently retired director, Miriam, and filmmaker Devin, who is capturing the residents’ stories for a documentary, Treha begins to unlock her past.

One of my favorite things about how Fabry writes is that I’m never quite sure where he’s going with the story or how he’s going to get there. The ending is usually a surprise, something I feel like I should have guessed all along but couldn’t see. It’s a good thing because it keeps me invested in the story. This one was no different.

A quote on the back cover of the book is one of my favorite lines from the story: “Our stories intertwine in ways we can’t know when we first hear them. And maybe the point of all this is that we’d do well to listen.”

I’m a big fan of listening to other people’s stories, especially those of the older generation, and I appreciate the emphasis on that in this book. But it’s about so much more than that. Click the link for a look at the book trailer and you’ll see what I mean.

watch on tyndale.com

For more about the book and links to other of Fabry’s stories, click here.

And read on for a Q&A with the author.

1. What was your inspiration for this book, Every Waking Moment?

The question at the center of this story is “If this is as good as it gets, am I okay with life?” I find this is a universal question that hits at the heart of our outlook on life and our belief in God. The other question it raises is this: If you could bring someone back from dementia or Alzheimer’s and have a conversation, what would you ask? What would you say to that person?

2. Tell me about your main character Treha Langsam. Was this character based upon anyone in particular?

She was loosely based on my own children and what they’ve gone through the past five years. This is probably my most personal story to date. We were exposed to toxic mold. Most people think you can only get a rash or have respiratory damage, but it can attack the brain. Treha’s symptoms are similar to what I’ve seen in them and others who have been exposed.

3. What lessons or truths will your readers find in the pages of this novel?

I love the fact that God doesn’t look at the exterior; he looks at the heart. As humans, we have a tendency to judge on first impressions, but we miss so much by doing that. Those who are disabled, those who have some kind of struggle in life, those who are older—all are lumped into a category, and this is such a disservice to them and us.

4. How do you expect Treha’s story to resonate with your readers?

I think everyone feels a bit like Treha. She is the little engine that could, even if she isn’t given a chance. And it only takes one person giving someone else a chance. I’m hoping readers will give someone a chance—or maybe let someone else give them a chance.

5. As a writer, what did you particularly enjoy about crafting this story?

I loved getting to know Treha better because she’s so mysterious to everyone around her. She’s also a bit scary. To crawl into her skin and walk around and see what she sees is a heartbreaking, life-affirming journey. I also liked the discovery that came with other characters who encounter Treha and see how she changes their lives.

6. What is your hope for this story? How would you like it to impact readers?

My hope is that this force of nature, Treha, would empower readers to believe the truth about themselves and others. In Christ, you are stronger than you think you are. With God, you can do anything he calls you to do.

7. How has this novel helped you to grow as a storyteller?

Trying to tell a complex story in a simple way is always difficult, and people’s lives are hugely complex. Trying to uncover the truth about Treha—why she is the way she is and where she might be able to go from here—helped me as a human being as well as a writer.

8. Your novels typically touch on a relevant and current topic in our culture. What topics do you weave into this novel?

One thread running deeply through this story is the reliance we have on drugs. It’s much easier to take a pill than to make a lifestyle change. And this is affecting individuals, families, and our culture. It also means a great deal of money to institutions, so in tackling this, I know I’m not going to make friends in the pharmaceutical industry. I’m grateful for drugs—my son wouldn’t be alive today without insulin. But every positive thing can have a negative side as well.

9. What big questions will this novel get your reader thinking about?

What is your backstory? What is the worth of an individual? Old, young, disabled, unsuccessful . . . several characters are faced with questions of their own worth as well as how they treat others. I’ve always heard that your faith is tested by how you treat someone who can’t do anything for you. This story will get you thinking about some of those deep issues of the heart.

10. How do you manage your time with such a full life, including a writing career, a radio career, and a large family?

Everyone has the same amount of time each day. We simply make choices about what we invest in. Hence, I spend less time watching television than I used to. That’s a huge time waster. I get up earlier and go to bed earlier. And when you begin your day centered on God’s Word and ask him what your priorities should be, things generally fall into place. I haven’t arrived at that balance, but I’m struggling as well as I can.

When life is a good choice

September 16, 2013

It’s been a week since the GREAT SQUIRREL RESCUE, which evidenced the greatness of wildlife rescuers and people much more compassionate and brave than me (i.e. my husband).

And our wildlife rescuer friend has been updating me on our little girl squirrel, who is alive and well and thriving.

Here are some pictures, and if you don’t say “aw,” you have no heart. (I’m kidding. Maybe.)

I got this one this morning and I’m not sure I ever could have been moved by the cuteness of a squirrel, but this picture. Oh. My. Word.

And our “baby girl” (she’s on the left) is bunking with a boy squirrel. Aren’t they cute?

Life is beautiful. All life. Even when it’s scary and gritty and terrifying.

Last week I was worried the squirrel wouldn’t live. Now, I’m smiling at how much life is in her.

I can’t believe I almost didn’t care enough to get involved.

And I’m wondering what other areas of my life will require this kind of caring.

5 on Friday: Things that make me smile today

September 13, 2013

1. Great news from the wildlife rescuer. The squirrel is alive and eating well! I don’t want to be presumptuous, but it sounds like we may have saved her, just in time.

2. I successfully drove to two different city locations today (with the help of GPS). Now, those of you who live in places like Chicago or Philadelphia will laugh at my nervousness of driving into “the city” of Lancaster. But it was unfamiliar territory and I made it there and back.

3. Books, which are serious motivation to drive anywhere. Yes, I went to another used book sale. And sure, we had to drive around the block a dozen times to find a good parking spot.

But it was worth it, most of all for that $4 Joy of Cooking cookbook. We’ve been hunting for a used copy of that thing for years. I feel like I found a treasure. (And seriously what self-respecting, Christ-following, book-reading household doesn’t have its own copy of The Lord of the Rings books? I found one. I’ll be on the hunt for the others.)

4. Hanging with this kid all day.

corban books He was so pleased with his book finds at the book sale, though at one point, he was lying on the floor whining loudly about how badly he needed a drink. (And the Academy Award for Best Dramatic Performance by a 3-year-old goes to …)

Also, it’s fun finding time with both kids when the girl gets home from school.

kids cooking

Please understand, this was a rare moment of peace and cooperation. Usually they’re at each other’s throats after school and I’m yelling at them from the kitchen where I’m trying to throw something together for dinner.

5. The yippy dogs that live next door are named “Tony” and “Neil.” For some reason, this makes me smile, even when I hear their names shouted half a dozen times a day or more.

Why a filmmaker needs our help exposing slavery

September 12, 2013

Earlier this year, filmmaker David Trotter released a documentary about India’s orphans. It was a moving and unforgettable look at something few of us will ever see first hand. His next project turns the focus to the United States, to five cities we might not think of when we think of human trafficking.

In Plain Sight will follow five families in these cities as they uncover an atrocity happening right in their own neighborhoods.

Read on for a Q&A with Trotter about the film and why he needs our help to make it happen. You’ll find a link to watch a video about the project at the end of the post, as well.

1. A lot of organizations and documentaries focus on trafficking in other countries. Your focus is on the U.S. Why?
Last year, I produced a documentary on 25 orphans living along the railway in southern India, and I really wanted to turn my attention toward an issue in the United States that the average person is still quite unaware of. Most people I connect with think that sex trafficking is something that happens in other countries, and the news stories that we hear on TV are simply isolated incidents. They don’t actually think that it could be happening in their city.

2. How did you become aware of human trafficking, and how did this project come together?

Over the past couple of years, I’ve read a few articles online about human trafficking, and I started to learn about the nuances of the issue. While the term human trafficking can refer to all sorts of human slavery (primarily revolving around labor), I began to learn that sex trafficking specifically involved the use of force, fraud, or coercion for the specific purpose of obtaining commercial sex. The ultimate result is the generation of money from the sex work of another. While I had personally witnessed this in India in red-light districts and in China at a karaoke bar, I was shocked to find out sex trafficking was happening in the US.

I approached Word Entertainment, who distributed my first documentary, about the possibility of a second film, and they connected me with the work of Abolition International. We began to develop a relationship with their team and developed a concept for a unique film unlike anything that’s been produced thus far. In the process, Natalie Grant (founder of Abolition International and 5 time GMA Vocalist of the Year) was excited to join the project as an Executive Producer and Narrator to bring attention to this critical issue.

3. Tell us a little about the film as you envision it. What can people expect to see in the documentary?

Rather than just focusing on statistics and expert interviews, we will travel to five US cities that you may not necessarily think of when it comes to sex trafficking. We plan to document the lives of five unsuspecting families as they go about their everyday lives and help open their eyes to what’s happening “in plain sight” right down the street from them. As the viewer connects with the family, the hope is that they simultaneously have an “ah-ha” moment about what may be happening in their city as well.

Frankly, most sex trafficking documentaries are completely depressing, and we’re committed to making IN PLAIN SIGHT an inspiring film. In order to do so, we’ll be profiling the work of five different aftercare homes (one in each city) by sharing stories of freedom and hope that are rising out of the darkness of sexual slavery. Each one of those non-profits happen to be part of the Abolition International Shelter Association. The bottom line is that we want people to be motivated by the fact that there are solutions emerging. People are experiencing positive results, and we need to learn from them and replicate their work in other cities.

4. You’re asking for a community of abolitionists to help fund this project. How will the money be used? And why do you need the support?

Through an Indiegogo crowd funding campaign (www.StoriesofFreedom.com), we are in the process of raising a lean budget of $75,000 to fund this project. 100% of the money goes to cover the expenses associated with production costs. I have recruited a professional team to shoot, edit, write, and score the film, and they’re willing to invest themselves at an extremely reduced rate.

We’re blown away how the pieces are coming together (i.e., Word’s willingness to distribute the project, Abolition International’s assistance, Natalie Grant, and a stellar team of professionals), but what we don’t have is a deep-pocketed investor to cover the costs of the project. That’s why we’re turning to people who are passionate about the issue to invite them to help us create resources that will raise awareness and motivate people to take action to stop sex trafficking in the US.

5. This isn’t just about a documentary. You’re also promoting a CD and devotional. What do you hope people will gain from the extra resources?

We want the documentary to be accessible to people of all backgrounds and faiths. We want anyone to be able to sit down and watch it – increasing their awareness of the issue and motivating them to take action – without forcing them to overcome a worldview that may be quite different than their own. Yet, we also know that followers of Jesus have a unique passion for this topic, and we want to equip the Church with additional resources.

Specifically, we’ll be producing a compilation worship album with songs of hope and freedom from some of your favorite Christian artists. We want the songs to point people to the Source of all that we need in order to fight this horrendous challenge in our nation, and we believe that the album will be a healing balm to our souls in their process. In addition, I’m co-authoring a 31 day devotional and small group study guide with Stacia Freeman (President of Abolition International) focusing on God’s heart of the vulnerable and broken in our world. We truly want to equip ordinary people to help stop sex trafficking in the United States.

To watch Natalie Grant share about the project or to make a donation, go to www.StoriesofFreedom.com.

Another Alaskan adventure {and a chance to win BIG prizes!}: Review of Stranded by Dani Pettrey

September 11, 2013

Dani Pettrey has quickly become one of my favorite authors with her Alaskan adventures and romantic suspense novels featuring the McKenna family.

Her third book in the series, Stranded, is on-par amazing with the first two books in the series. I read it one day. ONE! (Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book from the author in exchange for my review.)

But before I get to the review, I want you to know about this amazing giveaway Dani Pettrey and her publisher are hosting in conjunction with Stranded‘s release. It’s huge. Here are the basics.

Summary:

In Stranded, Book 3 in author Dani Pettrey’s acclaimed Alaskan Courage series, reporter Darcy St. James knows something is wrong when her friend vanishes from her job on a cruise ship. Everyone else believes Abby simply left of her own accord, but something isn’t lining up, and Darcy knows the only way to find the truth is to put herself in Abby’s position.

Gage McKenna has taken a summer-long stint leading adventure excursions for the passengers of various cruise lines that dock in Alaska for a few days of sightseeing. He’s surprised to find Darcy onboard one of the ships, working undercover as a reporter.

Something sinister is going on, and the deeper they dig, the more they realize they’ve only discovered the tip of the iceberg.

To celebrate the story, author Dani Pettrey and Bethany House Publishers are pleased to present the ALASKAN ADVENTURES Sweepstakes, and your chance to win one of three fabulous prizes connected with the story!

Timeframe & Notifications:

This giveaway starts September 2, 2013 and ends September 19, 2013 @ 11:59 pm (PST). Winners will be selected Friday, September 20, 2013, and announced at DaniPettrey.com.

Alaskan Adventures Sweepstakes Grand Prize GRAND PRIZE:

BUILD-YOUR-OWN-ADVENTURE PACKAGE

In Stranded, Darcy, Gage, and the McKenna family launch into all kinds of adventures: from high-octane ocean kayaking, to rugged island camping beneath the vast Alaskan skies.

Our grand prize winner will have the chance to build their own adventure, with a $300 adventure gear gift card of their choice from either Eddie Bauer or L.L. Bean.

And what would our hero and heroine do if they won the prize? Gage use it towards one of L.L. Bean’s gorgeous ocean kayaks, while Darcy would go for “Glamping” gear:)

Alaskan Adventures Sweepstakes Grand Prize SECOND PRIZE:

CULINARY CONQUEROR PACKAGE

Everyone knows Gage McKenna’s campfire cooking is second to none. But in Stranded, Darcy discovers that before Gage was a search and rescue hero, he secretly dreamed of attending culinary school.

Our second prize winner will have the chance to fulfill Gage’s dream with a $200 value, 1-year membership to Top Chef University.

Membership includes over 200 video lessons taught by Top Chef contestants, covering everything from soups to desserts.

Alaskan Adventures Sweepstakes Third Prize THIRD PRIZE:

SHIMMER & SHINE PACKAGE

Darcy once gave her missing friend, Abby, a beautiful shell necklace, engraved with a special message that made it one-of-a-kind.

Our third prize winner will receive their very own, one-of-a-kind “Earth & Sea” necklace valued at $100.

Handmade of New Zealand Paua shells, hammered copper, and Tahitian pearls, this necklace is the perfect compliment for a soft sweater and jeans, or a unique finishing touch for a little black dress on a special date night.

How to Enter:

Go to http://www.danipettrey.com/alaskan-adventures-sweepstakes/ and complete the entry box, anytime between September 2 and September 19.

—–

Sound fun? What are you waiting for?

Now for my review:

Two things I’m usually not into: extreme cold and risk-taking. But Pettrey’s stories are so well-written I want to hop on the next plane to Alaska and do some whitewater rafting. Or kayaking. Or underwater exploring.

In book 3, we follow Gage McKenna onto a cruise ship where he’s reunited with reporter Darcy St. James, who is in the middle of a mystery. Her friend has disappeared from the ship and the explanations don’t add up. Gage and Darcy are fighting their attraction to each other, as well as searching for answers about life, loss and purpose. In typical Pettrey style, there’s plenty of action, mystery and romance.

And I love every word of it.

Partway through, I had a lingering doubt about this style of book. Because, really, how many of us are going to find ourselves investigating a friend’s disappearance in the Alaskan wilderness? But, I think what Pettrey does is offer us some vicarious living, for one, and a reality check on relationships, for another. It’s in these high-pressure, high-stakes situations that her characters realize what–and often who–is important. We might not face the same kind of extreme situation, but it’s a good reminder that we need to cherish our most important relatinships and not let unforgiveness, pettiness or insecurities come between us and those we love.

It’s also just a really good story. Do I need to say it again?

You don’t have to start at the beginning of the series, necessarily, to enjoy Stranded, but all three books are worth your time, and you’ll get more backstory by starting with Submerged, then moving on to Shattered and Stranded. (P.S. There are two more books coming in this series!)

What you don't know can hurt

September 10, 2013

“Feeling bad doesn’t help anything. Now you know for next time.”

Her words, though gentle, stung like a slap to the face. I sat, remorseful, at her dining room table as she fed a baby squirrel with a syringe. I marveled at the baby-like movements of the squirrel, whose front paws reached for the life-giving liquid.

So like a human baby.

My guilt was almost tangible. I could have done more. I could have acted sooner.

I watched the critter cling to life and I wanted to cry.

We’d found her curled up near our porch Saturday night, and as she scampered around in search of food and her mama, my faith in the ways of nature was strong.

We shouldn’t bother it, I told the kids. It knows what to do.

Even now the words pierce my soul. Cleverly disguised lies.

Truthfully, I didn’t want to get involved. So I convinced myself I didn’t have to.

Another day passed and the squirrel spent most of it curled in a ball, trying to keep warm.

My thoughts began to shift: What could I do anyway, even if I wanted to help?

By Monday morning, we thought we’d lost her. Later, she moved some, but she was sluggish.

“We can’t watch it die,” my husband said. I agreed, but I still felt powerless. What did I know about caring for a wild animal?

So, I did what I should have done earlier. I Googled “abandoned baby squirrel.” But even in finding a helpful Website, I hesitated.

Bring it in the house? Pick it up? Feed it Pedialyte?

Lord, I can’t do that.

I placed a call to a wildlife rescue center in a neighboring county and waited. I tried to distract myself with dishes and cleaning but I couldn’t concentrate.

Life hung in the balance right outside my kitchen door. How could I pretend otherwise? <Click to tweet>

I started searching the house for a box, and I wondered if we even had a dropper. Our kids are way past the baby and dropper stage, and I was pretty sure we were ill-equipped to handle a situation like this.

My husband got home from an errand, and we sprang to action, feeling it was better to do something than nothing.

We were about to attempt a feeding when the wildlife rescuer called back and gave me the number to the closest rescuer to us. We would need to bring the squirrel in. It was beyond our ability to help.

We prepped the box. My husband gently lifted the squirrel and placed it in, adding a warm water bottle. He fashioned a lid with air holes. We were going to wait until our daughter got off the bus, but I felt an urgency I couldn’t explain.

So, I left my husband at home to wait for the bus, and my son and I got in the van and drove nearly an hour to the squirrel rescuer’s house.

I prayed the whole way. Please let it be alive. I imagined the horror of delivering a dead squirrel to a rescuer. Only later did I find it funny in a strange way that I was praying for the life of a squirrel.

Miss Janie made us no promises. We might have been too late. I’ll e-mail her in a day or two to find out if the squirrel survived. The possibility that she might not hurts my heart.

But this experience has taught me some valuable lessons and has given me some thoughts and beliefs to wrestle with.

Believing God created the world and all that’s in it isn’t enough. If I believe He created the world and animals and people, shouldn’t I also care about taking care of those things?
If I think of it as “just” a squirrel with no purpose or plan in the world, then how long before I start thinking, oh it’s “just” a homeless man or it’s “just” a bunch of kids on the other side of the world. I think about what’s happening to the bee population and how that will affect all of us. We are not isolated from the rest of creation, man or animal.
I don’t have to save everything and everyone but I need to be available to whatever and whoever crosses my path. God didn’t ask me to save whales or dolphins. He let a squirrel fall from a tree in my yard. That doesn’t mean I have to get my wildlife rescue license. It just means I have to do what I can where I am.
Rescue is always risky. <click to tweet> The squirrel might have had fleas. It could have decided to bite one of us. It might still die. But it was worth it.
Because driving the squirrel to the rescuer’s house was the most energized I’d felt in a while. I had a mission, a purpose, even if it was brief. Every day can be like that if I have the right mindset.
It’s possible to worship the Creator through His creation without idolizing the created. But I’m still wrestling with how to live this out. I like to eat meat. I’m not suggesting no one ever hunt animals or that we try to make a world where no one or nothing ever dies. I just think in a lot of ways, we humans can do better.
The world is full of unsung heroes. Miss Janie is one of them. Our squirrel was the 354th animal brought to her since March. Her den was full of cages of squirrels and a couple of opossums. She has given her life to rescuing animals. Her passion inspires me.

This morning, we saw another squirrel in the tree. It was bigger with a bushier tail than the one we rescued. Janie told us to be on the lookout for more young squirrels because the nests have two or three most of the time. It terrifies me to think that I might have to rescue another squirrel. But, God help me, I’m keeping my eyes open.

If you find yourself in the same situation, Google “wildlife rescue” and look for a link to your state’s list of animal rescuers. I never knew I’d need that knowledge, but now I have the number saved in my phone. I may not know what to do, but I have a direct line to someone who does.

I’m sad that I’m so far removed from Adam, whom God tasked as caregiver for creation, that I don’t know what to do with an animal.

And this I know: I’ll never look at a squirrel the same way again.

How to face your fears and live to tell about it

September 9, 2013

I saw a comic this morning before I left the house. A caped girl, called Anxiety Girl, was described as “able to jump to the worst possible conclusion in a single bound.”

I laughed.

And then I proved her words true for my life.

I went grocery shopping with my son, and after our first stop, I realized that the money that should be available to us for food every month (we qualify for food stamps), hadn’t processed yet this month. It was okay for today, but I started panicking. What if it doesn’t come at all? What if there’s been a mistake? What if …?

We bought what we needed. And we are not in danger of starvation.

Yet, I feared.

***

Before we moved, my son wanted nothing to do with dogs. A former neighbor’s dog was loud and sometimes mean, and we’d had a few run-ins with some unfriendly, unleashed dogs that struck fear in all of us: dad, mom and kids.

Even gentle dogs, puppies, he would shy away from.

Then we moved to a new place and our neighbors here have dogs, two big ones we often see in the backyard when they’re out to do their doggy business.

And I wondered if it was only a matter of time before a dog bite. Or if my kids would always be afraid of dogs and if there was any way to help them overcome it.

***

Train tracks sometimes scare me. Even when there are gates. My heart catches in my throat as I imagine getting stuck on the tracks when a train is coming and being unable to move from its path. Maybe I watched Stand By Me one too many times as a kid or heard one too many stories about train-versus-car accidents. For whatever reason, crossing train tracks is an anxiety-inducing experience.

The first time we made the trip from our new house to my husband’s work, we crossed a set of tracks that have no gates, no lights.

And I feared the crossing every time we made the trip, twice a day or more.

***

Here’s the thing about fears and anxiety: it’s a really crummy way to live.

I’m no expert or professional on the subject, but I’m learning that for some fears and some anxieties, there is a way to meet them head on and live to tell about it.

***

A year ago, our food budget was almost non-existent. We’d been disqualified from food stamps due to a law change at the same time my husband was out of school and looking for full-time work. Some months, we spent $20 at the discount grocery and made it work. We ate a lot of PB&J and pasta. We also had some very generous friends who helped us out.

Ever since I watched The Pursuit of Happyness, that Will Smith movie where he and his son are homeless and just trying to get by and get out of that situation, I’ve feared being homeless and hungry. We were never in danger of either, but that season of leanness taught me to trust. God. People. Even my own resourcefulness to make a meal out of practically nothing.

***

On Saturday, we went to our local library branch for a program with reading assistance dogs. It was our third time visiting the library for this. A local couple brings in their greyhounds and the kids can sit on the floor and read or show books to them. The first time we went, my son was scared. He didn’t want to sit anywhere near them or leave my lap. Each time, he’s gotten more comfortable with the dogs. This time, he was almost more excited than his sister to go see the dogs. Now he’ll sit on the floor by them and let his monkey pet them when he leaves.

And we’ve been outside enough times when the neighbor dogs are out to know that the owners have a good handle on the dogs. They’ve never even approached us and they listen well.

Not all dogs are vicious. Not all dog owners are lax. We don’t have to fear all dogs. Experience is teaching us that fear denies us opportunities to learn and grow. These greyhounds are so gentle and special. Had we continued in our fear of dogs, we’d have missed out on a great relationship with them and their owners.

***

Every time I approached the unmarked tracks, I slowed the car and looked both ways and gunned it across. Then I began to notice that other cars paid the crossing almost no attention at all. They didn’t slow. They barely glanced. They just crossed. I wondered if the tracks were no longer in use, although I didn’t see a sign that said that. So, I took after the other cars and started crossing at normal speed.

Then one day, I saw the lights of a train farther down the track. Another day, I saw the back of a train going around the curve.

Not a dead track, after all. But the trains were moving slow, so I figured the chances of my car being hit by a train were slim.

Finally, we came upon the tracks one day when a train was moving around the corner. The conductor blew the whistle loudly and frequently as it approached and all the cars stopped on either side of the tracks. It was then that I realized that if the conductor was doing his job, I would hear the train long before it was dangerous to cross. And I wasn’t likely to miss the sound of the whistle.

Others who have traveled this road frequently must have known this. Now, I know it, too.

And I’m less afraid of crossing the unmarked tracks.

***

Not all fears are the same. I get that. Not all anxieties are the same. Some are deeply rooted in painful experiences and require professional and medical help. I’m not offering a one-size-fits-all solution.

But I wonder if some of our fears and anxieties can be overcome by some of these things I’ve learned:

by experiencing the thing you fear. It could be that what I fear isn’t as bad as I think it could be.
by building relationships and trusting other people. Positive experiences and relationships might counteract the negative ones that cause me fear.
by learning from others’ example. My kids learn from me what to fear and what not to fear. Could I not do the same with more experienced peers?

Trust me when I say that I don’t have the anxiety thing all figured out. I still find my heart rate increasing when I’m in a crowd or trying to navigate the grocery aisles with two kids on a busy day. I still fear the worst when things don’t go as I expect.

But I don’t want to spend my life living in fear.

So, I’m learning. Or trying to.

Tell me, how do you overcome your fears? What ways have you found to send anxiety to the sidelines?

5 on Friday: Go-to recipes

September 6, 2013

So, cooking. I have a love-hate relationship. I love cooking. I hate trying to cook and do a zillion other things at the same time. I also have very little patience for the kids wanting to help. I try; I do.

I’m best at dinner when I have a plan, but with school starting and moving and budgets being a little out of sorts, I haven’t really meal planned in a while.

When that happens, I search the pantry shelves for ingredients to make something. It’s a skill I learned from my husband. He’s the master at it, but since his work schedule doesn’t allow him as much time in the kitchen as I’d like, I’ve had to get creative myself. Okay, so maybe these recipes aren’t going to win me a cooking show, but they’re relatively inexpensive and I generally have everything on hand. (I also have a love-hate relationship with the grocery store.)

So, here are five recipes I return to again and again when I’m in a time crunch or ingredient pinch.

1. Pie. Last night we had a turkey pie. (You thought I was going the dessert for dinner route, right? It’s an option.) I make my own crusts out of butter-flavored shortening, flour, salt and water (I could eat just the crusts!) and then I just mix a bunch of stuff together and put it in the pie. Cooked turkey or chicken, a frozen vegetable mix, a couple of cream soups, some mushrooms. Other times we’ve thrown in potatoes or gravy, especially after Thanksgiving. Turkey pie is great for Thanksgiving leftovers because you can use just about anything.

Similarly, shepherd’s pie. Usually with ground turkey or beef, some vegetables and a biscuit mix topping.

2. Black beans and rice. If I make the rice ahead of time, this comes together quickly. Some peppers and onions sautéed in oil, a can of tomatoes (with or without chiles), a can of black beans, thyme, hot sauce, apple cider vinegar. Heat it all up in a skillet and serve over rice.

3. Creamed tuna on toast. It sounds kind of gross, but really, it’s yum. Make a creamy white sauce with butter, flour, pepper and milk. Stir in the tuna. Toast some bread slices. Serve the warm tuna sauce over the toast. (This is one of those I love to make in winter because it’s warm and comforting.)

Similarly, goldenrod eggs on toast, a dish I’d never had before I met my husband. Hard-boiled eggs, separated after they’re cooked. Yolks crumbled. Whites stirred into a white sauce. Layer toast, white sauce, crumbled yolks. It’s surprisingly tasty.

4. Cheesy salmon rotini. I have my friend Nikki to thank for this one. It’s another winter-comfort food. A similar cream sauce to the previous recipe, only with canned salmon and cheddar cheese stirred in, over cooked rotini (or sometimes bow tie noodles). I almost can’t wait for winter.

5. Soup. When I lived on my own and didn’t regularly stock chicken noodle soup and didn’t have my mom in the same house to take care of me when I was sick, I experimented with homemade chicken noodle soup. In the fall and winter, we try to have soup once a week, at least. It’s another one of those dishes you can clean out the cupboards to make, especially if you keep a soup base on hand (or make your own stock from bones, which I have done several times–a surprise for even me!). My chicken soup starts with sautéing some sliced carrots, celery and onion, then evolves from there with chicken, broth, noodles and seasonings. Rice, potatoes, frozen veggies, canned meat, beans … the possibilities are endless. (And if my husband was cooking, they’d be amazing. A couple of years ago, he created two soups in one day just on a whim. Man, I miss his cooking. Hint, hint.)

What recipes do you find yourself reaching for when you’re low on groceries or time?