Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

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We're on Food Stamps and We're Not Like That

Everyone’s looking at me.

The thought weighed heavy on my mind as my face flushed red with embarrassment. I slid the card through the electronic reader, entered my PIN and anxiously waited for the transaction to finish.

I’d bought groceries plenty of times before, but this was the first time I’d used government money to pay for them.

A year and a half into our marriage, we moved 800 miles across country so my husband could start graduate school. We had a 5-month-old daughter, and for the first time in my adult life I would not have a paying job.

It was an act of faith, to say the least, to go where we felt God leading. We just didn’t expect it to be as hard as it was.

Read the rest of my guest post for Live58 here.

Setting sells this story: A review of The Guardian by Beverly Lewis

I swore off Amish novels after I moved to Amish country, and slowly, I’ve been building some back into my reading collection. I was intrigued by the premise of Beverly Lewis’ latest, The Guardian, so I thought I’d give it a try.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIn The Guardian, an Amish widow loses one of her children off the back of the buggy one night on their way home. A frantic search by the community yields no trace of little Sarah, until an English woman (the Amish description of those outside of their community) shows up with the girl. Jodi, the English woman, is house-sitting in Lancaster County. She’s a teacher and engaged but she and her fiancé are having a disagreement on their future–whether or not they’ll have children. Jodi is grieving the loss of her only sister to leukemia and doesn’t want to bring a child into a world where she might lose a child. As she spends time with her new Amish friends–the little girl is enamored of Jodi and calls her an angel–she begins to open herself up to God again and finds herself in the surprising position of substitute teacher in the Amish school.

I have enjoyed Lewis’ novels in the past. She writes compelling conflict and characters set in Amish and Mennonite families, and I tend to trust her assessments of Amish life. I based much of what I knew of the Amish when I moved here to what I read in her books.

That said, I didn’t enjoy this book as much as I had hoped I would. The characters seemed flat and the plot was predictable. And while I think we can learn some valuable lessons from the Amish way of life, I’m uncomfortable with the idea that being among the Amish can cause a change of heart so radically. Maybe that’s a personal pet peeve.

I do love that I recognize places and road names in Lewis’ books. I feel like I could drive to Hickory Hollow and encounter these characters. Her books, as are many in the Amish genre, are popular and Lancaster County draws busloads of tourists every season. I admit I’m still fascinated by the culture and community, but seeing Amish buggies and Amish people becomes commonplace after a while. Maybe it’s harder to become engrossed in the story when you live in the same region as the setting.

I’m not saying no one will like this book, but it was one that didn’t meet my expectations.

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In exchange for my review, I received a free digital copy of The Guardian from Bethany House Publishers.

History has a Way of Repeating Itself by Tricia Goyer: Mother's Day blog series

This week, I’ll be hosting several posts from this series. I hope you’ll tune in for some motherly encouragement! You can read the first post here.

Pearl Girls McSweeneyWelcome to Pearl Girls™ Mother of Pearl Mother’s Day blog series—a nine-day celebration of moms and mothering. Each day will feature a new post by some of today’s best writers (Tricia Goyer, Lisa Takeuchi Cullen, Beth Vogt, Lesli Westfall, and more). I hope you’ll join us each day for another unique perspective on Mother’s Day.

AND . . . do enter the contest for a chance to win a beautiful handcrafted pearl necklace and a JOYN India bag. Enter at the bottom of this post. The contest runs 5/4-5/13, and the winner will be announced on 5/14. Contest is only open to U.S. residents.

If you are unfamiliar with Pearl Girls™, please visit www.pearlgirls.info, subscribe to our blog, and see what we’re all about. In short, we exist to support the work of charities that help women and children in the US and around the globe. Consider purchasing a copy of Mother of Pearl: Luminous Lessons and Iridescent Faith to help support Pearl Girls™.

 
And to all you MOMS out there, Happy Mother’s Day!
~

History has a Way of Repeating Itself by Tricia Goyer

Forty years ago a single, young woman was about to give birth. She didn’t know how she could afford a child without her parents’ help. She hadn’t talked to her former boyfriend in months. She had no idea how to reach him, how to tell him she was having his child.

This young woman attended church some, yet her dialogue with God was stilted. How could God let this happen to her? What would her life be like now? A baby girl was born, and upon holding her child this young lady knew things would be okay. Perhaps this baby was a gift, not a burden as she supposed.

This woman raised her daughter the best she could, and while she wanted to give her child more than she had . . . history has a way of repeating itself. When the daughter became a young woman, she found herself in the same situation—living at home, pregnant and scared.

The daughter knew she could raise this child. After all, her mom had done it. But what would her life be like? How could God let this happen to her?

If you haven’t guessed already. I was the daughter born to a single mom and as a teenager became a single mom myself. At age 17, God gave me a son. My boyfriend was out of the picture, and I faced raising a child alone with little education, no money and, maybe according to the world, little hope for my future.

Now if you take this story at face value, I am nothing more than a statistic. According to government research, most daughters of young mothers will be teen mothers themselves. They face lives of hardship, living on welfare for the most part — becoming a burden rather than an asset to society.

Yet, I am not a statistic. Why? Because God doesn’t do them.

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As a 17-year-old pregnant teenager I prayed a simple prayer, “God, I have messed up my life big time. If you can do anything with it, please do.” I dedicated my life and my heart to him and things changed. I had hope in my heart and I started walking God’s way. God brought an amazing, Christian man into my life. John was a wonderful husband and a father to my son. When had a daughter and another one on the way, God did something else unexpected. He gave me the desire to write books.

This Mother’s Day, my heart is filled with thanksgiving. I’m thankful for my mother who chose life for me. I’m thankful that when I questioned my future, God gave me hope.

History has a way of repeating itself in families, but even more important that our history of mess-ups is God’s history of setting things right. God has a history of seeing something no one else does . . . like seeing a king in a shepherd boy named David, seeing an apostle in a young zealot named Paul, and seeing a mighty warrior in a frightened nobody named Gideon. God’s X-ray eyes see right through any outward characteristics or national statistics. His X-ray eyes scan down to the heart.

Where have you felt you’ve fallen short of God’s perfect plan? Trust that God’s dream is to turn a mess-up into a miracle. He’s a BIG God with BIG dreams. A God who has made an agreement with us that is eternal, final, and sealed. A God who is strong in our weakness. A God who sees the future, sees the past and has a perfect plan for me . . . and for you. It’s something we can all be thankful for.

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Tricia Goyer is a busy mom of six, grandmother of two, and wife to John. Somewhere around the hustle and bustle of family life, she manages to find the time to write fictional tales delighting and entertaining readers and non-fiction titles offering encouragement and hope. Tricia is also on the blogging team at MomLifeToday.com, TheBetterMom.com and other homeschooling and Christian sites. In addition to her roles as mom, wife and author, Tricia volunteers around her community and mentors teen moms. Tricia, along with a group of friends, recently launched www.NotQuiteAmishLiving.com, sharing ideas about simplifying life. She also hosts the weekly radio podcast, Living Inspired. Learn more about Tricia at www.triciagoyer.com.

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35 things I've learned by 35

I turned 35 on Saturday. This birthday has been bugging me all year. I don’t remember having a problem with my 30th birthday, but for some reason, adding that “5” after the “3” is messing with my head. I feel like I’m supposed to be old now. Or wise. Or accomplished. I don’t feel any of those things. But I’ve learned some important things in life. Here’s a list of 35 of them, in no particular order. (I was inspired by this post earlier this year.)

  1. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. And sometimes there’s no good explanation.
  2. Even if you’re almost 30 and married to your best friend, motherhood will still scare the crap out of you. (And by “you” I mean “me.”)
  3. I don’t have to like or believe all the same things as my friends to still be friends.
  4. It’s better to hear the truth than believe a lie.
  5. You can do everything right and follow all the rules and still be wrong.
  6. Housework is an inescapable necessity, and it improves my mood.
  7. I didn’t know how selfish I was until I got married and had children.
  8. God will make you eat your words when you tell Him something is impossible.
  9. Conflict is unavoidable. And sometimes it’s healthy. And helpful.
  10. Control is an illusion. Just when I think I have something “under control,” my son rolls around in the aisle at church or my daughter throws a doll across the room when I ask her to put her pajamas on.

    His Easter finest

    His Easter finest

  11. Apathy is just as (and maybe more) dangerous as hate.
  12. I can’t save the world, but I can make better choices that have an impact on the world and the people who live in it.
  13. Life moves fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. (Okay, I stole that one from Ferris Bueller. Still …) OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
  14. I’ll do just about anything for a full night of sleep. (Especially after having kids.)
  15. Just because I think I have something to say doesn’t mean I should say it.
  16. One toilet for four people is not enough, especially if two of those people are recently potty-trained. Inevitably, they have to go potty at the EXACT SAME TIME and RIGHT NOW. Same holds true if anyone else dares to enter the bathroom to do “business.”
  17. Life is always a good choice. Not just when it comes to the unborn.
  18. The number of laundry baskets in your house should match the number of people in your house.
  19. It’s better to ask a question, even if I think it makes me look stupid, than to assume I know something.
  20. An introvert (I am one) needs extroverts for friends. I am blessed to have several who push me out of my introverted tendencies (in a good way).
  21. Failing at something doesn’t make me a failure.
  22. I still blush when I talk to the opposite sex, even if they’re teenage boys. And I fear I might become one of those old ladies who flirts with guys of all ages just to be embarrassing.
  23. When you set out to write a list of 35 things you’ve learned in your lifetime, the list starts to read like a confessional.
  24. Drinking coffee with my dad and talking to my mom while we wash dishes or take a walk are two of my favorite activities. (And I don’t do either nearly enough because of an 800-mile separation.)
  25. I’m more task-oriented than people-oriented and learning to love people when they get “in the way” of my tasks is hard. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
  26. I’m likely to say something awkward when making small-talk because I think better with written words than spoken ones.
  27. I’d rather take a risk and fail than not try at all.
  28. What I think we needed for marriage (the stuff we registered for) is not what we really needed. My registry list would look completely different now after six years of marriage.
  29. I am a writer. (Profound, right?) And no amount (big or small) of money, publication credits or blog followers will change that. It’s part of who I am. And it’s what I was made to do.
  30. Whining and giving constructive criticism are not the same. I have a low tolerance for the former, which accomplished almost nothing, and a growing tolerance for the latter, which can make a difference for the better. And I appreciate even more those teachers from grade school who had a “no whining” policy in their classrooms. (P.S. If you’re an adult, I tolerate your whining even less than I do my children’s.)
  31. Cooking a turkey is not as scary as I once thought it would be. I am now comfortable with all aspects of preparing and cooking a turkey for Thanksgiving or other meals. Ditto for a whole chicken. I have not, however, attempted to cook a live lobster or prepare anything that still has a head (fish, crawfish, etc.). Something to shoot for in the next 35 years.
  32. It’s okay to cry. But I’ll still probably apologize for doing it, even it’s an appropriate response.
  33. I take life and myself too seriously, but I love laugh-till-you-cry moments.
  34. I love my husband more now than I did when we first started dating, and I can’t imagine how my love will deepen and change in the coming years.
  35. I am an unfinished work.

How I Learned to Give Up Control by Sue Edwards: Mother's Day blog series

This week, I’ll be hosting several posts from this series. I hope you’ll tune in for some motherly encouragement!

Welcome to Pearl Girls™ Mother of Pearl Mother’s Day blog series—a nine-day celebration of moms and mothering. Each day will feature a new post by some of today’s best writers (Tricia Goyer, Lisa Takeuchi Cullen, Beth Vogt, Lesli Westfall, and more). I hope you’ll join us each day for another unique perspective on Mother’s Day.

AND . . .ImageProxyServlet do enter the contest for a chance to win a beautiful handcrafted pearl necklace and a JOYN India bag. Enter at the bottom of this post. The contest runs 5/4-5/13, and the winner will be announced on 5/14. Contest is only open to U.S. residents.

If you are unfamiliar with Pearl Girls™, please visit www.pearlgirls.info, subscribe to our blog, and see what we’re all about. In short, we exist to support the work of charities that help women and children in the US and around the globe. Consider purchasing a copy of Mother of Pearl: Luminous Lessons and Iridescent Faith to help support Pearl Girls™.

And to all you MOMS out there, Happy Mother’s Day!

~

How I Learned to Give Up Control by Sue Edwards

I’m one of those mothers who would like to control everything in my children’s lives. You may be too, all out of the best intentions. I tried frantically to do that for many years until God grabbed my attention and wrestled my control issues from my clenched fists. It happened this way.

My youngest daughter attended a large university where campus housing was at a premium. Her second year she was accepted into one of the nicest dorms on campus, but the rule was that you could either choose the room or the roommate of your choice but not both. Well, I had heard horror stories of what happened when you roomed with some girls–like men in the room, and I turned into mother bear. I was not going to allow my child to take pot luck in roommates, nor were we willing to give up that choice room.

I had heard that if your child had a learning disability they would ditch the rule. So I decided to make my case with the administrator who could fix this unfair situation. All week, I was on the phone long distance climbing my way up the ladder to the gentleman who could give my daughter the room and roommate she deserved.

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And finally, I was on the phone with him. We talked for a few minutes, and then he asked me, “Does your daughter have a learning disability?” I answered rather indignantly, “Well, I prefer not to label people.” That did it. He bought it. I had done the impossible. I called my daughter, she turned cart wheels on the other end of the phone, and we rejoiced together.

Only the roommate she had chosen, the dear Christian girl from her church, did not turn out to be the roommate she expected. In fact, she did have men in the room, a lot. And she went home at Christmas under suspicious circumstances. All fall I had to endure calls from my daughter who was trying to figure out how to navigate this awkward situation. And it was my fault. Some of us are stubborn and God needs a two by four to get our attention, and break us of our control issues. This was that time for me, and for my daughter. Now, when we are tempted to take control instead of trusting God, we look at each other, remember, smile, and let go.

God knows what he is doing in your life, my life, and the lives of our children. And he loves our children more than we do, as impossible as that may sound. So trust him, follow him. Two by fours are rather painful. You won’t regret trusting your Sovereign Father who has your, and your children’s, best interest at heart.

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sueedwardsDr. Sue Edwards has over thirty-five years experience as a Bible teacher, overseer of ministries to women, and author. Now, as a full-time professor at Dallas Theological Seminary, she equip men and women for future ministry all over the world. And women everywhere enjoy learning the Scriptures in face to face groups as well as an online community using her Bible studies, the Discover Together Series. To join the online Bible study community or to converse with Sue, go to Facebook.com/discovertogetherseries. She is currently working on a book with Barbara Neumann on mentoring millennials. Married for forty years, she and David are the parents of two married daughters and the grandparents of five.

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Saturday smiles: birthday reflections edition

So, it’s my birthday.

I ran Week 1, Day 3 of Couch to 5K this morning. (My dad: “You’re 35 and can still run?” Har-dee-har-har)

I perused the local treasures at a garage sale down the street and sampled the coffee at my favorite neighborhood roaster.

The kids played outside while I sat on the porch and finished the novel I’m currently reading.

A friend stopped by with a gift and the smell of the lilacs she clipped from the bush at her house is filling my house with my favorite springy scent.

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We ate lunch on the porch and the boy fell asleep watching “Toy Story.”

I finished the novel.

I washed some dishes because if I took my birthday as a vacation, we’d be eating off the table and with our hands for the next two days.

We’re back outside.

The sun is shining.

Our bills are paid.

My husband doesn’t know it yet, but I think we’re going out to eat tonight.

Not all is right with the world but today I believe it will be.

Today, I am 35.

And in some ways, I feel life is just beginning.

5 on Friday: Meaningful gifts I've received

My birthday is tomorrow. Which got me thinking about gifts. Not because I’m totally gift-focused because I’m not. Receiving gifts actually stresses me out a little bit because I’m not good at giving an instant reaction. My thanks is better expressed in how I use the gift than in the exact moment I receive it.

Photo courtesy of Stock Exchange | www.sxc.hu

Photo courtesy of Stock Exchange | www.sxc.hu

Here are some memorable gifts I didn’t ask for that touched my heart. (Please don’t be offended if you’ve given me a gift and it’s not mentioned here. These are the first five that came to mind and they aren’t all birthday gifts. The danger of making a short list is leaving someone out.)

1. A pink Columbia brand fleece jacket. The first Christmas Phil and I celebrated as a couple, this was his gift. I remember how excited he was to give it to me, and it is still my go-to outerwear in spring, fall and sometimes winter. My husband is great at giving gifts. I could spend an entire post on the best gifts he’s given me, but I’d probably lose readers.

2. The Book of Common Prayer. A couple from church gifted this to us as we’ve expressed an interest and love for liturgy, the church calendar and the use of the lectionary. I have used this book almost daily for months, and it continues to touch my heart because it is a gift I would have never thought to ask for from people who haven’t known us long but were thoughtful enough to present us with a gift we will cherish.

3. An ice scraper and a spray-on window defroster for my car. In the early days of my relationship with Phil, we spent a lot of time at each other’s houses, often driving home in winter in the dark, when northern Illinois temperatures drop below freezing and leave frost on the windshield. One night, Phil’s brother and the woman who would become his wife, gave me this gift to ease the process of driving home in winter. It was especially meaningful because at the time, our relationship was not strong nor was I terribly kind or loving toward them. Over the years, that has changed and I’ve learned that they, too, are exceptional gift givers.

4. An all-expenses-paid trip to a writers conference in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. I will forever remember the generosity of a couple from my hometown who saw an advertisement for this conference and felt led to pay  my way. I had never considered going to a writers conference. I was working as a journalist at the time with no concrete writing dreams beyond what I was doing. It was a stretching experience for me as I drove the whole way by myself, took in some sight-seeing on the way back and let God open my world to the opportunities in Christian publishing. It was a life-changer for me, and I consider it an investment that has yet to accomplish its full return.

5. A royal wedding tea cup. When Prince William and Kate Middleton got married, my English friend and pen pal sent me a tea cup with their pictures on it. I was having sort of a blah day when it arrived and I was so tickled because of the uniqueness of the gift.

This is a small slice of the meaningful gifts I’ve received over the years, and recalling them makes me feel blessed to have special people in my life. It also challenges me to take more notice of my loved ones and find gifts that would be meaningful to them.

How about you? What meaningful gifts have you received?

Where rescue happens

Ever wonder what the inside of a locked brothel looks like? In this short video, covert footage captures investigators with The Exodus Road and Indian Rescue Mission entering a brothel searching for victims of sexual slavery. These brave men consistently gather evidence in the darkest of places, for the sake of raids, rescues, and prosecutions of criminals.

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Visit The Exodus Road to find out more. 

[vimeo http://www.vimeo.com/64830199 w=500&h=375]

Exodus Road Covert Footage. MUST WATCH. from The Exodus Road on Vimeo.

Believe you can change the world: Review of A Dream So Big by Steve Peifer

If you aren’t in love with Africa and its people already, then reading A Dream So Big will break your heart for them and leave you challenged to make a difference, however big or small you’re able. dream so big cover

Steve Peifer didn’t want to go to Africa, but after the death of his 4-day-old son, God impressed upon his heart to make his wife’s dream come true. His wife Nancy’s dream was to serve in Africa.

The family spent a year as dorm parents at Rift Valley Academy in Kenya. It was a challenging time and a healing time and they would leave the country changed. Steve’s heart was pierced by the extreme needs of the people, and when he encountered a classroom of children lying on the floor, his whole world was changed. He asked the teacher why the kids were lying down.

“It is Thursday,” she said. “Most of the children haven’t eaten since Monday. If they sit up, they will faint.”

That was the turning point for Steve, and when the family returned to Kenya as full-time ministries, Steve began to act on a vision to alleviate hunger in Kenya.

A Dream So Big is full of humor as Steve recounts his attempts to learn Swahili and interact with the culture. It’s also an honest soul-baring account of his transformation. What started as an escape from grief turned into a lifelong mission.

The impact Steve has made on Kenya’s schools through lunch programs and computer centers is inspiring.

If you’ve ever wanted to change the world but didn’t think it was possible, read this book and believe.

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In exchange for my review, I received a free copy of A Dream So Big from Zondervan through the Booksneeze program.

Where I confess my sins and begin again

I went running this morning.

starting line

Not earth-shattering, headline-making news, but for me, it was significant.

Four months ago, my mom bought me a new pair of running shoes because I asked her to and because the desire was in me to pick up a habit I’d neglected for too long.

And for four months, I’ve made excuses.

Too cold. Too dark. Husband’s new schedule. I’m sick. Too tired. Too many other more important things.

Today, my husband had the day off. And my pants have been fitting too tight. And I ate some delicious food this weekend, and too much of it, so I had fewer excuses.

I’m not sorry I ate the food or that I prioritize other things.

But I am sorry that I have broken a promise.

A promise I made on this blog and then slowly let slip out of my “important” pile.

Less than three years ago, I took up running, training to run a 5K (my first ever) with my husband. And I found out I liked it. I didn’t lose a ton of weight by doing it, but I felt good. I had more energy, and my body was in better shape than it had been.

So when the 5K was over, I kept running occasionally, not as often as when we were training. And I had this idea. I would pay better attention to what I ate. I would exercise. And when the pounds dropped off, I would donate money to a worthy cause. I gave myself six months.

And I failed miserably.

Now, almost a year and a half later, I haven’t lost as much weight as I’d hoped and I haven’t given any money to that worthy cause.

And I could spend a lot of time beating myself up about that or I could do what I did today.

Lace up the shoes.

Stretch out the legs.

And start over. In the rain, no less.

But in a way, I was grateful for the rain as I completed day 1 of the Couch-to-5K plan.

Because starting something good won’t always wait for the right conditions.

Sometimes you have to splash in the puddles and be drenched in the downpour on the way to your goal.

I won’t lie: I didn’t feel great when I finished.

My body ached. I wanted to go back to bed. I was soaked. And all day I’ve felt reminders of what I did in my calves and hips.

But the pain will pass.

And discipline is always hard. Training your body–or your mind or your spirit, for that matter–to do something it doesn’t normally do is hard and takes work and perseverance.

But it is worth it.

I can’t make any promises this time. I won’t tell you that in six months I hope to give $100 to women and children in Liberia or that I’ll be running a half-marathon by the fall.

All I know is today, I ran.

And I will run again.