Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns
If you think Jesus would have come into your home that day and not issued a strong rebuke to the head of household, you are mistaken. These words of condemnation have been haunting me for days now. They aren’t all that different than the soundtrack I play in my head on an almost-daily basis. It’s…
I am nesting. On Saturday I emptied the refrigerator. Last summer’s homemade pickles in their jars. The bread ends that seem to multiply on every shelf. The eggs. The milk. The fruit and veggies. All of it sat on the floor or the counter as I carefully removed the shelves and wiped them down with…
I’ve heard that life is like a highway. And it definitely seems like that sometimes. The pace of life swirls around me at dizzying speeds. We’re all so busy. In such a hurry. Always somewhere to be, something else to do. I’m a get-to-the-point, get-there-quick kind of girl. I don’t like to waste time on…
Our son turned 12 this week, and to celebrate he wanted to have a friend over for part of the afternoon into dinner the Saturday after his actual birthday. (On the day of his birthday, we celebrated by getting his first COVID shot. We sure know how to party!) We went to the ice cream store to pick out an ice cream cake then drove to his friend’s house. The boys played together for hours–outside and inside. We feasted on sushi and the chocolate peanut butter ice cream cake, then the kids resumed their video games with raucous outbursts that had me flinching. I like a quiet house as the evening descends. This was the opposite of that.
When we finally piled into the car to take his friend home, I was more than ready for some quiet. It had been a long week. We drove away from the lights of the business district where we live into the countryside where night seems darker because of the Amish houses (no electricity) scattered amongst the clusters of houses. Near a particularly dark corner, I turned onto the road, glanced up at the sky briefly–the stars are always calling to me–and saw an orange-ish streak of light cross my field of view.
A shooting star?, I thought.
It was so brief, I wondered if I had imagined it, but as we drove the rest of the way to our friends’ house, I held on to the image in my mind.
I didn’t want to forget what I had seen.
—
The week before our son’s birthday celebration was full of transition. It was also the first week of Advent. During that week, our daughter got braces, my husband started a new job, our son turned 12. Those events alone would have been enough to keep us busy. But then our daughter developed some cold-like symptoms that kept her (and me) home from school for two days and caused us to go get a COVID test for her (it was negative). On his birthday, our son got his first COVID vaccine.
At the beginning of the week, when our church lit the “hope” candle for Advent, I was low on hope even as the decorations in the auditorium and the music surrounded me with a feeling of hope. At small group Sunday night I talked about how hard it is sometimes for me to hope, how I don’t feel naturally hopeful, how hope seems skittish to me. Like if I look at it for too long, it will run away and hide.
I woke up Monday morning vowing to keep my eyes open for signs of hope. But I also went looking for hope.
I listened to a selection of music from a band called The Brilliance on repeat. I re-read Emily Dickinson’s poem “‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers” reminding myself that hope is sweetest in the midst of the storm. I listened to a podcast interview with author Jason Reynolds titled “The antidote to hopelessness.” He said it’s to spend time with youth. I read a couple of blog posts/newsletter essays–one about hope being at the gates, another about lighting more candles in advent. I listened to Kate Bowler talk about hope and how tricky that can be in the midst of a cancer diagnosis when people “hope at you,” as she says. I read this article in The Atlantic about the opposite of toxic positivity and learned a new phrase that lingers in my mind–“tragic optimism.”
I allowed myself to feel hopeful when the song “I’m Alive” by The Hooters came on the radio.
On a walk in the early evening one night, I tried to capture hope with my phone camera as the sun set in an array of brilliant colors.
By the time I saw the shooting star on Saturday night, my soul had been tuned for hope. I felt different than I had at the beginning of the week. But it didn’t just happen. I had to actively look for it.
—
I have wanted to see a shooting star or a meteor shower for years. When a news article declares the time is right to see them, I often forget or I can’t drag myself out of bed in the middle of the night or there’s too much light pollution. These sorts of celestial events are happening all the time, I’m sure, whether I’m aware of them or not, and looking for them takes patience and planning.
When I saw the shooting star on Saturday night, it reminded me of hope. How fleeting it feels and how serendipitous it can be. If I had looked up a second sooner or later or not at all, I would have missed the shooting star. If I hadn’t been looking for hope this week, I would have missed it.
But it would have still been there. The shooting star would have streaked across the sky whether I had seen it or not. Hope, I think, is the same. It’s out there, actively happening and waiting to be noticed.
Even having seen it, it’s still easy to doubt. Moments after I saw the shooting star, I thought, did I really just see that? Or did I imagine it?
Hope can feel the same way. Is it real? Or did I just imagine it?
This is why I think it takes some practice. And consistency. Just like I can’t expect to look up one time at the night sky and see a shooting star, I can’t try just once to see hope in the world around me.
I have to keep looking.
Sometimes I’ll find it. Sometimes I won’t.
But that doesn’t mean I stop looking.
This will be my practice for the rest of Advent: to keep looking.
This week, I will seek out peace. Next week, it will be joy. Then, love.
I can’t wait to see what I find.
November was a whole vibe. Until about the last week of the month, it felt like a giant blob of nothingness, then all of a sudden it was full steam ahead. I keep these records for me and our family because I like to remember all the things we’ve done, the special and ordinary moments we have each month. My day-to-day memory is terrible in the midst of stress and other difficulties. This month, while talking to a friend, I forgot that our family went to Illinois for part of our summer break. Because the pandemic has me questioning all of time. Anyway, if you get some enjoyment out of our ordinary lives, great. If not, I probably won’t stop. 🙂 Here’s our November round-up of What We Did, What We Ate, What We Watched and What We Read.
Early in the month, I got my COVID booster shot. I went in at 3 p.m. on Friday, was in bed by 8 p.m. and slept till almost 7 a.m. the next day. I woke up, read till 8:30 a.m., took 2 naps, and slept for another 10 hours that night. By Sunday I was back to normal. This was a huge difference from my first shot back in March, so I was pleased.
Phil took the kids to Central Market on the Saturday morning after I got my booster shot. In addition to the vegetables and fruit we needed for the week, he bought them coffee drinks and pastries. (!) The next Saturday, I asked if I could go with or if the kids wanted it to just be a dad thing. There was no strong feeling one way or the other, so we all went and had coffees and bagels or muffins. This has become a regular Saturday practice for us, at least until basketball games start.
Speaking of basketball, our son had his basketball evaluation. for the winter rec league season. He’s excited to get started.
Months ago, tickets went on sale for a local theater production called Emma, the Matchmaker. I had wanted to go the last time it was offered but wasn’t comfortable going by myself since Phil usually works on the nights it was offered. This time around, I decided to go for it because I’m trying to live my life the way I want to live it. I want to do the things I want to do while I have the chance. So, on a Friday night, I took myself on a date to this production staged in a late-18th-century plantation house. The audience followed the actors through four rooms and a hallway of the house, and it was delightful. Plus, Emma is my favorite of Jane Austen’s works because while I swoon for Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Knightley is the Austen hero I would choose to spend a life with. I’ve missed local theater. I love creativity in all forms. I needed to do this for me.
Phil and I woke up at 3:45 one morning to go outside and see a lunar eclipse. It was cloudy but we caught small glimpses of the phenomenon. I love eclipses and celestial phenomena of all kinds. Worth it.
ExtraGive, Lancaster’s biggest day of giving. Every year, no matter what our financial state, we give to community organizations on this ginormous day of giving. It always restores my faith in humanity.
Saturday morning walk with Phil while the kids were at a rehearsal for church. We hadn’t been in the woods together since the incident at the end of September. We took a flat, paved path in a suburban neighborhood, but it was beautiful. And it’s nice to have to time to finish a conversation without interruptions from a highly opinionated teenager and pre-teenager.
Youth service at church. Our kids participated in this annual event. I loved seeing their creativity come through.
An Outlander Celebration, online book release party for the 9th book in the Outlander series. I’ve only been an Outlander fan for a couple of years, but what I lack in longevity, I make up for with enthusiasm.
Haircuts. Long overdue. So fresh. I feel like a different person.
Turkey trot. I ran it by myself. It was my first in-person race in more than two years, and while I didn’t break any personal records, I was just glad to get out there and do it and finish. It was encouraging.
A Longwood Christmas at Longwood Gardens. We used our membership to attend this popular event on Thanksgiving Day. Maybe that wasn’t the best choice, but it was the day that had the most tickets available when we were looking. It’s a magical spectacle. Super crowded. But I’m glad we went.
On Black Friday, we headed to the Christmas tree farm to cut down our tree for the year. This is the first time in years that we’ve gone to the farm to cut down a tree.
We had friends over for dinner during our long break for Thanksgiving. We played a couple of board games/card games–CodeNames and Icons–after dinner. It was a fun reminder that we love to have people in our house and should do more of that.
Braces. Our daughter got braces on the last day of our Thanksgiving break. She’s the first in our family to have them, and the first few days were a rough ride. It’s going to be a long year.
And on the very last day of the month, Phil started his new job. What a long six weeks it was.
Soup! It’s at least a once-a-week menu item in the fall and winter. This month we made: Butternut squash soup. Egg drop soup. and Ham and bean soup.
Squash bread. Phil made his signature bread to take as our snack offering for small group, and our friends ate it up without asking questions. 🙂
Fish pie. I keep forgetting to take pictures of our food because we eat it when it’s hot. This is like chicken pot pie or shepherd’s pie, but with fish as the meat.
This amazing breakfast sandwich from Farm2Table at Lancaster Central Market. I wasn’t feeling bagels when we went the Saturday before Thanksgiving. A good breakfast sandwich is my jam.
Klondike bars. For nostalgia and introducing the kids to treats of yesteryear.
Salted caramel pop-tarts. Um, what? These are better than I expected. Phil bought pop-tarts as breakfast treat for Thanksgiving morning.
Thanksgiving Day: Baltimore pit beef sandwiches, fingerling potatoes, green bean casserole, pumpkin bars (our go-to fall dessert). We don’t always do the traditional turkey on Thanksgiving, especially if it’s just going to be the four of us.
But, on the day after Thanksgiving, we did do a more traditional meal: smoked turkey breast, homemade stuffing, mashed purple sweet potatoes, maple-mustard glazed brussels sprouts. All delish.
For our dinner guests, we made Swedish meatballs from a recipe my aunt gave me years ago. Yum.
LegoMasters. We finished. Whew. What a ride.
Saturday Night Live clips. Small doses of television guaranteed to make me laugh. I have loved sketch comedy for most of my life.
Kim’s Convenience. A few episodes here and there.
What If …? Episodes 3, 4 and 5 were hard to watch. But we finished the series and feel pretty good about how it ended.
Grantchester.
Jungle Cruise. A bit hokey. Some good jokes. Plus THE ROCK. I had some issues with the ending, but it’s Disney, so I guess I can’t really expect anything different.
Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Our son is a member of the 6th-grade safety patrol for his bus, so we often call him a bus cop. We thought it was necessary for him to see this movie. It did not disappoint for him.
Over the Hedge. This was another one for our son’s sake because he’s like Hammy the Squirrel. We had lots of laughs.
The World According to Jeff Goldblum. Phil and I found this series on Disney Plus and it’s delightful because Jeff Goldblum is quirky, curious and childlike.
Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings. Okay, this might be my all-time favorite Marvel movie. And it’s hard to go back to watching Simu Liu in Kim’s Convenience after seeing him in this
Jesus and John Wayne, book club, continued. We got so tired of talking about the same things every week that we finally decided to just finish the book once and for all and talk about it once. I finished it. I need a spiritual palate cleanser now because I just feel icky.
Death by Water by Kerry Greenwood. More Phryne Fisher. I won’t apologize.
Evil Spy School by Stuart Gibbs. I love reading this series together with my kids, and I enjoy the story and characters, too.
Darius the Great is Not Okay by Adib Khorram. I bought this one at a book fair last year. The main character is an American-born high school boy with Persian parents. They have to make a trip to Iran to visit family. Darius wrestles with his identity as a “fractional Persian”–his mom was born in Iran, his dad is American, he was born in America–and it’s honest and compelling.
Temptation Ridge by Robyn Carr. Yep, it’s back to Virgin River for me. I want to keep knowing about the characters but some of the writing is starting to annoy me. How long until the series returns on Netflix?
A Rogue of One’s Own by Evie Dunmore. Book 2 in the League of Extraordinary Women series.
The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. This is one of those “classics” I missed. I love YA literature because of the way its authors write POV. I underlined some things in this one that I absolutely loved. I understand there are some personal issues with the author. Still, I think this is a valuable read.
Portrait of a Scotsman by Evie Dunmore. Book 3 in the League of Extraordinary Women series. This one was my favorite. This whole series is so unique and compelling.
The Beautiful Mystery by Louise Penny. Another unforgettable Inspector Gamache novel. Usually I take some time before grabbing the next one in the series, but the way this one ended had me checking out the next one immediately from the library.
Paradise Valley by Robyn Carr. Okay, I might need a break from the Virgin River book series.
Spy Ski School by Stuart Gibbs. We started this one at the end of the month.