Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns
If you think Jesus would have come into your home that day and not issued a strong rebuke to the head of household, you are mistaken. These words of condemnation have been haunting me for days now. They aren’t all that different than the soundtrack I play in my head on an almost-daily basis. It’s…
I am nesting. On Saturday I emptied the refrigerator. Last summer’s homemade pickles in their jars. The bread ends that seem to multiply on every shelf. The eggs. The milk. The fruit and veggies. All of it sat on the floor or the counter as I carefully removed the shelves and wiped them down with…
I’ve heard that life is like a highway. And it definitely seems like that sometimes. The pace of life swirls around me at dizzying speeds. We’re all so busy. In such a hurry. Always somewhere to be, something else to do. I’m a get-to-the-point, get-there-quick kind of girl. I don’t like to waste time on…
Day 67: Uggghhhhhh. That’s just an overall feeling, nothing specific. I woke up before my alarm. Scrolled socials then got out of bed to take my coffee to the porch. The scrolling of socials sort of negates the going outside. Must. Break. The Habit. I sat on the porch listening to the squirrels scamper and the birds chirp. I spotted a woodpecker in the neighbor’s tree. I realized my house is like an island for me. It’s a place of safety and stepping off the porch or out onto the road is kind of scary. My daughter and I have to leave the house tomorrow for a routine doctor’s appointment, and it will be the first time I’ve driven in more than 2 months, the first time I’ve been anywhere I couldn’t walk or run to, the first interaction I’ll have had with people who are not my family.
My house is also like an anchor that tethers me. When I go for a run, I stay close enough to the house that I never feel too far away.
I paid bills when I came back in. Have I mentioned before how oddly satisfying it is for me to check off the bills for the month?
After getting the kids started on school work, sort of, I went outside to take care of some plant tasks. There were two, no three, I wanted to repot, so I worked on that. Son needed my help with school, so I was in and out a lot. When the three plants were in new pots with new soil, I decided to clear the flower beds. Some weeds had taken over. Someone in a large truck honked and waved as I was clearing the bed by the road. I’m not sure who it was, but thank you! After the weeds were taken care of, I cleared the rest of one flower bed and scattered some wildflower seeds I found in “storage.”
The despair was hovering today so I attacked it with aggressive weeding and planting hope and beauty. These are my weapons. My body aches from the effort, and I hope it’s worth it.
I changed into workout clothes when I came in, just to prepare myself for the afternoon. We ate lunch. I watched a When Calls the Heart episode while having lunch, washing dishes and folding laundry. Daughter had to manage a couple of video calls. Once we decided we were set with those, I got to my workout. But I also had to reply to a couple of work emails and the training and the recording of hours, so my mindset for my workout was distracted at best. Still, I did it.
Then, daughter wanted to upload her video for the virtual choir, so she practiced and then we reviewed all the requirements. We did a practice video and she decided that she needed to sing more loudly. I agreed. We managed to get a good second take that she was proud of and wanted to submit. Then came the hard part. I had to get the video from my phone to my computer to upload it on the site. I probably could have done it all on my phone, but sometimes it’s just easier for me to do it on the computer. All of my cloud storage apps were practically full, so I took some time to download and save photos from our trip to Boston three years ago onto my computer. That freed up a lot of space, but took a lot of time. Then I had to transfer her video and compress it and upload it, and two hours after we started, it was done. Her certificate is printed and I’m proud of her for doing something new that wasn’t necessarily easy.
I changed into regular clothes in the hopes that I would be able to get some other work done. I did do a little bit of reading. The TV has been on all afternoon. We haven’t met all of our daily requirements for tasks. I’m out of energy to force it all to happen. I have a plan for dinner. Phil just got home. I’m feeling a little bit aimless right now, which is not an unusual feeling these days. I don’t know what normal will feel like in the future.
My attention span is waning and I want to numb all of my feelings. Sometimes. Not all the time. I probably just need to drink more water and eat a semi-nutritious dinner. Afternoon snacking might be the downfall right now.
We had dinner while watching Good Mythical Morning. Watered the garden while the kids rode bikes. Sat on the couch reading. None of us seemed to have the energy for a family game night. Phil and I watched the rest of the Cotswolds travel documentary and then went to bed.
Day 68: One of my favorite songs right now is “Caution” by The Killers. It’s the beat and the words and it just makes me feel wild and free, which is just about the opposite of how life really is right now. But the last few lines are what are sticking with me: “Cause it’s some kind of sin, to live your whole life, on a might’ve been.”
I’ve been thinking a lot about what life is going to be like on the other side of this pandemic. When we’re freer to go places and see people. It scares me sometimes but also excites me. Because it’s like we get to reset. We don’t have to go back to the way things were. And that line from the song fits with my attitude since the year I turned 40 and made the list of things I don’t want to put off anymore. I’ve been trying to live with no regrets, not in reckless abandon but with courage and curiosity and intention. This whole social distancing/isolation/quarantine reinforces this idea that I don’t want to live a might’ve been kind of life.
I want to have experiences and go places I’ve always wanted to go. I want to tell people what they mean to me and never miss a chance to give a hug or a kind word. I don’t want to be afraid or overly cautious about new things. I might not throw caution, like the song says, but I definitely want to make it a lesser voice when I make decisions.
Anyway, those are the first thoughts of today. I took my coffee to the porch without checking my email or socials first, so that’s a small victory. Today, I’ll get to see the world outside my neighborhood for the first time in months, and I’m anxious. It will be okay. When I did get to my email, I had one about a launch team I joined, so I took some time introducing myself to the group. This is hard for me because I can never sum up who I am in a short comment. (It’s usually not that short!) Connecting online is hard. I usually want to know more and everything about people with whom I share a little thing in common, like a favorite author.
I spent the first part of the morning helping my son with a letter to his fifth-grade teacher. It’s a generic letter; we won’t know his teacher till summer. Then I worked out and organized the boxes for donation. Phil took seven boxes of clothing, shoes and toys to the thrift store that’s accepting donations. This does not count the book boxes still sitting in our house waiting for the library to reopen. The decluttering refreshes my soul.
Lunch. Dishes. A phone call from my doctor’s office that they finally have my medication, so I’m all set with an appointment for that. Yahoo! Started laundry. Showered. I took some writing time this afternoon before the girl and I have to go out for errands.
I was pretty anxious about leaving. I wiped down every part of the car she and I would touch because it hasn’t been done. We gathered our masks and our courage and the items that need to be returned to school. We passed the road that marks the farthest I’ve been away from our house in more than 2 months. And we found the world mostly as it was. It’s still spinning. It’s still beautiful. There are messages of hope in front of people’s houses and on businesses. It reminds me a little of how the world was after 9/11. We dropped off the books at the school and drove to the doctor’s office for an immunization booster. And it was a little surreal. We had to call the front desk to check in and wait outside for someone to come get us. The nurse who came was wearing a mask and a face shield and she escorted us to the back. There was some confusion about what kind of appointment we were there for, but it was quickly and easily cleared up. My daughter got her immunization and we had to wait for 15 minutes. We had nearly the entire office to ourselves besides the medical staff because they aren’t seeing patients for regular appointments in the office. The 15 minutes passed. We chatted briefly with our provider and then another nurse escorted us out of the building, offering to open every door for us so we didn’t have to touch anything. This is not the most efficient way to practice medicine, I know, but the personal service was nice. We drove home, deposited our masks in the hampers and washed our hands.
I’m not eager to go out and about in a full-fledged manner, but knowing that it’s possible and not as scary as it seems from inside my house is comforting.
Phil made us another delicious dinner, a vegetarian korma over smashed fingerling potatoes. He also made rice pudding and chocolate chip cookies. You can be a little jealous. We watched some Jim Gaffigan content during dinner. Son and I went for a walk because he needed active time for the day. Phil had an evening chiropractor appointment. I watered the garden and some of the other plants. I read another chapter of Upside-Down Magic out loud to my son.
Phil and I watched an episode of Poldark and The Office. Both left me with a lot of feels.
Day 69: I woke up early to go for a run. My son has a telehealth counseling appointment this morning, which throws off our rhythm a little, but I don’t mind getting out there early and getting it done. It was cool this morning, but not uncomfortable. Forty degrees in May is different from forty degrees in January. I took a country route today. One thing this pandemic has done for me is lessened my fears of running on roads and it’s given me more time to vary my routes. The decreased traffic helps with the road running, also. I had to hopscotch some “road apples” on my route this morning. (To be clear: Amish buggies are pulled by horses and horses poop on the road.) Yesterday, my daughter and I drove with the windows down and smelled the pungent manure odor in the air. “Poop’s not cancelled,” we said, giggling.
The neighborhoods were quiet. I passed a couple of other runners and a friend’s house that had been decorated for a 16th birthday. It made me smile.
Breakfast. Late coffee. And it’s time to meet with the kids. I’ve missed my morning quiet on the porch for today, but maybe I can do it later in the day.
Checked in with the kids then got in the shower before son’s counseling appointment. We gathered his necessary materials for that, namely his blankets and stuffed friends. We set ourselves up in the fort of his bed, and it was a productive and helpful hour for me, at least. Our schedule for the rest of the day was off a bit. Son skipped his class meeting because of the counseling appointment but tuned in for a reading game with his class. The morning felt a little aimless for me. Phil left early for work because they’re loading up for the holiday weekend. What even is a holiday weekend anymore?
I washed dishes. Folded laundry. Listened to Office Ladies podcast. Made guacamole for a snack and prepped the meat for dinner. Son had a band lesson and then he finished his academic work. Phil was home earlier than usual. I sat on the porch to read for work because it’s a beautiful spring day.
While I was sitting on the porch, the bird left the nest and came back. Not long after it came back, a crow got too close and there was a sort of bird fight. I don’t know if the dove was trying to draw the crow away on purpose, but they both flew away in a sort of chase. Only the dove returned a few minutes later. It landed on the porch roof and kept peeking its head over as if to check if it was all clear. Then it flew to the ground and looked around before going back to the nest. It was wild in the wildest sense.
Dinner and Good Mythical Morning, a couple of episodes we had to abandon because of inappropriate content for our children. Daughter did Just Dance for active time after dinner. Son wanted to ride his bike, so I sat outside and watched him. We didn’t water the plants because rain was on the horizon.
Negotiations for dessert almost ended poorly. Then I read some more Upside-Down Magic to my son before tucking both kids in. I settled in for a When Calls the Heart marathon and cross-stitch. I ended up watching 3 episodes and trying to untangle some strands. I forgot to get my coffee set up for the morning, but by the time I remembered, it was too late to run the coffee grinder.
Day 70: It’s evening and the first time I’m sitting down to document the day. I don’t know if that means it feels more like normal or if there’s no meaning in it at all.
The kids are making a workout/playlist on Just Dance, and it’s kind of dizzying if you’re just watching. They’re burning a lot of calories arguing. I’ll go backwards for the day now, I guess. We just finished watching the first episode of Ultimate Tag, which premiered this week on Fox. It’s surprisingly a lot like American Gladiators which was a favorite in my childhood. I want to show the kids some episodes of that. Ultimate Tag was interesting, but honestly, it’s a little overdone on the drama and the characters of the taggers. I miss the simplicity of American Gladiators, but maybe I won’t think that way if I actually watch an old episode. I guess this means I’m at the age where everything old is new again.
It rained most of the day today which means I wanted to eat all day and drink all the warm beverages, even though it wasn’t really cold outside. For a Friday, it felt like we got a lot done. I started the day on the porch with coffee, but I could feel the antsy-ness in my body. Not that I had a lot to do but just getting on with the day gives me a sense of purpose. I spent the first chunk of the morning researching the next month of my fitness program. I’ve heard from others who are ahead of me that it’s challenging and I wanted to make sure I had variations for each exercise picked out. I’m starting tomorrow on month 4. Although I’ve been working out according to this program for almost four months already.
We checked in about academics, which aren’t a lot on Fridays. I know I did dishes and laundry this morning while listening to Office Ladies. I started another book for judging. At lunch, I started watching When Calls the Heart and continued after lunch while folding laundry and resting. I watched two episodes and the second one had me crying lots of tears. I completed another training module for work and made dinner.
There’s a rhythm to our days, sometimes, and there’s not a lot of variety. My grandma called. That was something out of the ordinary. She thanked me for the school pictures of the kids I sent, and we talked a little bit about the monotony of our days. Always good to hear voices of my family.
Phil is prepping for work tomorrow with laundry and getting his food ready. We made the produce list for next week. Because it rained all day, there’s no need to check on the garden. I can see it from the kitchen window and I hope the rain will be beneficial to it. I’m pretty sure we’re going to have to replace the tomato plants. I didn’t take as good care of them as I could have when they arrived in my care.
I also learned during the day that our entire state will be moving to the yellow phase on June 5. It’s movement, but I’m trying not to get too excited about it because we still need to be careful. I’m not eager to jump back in to life as we knew it once.
I watched 2 episodes of When Calls the Heart while cross-stitching and talked to our friend David for a little bit.
Day 71: Saturday. I read books. I watched Netflix. I washed dishes. The kids played an imagination game. I worked out (and sweated a lot). I invested emotionally in a lot of fictional worlds today so I’m kind of drained. Our daughter chose the dinner for tonight and made most of it herself. I helped out a little. She enjoys cooking so we’re adding a night of the week for her to contribute, too.
The garden has been well-watered from the rain, and there are shoots coming up from the seeds I planted, which makes me happy.
Today, I’m just tired, even though I don’t feel like I did that much. Also, it’s okay to be tired. And unproductive. Some days, I just need the escape of fiction and the refreshment of rest, and Saturdays are a good day for that.
Phil and I rented Knives Out from Fandango for 99 cents and it was an enjoyable movie. I’d heard good things about it and I’m glad we had the chance to watch it.
Day 72: Highlight of today is that I went to the grocery store instead of sending Phil. I needed some things for my new month of the meal plan, and it’s not necessarily his time to go. Plus it’s just time for me to start venturing out when necessary. I went after my workout, which was sweaty and tiring, but I had adrenaline and endorphins on my side. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was strange to see everyone wearing masks and it seems like people are hyperaware of other people. I had a list and I stuck to it mostly. I was in and out in less than 30 minutes, and if I think too long about it, I’ll probably be anxious about it, but I survived it and still had time to take a quick shower before online church.
After lunch, I did some food prep with the ingredients I picked up at the store. I made three things for breakfasts and snacks in the coming weeks while catching up on Office Ladies podcast, then I needed to lie down and take a rest, so I watched When Calls the Heart. The kids played outside for a bit. Phil took a nap.
With dinner, we watched the first episode of The Big Flower Fight. We like creative competition shows.
My workouts the last two days were challenging, so I’m struggling with some sore muscles right now. Hoping it won’t be too hard to go for a run tomorrow. There’s no school tomorrow, and we’re in the home stretch of online schooling. Summer is coming, and I don’t know what it will all look like for us.
There was a NASCAR race on, so Phil and I filled out our mail-in ballots for the primary election while watching. I read some of Good Omens, my current loan from the library.
Day 73: My hope is that we’re on the downside of all this. Not that everything will magically go back to normal but that we’ll be able to ease back into some sort of normalcy. I fear for summer and what it means for how we spend our days.
I sat on the porch with my coffee. It’s quieter this morning, probably because it’s a holiday, although I don’t know how much “holiday” there is. I need to go for a run, but drinking water and stretching have been good for me.
It’s evening now, and I have a colossal headache. I’m not sure why. Here’s how the rest of the day went after this morning. We video called with my parents. The kids half-listened while playing games on their screens. Ugh. I went for a run. I wasn’t sure how far I was going to go. I ended up running almost 3 miles. My hamstrings were so tight at the beginning, but I feel good now having done it.
The alternative rock station was playing the top 90 alternative hits from the ’90s, so I spent the rest of the morning listening to that while I had a post-run snack, washed dishes, folded laundry, showered and put together more letters/pictures for friends and family. No mail today, but when tomorrow comes, our box will be FULL of outgoing mail.
I took my work reading outside to the porch because it’s another gorgeous day. I checked on the garden. All’s as well as can be expected out there. Phil came home and together we encouraged the kids to get outside. His encouragement included locking the house after we were all outside and not opening it again for an hour, unless there was a bathroom need. (There wasn’t.) News flash: we’re the worst parents ever for making our kids be outside on a nice day. FYI. Man, this is going to be a great summer because I think it’s the only way we’re going to get the kids outside on a regular basis. They’re super excited about our hiking and biking plans, too. (sarcasm font)
I made dinner. We watched another episode of The Big Flower Fight, then tried to get together our online dinner order for tomorrow. (It’s our anniversary, so we’re ordering takeout.) It was more of an ordeal, and with all of the sass and attitude we’ve had to day, the kids are going to bed early. Maybe I’ve found the source of my headache.
The kids went to bed early and I watched several episodes of When Calls the Heart.
Day 74: It’s our anniversary, and I’ve had a full experience of emotions today. Everything from anxiety and irritability to overwhelming gratitude and love. I cried real tears streaming down my face when I got my husband’s annual anniversary tweet that dedicates a song to our relationship. I’m just overcome with a lot of memories and moments from 13 years of marriage.
We ordered dinner from a local restaurant and set the table for two. The kids ate in the living room and watched YouTube while Phil and I pretended we were at a restaurant. We put on nicer than usual clothes and ate off of fancy plates with a lit candle on the table. Sometimes, you just need to make it special anyway.
The length of time between posts is increasing, and I think that’s mostly because the novelty of documenting our days is wearing off. I’m taking fewer photos. Maybe things will change when we’re done with online school. Anyway, here are the last eight days of our ordinary pandemic life.
Day 59: Oh boy. The number of days. The weather is being wacky. Cold. Rainy. That’s not so wacky, but I long for the sunshine. I listened to Pray As You Go this morning before getting out of bed. It’s a run day, so I checked the weather to see when the rain might clear up. Late morning should be good. Ate breakfast. Now I’m drinking coffee. The kids have been up for a while watching TV. Now they’re on screens while they eat breakfast. They’re also already dressed, which is kind of weird for them.
Yesterday during the sermon, our pastor asked how many of us were ready for quarantine to be over. I couldn’t raise my hand all the way because I’m not sure the world out there is ready for the quarantine to be over. We’ve gotten into a rhythm and re-entering society is going to be an adjustment. Things won’t be as they were. Not completely. I’m nervous about our county’s plan to move from the red to yellow phase, that people will take more liberties that will endanger my husband. If we could just hunker down and stay inside and let everyone else do what they want, maybe I wouldn’t care as much. But Phil goes out there five days a week for work and sometimes once a week for groceries.
I spent some time prepping a blog post while drinking coffee.
I met with the kids for school check-in then went out for a run. My goal for today was around 2.25 miles. Over the weekend, there was social media campaign aimed at running 2.23 miles to raise awareness/call attention to the shooting death of Ahmaud Arbery, a black man who was running through a neighborhood when two white men chased him with guns and killed him. I ran a little over that set amount. My goal is not to bandwagon support something because it’s trending. In recent years I have been grieved by the injustices facing black people, injustices I was not aware existed as a white person. I’m still learning and listening and unpacking the biases in my own life, acknowledging the ways I have benefitted from white supremacy. It is a long journey but one I want to continue on. Running and posting a photo with hashtag is a tiny step.
It was hard to find a rhythm today. The sky was intermittently sunny and the temp is going to drop again tonight. I washed dishes and did a little bit of laundry. I ate lunch and helped my son with homework. I didn’t do much of my own work, not reading or training or writing. I did watch the governor’s press conference. It’s about to get ugly here in this state. I hate conflict, even if it doesn’t directly affect me. Midafternoon I hit a slump and just went to my bed with my phone to watch Netflix. I’m totally hooked on When Calls the Heart. I finished the first season while making dinner.
Last week, our son planted these zinnia seeds for a school assignment. They are starting to sprout.
During dinner, we watched Some Good News, the wedding edition, and we all laughed and cried and wanted to dance when The Office cast reunited for THE dance. It’s so uplifting. I hope it never stops. The kids are out riding bikes now. I hope it tires them. They’ve been a little off-kilter today. Overly expressive and a bit rowdy. I don’t blame them. It’s just hard to handle when there’s no place to go, no separation from them.
We haven’t eaten many dinners at the dining table. Pre-COVID, that was our gathering place to reconnect at the end of the day after being apart, the place where we heard about each other’s days. Now, we kind of already know about each other’s days. I’m not saying it’s wrong for us to gather in front of the TV and experience a show together. It is its own kind of connection. I hope we don’t lose that aspect of family time when this is over.
The kids and I ate ice cream then lounged before bedtime–reading, playing games on screens. I finally settled in to watch the Outlander season 5 finale, and it left me with some big feelings, so I watched an episode of When Calls the Heart. Unfortunately, that was part 1 of 2, so now I’m left wanting to watch another episode. But I went to bed instead.
Day 60: I had a restless night and woke up for good at 5:30. Then I made the poor decision to just scroll through Twitter and Instagram for half an hour. I listened to Pray As You Go then pulled myself out of bed. I paid some bills and adjusted my monthly coffee order. I want to be more motivated today than yesterday but I’m not sure it’s something I can just decide. Maybe it is, though.
It wasn’t all bad today. I did my workout. The kids did Just Dance for active time this morning. My son had fewer Zoom obligations today and less class work, and I think that helped with my productivity. I gave him a deadline to be done with the computer so I could start my online training. After my workout, I did dishes and laundry (did you guess it? It’s a constant part of my day!) including our sheets. The thought crossed my mind that we might want to get a new comforter. It’s 13 years old this year. Later, Phil told me he had the same thought for our anniversary present to ourselves. Good to know that we still track on the same page sometimes.
After lunch I settled in for my first two-hour training. Check. Part of me just wants to keep going to get it done, but I’m going to do my best to spread it out a little bit so I don’t get information overload. After that, I needed afternoon tea and a snack. I watched a few episodes of When Calls the Heart, and I did some early prep work for dinner. I’m totally hooked on the show and having trouble rationing the episodes. The kids did some chores in the afternoon. I got to work on dinner just as Phil texted that he was on his way home. We had fish and rice and asparagus, a tasty, light dinner. We watched some Good Mythical Morning to pass the time.
I hadn’t been outside much all day, so I took a book to the porch. The kids decided to ride bikes for a bit. It wasn’t long for any of us because there’s still a chill in the air this time of night, especially on the porch, but it was good to get some fresh air. They came in and had ice cream. I did too much scrolling on social media after reading a few pages of a book about how social media distracts us from spiritual formation. *facepalm*
While I was making dinner, a car pulled into the driveway, but I didn’t see it until it was backing out of the driveway. I looked at the porch and there was a package with my name on it. Inside the package was the coffee and tea I had ordered this morning from the local coffee shop. They delivered it right to my porch! I have a coffee subscription through this shop because I am supporting local business and always supplied with coffee and now I may never do anything else. I have come to more fully appreciate local businesses in this time.
Phil and I started watching Troop Zero. There was an Internet connectivity problem in the middle and I was tired so we didn’t finish it, but I’m enjoying it so far.
Day 61: What a day! Not your typical Wednesday, although maybe we could say that about every day right now. Phil left early to go rent a tiller so we could get the garden in. Finally. The weather has been so wacky with late overnight lows near freezing, plus we just haven’t had a good time when Phil is available. He came back with it and got started right away, and his morning of hard work made my day. Because we rented a smaller tiller than we’ve used in the past, he was able to turn up the soil almost all the way to the edges of the garden, and he went deeper than ever before. The dirt looks so healthy and fertile.
I worked out for part of the time he was tilling. The kids had trouble getting started on academics and honestly, we are in the home stretch of distance learning and even if we weren’t we’d be D-O-N-E with school. May is a notoriously ridiculous month of busyness for schools, so in some ways, I’m not sorry we’re homebound.
After Phil returned the tiller, we sat outside and planned out the garden while he ate lunch. We had some seeds to plant and some transplants to put in, all courtesy of a friend who dropped them off what feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve been trying not so well to keep them alive. I’m hoping having them in the garden will revive their spirits. I took time in the afternoon to do the planting we’d planned while Phil got started on dinner. I love our collaboration on all things household. Neither of us have the exclusive on any given job or duty.
I showered and watched an episode of When Calls the Heart. I’m not sure what all the kids have done today. Our son did finish his school work with the help of his sister, but it’s been a struggle lately to keep him on task. Our daughter is already thinking about middle school, and while I can’t blame her, I just want her to finish this year well.
Phil is baking again–part of his Wednesday routine–and finishing up dinner. I could have taken my writing time this afternoon, but it was such a nice day that the garden seemed like a better use of my time. I need to do some writing, but it’s not anything urgent.
I took a call from my doctor’s office this afternoon. The drug company approved my medication, but we’re not sure what the next steps are because that’s all the information they gave the receptionist who answered the phone. I’m hoping to get this sorted out soon, but I don’t have any energy to track it down myself. I might be waiting a while if I wait for them to call me, though.
We ate dinner and watched Jim Gaffigan’s latest “Let’s Get Cookin'” episodes. These make our son giggle, and it’s the best sound. After dinner, we went outside to water the garden, but we had some struggles with the hose. It had fused to the splitter on our spigot, and our landlord had removed the splitter from the spigot a while ago. Phil worked on it for the better part of 30 minutes and couldn’t get it all the way off. So, we had to hand water the plants. Phil filled a bucket for me and I got my little watering can for the indoor plants and I watered the little babies in the garden that had wilted in the afternoon sun. We have reached the season where I obsess over the plants. And because we’re in quarantine, I’m also talking to them. (Or providing them with extra CO2, you decide.) It’s going to be cool overnight so I’m a little worried about them.
The kids rode their bikes. We had the dessert Phil made when we came back in: rhubarb crisp with vanilla ice cream. I am not the biggest fan of rhubarb but what my husband made was good. The kids went to bed, and Phil and I finished watching Troop Zero. I’d call it a feel-good film.
Day 62: I slept better last night. I think my afternoon tea habit was harming my sleep habits. The afternoon tea was caffeinated, so I don’t think my body liked that. I washed not a single dish yesterday which means the pile of unwashed dishes is staggering today. And it’s a run day. And my son has a virtual field trip that he sort of doesn’t want to attend because of the time it’s being held. What a full day already!
I saw a small airplane in the sky yesterday while Phil was tilling and realized that the contrails from planes is something that’s been missing from the sky. All I see are clouds now, which is not a complaint. It’s just further evidence of the strange times we’re living in.
Coffee and breakfast as usual this morning. We have a Target order arriving sometime today. I didn’t think I would like online shopping for necessities, but it’s not so bad. Especially when I can consult things already in the house. (Like, which deodorant does Phil wear again?)
We checked in on academic stuff then I prepared for my run. My plan was to go 3.5 miles, so I mapped out a route that I was pretty sure would work. The kids decided to play their made-up cooking show game for a while, which sounds innocent enough but involves props and taking over large areas of the house. I’m all “see ya bye” when things get like this. Summer is coming and I am not prepared.
The weather was practically perfect for running, and I was actually excited to get out there. I did a little bit of walking for some of the route but I ended up running 3.7 miles which is the farthest I’ve ever run. 3.5 miles would have been the farthest I’ve ever run, but I decided to overachieve myself. I’m not sorry, but ask me tomorrow if I have any regrets. This running journey has been something else, and it’s only been six months since I was recovering from surgery. I was devastated back in those days at the fitness I was losing, but look at me now. I’m choosing to be grateful for what my body is capable of.
By the time I got home, the kids were being wild, so I made them pack it up and get ready to do academics. It feels like the end of the school year in so.many.ways. We got everything sorted out for my son’s class meeting and while he was on it, I called his counseling office to reschedule some appointments that were canceled because the office hours had changed. That felt good to get done and it feels good knowing we’ll have some time to talk out some of the things that have been going on here in quarantine. (Nothing dangerous or destructive, just concerning.)
I got started on the dishes toward lunch time and at one point, I just started crying because so many things feel like they’re falling on my shoulders these days. And the week hasn’t been productive in the ways I expected, but it has been good and necessary work. Next week will be better and the end of school is on the horizon.
Finished up the dishes after lunch. Helped son with his schoolwork. Took a shower. Got some of the dinner prep started, then watched an episode of When Calls the Heart before finishing up dinner. While I finished dinner, the pharmacy that is distributing my injection medication called, which had me hopeful that the whole payment thing had been taken care of. But it wasn’t. I expressed some serious frustration on the phone with the representative I was talking to. I did tell her that I knew it wasn’t her fault, but I needed to understand this process. I’m going to give it another day or until Monday and then I’m going to have to make some more calls. Ugh.
We watched a couple of episodes of Good Mythical Morning while we ate. Then we all went outside–the grownups to add some water to the garden plants, the kids to bicycle for a little bit. The garden is my new obsession. I am concerned for the plant babies and have actually started talking to them. Haven’t named them yet, but the garden season is young.
Phil and I sat at the table while the kids lounged on the couch/folded laundry. We ordered a pair of T-shirts that benefit our local refugee resettlement organization and talked through some financial stuff. Now it’s just a waiting game till the kids go to bed so I can resume binging When Calls the Heart.
Son said he wasn’t feeling well before bed. Thought he might puke but he ended up just going to sleep in his clothes. Sometimes this happens with him. He’ll be fine in the morning.
I watched three episodes of When Calls the Heart, finishing out season 2. When I started the last episode of season 2, I was hopeful I’d have some resolution. It was a lie! This show is so good at cliffhangers. I’m in suspense now.
Day 63: Son is fine this morning. It’s going to be 80 today. The garden looks better from what I can see from the kitchen. This is part of my morning ritual. I think sometimes that I should have been a farmer, but I probably don’t mean that.
Breakfast is in the works.
Some days, I just have to let go of the expectations I have for how the kids spend the day and get on with what I have to do. That’s most days, if I’m honest. This morning, I put on the next episode of When Calls the Heart while I did dishes and laundry, not realizing it was almost 90 minutes long. The kids may or may not have been on screen time most of that time, although I think my son was folding his clothes from yesterday.
By the time I finished the episode and various household chores, including getting some letters in the mail seconds before the mail truck pulled up to our box, my son was ready to look at his school work. We sat together and did a few things before his meeting. I had to print some things for him and as long as I had the computer plugged in to the printer, I sent my pages to the printer as well. The printing finished with two minutes to spare before his meeting. I will be glad when my computer is not so needed during the day. I did reading work during his meeting, which included a scavenger hunt and was kind of fun to listen to. He finished his school work after his meeting while daughter and I prepped our lunch. The kids ate lunch and watched screens. I pulled laundry from the dryer and watched another episode of When Calls the Heart as I folded. I did rest a little bit this afternoon to finish the episode.
I finished another book for judging this afternoon. Some of that time I spent outside because it is absolutely gorgeously warm outside. And sunny. At 1:30, I tuned in to a livestream that my teaching co-workers were doing to raise money for a local organization that helps families in need. I couldn’t interact with them as I watched, but it was good to just see their faces.
It’s pizza night, so when the time rolled around, I started getting to work on that while listening to the Outlander podcast. I’m in full on Droughtlander with every other fan now, so I’m trying to cope as best I can. May read some more of Diana Gabaldon’s books in the meantime. But I’m still up to my eyeballs in books to read right now. I have one to finish that I’m helping to launch and one I’m reading just for fun but isn’t as much fun as I hoped it would be. Still, I have a hard time giving up on books, so I’m muddling through. This is not how every reader reads. Others would give up and move on. I have trouble leaving a story unfinished. Only two books can I remember totally giving up on and both were nonfiction.
We watched Good Mythical Morning while eating pizza, then headed outside to tend to the garden. I relish this practice of daily check-ins with the plants. It adds a rhythm to our days that I love. There is something about taking care of things planted in the ground that feeds my soul. We watered the plants, which were looking droopy after a day in the sun. I am amazed, year after year, how the plants rebound with a slight change in circumstances.
When we came in, it was time to pick up the living room–put clothes and towels away that had been folded–and take baths/showers. While our son was bathing, daughter and I looked at this virtual choir opportunity she has the chance to participate in. We got her signed up so she can practice. After his bath, my son was kind of bored. Phil has used some fancy (probably not at all fancy) technology to limit the hours the kids can connect their devices to the Internet. I offered to read some more to him from the book we started together. He didn’t want to be in the living room while his sister was singing. So, we got him ready for bed and he curled up and I read two chapters.
Both kids settled in to bed, and I settled in to watch three episodes of When Calls the Heart while doing cross-stitch.
Day 64: We slept with the windows open last night. It’s my favorite time of year when we don’t have to run the heat and don’t have to put the air conditioners in the windows yet. We can open the windows and just enjoy the fresh air. I planned ahead and set my coffee pot to “delay brew” last night so that I would have an easier time returning to the practice of sitting on the porch first thing in the morning. Several summers ago, I think it was after a vacation to Florida, I started taking my first cup of coffee to the porch in the morning. No books. No journals. No devices. Just me, the coffee, the wildlife and the traffic. It’s something I often do on vacation because I don’t feel the need to jump right into my day, and I wanted to carry it over into my non-vacation life. This is not sustainable in winter and last summer I don’t know what happened.
I need to set it for earlier though. I woke up before the coffee pot started so I scrolled social media. This is what I want to avoid. So when the coffee was ready, I took my cup to the porch. I immediately take a deep breath and exhale. Stepping outside is a powerful action for me. I am born to be outside. To meet with the earth. I let my thoughts take me wherever and what I learned this morning is that I miss the possibility of travel and adventure. We should have had summer vacation plans by now. We should be looking forward to adventures. I don’t know if I’m ready to go out yet. My house is safe. How can I trust coming into contact with others? I also know I can’t experience the world virtually in the long-term. I could watch videos of the places I want to travel to, I can video chat with friends, but it’s not a replacement for the in-person experience. I can’t live in a virtual world, and I hope I don’t have to.
The days to come will be interesting days, just as the days past have been interesting.
I took my writing to the porch sometime after 7. The blessing of days where the sun rises early. I wrote for about an hour, then came in and decided to knock out some more training for work. Both of those things made the morning pass quickly. The kids wanted to go outside and bike but we have some black-and-yellow buzzing creatures on our porch. They are not bees. One was hovering near the girl’s bike and she had herself worked up about biking at all. She saw it go into her handlebars. I spent some time trying to talk her into still riding, then I saw the insect emerge and we decided to duct tape the ends of her handlebars so nothing could get in or out. Sigh. These are the days.
With lunch and after, I watched When Calls the Heart. Two episodes, then my workout for the day. Another beautiful spring day. I checked out the garden during my cool down. It’s so tender at the moment. I want to protect it from everything. By the end of the summer, it will be out of control, probably. I hope. It is the same fear and hope that I have each gardening cycle.
I washed dishes after my workout and watched more When Calls the Heart. I finished season 3, which just about tore my heart out. Now I’m thinking about dinner while the boy watches too many screens and the girl video chats with her best friend. Saturdays, there’s no hope for them to be any different right now.
I started another book for contest judging and sat on the porch to read it. Phil came home, so I put away the produce and other groceries he brought home. Then, he headed out to Costco for what is becoming a monthly run. I started dinner a little bit after he left. By the time he got home, I was a bit overwhelmed. Maybe I was just hungry. We have a stack of boxes of books and clothing to donate that are starting to overrun the kitchen, and the garbage is overflowing and then the Costco groceries came in and the freezer was disorganized, so I was a little bit cranky. The kids and I ate while Phil showered. We put the rest of the groceries away. Phil bought a new hose at Costco, so we watered the garden. Then I sat on the porch to read. It was almost 8 o’clock before I came in.
Phil and I started another travel documentary, to the Cotswolds this time. It is barely feeding my travel/adventure bug.
Day 65: The days are melding into one. I almost forgot it was Sunday when I woke up. Sirens pierced the morning silence, and after some investigation, we learned that it was a mobile home nearby. I took my coffee to the porch but my mind was on the fire.
What all can I say about our Sunday. Three of us worked out in the morning. I did another mile run for time as extra credit. I tried to head toward where the fire call had been but I couldn’t see much before I had to turn around and head home.
We got ready for online church, which had some technical difficulties. Has the quarantine finally broken Zoom? But we still had a nice online gathering and discussion afterward. We ate lunch and Phil went to the grocery store. I sat outside to read while also answering grocery inventory questions via text from Phil. He came home and made chili for dinner. With corn chips. We’d both gotten a craving for it while watching something on TV a few nights ago.
The kids were having some issues with each other and the TV had been on all day so we made them separate. I took our son to his room and read some chapters to him from Upside Down Magic. Daughter reluctantly went to our room to “nap” but ended up starting an art project, I think. We are reaching peak teenager stubbornness, it feels like, but I’m also pretty sure we’re nowhere near the peak. Lord, have mercy.
We ate while watching the NASCAR race and discussing whether it was actually necessary for them to be racing right now. Sure, they were all wearing masks, but practicing social distancing is questionable when you have a pit crew surrounding the car to change tires, etc. It’s a confusing time. We started talking about our summer plans, too. Not that we can go a lot of places but online school is coming to an end soon and we need to have a plan for how we spend our days. We have some ideas that I think will be fun. We went outside to check the garden but it didn’t really need watering. We caged the tomato plants and I am holding my breath to see if these plants recover from their sketchy start to life. (The sketchiness is all my fault.)
We talked to our friend David for a bit, then it was time to put the kids to bed. Phil and I went back to the Cotswolds, but I didn’t last long. I was super tired for some reason.
Day 66: Coffee on the porch this morning. I saw a bunny. And a small squirrel. And the mourning dove left the nest. Yesterday, we noticed that the bird was moving around a little more in the basket nest, so we’re thinking the egg or eggs might be hatching. We have no way to find evidence of this because there is always a bird in there and we don’t want to disturb nature’s process. But I think there will be babies soon.
Sitting on the porch drinking coffee accomplishes nothing except it delays me jumping right into the day. This is a good practice and I’m thinking it’s going to have to be longer than one cup of coffee. Some days.
I ate breakfast and drank coffee so I could have enough time between breakfast and going for a run. Met with the kids for their academic time, then left for my run. My leg had hurt a little bit yesterday. I had to stretch it and rest it, so I was concerned that I might not be able to do much running. I set out on a route that would keep me close-ish to home, just in case I needed to walk the rest of the way. It was a pleasant morning although I could feel the humidity in the air. I felt a little bit like Forrest Gump out there. I just kept running. My running app kept stalling, and when I was getting close to 4 miles, it stopped completely. So, it logged less than that when it finally came back, but I mapped the route on my computer and it was more than 4 miles. So, there’s that. Quite the accomplishment.
Our son had finished his schoolwork by the time I got home. It was close to 9:30. I drank a lot of water and made a smoothie. I’m going to have to start taking water with me if I’m going to run that far in the summer. Longer distances might require more running gear. For now, I’m just glad I’ve done it. Son got on to his meeting and I took a shower. I was sort of aimless for the rest of the morning. Stretching my legs and drinking water to recover from the run. I had walked more than usual, too, but I still covered the distance. It used to bother me if I had to walk any portion of a “run,” but it doesn’t any more.
We ate lunch. Son had a math lesson. Phil left for work. I took care of some minor tasks that were hanging over me and knocked them all out in less than an hour. Then I did dishes. Next, I had to sit in the living room and time my son while he sorted through a bin and watched YouTube. He needs data to believe that he is not getting as much work done while he watches TV. I triple-tasked. Reading. Timing him. And casually paying attention to his YouTube video which did not annoy me as much as I thought it might.
This was how we passed the afternoon. Daughter did school work. I remembered to start laundry so my workout clothes would be clean for tomorrow. Phil got home from work. Showers were happening. It was too early to start dinner. I just feel like the day passed in a kind of weird way. I feel like I got a lot done but also don’t really know how I spent the day.
We ate dinner and watched Some Good News. Then it was out to the garden to water. We need more sun, I think. The watering is going well, but I don’t know if we have enough sun. Plants are resilient though. Phil brought home some potting soil. I have some plants to repot. Maybe tomorrow. The kids rode bikes for a little bit.
I went out to the porch to finish reading a book for the contest judging. I don’t like to do work after dinner, but I was so close to finishing, I thought it would help with my productivity for tomorrow. I did finish it, so now I’m ready for what’s up tomorrow.
Kids and Phil are watching Bon Appetit videos and laughing.
I turned the TV off around 7, when Phil went to bed. We had some troubles winding down. The kids started making lists of places they want to “visit” this summer. We’re planning some virtual adventures via Google Earth and other online sources. It got a little rowdy and they had trouble calming down. I had to take some things away from my son after he was already in bed.
I talked to my mom on the phone for a few minutes. And watched three male ducks fight over one female in my front yard. It was like a nature documentary.
I watched the Christmas episode of When Calls the Heart. Christmas episodes are strangely comforting in this time.