Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns
If you think Jesus would have come into your home that day and not issued a strong rebuke to the head of household, you are mistaken. These words of condemnation have been haunting me for days now. They aren’t all that different than the soundtrack I play in my head on an almost-daily basis. It’s…
I am nesting. On Saturday I emptied the refrigerator. Last summer’s homemade pickles in their jars. The bread ends that seem to multiply on every shelf. The eggs. The milk. The fruit and veggies. All of it sat on the floor or the counter as I carefully removed the shelves and wiped them down with…
I’ve heard that life is like a highway. And it definitely seems like that sometimes. The pace of life swirls around me at dizzying speeds. We’re all so busy. In such a hurry. Always somewhere to be, something else to do. I’m a get-to-the-point, get-there-quick kind of girl. I don’t like to waste time on…
I know I said it would be every couple of days, but I feel like Day 3 should get its own entry because it was the first day of our new normal weekday schedule. For your reading pleasure, here’s how our Monday went.
Day 3: I don’t feel refreshed when I wake up, although I also don’t feel exhausted. I slept some, but the worries and fears still hang over me like a cloud. I set my alarm for the usual time, though, to create some semblance of normal. But there is nothing normal about this time. I listened to Pray As You Go and read the daily office reading from the Book of Common Prayer. Phil still went to the gym this morning. It’s a mental health thing as well as physical. I know this. It worries me some.
I don’t exactly know how to order my day. I’m afraid of being aimless. I don’t have to be productive all the time, but this feels so different because it’s not like recovering from surgery when I couldn’t do things. And it’s not summer, so we can’t plan fun outings. Plus we have restrictions on gatherings. I’m hoping I can find some meaning and order in this day.
Phil said there were 7 people at the gym in a class that normally has upwards of 20, and while the gym is taking precautions, he’s probably going to pause his membership. After everyone finished breakfast, Phil and I did our taxes because we’d been putting it off for a while. The kids had extra screen time but some of it was math.
I spent a good chunk of the morning making soup–butternut squash and leek, topped with bacon. I also washed a few dishes and put two loads of towels in the washer and dryer. I streamed the alternative rock station and turned the volume up. (If you’re not singing “Hey Jealousy” at top volume did you even grow up in the 90s?) At lunch, we watched two Tiny Desk Concerts on YouTube: Coldplay and Jonas Brothers. Music education!
Phil still has work, which is great for our personal economy, so he headed out about midday as usual. At least one of us still has a routine.
For lunch, I taught my son how to make scrambled eggs. He was not as excited to do it himself as I was to teach him. The kids then fought over cupcakes, and I was ready to throw in all the towels on this whole schedule/social distancing thing. Lord, have mercy, I prayed. (I said some other things that I don’t wish to repeat.)
I worked out, cleaned our kitchen trash can that had some strong odors after we took the trash out this morning, and tended this plant that was in need of some love. It’s the most resilient plant I’ve ever cared for. No matter how I neglect it, it keeps growing. Dirt under my nails felt good. I can’t wait to tackle the garden, even if I don’t make a lot of progress getting everything ready.
After my workout, I made a snack. The kids are supposed to be folding towels while watching YouTube. They’re definitely watching YouTube.
I watched another episode of Jamestown. Toward the end of it, my daughter waltzed into the bedroom proclaiming that SHE folded all of the towels. I asked my son to put them away.
When Phil got home, I learned that all non-essential stores in PA were closing at midnight. This added to my anxiety a bit, even though I rarely go out. I deposited his paycheck, which eased the anxiety some. He took the truck to get gas so it would be ready for work the next day. The kids played outside for a bit and did some creative time. Our daughter drew on the computer and our son reinforced a cardboard box he has turned into an animal habitat sort of thing.
I set out to make dinner. Cooking is one of the things I enjoy when I have the time. If you need recipe or meal suggestions in this time, let me know. We consider ourselves experts in creative cooking and meal planning because we try to use what we have on hand. Tonight, it was chicken and brussel sprouts alfredo over rustichine pasta. (One of the fancy pastas Phil got at Aldi because the basic pastas were all gone.) We watched an episode of Hyperdrive, (well, the kids and husband did; it’s not my favorite show) then I took the kids for a walk after dinner.
They both brought bubble wands with them, among other toys. My son rarely travels without a stuffed animal and/or a car of some kind. It was windy and cold, and the breeze took the bubbles farther than we could blow them. Watching them float was soothing and fun. My daughter remarked that they were just floating along, nothing bothering them and that’s how life should be. It was kind of a huge thought for one who just turned 12, but she’s been overhearing adult conversations her whole life. And she’s a deep thinker.
Still it stopped me. Bubbles are a uniquely summer thing, and I tried to imagine each bubble as a little blob of happy lightness. I hope someone was looking out their window and saw us.
Back home, I took a shower while the kids did more screens in the form of active video games and creative games. We exceeded my idea of how much screen time we should have today. Tomorrow, we’ll try to do better. I started another book (because I finished one this morning). For the last hour before bedtime, the kids did a Hot Wheels tournament while I worked on the frustrating puzzle. I had to take a whole section apart and redo it because the pieces looked like they fit but they didn’t.
I’m hoping for a later wake-up time for the kids tomorrow.
I stayed up late watching the latest episode of Outlander and another episode of Jamestown. If you don’t know by now, historical fiction is my go-to escape. I did my nails and worked on a cross-stitch project while I watched. I checked on some friends via text message, and I’m trying to schedule some video calls. I’m realizing how difficult this time of distancing is going to be for my daughter who is a social butterfly. Me, on the other hand, I’ve been prepping for canceled plans and staying home my whole life. I will get stir crazy. I know this from the month-long recovery from surgery in the fall. But I won’t suffer as much from social distancing as my extraverted family members.
We learned some things about how this schedule does and does not work today. Making some adjustments for tomorrow.
How did your Monday go? What adjustments are you making today?
We’re living through a time of life I could never have imagined, so I’m keeping a diary of what it’s like to limit activities and errands. It probably won’t be compelling, but I think someday I’m going to want a record of what these days were like. I’m sharing it with you in case you need solidarity in this time. Feel free to leave comments about what your social distancing days are like. We’re all trying to figure this out together.
On Friday afternoon, we learned we’d be out of school, and I would be out of work, for at least two weeks. All plans I had to keep calm and not lose my mind over the COVID-19 pandemic fled. I stress ate my feelings and started a new show on Prime and generally worried about what life was going to be like in the coming days.
Saturday was the first day of our new temporary way of life. Here’s what it looked like.
Day 1: When I woke up, I learned that the library was closed for the next two weeks. That’s a normal Saturday errand for us, and while we do not lack for books to read, it caused some sadness. I thought about the people who use the library as a refuge from the weather during the day, for whom the library is a place to use the bathroom without needing to make a purchase. At the same time, I was grateful that we had some books checked out from the library and access to online books and again, a house full of books. (Need books? I’ve got you covered.)
I made smoothies for the kids for breakfast. Usually, I am not terribly engaged in breakfast making because morning is not always my best time. But I knew we wouldn’t be going anywhere, or far, for the day, so we took our time on things we might otherwise rush through. I made blueberry pancakes for myself, according to the meal plan I’m following right now. We eased into the morning because I wanted Saturday to still feel like Saturday as much as possible.
After breakfast, I changed into my workout clothes and completed my strength training for the day. While I worked out, I asked the kids to make a list of the chores they could accomplish this weekend. This has been a practice for several weekends now because I can’t keep up with all the housework while working a part-time job and maintaining any kind of sanity. When they had finished their lists, they went outside to play.
Then, we started talking about a schedule for these next two weeks because without a schedule, I don’t thrive personally, and I know my kids would watch YouTube for hours on end. The kids and I sat in the living room, each with a device in our hands and shared Google docs on our screens. I learned my son, who is 10, has a favorite font (me, too, kid; we are SO related). His teacher had shared a suggested schedule, which we used as a template. I emphasized that it’s a flexible schedule because we are not rigid people. But I want them to know their options besides watching screens all the time. It didn’t take us long to hash out a workable schedule.
I showered. They cleaned the bathroom, started some laundry and washed a few dishes. I’m wondering if this enthusiasm for cleaning will last throughout this distancing time, but for now, it’s working a little.
After lunch, they asked if we could go to the park for our second active time of the day. They rode bikes and I walked. We were outside for a full hour. The playground was busy, but we bypassed it, in part because my kids are too big for that particular playground and because touching playground equipment is not part of the distancing plan. It felt good to be outside, seeing the signs of spring emerging and watching the ducks, geese and swans go about their business.
We took some rest time when we got back. I ate a snack and watched an episode of Jamestown, the Prime show I started on Friday night. The eight episodes are only streaming until March 31. Perfect timing. After a bit of screen time, the kids started playing with toys. Barbies, specifically. Both of them. Our son was “Ken” and he was cooking for all the girls, which is a social order I can get behind. I worked on the jigsaw puzzle that’s been puzzling me for more than a week.
Our daughter celebrated a birthday this week, and we had promised to take her and a friend out to dinner, so after Phil got home from work, we all got ready for that outing. We went to a local Italian restaurant, not far from our house, and it wasn’t busy when we got there. They gave us a booth that was sort of in a separate room, and we were able to spread out a bit. We ordered more food than we could possibly eat in one sitting, probably in response to stress and myriad choices. For a little while, things felt normal, although every person who entered the restaurant grabbed a squirt of hand sanitizer at the door. I ate what was probably the best cannoli of my life for dessert and even though my teeth felt like they were coated with sugar, I regretted nothing.
We ended the night watching the latest episode of LegoMasters and trying to calm down from all the excitement and disruption of the day. I read an article about social distancing and wondered if we’d done wrong things by going out to eat and having a friend of our daughter spend time with us.
I slept fitfully and woke up tired and anxious.
Day 2: Our church did not cancel service, and I had agreed to play guitar for worship team. I didn’t want to stay for the whole service anyway and as we talked about it as a family, the rest of the crew decided to stay home. I was an emotional mess at church, the feelings and anxieties and emotions all boiling up and over. I cried numerous times before church even started. I used to be embarrassed about crying in public or in front of people but I’ve learned that when I’m able to let my tears flow, it means I feel safe in that place or with those people.
I had serious misgivings about being at church at all, and it was not a sparse crowd, though there were some noticeable absences among the over-65 set. But there was hugging and a group prayer at the altar, neither of which I participated in. I walked around with my hands stuffed in my jeans pockets and stuck pretty closely to the corner of the back pew where I’d set my stuff. This is typical introvert behavior from me at church anyway but today it just felt more pronounced.
I left church as quickly as I could after the service was over. At home, the kids had watched some TV, started some laundry and played outside. Sundays are usually for sports watching, so the entertainment on screen has been a challenge.
We ate leftovers from the Italian restaurant for lunch, and I worked on the puzzle while waiting for my food to digest so I could go for a run. My run was pleasant but still a little bit stressful because of trying to avoid people. We did a video call with my parents. I spent a lot of time on the jigsaw puzzle and scrolling social media for information.
I inventoried our food in the chest freezer, pantry and fridge so Phil could go to the store and not panic buy anything we already have enough of. We have plenty of food to get us through, and we’ll need to use our skills of creative cooking to make some meals, but we can do this. We’ve done it plenty of times when totally broke. I ordered coffee online from my favorite local coffee roaster so I can have my supply restocked later in the week. I’ve never been more glad to have given up caffeine, though. If I run out of coffee, I won’t be in withdrawal.
Phil went to Aldi. I asked him to text me pictures of anything unusual. The journalist in me wants to see and observe everything about this time. There was no bread. A sign was posted limiting the purchase of canned goods. No toilet paper or other paper goods. The cured meat cooler was nearly empty except for a few hot dogs and scrapple (that’s a PA Dutch thing and I don’t care for it). He came home with everything on our list with some variations from what we normally buy: whole milk because that’s all there was, and fancy pastas as well as soybean pasta because all the boxed pastas were gone.
Monday will be a big change for us, schedule wise. The kids are starting to break down a little bit from all the togetherness. Or maybe it’s just tiredness. The novelty might be wearing off. I’m hoping our schedule for the week will hold us okay. But I’m already thinking through what our options might be for changing it up.
What a wild time to be alive.