Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns
If you think Jesus would have come into your home that day and not issued a strong rebuke to the head of household, you are mistaken. These words of condemnation have been haunting me for days now. They aren’t all that different than the soundtrack I play in my head on an almost-daily basis. It’s…
I am nesting. On Saturday I emptied the refrigerator. Last summer’s homemade pickles in their jars. The bread ends that seem to multiply on every shelf. The eggs. The milk. The fruit and veggies. All of it sat on the floor or the counter as I carefully removed the shelves and wiped them down with…
I’ve heard that life is like a highway. And it definitely seems like that sometimes. The pace of life swirls around me at dizzying speeds. We’re all so busy. In such a hurry. Always somewhere to be, something else to do. I’m a get-to-the-point, get-there-quick kind of girl. I don’t like to waste time on…
While waiting to pick up our WIC checks yesterday, a Mom of 4 came in to the waiting room. She was stylishly dressed with a cute, new haircut, and her children, in the few minutes I watched them, seemed well-behaved. As they waited, she pinned back her 3-year-old daughter’s hair and bounced the baby on her lap.
Even after she told the girl at the counter that she never leaves her house, I envied her. She seemed so put-together. And there I was, kidless yet exhausted and wondering what I would seem like if I was there with my two by myself. I could only imagine.
A week earlier, another mom both inspired and guilted me. She was a mom of 6 — 4 biological, 2 adopted. And she was calm. She helped each child in turn with the craft project. She established boundaries for how many sweets they could eat. She smiled a lot. She, too, was dressed well — not overly fashionably but attractively.
I stared. A lot. And compared my lot to hers. I had just spent the better part of the hour chasing my 20-month-old around the library trying to ensure he didn’t pull every book off the shelf or dig in to the cookies before it was time, and I nearly caused a scene pulling the 3-year-old out of story time to take her to the potty.
Looks of pity. That’s what I sense when I take my kids places, and I feel it’s a reflection on me. They fight. They bite sometimes. They run crazy. They don’t always listen. And I feel like I’ve somehow messed up.
How do other moms do it? I wonder. And how do they do it with MORE?
They must be created differently, I conclude. God has given them an extra dose of momness and I don’t have it. They thrive in motherhood; I’ll be lucky to survive.
These are the things I tell myself, and for some reason, they don’t encourage me.
I recently listened to a sermon series by James MacDonald on insecurity. (Stop me if I’ve shared this before.) He quoted Malcolm Gladwell’s book “Outliers,” which studies success. Gladwell discovered that it takes a person 10,000 hours at whatever it is they want to be successful at to achieve success. Talent or predisposition to something does not guarantee success.
Applied to motherhood, I realized that I have a long way to go. Merely having had children for 10,000 (or more! I didn’t do the math.) hours does not mean I will be a good mother. I must give them active time. I must practice good mothering. Consistently. Over time. And maybe, just maybe, I will be the kind of mother people stare at, not because they can’t believe how awful her kids are but because they don’t understand how she can still be smiling.
Even if that happens, I won’t pretend that I have it all together or always have had. I’m a mess, frankly, and I’m not sure that’s going to change anytime soon.
But at least I can be assured that God didn’t make a mistake in making me a mother. I just need more practice.
Nearly two years ago, C.J. Darlington spoke at a meeting of the writers’ group I attend.
She and her sister, homeschool graduates, were running a successful Web site writing book and music reviews and author interviews, among other things. Her first novel, Thicker Than Blood, a contest winner, was about to be released.
Anytime I connect with a published author, I take an interest in their work. I finally took the opportunity recently to read Thicker Than Blood and its stand-alone sequel, Bound By Guilt. The latter is among the titles eligible for Tyndale’s Summer Reading Program, which ends this month. I’ll confess that this was my motivation for reading both books.
My only regret is waiting so long to pick them up.
Compelling characters, realistic storylines, suspense, redemption, and transformation set in the world of rare and antique booksellers and ranching in Colorado — both novels make for a great read.
I enjoyed Bound by Guilt a tad more, but I can recommend both books enthusiastically. Darlington is working on another novel, which I’ll be interested in reading. Not only does she write a good story, she’s an inspiration to fellow writers. She started writing Thicker Than Blood when she was 15!
I hope you’ll check them out. They have a unique perspective I haven’t seen in Christian fiction.