Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Cinderella Mom

If you think Jesus would have come into your home that day and not issued a strong rebuke to the head of household, you are mistaken. These words of condemnation have been haunting me for days now. They aren’t all that different than the soundtrack I play in my head on an almost-daily basis. It’s…

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This is 40

I am nesting. On Saturday I emptied the refrigerator. Last summer’s homemade pickles in their jars. The bread ends that seem to multiply on every shelf. The eggs. The milk. The fruit and veggies. All of it sat on the floor or the counter as I carefully removed the shelves and wiped them down with…

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Beauty on the Backroads {or Why I Changed the Name of my Blog}

I’ve heard that life is like a highway. And it definitely seems like that sometimes. The pace of life swirls around me at dizzying speeds. We’re all so busy. In such a hurry. Always somewhere to be, something else to do. I’m a get-to-the-point, get-there-quick kind of girl. I don’t like to waste time on…

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Nothing

I came home from the grocery store a bit heavy-hearted this morning. I think I’m beginning to realize how God has used a simple errand over the course of the last year and a half to deflate my pride. That’s how long we’ve qualified for food stamps and the WIC nutrition program. Using either of those government aids was difficult in the first few months because I always felt like people were looking at me, judging me and assuming things about me or my family. Then I got over it and realized it didn’t matter what they thought because I knew the truth. Now, I’m back to being aware of what people might think.

The last few times I’ve used a WIC check, which specifies the kinds and amounts of certain foods you can buy, the store’s register has not recognized an item that should be allowed for purchase. Most of the time, the clerks are friendly and helpful, as are the managers who help them rectify the problem. Today was about the same, but I just got the feeling that the clerk thought it was my fault that a block of cheese came up as unallowable, and even though the manager corrected the problem and found the price, I couldn’t shake the desire to defend myself. I always want to defend myself in these situations, even if everything goes right. I want to say, “I’m not stupid. I have a college degree. My husband works two jobs and is a graduate student. The stress is about killing us, but we’re in for the long haul to serve people as God has called us to do.”

And then I think, so what? So what if I did explain our family circumstances; what would it help? And why do I feel the need to tell them anything at all? If I’m honest, it’s because I want to set myself apart from “all those other people” who get government assistance. You know, the welfare moms who don’t have a high school education and  have four kids by four different guys who sit at home and mooch off the government.

Stereotype much? I’m just as guilty of judgment and prejudice as the people I think are judging me. So, I keep my mouth shut, respectfully respond, and walk out knowing that our family won’t be a WIC and food stamp family forever. Others, however, aren’t so lucky.

I wonder how many times Christ had to hold his tongue and how hard it was for Him to not completely humiliate His hearers with a statement like, “You do realize I’m God, right?” (His response in Matthew comes close, “O unbelieving and perverse generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy here to me.” 17:17)

Instead, we’re told, this was His attitude:

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” (Philippians 2:5-7)

This is a familiar passage, but what I’ve missed before is that to Christ, becoming human was becoming nothing in comparison to what He was and is. We are nothing compared with what He is, and we are nothing without Him.

I don’t want to be nothing, and I don’t want to be treated like nothing, but amazingly and unexplainably, in Christ, I am something and someone. To me that means that I don’t have to prove or defend myself to anyone.

Christ did not and He had infinitely greater reason than I.

Shadow

“I’m watching you.”

These words from my 2-year-old immediately triggered in my mind the lyrics to The Police’s “Every Breath You Take.”

Every move you make, every step you take, I’ll be watching you.

TMI alert: I was shaving my legs at the time. I’m hoping we have years before we have to talk about why.

Her declaration was not news to me, but it did remind me that my actions, words and attitudes don’t go unnoticed.  She also takes note when I wear makeup, brush my teeth, comb and dry my hair, and wear deodorant. I can see the little wheels in her head turning, wondering why Mommy does these things, some of which she doesn’t do yet. Last week, she was playing Mommy to her baby doll, feeding her, putting her facedown on a mat to do “tummy time” and strapping her into the bouncy seat.

Yes, indeed; I’m being watched.

I’ve heard people call little ones of this age “sponges.” I can’t think of  a more apt word. While I hope she’s absorbing healthy attitudes, kind words and beneficial practices, I’m too fallen to deny that she also picks up criticisms, unkind words, poor attitudes, frustrations and bad habits.

Fortunately, we haven’t seen many of the latter develop in her yet. I don’t want to be a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do parent, so I think the next 10 (15? 20? more?) years of my life is going to be a time for God to continually show me where I can improve in these areas. In the end, I know I’ll be better for it, not only as a parent but as a Christian seeking to share the love of Christ with others.

Because I don’t want to be a do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do Christian either. I want my life and words to match, and at times, for my life to speak louder than my words. As with my daughter, I know any inconsistency in my life will be an easy target for anyone not following Christ to continue not following Him.

The apostle Peter spoke of this in relation to husbands and wives: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (1 Peter 3:1)

I love the idea that a life lived purely and reverently can win over someone who does not believe. I fall so short of that, but I pray that God can take the imperfect life I offer Him and make something of it.

Paul, also, in giving instruction to Timothy, advised him about the importance of his behavior: “Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.” (1 Timothy 4:16)

“Watch your life.” In my house, I need no greater reminder because if I don’t watch my life closely, someone else surely will. And will what she sees draw her nearer to Christ?

Lord, I hope so.