Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Amish

What I really want when I envy the Amish

The first time I saw an Amish buggy in person, I nearly drove my car off the road.

I was newly married, working for a newspaper in central Illinois, on an assignment in a little town called Arthur, where there’s an Amish settlement. In those days, I stared more than is polite, and I asked a lot of really stupid questions. When I had to call an Amish business for a story about a fundraiser, I called the chamber of commerce director first and basically asked her how I was supposed to talk to the Amish.

Back then I wouldn’t have imagined living among them in the Amish tourist capital of the United States (Lancaster County, if you’re not aware). But I did imagine what life might be like for them. I remember driving by a house and watching an Amish woman play with her children in the front yard. (Although now that I think about it, it could have been an older sister instead of a mother, but who knows?) I envied the scene. I wanted nothing more than to stay at home with kids. (Mostly because journalism is a hard job made harder if you’re an introvert.)

Then I got my wish. We moved to Pennsylvania, my husband started seminary and I was a stay-at-home mom. In the years since then, I’ve given up thinking that the Amish live an ideal lifestyle, but I still find myself drawn to their ways at times.

PA farmland

But what is it I think I actually want?

Books have been written on the subject, and I hear people dream of giving it all up and living off the grid like they do, but I don’t think that would solve anything for me.

I like electricity. The threat of losing it for a day or longer throws me into a panic. I like refrigerated food and a washer and dryer to launder our clothes. I like indoor plumbing (I’m not sure all Amish have outhouses) and technology. I like my online life and the ability to stay in touch with family even though we live in another part of the country. I love the ability to travel and expand my view of the world. Do I overuse and overvalue those things? Undoubtedly. But I don’t think I’d want to live without them.  I don’t want to give up my clothes or conform to a way of thinking that might stifle my God-given gifts.

So, really, what do the Amish have that I desire?

For one, there’s an order to their lives. Washing on a certain day. Grocery shopping on another day. And a day dictated by the sun and the natural rhythms of life. I wonder how my life would be different if lights, television and the computer couldn’t keep me up long after the sun went down. In fact, people who were without power last week told a newspaper reporter that they went to bed early those nights.

My life is often disordered and harried, and I’m a slave to a schedule of my own making.

There is value in living an ordered life.

Related to that is rest.

The Amish work hard, yes, but they rest, especially on the Sabbath. No cooking, no cleaning. Sundays are for church or visiting. (This might be a good time to mention that I am not an expert on the Amish. These are observations based on living in this community and books I’ve read by authors I trust to get the details right. I may be wrong in some of these assumptions.)

I don’t get enough rest. Even on Sundays there is still cooking and cleaning to be done. I’m still too busy. I don’t plan rest into my week. And I’m worse for it.

Then, there’s community. They help each other out in times of trial. They take care of their family members in their old age. They take meals together. Cook together. Quilt together. No, they’re not perfect. They’re people who quarrel and envy and hurt each other, but they model a togetherness that is foreign to most of us.

Order.

Rest.

Community.

I could learn a lot from the Amish about these ways.

Just don’t expect to see me in Plain clothing anytime soon.

Seeking simplicity: A review of Almost Amish by Nancy Sleeth

Ah, the lure of the Amish. For whatever reason, the Amish way of life evokes feelings of simplicity, peace and perfection. When we moved to this area of Pennsylvania four years ago, I was intrigued by the Amish. I read lots of Amish fiction and rushed to the window every time I heard the sounds of a horse and buggy.

Nancy Sleeth draws on this fascination with the Amish for her book Almost Amish: One woman’s quest for a slower, simpler, more sustainable life. I, too, long for simplicity and greater sustainability, so I was eager to read what the author had to say.

Sleeth’s family had what they call a spiritual and environmental conversion about a decade ago. Not only did they align their lives with Christ, they significantly and drastically changed their lifestyle. They gave half their possessions away. They learned to live with less. They made caring for the earth their job. You can read more about what they’re doing and why here.

In Almost Amish, Sleeth uses 10 Amish principles to offer ways the rest of us who aren’t Amish can learn from their examples.

I really wanted to like this book, but by the second chapter — on technology — I was angry. And that attitude tainted the rest of the read for me. I think Sleeth has a lot to offer those of us who want a slower, saner, earth-friendlier life, and I look forward to adopting some changes in our home and life.

But I have two major issues with the book.

First, tone. Sleeth is a highly educated woman who also has been an educator. I can appreciate her passion for this topic, but I felt guilty more than inspired by her words. For each of the principles, she offers a practically perfect example of the life of someone she knows. So close to perfect, they almost don’t seem real, and even though I trust that these are real people, I don’t know if I’d want to hang out with them. They seemed unapproachable, and many of the principles, though practiced by Sleeth’s family, seem unattainable by regular folks.

I often felt like Sleeth was talking down to readers. I don’t know. Maybe it was just my interpretation.

Secondly, Sleeth seems to idolize the Amish, painting them as perfect examples of simplicity and living out God’s intended way of life. Even the more controversial aspects of their culture, like shunning, she justifies as necessary discipline. I find it hard to believe that a woman with a master’s degree education would say we all need to be like a group of people who don’t educate their children past eighth grade.

In defense of families, Sleeth quotes these statistics about the Amish: “the divorce rate is less than 1 percent, illegitimate births are nearly unheard of and the suicide rate is less than half the American average.” That all sounds good, but bear in mind, that’s the stuff that’s reported. I’m not saying Amish communities are dens of iniquity but let’s not pretend that bad things don’t happen to them, too. Those statistics made me wonder how many miserable Amish women were trapped in abusive marriages because divorce is rare or whether there were cases of rape or incest among the brethren.

The Young Center at Elizabethtown College, which Sleeth references in the book, provides a partial answer. View it on the site here.

Q: Do the Amish have problems?
A: Yes. They are humans and, like all human societies, have their share of problems. Sometimes rebellious youth act out and abuse alcohol or use drugs. Some marriages turn sour. There are documented cases of incest and sexual abuse in some families. Although such problems do exist, there are no systematic studies to enable comparisons with other groups or mainstream society. In general, the Amish way of life provides many sources of satisfaction for most of its members.

Don’t miss this point: “there are no systematic studies to enable comparisons with other groups or mainstream society.” And a key word at the end: “most.” I don’t doubt that the Amish way of life is satisfying and fulfilling. For most people. And that emulating an Amish lifestyle might provide the same for some non-Amish. But they are not a utopian society nor are they perfect.

In the end, I think I’m mostly disappointed with this book, although it has given me some guidelines for simplifying my life.