Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

coffee

The things that helped me

It’s easy on January 1 to want to put the past behind us (especially when the past is a year like 2020), but as I was reminded by Sarah Bessey (a favorite writer of mine), there were things that helped us get through 2020 that I want to carry into 2021. She shared her list via email newsletter. (If you want a copy, I can forward it to you and then you can sign up for her monthly words! Or click the link to sign up.)

Here are a few things that helped me:

  • My Peak Challenge. I joined this program last year when it started in February before I knew how much I would need the structure and accountability for my health and fitness journey. The program includes monthly workouts and meal plans (the latter of which I followed very loosely because it’s set up for one person with lots of leftovers throughout the week and I cook for a family of four). I bought a tiny bit of equipment (bands, running shoes) and could do all the workouts or modifications at home. This is a plus for me because I hate going to the gym. I also connected online with Peakers (what we call ourselves) all over the globe. The program also raises money for charity. It’s a win-win-win for me and I’m back for a second year. (I get no compensation or reward for telling you about MPC. I just love it!)
This is a photo from April. The shirt has seen a lot of sweat since then.
  • A coffee subscription. I’m very particular about my coffee. (Read: snobby.) And I love supporting my local coffee shops. Every month bags of locally roasted coffee arrive at my house. I am always supplied with the coffee I love to drink and I’m supporting a local business with a regular purchase. (I happen to love Square One. If you find a local roaster you love, consider a coffee subscription!)
My preferred coffees are decaf because of my anxiety, but all the coffee from Square One is gooooood.
  • Sending mail. Forget the past few weeks of mail nightmares. Sending and receiving actual physical mail was a highlight of 2020. I’ve always loved this but I seldom take time for it. In 2021, I’m pledging to mail a letter to someone once a week. (If you’d like to be a recipient, send me a message with your address. I’ll put you on my list!) Postcards are an especially simple way to send a little note of care or encouragement. I was pleased to learn about these beauties from Ink & Willow. (I did receive a sample of these postcards to review. My opinion is independent of the freebie.) These hopeful messages you can color and send to others is a simple way to let people know you’re thinking of them. (I particularly love that they aren’t all Bible verses. Some are song lyrics; others are quotes from inspiring writers.)
  • Reading. (And the library). This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me, but one aspect of reading I want to take into the new year is reading what I enjoy. Maybe that’s a no-brainer, but I still feel pressure sometimes to read what I think I should be reading. There is a place for that, and I do want my reading to educate me. But toward the end of the year, I just need to read for fun. I binged on cozy mysteries and my mood improved. Our family has always been prolific users of the public library, and 2020 was no different. I will continue to support them with my donations, late fees, and loans.
  • Supporting small businesses. This ties in to the coffee, I know, but it goes beyond that. I made a decision a while back to no longer buy books from Amazon because I have two really great independent bookstores nearby. I ordered all my books this year from independent bookstores. (If you don’t have one near you, check out IndieBound. You can shop the site just like you would the other site and your purchase will help independent bookstores around the country. I made one purchase like this.) Beyond bookstores, I tried to purchase Christmas gifts from local shops or online stores that are tied to small businesses. And we committed to eating takeout once a month from a local restaurant. All of these things make me feel good about how I’m spending my money and how I’m investing in the community.
  • Hiking. We did SO MUCH hiking this year, even when it was cold. And we plan to continue monthly hikes during the school year and, I hope, weekly hikes in the summer. Being outside refreshes me, and we have a plethora of parks and conservation areas within a short drive of our house, so there was no shortage of places to explore. We’ve barely even started. (You can find most of our hiking pictures on my Instagram.)
  • Puzzles and cross-stitch. Both hobbies help me focus when my brain is trying to lead me in a hundred different directions. I completed two cross-stitch projects this year and started a third. That’s more than in previous years combined. While my family isn’t as crazy about puzzles as I am, they do make room for my obsession at the dining room table and occasionally join my quest. Between me and Santa, we’re covered for puzzles this year.
One of the cross-stitch projects I completed and framed to give to a friend.
  • And like it or not, but video calls helped us stay connected with people. We could have done more than we did, but we participated in games with friends and family, toasted with friends on my birthday, and had family video chats that felt like being together. I don’t want to let distance or social distancing to be an excuse not to connect with people anymore.

There are probably more things, but this is a good list. What helped you get through 2020 that you want to carry into 2021?

Highs and lows

I’ve been watching the temperatures this week. We hit 90 on Wednesday, the second day of October, which just made me cranky. A day later, the high was projected to be 25 degrees lower than that and by the end of the week, there was a projected low in the 40s. 

Photo by Alex Geerts on Unsplash

Fall, finally. I fully acknowledge that some of us love summer and hate to see it end, but I’m the kind of girl who longs for the relief of fall, when you can open the windows and leave them open and wear layers of clothes without sweating through them. I know fall means winter is coming and the cold with it, but even that is not something I dread. I need the variety of seasons in my weather and in my life.

Besides the temperatures, there were some other highs and lows I noticed this week. Each one is significant in its own way, a signaling of a season change or a subtle shift.

Let’s start with a high.

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300.

Last week, on a whim, I decided to ask people for likes on my Facebook page. It’s not something I do all the time, but I wanted to see if I could get to 300. I was surprised when it actually happened because Facebook is such a finicky place to be.

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash

It’s not that 300 is any kind of magic number or that I’m desperately seeking attention. It’s just that Facebook page likes are a necessary part of what I want to do with my writing, and since I don’t always talk about that, I thought I’d try to explain.

I’ve pretty much always been a writer.  I was filling notebooks full of stories as far back as elementary school, shoving them into the hands of unsuspecting guests at our house. When you’re a child writing stories, there’s not a lot of risk involved in showing someone what you’ve written. Few people will squash a child’s creativity, at least that’s my experience. But when you grow up, it’s different. I’ve had dreams of writing books and having them published. This dream may not go back as far as my early writings but it’s been with me long enough that I can’t ignore it. And I’m learning that it’s a lot of hard work, no matter the path you take. Dreams don’t usually land in our laps or get handed to us like gifts. They take work.

So, three years ago, I created a Facebook page as a way to establish myself as a “serious” writer. (Note to all writers reading this: you are a serious writer, even if you don’t have a Facebook page.) I had been to a writing conference and met with a couple of agents, one of whom asked me how I was reaching my readers. And I was all like, “What readers?” (Just kidding!) But her question had me thinking that I could do more, so I created the page and tried not to send an invite to everyone on my friends list. As much as I’d love for everyone I know to read my writing, the truth is not every person I know or have ever met is going to be a reader of my writing.

Still, finding readers is hard when you don’t have a lot for them to find. The world is saturated with words, so finding MY readers sometimes feels like whispering into a noisy crowd. I sent some invites and had my blog posts sent to the page, but I didn’t do a whole lot more to “grow” my readership or engagements.

Last year, when I turned 40, I made an after-40 list. I’ve talked about this more than once here, how it’s not a bucket list because I’m not interested in a literal deadline for the things I want to do. Some of the goals I put on that list are writing goals, things I don’t want to say I’ll do “someday.” And then this year on my birthday, a writer I respect, who changed the way I think about a lot of things, died at the age of 37. And I realized even more that I want to chase my dreams in every way I can.

So, asking people to like my Facebook page is one component of that dream chase because the writing I’m doing is not just these sometimes blog posts or the occasional Chicken Soup article. I’m writing novels, and some of you don’t know that because it’s hard for me to talk about something that I hold so close to my heart. I have three novels in various states of progress, and I’m actively working on one to finish it. 

I tell you this, hoping you’ll stick around for more than just blog posts.

300 is just a number. But it’s also more than that.

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4.

I’ve told you about my recent anxiety struggles and how I’ve been given medication to take to help with it. It’s an as-needed kind of medicine, and I’m using it sparingly, often as a last resort. (Please don’t take that to mean that’s my belief about medication for you or anyone else. Take your meds, if you’ve got them. Do whatever it takes to be the best version of you.)

As I’ve been able to manage the anxiety with medication, I’ve also been able to take action on some of the stressors in my life. I haven’t removed them completely, of course, because that’s mostly impossible. But taking these small steps has lessened my anxiety about all the things I think I’m supposed to be handling right now.

So, “four” is the number of days I recently went without taking any anxiety meds. I had been taking a small dose most days to get through, and after those four days passed, I was back on the meds for a couple of days. 

I’m not going to lie, those four days felt really good. Like I had accomplished something big, and I could “handle” this on my own. But I’m also trying not to frame my days as good or bad based on whether I take meds or not. A day with meds or a day without, they’re just days. They’re different but one is not better than the other.

I’m still working on that perspective.

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108/74.

A month ago, my blood pressure was so high that the doctor who is going to perform my surgery made a funny-not-funny joke about having a stroke. After being on blood pressure medication for years and then making some positive health changes and being taken off the medication, this was a difficult time for me. So, I went back on a lower dose of my previous medication and gradually, my blood pressure returned to the normal range.

When I went to the doctor this week for another check, my BP registered at 108/74. That’s about as low as it was earlier in the summer when we decided to take me off the medication. For now, I’m staying on it, and I’m so relieved by this number because that should mean that surgery will go ahead at the end of the month, and that I’m finding my “normal” again.

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6.

Almost a week ago, I decided to swap out my regular coffee habit for decaf to see if it would help with the anxiety. The four-days-without-meds coincided with this decision, and since I haven’t really noticed a negative effect of switching to decaf, I’m sticking with it for now. The only drawback is I’m tired by about 9 o’clock, but maybe that would happen anyway.

Photo by Heather Ford on Unsplash

Have no fear, coffee lovers, I’m still choosing to drink high-quality decaf coffee. I’m planning to pick up some premium local decaf this weekend, no matter the cost because if I’m going to choose to drink decaf, then I’m going to make it count.

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Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Ebb and flow. Life, I’m continuing to learn, is not about either-or. It’s both-and. Even when those things feel like opposites.