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Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

death and dying

Flu {Now and Then}

March 9, 2018

The fever had come and gone for a couple of days and our daughter had spent much of her waking hours lying on the couch. When she wasn’t watching episodes on Netflix, she was sleeping. She was not eating. She was not puking. But she was not herself. On the third day, after one missed day of school, my husband took her to the walk-in clinic just to be sure.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

They couldn’t confirm that she had the flu because her fever was gone, but they couldn’t dismiss it as a possibility, so they gave her a prescription for an off-brand of Tamiflu. The first dose unsettled her stomach so much that she vomited. But she hadn’t eaten for almost a day.

I was at work when most of this was happening, and honestly, that’s the best place for me to be. I do not have the nurturing gene that offers comfort and compassion when someone (including myself) is sick. I want to fix it, and if I can’t fix it, then I just don’t want to deal with it. Also, it’s hard for me to watch when a family member isn’t acting like their usual selves. I ask a hundred times a day during an illness, “Are you okay?” and the obvious answer is “Duh. No. I’m SICK.” What I’m really asking is if there’s anything I can do, and if not, then at least I feel like I did something by asking.

The day after she went to the doctor, our daughter was feeling well enough to go to school. The next two days she went to school but came home wiped out. Her body still needed recovery time.

All the while, I kept waiting for it to be someone else’s turn in the family. Our son had had a brief round of sickness before our daughter, so maybe he was the carrier. My husband was next.

—

Maybe it’s not the best idea to read a book about a flu epidemic from 100 years ago when your family members are battling various stages of a winter sickness. But I can’t resist a new book by a favorite author.

As Bright as Heaven by Susan Meissner tells the story of a family who moves from a rural Pennsylvania town to Philadelphia in 1918, just before what would become a flu epidemic hits the country. An estimated 50 million people died worldwide from the Spanish flu, yet it wasn’t widely reported for a variety of reasons, one of which was involvement in World War I. This is one of the reasons I love a well-researched historical novel from an author I trust–it gives me a glimpse of a moment in history that I might otherwise overlook.

The move to the city for the Brights is meant to be one of opportunity. Thomas takes a job in his uncle’s undertaking business and the family moves into the home that is also the business’ location. The young family is faced with death on a regular basis, even more as the epidemic spreads. Without spoiling anything, I’ll tell you that life gets rough for the Bright family. But what emerges from this time is incomparably beautiful.

This is a story with deep questions about life and death, and it is told from the perspectives of the Bright women–mother and three daughters–each with their own point of view per chapter. This allows the reader to see through their eyes and feel along with them.

At one point, the mother, Pauline, says what many of us try to articulate concerning death:

I am suddenly overcome by my inability to understand why some will survive the flue and some won’t. Why some babies live and some don’t. Why some people pass away in a warm bed full of years while others have their breath snatched from them before they’ve earned so much as one gray hair.

We generally do not like to think about death or hardship, but I appreciated the way Meissner narrowed the focus to one family and how they responded to the circumstances they faced. It is applicable to us all. In the author’s note, Meissner writes:

Death comes for us all in one way or another. It is a certainty. Our lives will one day end, and most of us never know when. Interestingly enough, it is our mortality that gives our existence its value and beauty. If our days were not numbered, we probably wouldn’t care how we spent them. How does this knowledge that we are mortal affect our choices? The risks we take? The risks we don’t? These were the questions I wanted to explore as I wrote this book and that I wanted you to ponder as you read it. We are, all of us, living out the stories of our lives. Each of our stories will end, in time, but meanwhile, we fill the pages of our existence with all the love we can, for as long as we can. This is how we make a life.”

Yes. And amen.

—

When my husband filled the prescription for our daughter, the pharmacy only had enough liquid medicine for half of what was required. We had to go back later in the week to get the rest. So, on a Friday afternoon, after work, I stood in line at the pharmacy counter awaiting my turn. When I gave the name and birthdate to the person behind the counter, I was met with a “we’re still working on that.” He came back saying that I’d have to come back Monday because they were out. By Monday, our daughter was supposed to be done with the prescription.

So, I asked to speak to a pharmacist. As I told him the predicament, I could see the concern on his face. He remembered my daughter and set to work typing on the computer trying to find a solution. For whatever reason, the promised second half of the prescription wasn’t there. Come to find out, only two stores of this particular pharmacy in the county had what I needed. One was in the city. He made arrangements for me to pick it up later in the day, and I couldn’t help but think of the flu epidemic I had so recently read about.

Back then, there was no medicine for the flu, just a wait-and-see approach. It was highly contagious. It still is. Our kids had to wear masks when we took an unexpected trip to the ER to have my husband’s chest pain checked out. People are still dying from the flu and from lack of access to the medicine. The shortage of medicine the pharmacies were experiencing probably weren’t going to cause panic, but I could imagine the desperation. I counted myself lucky to have the means to drive to another pharmacy without too much inconvenience to get the medicine we needed. And grateful for insurance that covers vital prescriptions and doctor visits.

I know this isn’t how it is for everyone.

Maybe this is some of what history can teach us–gratitude. When the Spanish flu epidemic hit, there was no such thing as a flu vaccine, and we can debate its effectiveness all we want, but we haven’t seen anything like millions of people dying from the flu in the last 100 years. (Have we? I hope we haven’t.)

But I hope that history doesn’t make us complacent. Sure, we personally might be better off than someone who lived 100 years ago but let’s not assume everyone enjoys the same status. It also makes me wonder what the next 100 years will hold. What is our generation’s “flu epidemic”? (Opiod crisis? School shootings? These are a couple of the options, I suppose.)

—

When I realized this book was a straight historical (as opposed to a dual timeline story with a contemporary and historical thread), I was a little disappointed. I love how Meissner’s previous books have connected a storyline taking place in the present with a storyline taking place in the past, especially with an object relating to both timelines.

But I think she did that anyway. Flu is something almost all of us can relate to. It’s common. It’s still around. And reading this book DURING FLU SEASON was all the connection I needed to relate to the story.

This is the kind of response my history books in school could never elicit. I need a story, something personal, to make the facts stick. And this book will stay with me for many months to come.

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Filed Under: death and dying, Fiction, The Weekly Read Tagged With: 1918 flu epidemic, as bright as heaven, death and dying, hope in the midst of tragedy, spanish flu epidemic, susan meissner

A tribute to a memorable man

July 9, 2012

The Championships at Wimbledon always make me think of John. As does the French Open. Or anything tennis related. Or cycling related. But I don’t know much about cycling anyway.

John, however, was a guy who knew a lot about cycling. John knew a lot about a lot of things.

Especially loyalty.

The semester I went to England, Fall of 1998, John was a student at the same school. And by student, I mean he was 20 years older than the rest of us.

That’s John on the left

But John was friendly. And helpful. And cheerful. And knowledgeable. And a little bit daring. Despite the age difference, he fit right in. And despite the miles that separated our class after the semester was over, John found a way to keep us all in touch with a Facebook group, connecting old friends and making memories.

Memory. That was another of John’s strengths. I think he remembered every conversation we ever had like we’d just had it yesterday.

I’d noticed that John had been absent on the Internet lately, but that wasn’t unusual for John. He struggled to find work and to make ends meet, so he was often on with his Internet access for a few months, then off. Nothing to worry about.

Except that it was.

John died last summer. Unexpectedly. And it would seem that none of us knew until now.

I’m not sure what’s sadder: that he died, or that we didn’t realize it.

John didn’t travel much, from what I understand, and when he did, he didn’t go far.

Except that one semester. When he joined a bunch of college kids for an unforgettable semester in England.

These are his words, written at the end of that semester.

In real life, I’m an introvert, so it really meant a lot to me to have people make the first move.

I was wondering how I’d be accepted when I came here, but I’ve never been around such a supportive group of people in my whole life. I’m used to eating meals alone, and all of a sudden I had fifty people saying hi to me while I was waiting in line, and asking how my weekend was, and trying to help me through some rough times.

I know that to a lot of you, heading for Harlaxton was kind of a routine thing. Your older siblings had done it, or your friends, and especially at UE you know a lot of people who’ve done it. But in the world I come from, the decision you made to leave behind your friends and loved ones was truly exceptional. Hardly anyone I’ve ever met has traveled the way you have, or had a chance to get a worldwide perspective at such a young age. I applaud you for the courage it took, and for sticking it out and making the most of it.

I’ve been amazed at the amount of talent and intelligence this class has shown. I learned a couple of months ago that it was impossible to typecast anyone here, everybody had surprises.  I’ve enjoyed being in classes with you, and watching you perform, and just plain having you around.

Most of all, as an older guy, I’m just plain proud to have known you. Shared classes and interests have helped me to know some better than others but the semester would not have been the same if any of you hadn’t been here. I k now that not getting to know all of you better has been my loss.

I’ve been quietly amazed by some of you, and I’m sure that all of your futures are bright with promise. I expect some amazing things from you. I wish you all the best in the world. Be happy.

Sincerely, John Calliott

John may be gone, but he is not forgotten. He was exceptional and I am proud to have known him. And there is suddenly a hole in my life and in my heart that I didn’t know he filled.

If you knew John, feel free to leave a memory of him here. I’m looking for more stories from our days at Harlaxton. I’d like his family to know how much he  meant to us.

Filed Under: Friendship Tagged With: death and dying, friendship, grief, memorial

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Hi. I’m Lisa, and I’m glad you’re here. If we were meeting in real life, I’d offer you something to eat or drink while we sat on the porch letting the conversation wander as it does. That’s a little bit what this space is like. We talk about books and family and travel and food and running, whatever I might encounter in world. I’m looking for the beauty in the midst of it all, even the tough stuff. (You’ll find a lot of that here, too.) Thanks for stopping by. Stay as long as you like.

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