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Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

finding beauty

How can we make it beautiful?

April 17, 2021

We live on a road where cars and trucks take the curve with two tires over the center line, speed limits ignored except when there is snow or ice and sometimes not even then. Sometimes a car will disregard the school bus’ stop sign, so much in a hurry or maybe just distracted. So many places to be and anything that delays is an inconvenience at best. 

Lowe’s is nearby so sometimes the cars are loaded down almost beyond their capacity with lumber or new appliances or other building supplies. We watch as arms hang outside of windows holding whatever is strapped to the roof, as trucks pulling trailers bounce into the potholes with a crashing sound that makes us all look up from whatever we’re doing.

Photo by bilge tekin on Unsplash

Sometimes we are the recipients of “gifts”–building materials or boxes that stray from the vehicle they were in and land in our front yard or sometimes in the middle of the road. On a windy day, garbage from God-knows-where finds its way into our yard. I once found a box addressed to someone in Wilmington, Delaware, which is more than an hour from here. 

The most recent “gift” was a spare tire sitting squarely in the middle of the right-hand land in front of our house. I had taken my daughter to track practice and when I returned home, I saw traffic veering around an object in the road. This has happened before and either I or my husband has removed said object from harm’s way. I didn’t think about it at the time, but my son’s bus was only minutes from traveling this same road and later I could only imagine a bus having to swerve into the oncoming lane to avoid a hazard.

I sighed, knowing what I had to do and not wanting to do it.

—

Why is this my problem?

I’ve never liked cleaning up messes other people have made. If you have ever had small children around, you’ll understand that this was a frustrating part of early motherhood for me. News flash: babies, toddlers, young children all create messes and you have to clean them up! My unreasonable expectations that I could control my life and keep it free of chaos if I was careful to do everything just right were shattered after I became a mother. Even before that, learning to live with another human being (husband) in the same house was a shock to my ordered world. Early in our marriage I noticed every little thing that was out of place or that had been moved. I still do this sometimes, but I don’t think it’s as prevalent as it once was. Maybe I need to ask my husband.

But this reluctance to clean up after other people rises into near-rage when garbage skitters across my lawn. Fast food containers. Water bottles. Cardboard boxes. Plastic bags. They dot the yard, and I groan. Our lawn is nothing noteworthy, but garbage certainly doesn’t belong there. Why, why, why, I whine as I grab a pair of gloves and collect the trash, placing it in the can on our porch.

—

The tire in the middle of the road was a turning point in my thinking.

I stood by the side of the road watching traffic swerve around the tire, waiting for the way to clear. I hoped someone would stop, blocking for me so I could remove the tire from the road. Drivers saw me but they didn’t stop and I realized that the tire wasn’t their problem either. When the way was clear, I stepped into the road and dragged the tire to the side. A few minutes later, my son’s bus arrived at our stop without incident.

I wondered if anyone would come back for the tire. Did they even know it was missing? I asked Phil to move it away from the road before garbage day. I didn’t want it to go to the landfill, and I wasn’t even sure the garbage company would take it. So he pulled it into the yard and propped it up against a tree. We joked about turning it into a planter.

And then he brought home flowers for several of the beds in the yard that I could plant while my parents were in town for Easter. My mom transformed the old tire that was left in the middle of the road into a receptacle to hold the Gerbera daisies.

Gerbera daisies are my favorite flower

This is now one of my favorite things in our yard. I can see it from the couch in the living room. It catches my attention from the road.

We took something trash-worthy and turned it into something that holds beauty.

—

“That’s not my job.”

I heard someone say this recently in reference to some trash that was scattered on a lawn in a public place. It wasn’t that person’s job to pick up the trash, and I so badly wanted to ask, “Whose job is it?” just to hear the response. But I kept my mouth shut and thought about the trash that finds its way to my yard. How I’ve thought the same thing: that’s not my job.

I ask myself the same question I couldn’t voice this week: “Whose job is it?”

Right now, the world feels like a gigantic mess that someone else made. (Although if we’re honest with ourselves, we all have contributed in some way to the mess that we see.) I wish I didn’t have to be the one to clean it up. I wish other people could behave responsibly and care about themselves, other people and the environment. 

And I wish I could more clearly see the ways that I leave a mess for other people to clean up.

Not too long ago, on a particularly windy day, our neighbor’s trash can was tipped over into the road, and I saw it as I was coming home from work. It wasn’t my trash can. It wasn’t my problem. But I trudged out to the road and pulled it back in.

Because that’s what neighbors do.

What if we could see the world this way? As good neighbors taking care of each other and the place where we live.

Instead of declaring “That’s not my job” or complaining about having to clean up someone else’s mess, or waiting for someone else to take care of it, what if we looked at the situation anew and asked, “How can I make this better?” “How can I make it beautiful?”

How can we make it beautiful, friends?

Like it or not, it is up to us. Because if it’s not our job, then whose job is it?

Filed Under: beauty Tagged With: a more beautiful world, cleaning up trash, finding beauty, flowers, litter, old tire planter

In search of the good

August 13, 2018

Years ago, my brother and I started playing this game while traveling (separately) mostly in airports called People You Meet While Traveling. Mostly it was a way to cope with the (usually) annoying humans we encountered in security lines or at the gate or while boarding. We would message/text/tweet each other about the person, to whom we gave an unflattering name like: “Those who think they’re too good for TSA PreCheck like standing in lines makes you a better person.” (That one’s my brother’s candidate.) Or this one I’m not proud of: The Assholes. “Oh I’m sorry. Did the four of you and your suitcases want to ride the elevator with the two of us and our bags? Too bad. We’re going to mean mug you while the door closes and not even acknowledge that you’re standing there.”

Photo by Yolanda Sun on Unsplash

I’ll be honest: it was a mean game because we thought we were funny and were laughing amongst ourselves at someone else’s expense.

We picked up this game again this summer in Florida. It started while my brother was flying to meet us there and continued in person on one of our family vacation adventures. It was bringing us down in a way I didn’t notice, and that’s when my brother suggested that we change our game. Instead of looking for the people who were annoying and had the potential to ruin our experiences, he said maybe we should look for the people we would want to be traveling with.

Let’s be honest: there are WAY more candidates for the first category than the latter.

But I won’t say this often: My brother was right.

—

I cannot explain how easy it is for me to see what’s wrong. With a situation, about an experience, in a person, in a written correspondence. It’s like my brain automatically shifts to look for the mistake or the failing, and I’m not even trying to be negative (at least not all the time). I think, at the heart of it, I want to make things right and good. Pointing out the negative is believing there’s potential for improvement. (If only I were this good at pointing it out in myself!)

But it’s a total drag on my mood and emotions. Finding what’s wrong is the easiest thing ever. Looking for good is hard work.

When my brother suggested we change our game, I felt a little bit of shame at the way I’d latched on to the previous idea, how eager I was to make fun of all the people who I thought were behaving badly. I took his words to heart and the next day I made a list of the people we’d encountered up to that point in Florida.

Ok @therealmrfrye here’s the new list. People you’re glad to have met on vacation:

— Lisa Bartelt (@lmbartelt) June 21, 2018

The list included a retired Boeing engineer who was telling stories of his work at NASA to visitors of the Kennedy Space Center, an uber-friendly waitress at a restaurant we picked on a whim in St. Augustine, and our bus driver at NASA who stopped to point out crocodiles and other wildlife and seemed to truly enjoy his job.

You know what surprised me about this list? How good I felt making it. Each of these people brought a smile to my face and even now, months later, I can picture every single one of them. Do you know how many people on the other list I remember? I’m going to have to go with “zero.”

I tried this experiment again while traveling with the kids and it was hard. I’d much rather make a snarky comment about the guy sitting in the exit row taking every last minute available to him on a phone call while the flight attendant is trying to talk to him about his ability to perform the role of helper in an emergency situation.

It’s harder to remember the two ladies who quietly gave up their seats so a mother and son could sit together.

—

Maybe there’s some psychological or physiological reason it’s easier to remember and notice the negative stuff than the positive stuff. (It’s easier to frown than smile, right?)

But the negativity is killing me (and it might be killing you, too), maybe not literally but something withers in my soul when I spend too much time on what’s wrong with people.

I do want to be clear that I’m not talking about drawing attention to actual injustice. Focusing on the wrong in situations of any kind of discrimination is absolutely necessary. In a way, calling attention to the wrong is setting things right.

I’m talking more about the minor grievances I have with people who don’t behave like I think they should. I’m talking about the little annoyances I have at the grocery store or the gas station or while driving. These are not injustices, at least not usually. These things are easy to spot, maybe because there are so many of them happening or they just have a way of drawing attention. I don’t know.

All I really know is that it takes effort to look for the good–in people, in circumstances, in the world around us. Watch the news and it’s mostly bad, but occasionally there’s a story of people helping other people or doing something they didn’t have to do. Those things make the news because they are unusual and extraordinary in our day, which makes me sad.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

And determined.

—

I want to seek out the good in the world around me and when I can’t find enough of it, to be the good in the world around me.

This applies to my faith experience as well. I believe with all that I am that Jesus is the Good News embodied and that our mission as His people is to embody Good News as well. We can write it and speak it, and we must live it out. If we’re ever going to change the world, or even just ourselves, it’s going to have to start with Good News.

News like we’re loved, period, and that hope is not a futile feeling. News that not everyone or everything is horrible. We have to tell the stories of the good we’ve seen. We have to elevate the beauty, not in place of the disaster but in the midst of them.

At an outdoor concert this summer, a folk group that has become a new favorite of our family, sang a song called “American Flowers.” Take a listen/watch.

It’s a ballad that pushes back the darkness a bit. The chorus goes like this:

I have seen American flowers all across this land
From the banks of the Shenandoah, along the Rio Grande
Do not fear the winter blowing in the hearts of men
I have seen American flowers they will bloom again

This is the kind of Good News we need. Hope and beauty and truth. It is not ignorant of the bad (winter) but hopeful that the season will change and testifies to the spring that is on the way. (Think also of Narnia and Aslan on the move.)

—

When did we stop telling stories of the good we’d seen? When did we shift our focus to the complaints? Maybe it’s always been that way.

It won’t be easy to look for the good but it’s restorative work that starts with the soul of the one who is paying attention.

Are you paying attention? Am I?

Filed Under: faith & spirituality Tagged With: american flowers, birds of chicago, finding beauty, good news, noticing the good, paying attention

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Hi. I’m Lisa, and I’m glad you’re here. If we were meeting in real life, I’d offer you something to eat or drink while we sat on the porch letting the conversation wander as it does. That’s a little bit what this space is like. We talk about books and family and travel and food and running, whatever I might encounter in world. I’m looking for the beauty in the midst of it all, even the tough stuff. (You’ll find a lot of that here, too.) Thanks for stopping by. Stay as long as you like.

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