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Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

funeral

Summer is off to a … start

July 1, 2021

Summer is off to a … start. I refuse to say whether it’s a good start or a bad start because mostly I’m just grateful for another day, another season of life. A work friend once described June as the “Friday” of summer because school just ended and you’re still getting used to the idea of time off, whereas July is like the Saturday of summer. You can fully relax into “weekend mode.” School ended in June, and it has definitely taken some time to adjust to our new schedule. So here’s the round-up of what we did, what we ate, what we watched and what we read in June.

What We Did

First and foremost, we finished the school year. Hallelujah. Praise the Lord. It was a year that felt like a decade and while it had its high points, I’m just glad it’s over. To celebrate, we took a quick trip downtown and bought ourselves some sweet treats at Central Market. (And visited my husband and his co-workers.)

Look how happy we are to be done!

One virtual adventure and the topic was Pokemon. We learned about some of its origins and where it’s headed.

The kids and I joined the public library summer reading program. Because if there’s one thing that’s certain about our summer, it’s reading. My daughter and I also printed out reading challenge logs from our local bookstore Aaron’s Books. Not that I need an incentive to read, but I do love a good list.

I ran 5 miles for the virtual Red Rose Run. It was a muggy morning with an air quality alert, but I did it and that’s all that matters.

Started planning our summer road trip vacation. We’re driving back to Illinois this summer, and we’re taking a couple of days to do the driving so we can stop and see some things along the way. The plans are coming together.

Shots and sports physicals. With one child going into 6th grade and the other a teenager playing sports, our first week of summer break was full of medical appointments, all of which we’re thankful for. And glad to be done with so early in the summer. Our daughter also got her second COVID vaccine.

We hosted my brother for a day visit to Lancaster!

I’m told there is a resemblance

He flew in to Philadelphia for a few days because travel is back, baby, and took the train out our way so we could hang out for the first time in 18 months and the first time in Pennsylvania. I took him to my favorite coffee shop. We fed him a smorgasbord style sampling of foods from Central Market. (See more in the What We Ate section) Then we gave him a driving tour of the county featuring the schools we attend and work at; Amish farms; Intercourse, Pa.; Lapp Valley Farms for ice cream and the cows that provide the milk for the delicious treat; then to downtown Lancaster city for a tour of market and some shops for souvenirs. We ended our day with dinner at Luca, a walk around our neighborhood, and a sampling of whoopie pies for dessert.

My son and I played a game of Battleship.

My formidable opponent

A day earlier my husband had taught him how to play solitaire the old-fashioned way with a deck of cards because there are certain hours of the day that I need to focus on work and other tasks and I cannot entertain. But I offered him a game on a rainy Friday. He chose Battleship and it was a close battle.

Our kids attended a youth group kickoff event at our church on a Saturday night, which meant that Phil and I took the opportunity for a date night. We checked out this new beer garden in downtown Lancaster hosted by Wyndridge Farm (one of my favorite hard cider companies), and it was magical. A mild summer night with refreshing adult beverages and live music. It’s my new favorite hangout. I can’t wait to bring friends there! And our kids had a great time at the youth event. They made friends, which always makes my heart full.

Chilling in the beer garden

An early morning bird-watching walk with my bird-watching husband. We’re in this phase of parenthood where our kids are more independent so Phil and I can do more things together ourselves. We saw a bald eagle because we heard a duck quacking loudly and repeatedly. The duck was not happy with the eagle’s presence. Numerous other birds spotted. (We later saw the eagle again on a morning run.)

Graduation parties. We’ve lived here long enough that we know graduates from high school and college. It’s fun to be included in these kinds of celebrations, but we are now firmly in the “friends of my parents” age group at parties.

Lacrosse camp. Four full days for our son. He came home sweaty and tired every day but he loved the extra time to learn and practice his skills.

Friend dates! I’m finally back to seeing friends in person. I spent a glorious 2 1/2 hours in the park with my friend Alison.

We’ve been using Voxer religiously to stay in touch since the pandemic hit, but it’s so different to talk all things writing, vacations, families and life changes in person. It was wonderful, even when the waterfowl got a little too close and when I was distracted by a gaggle of giggly girls taking pictures near the pond. Then we were able to gather with our good friends, the Stevensons, who now live in Arizona.

No, Phil and Gene are not brothers.

We were only together for an evening, but it was a refreshing reunion and a much-needed time of in-person catching up on our lives. I also had a breakfast date with my friend Carol at Panera, and we had a good couple of hours of catching up on life.

Field hockey. Our daughter is participating with some classmates in a summer league and attending optional turf practices. It’s fun to see her so excited.

On one of the lacrosse camp mornings, we took a walk in downtown Lancaster to a friend’s place, then walked with him back to a coffee shop for a drink treat. We then ordered lunch to pick up at Jersey Mike’s and took it to Long’s Park for a picnic. There,  we walked around the pond and the park for a bit.

Ice cream Wednesdays. We’re attempting to create a definitive ranking of our favorite ice cream places in Lancaster County. We took my brother to Lapp Valley Farms. The next week we went to Hayloft. And now we have a system on the side of the fridge to rank our favorites individually because we cannot agree as a family and that’s okay. You can read more about our flavor choices in the What We Ate section below.

Our current ice cream rankings. Bear in mind, last-place ice cream is better than no ice cream at all.

Science!

Last year’s Halloween costume doubles as a functional lab coat for experiments.

Our first experiment was making an acid-base indicator out of red cabbage, then we tested various substances in our house to see where they fall on the acid-base scale. It was a fun morning diversion.

All the household substances we tested.

Shopped for Father’s Day gifts at Building Character. If you’re local to Lancaster and have some time to shop, I highly recommend this place. You’re never sure what you’re going to find, but it’s sure to be unique.

I visited a local used bookstore in a barn that I didn’t know existed. Phil drove us past it on our way back from a graduation party. I would go to this book barn just for the smells.

I’m on track to need a barn for all my books someday.

I gave blood for the first time. It would have been a memorable experience without any added excitement, but I fainted after giving blood and subsequently (or simultaneously) lost control of my bladder so when I came to I was lying in a pool of my own urine. (Ew.)

Free scrubs for every patient who passes out and pisses herself after donating blood!

I was nervous about the whole process from the beginning. I haven’t tried to give blood since I was in my early 20s and was considered ineligible because I had lived in England for just long enough during the “Mad Cow” disease era. Sometime in the last decade, the Red Cross changed the dates that had made me ineligible to donate so I was no longer unqualified on that basis. Mostly, I just didn’t want to do it, even though I have O blood that I know can help people. I passed all the screenings with flying colors and the donation process itself was practically painless and speedier than I expected. I thought I had it made but when I sat down at the snack table, my vision blurred and I started to feel foggy. “I’m feeling lightheaded!” I announced to the staff. The next thing I knew I was on the floor lying in my urine, looking into the faces of a friendly Red Cross nurse and my husband. It took me almost an hour to recover enough that I could change my clothes and leave on my feet. While I’m not eager to repeat this experience, I know that it’s something I can do. And honestly, now that the worst has already happened, I can be more prepared the next time.

Flew home to Illinois for my grandmother’s funeral. We had not traveled by air since before the pandemic, and honestly, it’s not that much different now. At the funeral I was able to reconnect with cousins, friends and other family I haven’t seen in a while. There is a lot more I could say about this but I don’t have the words yet.

Good news: we still know how to navigate airports and flights

The kids drove and rode four-wheelers all over my parents’ yard and had a blast doing so. They finally look like they fit the machines they’re steering.

Most of the time they were riding separate ATVs. I took this picture as proof they sometimes get along.

And of course, we had an adventure on the way back to Illinois. Our drive to the airport took double the usual time because of heavy rain and a traffic accident. Our flight was delayed multiple times for a total of nearly five hours, but we finally boarded the plane about the time we were supposed to arrive in Baltimore. We landed in Baltimore around midnight then waited for another near-hour for our bags to come off the plane. Finally, we made it home to Lancaster around 2 a.m.

The kids and I visited Longwood Gardens.

Before I knew we would be making a quick trip home, I made a reservation for Longwood Gardens, to keep using the membership I got for my birthday. It was the Monday after our trip home for the funeral, and ungodly hot, but we went for a few hours. The kids got soaked in the 12-minute fountain show, which was part of the plan. We had hoped to grab some ice cream as a treat afterward, but the place inside Longwood that sells ice cream wasn’t open on a Monday. So we stopped at Rita’s instead.

They wanted a front-row seat to the fountains and they got it

Hiking! We made our Wednesdays in the Woods return on the very last day of June with a short hike at Climber’s Run Nature Preserve, which just so happens to be the location of our favorite local birdcam. It was quite the adventure. We tried to cross the creek at an unauthorized spot and I slipped and fell into the creek. We successfully crossed the creek twice after that. There’s often a lot of complaining when we prep for these adventures, but my soul needed the time in the woods.

What We Ate

Sushi and poke bowls for our Pokemon virtual adventure.

Taste of Market. For my brother’s first-ever visit to Lancaster, the kids and I shopped at Central Market on a Tuesday for a lunch smorgasbord for Wednesday to give my brother a taste of the area’s food. Selections included: emapanadas, pierogies, bread, goat cheese, whoopie pies, smoked fish, and deli meats.

Luca. We had three appetizers and five pastas and I wish I could describe them all to you as deliciously as they tasted. The fried squid appetizer was cooked so well our son tried it and liked it. We also had a burrata plate with focaccia and another topped bread selection that I don’t remember the name of.

The apps

There were five pasta dishes on the menu, and we all chose a different pasta and shared a few tastes but each one suited our personalities. We didn’t have a bad dish among us. I drank a dry cider with peaches. Phil had a lemon beer that tasted way better than I just made it sound. What we love about Luca is the seasonal menu. If we went back now, the offerings would all be different.

Gnocchi. Also, I’m in love with the plates.

Pulled pork french fries from Holy Smoked Meats at the beer garden.

Goes great with beer and cider

Ice cream. At Lapp Valley we had cookie dough, cookies and cream, maple walnut, black cherry and raspberry. At Hayloft we had orange creamsicle, lemon bliss, triple chocolate earthquake, and Mississippi mud. At Good Life Phil tried the dill pickle ice cream with peanuts mixed in (on the recommendation of the ice cream server), Isabelle had pink lemonade with chocolate sprinkles mixed in, Corban had banana ice cream with marshmallows mixed in, and I had nutella ice cream with peanut butter cups mixed in.

Our Good Life ice cream

After another field hockey match, we tried Son’s ice cream in East Petersburg. Our daughter had sour berry Italian ice, our son had a root beer float, Phil had Budder Brickle (yes, that’s how it’s spelled) and I had chocolate raspberry chip.

Listen, I’m a big fan of therapy. I also find no fault in this sign at Son’s.

Nachos. This was the lunch Phil requested for Father’s Day, and I was happy to comply.

At home in Illinois, we ate Culver’s: burgers and cheese curds and custard–oh my! It’s one of our favorites from the Midwest. As is Arthur’s Garden Deli, our hometown deli. One of my mom’s co-workers ordered sandwiches, salad and fruit for us to eat for lunch the day of the funeral. Post-funeral, we ate at the restaurant my friend runs with her husband. Pizza and pasta and salad and breadsticks. Comfort food, all of it. A Midwest speciality is taking care of people with foods and I am grateful.

If you ever find yourself passing through northern Illinois, stop at Arthur’s Garden Deli. You’ll only be sorry that there aren’t more Arthur’s Garden Delis in the United States.

Chicago mix popcorn from Nuts on Clark. A tradition when we’re flying.

Cheddar and caramel corn: what could be wrong?

Rita’s Italian ice. Two of us mix it with custard, and it’s a refreshing treat.

What We Watched

When Calls the Heart. I finished season 7 and I had so.many.FEELINGS. And a dilemma about how to watch season 8. I bought the boxed set through season 7 to share with a friend and then discovered season 8 is not available till September on DVD. But it was available digitally for a low, low price. I hesitated, but only momentarily. I am two episodes away from catching all the way up. Who can be my When Calls the Heart therapist when I finish?

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. We watched one episode before our Saturdays got full with other things.

Olympic trials: gymnastics, diving, swimming. 

LegoMasters, season 2. Fun, as always. The creativity and patience amazes me.

Kim’s Convenience. A few more episodes.

Lots of baseball. Even when the Cubs are breaking our hearts, we turn on the game.

What We Read

Bury Your Dead by Louise Penny. I finished this one in a matter of days and I’m just in awe of how she weaves multiple plots and stories together to leave readers both satisfied and wanting more.

Truman. I pick this one up every now and then and try to make progress, but I haven’t made a lot of progress.

Miracles and Other Reasonable Things by Sarah Bessey. I’ve been meaning to read this one for years. I finally bought myself a copy last year, I think, and now seemed like a good time to read it.

All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot. I know this is a recent PBS show. I have not seen any episodes of this but heard it was a book. I need a book from every continent for my summer reading challenge, so I picked this one up for Europe. (Really, there are so many choices for Europe, so I just had to choose something.) From the very first line of the book, I was hooked. Herriot is a gifted storyteller. I really enjoyed this book.

The Castlemaine Murders by Kerry Greenwood. Another Miss Fisher mystery for my Australia pick for the summer reading challenge.

The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency by Alexander Mccall Smith. A friend recommended this one to me years ago, and I picked it up at book sale. I read it for my “Africa” selection for the Read Around the World summer reading challenge at our library. It’s delightful.

How to Love the World: Poems of Gratitude and Hope. A gift from a coworker at the end of school. I don’t read enough poetry.

A Murder by Any Name by Suzanne M. Wolfe. This is tagged as an Elizabethan spy mystery and the first line of the book made me laugh out loud. I love a good first line, and I enjoyed the setting and intrigue in this story.

Showing Off (Upside-Down Magic #3) by Sarah Mlynowski, Lauren Miracle and Emily Jenkins. This started as a way to help our son calm down and go to sleep during the week of my grandmother’s funeral. We’ve been reading aloud this series off and on for months.

—

Well, there you have it. A full month of doing, eating, watching and reading. What have you been up to in these areas?

Filed Under: monthly roundup, Summer Tagged With: funeral, ice cream, lancaster pa, local adventures, summer break, summer reading

When the time comes

July 28, 2016

Just before the kids and I left Illinois three weeks ago, I asked my mom to take a picture of my kids with my grandparents. We only get home a few times a year, and my grandpa was 90, and something inside of me wondered if I would have another chance to take this kind of picture.

2016070495185016.jpg

That something was right. Four days ago, my grandfather died, and though it was not unexpected, because of his age, it was sudden and tragic, not the way we thought it would happen.

I know it is a rare gift to be 38 years old and still have my grandparents around. Until this week, three of my grandparents were still living. I knew the time would come when I would experience deep grief over such a loss, and I sometimes wonder if it is made worse by coming so late in life. My last funeral of a family member was 16 years ago. I was just about to graduate college, and my paternal grandfather succumbed to lung cancer. I remember the tears and the need to be with safe people and the emotions I felt for my other family members who were grieving.

This time time, though, it’s more personal. And a kind of sadness I’ve not experienced before.

We’ll start our good-byes today. (Or our “see you laters” as a friend has said.) More than once in the last four days, I’ve woken with a fog. A cloudiness in my brain. Emotions at surface level. I can almost touch the sadness.

Part of me wants to stuff it down. To deal with it later. But another part of me wants to let it all out, however raw and intense and frightening it might be. There is a time to mourn, an ancient writer tells us, and I know that time is now. 

—

Yesterday, we gathered as a family to be together, to choose the photos of Grandpa that would sum up his life to those who come to pay their respects. It was a time of loud talking and catching up and laughing. It was a time of chasing children and playing baseball and eating so.much.food. It was a time to remember and celebrate, in a way, the bond that makes us family. There was a hint of sadness, an empty spot in the house, an awareness that big feelings hovered just out of reach. We distracted ourselves with the work we needed to do. The work of remembering. And being together.

wp-1469715605980.jpg

—

Two days before my grandfather died, I ate soup with crackers at a local buffet. I didn’t use all the cracker packets I had taken, and I told the kids, “Grandpa Johnson would be so upset with me.” My grandpa’s trademark move was to ask for more crackers with his soup. Every time. Guaranteed.

The next day, I worked a funeral meal for a family at our church, and I talked about my grandpa with one of my church friends whose dad is the same age. Only hours before my grandpa would leave the earth, I was talking about him.

Is it possible my spirit knew that the time was coming?

—

Life and death are mysteries to me. I cannot understand them completely. We have no say in the day we are born, and almost no say in the day we die. The time comes for us all, and this is not a statement of fear, only truth. My 6-year-old son is leading us all in the way of truth, saying the most true things his young mind can manage.

“Grandma, the rain gauges are yours now because Grandpa is dead.”

“So, this is where Grandpa died.”

It is shocking at first to hear the words so plainly spoken out of a little mouth, but it is also refreshing. There is no beating around the bush. No euphemism for what happened. He tells it like it is, and we all must face the facts.

And this is a fact we cannot change: Death comes for us all.

When the time comes, there is sadness and joy; mourning and celebrating; remembering and forgetting. The forgetting is the thing that I fear the most. His voice. His words. His laugh. That mischievous smile that belied his age.

We knew he would not live forever, but now that he is actually gone, I am more determined than ever to make his legacy last.

I will teach my kids to play dominoes and to ruthlessly buy up all the property in Monopoly.

I will tell stories and crack jokes, no matter how corny.

I will treat people with kindness and remember those who are in need of prayer.

I will give what I have because I will always have so much more than I need.

—

We are a family of givers. Being on the receiving end is not our preferred place. But there is a time for that also. The time will come when we must receive what others have to give. And the time will come again for us to give what we have received.

—

A lot of words will be said about my grandpa in the next few days. Already, I’ve heard many stories from people who knew him, even if briefly. The writer in me wants to record everything that is said. But I know that even if I could, they would not come close to describing his life.

My life and the lives of my children will be the best stories we can tell about my grandpa.

Because of his life, we have been given life. It was always ours to live, but now it feels like the baton is passing to us, that now it is time for us to live what we have learned from him.

When my son shoots baskets, I will tell him the stories of learning to shoot baskets in my grandparents’ driveway. How my grandpa, a former basketball coach, tried to teach me and how I didn’t want to listen.

When we eat ice cream, I will talk about all the days spent in the back room of the Dairy Queen my grandparents managed.

When we do yard work, I will tell my kids about all the hours my brother and I spent raking leaves from the massive walnut tree that shaded my grandparents’ house.

We will talk about all the things Grandpa survived: poverty, childhood accidents, war, heart disease, a house fire. We will laugh and cry and remember.

His is a generation that is dying every day and so few people remember.

These are our most important responsibilities now: to remember and to live accordingly.

Grandpa is dead. This I cannot change.

But I can choose to remember. And to live.

Filed Under: death and dying, family Tagged With: death, funeral, grandparents, greatest generation, remember

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Hi. I’m Lisa, and I’m glad you’re here. If we were meeting in real life, I’d offer you something to eat or drink while we sat on the porch letting the conversation wander as it does. That’s a little bit what this space is like. We talk about books and family and travel and food and running, whatever I might encounter in world. I’m looking for the beauty in the midst of it all, even the tough stuff. (You’ll find a lot of that here, too.) Thanks for stopping by. Stay as long as you like.

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