Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

grace

What I tell myself when I have a bad parenting day

My husband starts a new shift this week, which doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but the long days of solo parenting are something I’m still adjusting to. Last week, after a couple of days where I didn’t see my husband for more than 12 hours, I had to give myself a parenting pep talk before I hurled myself into the pit of despair. (Okay, I know that last part is straight stolen from The Princess Bride, but seriously, isn’t that an apt description?)

Here’s how it goes. Maybe you need to hear this, too. megaphone

Hey, Mom.

It’s okay.

You’re tired after a 12-hour-day of parenting, and that’s okay. You want your kids to go to bed at 6 o’clock so you can finally have a minute or two to think before you collapse from exhaustion? Yeah, that’s okay, too.

You’re frustrated that the kids won’t listen and you just want to scream? That’s okay. Because it’s frustrating that neither one wants to take a bath until you flip a coin and someone loses the toss and now both kids want to take a bath at the same time and you have two naked children running through your house. Find someone who wouldn’t find that aggravating and then hire them to watch your children while you sneak out of the house for some “me” time.

I know you feel bad that you aren’t “enjoying the moment” while your kids are still young, but after changing a dirty diaper three times in less than 30 minutes at bedtime, “enjoying the moment” isn’t high on the list of feelings.

And you don’t want to complain because you have two kids and some people have none, and your kids won’t battle hunger, thirst or disease on a daily basis, and other kids on the planet will. But hear this: you’re human. And God understands. He’d rather hear you whine than pretend everything is peachy.

You may feel like a bad mom because your family has eaten leftovers peanut butter and jelly for three nights in a row because that’s all the effort you can put into dinner, but remember that your kids love PB&J and probably think you’re the coolest mom ever. You’re doing fine.

Above all, take a deep breath and remember that you are not alone. Moms everywhere get frustrated and impatient and tired. You aren’t superhuman. Heck, some days you barely feel human (Mombie, anyone?) and no one expects you to do it all and perfectly. (And if there are people who expect that of you, you have permission to write them into a novel someday as the villain.)

Tomorrow is another day. Yeah, that’s cliché, but it’s true.

For now, quit beating yourself up for all that you’re not and remember all that you are.

Beloved. Chosen. Redeemed. Work-in-progress. New creation. Forgiven.

Also, you’re a damn good mom. Even when you don’t believe it.

The same goes for you.

Whatever kind of day you’re having, whatever your motherhood circumstances, give yourself some grace to get through the day.

And if you find yourself in the company of a stressed-out mom, find a way to encourage her.

A little bit goes a long way.

 

Saturday smiles: words are not enough edition

When someone shows up at your front door with armloads of groceries, pumpkins for the kids to decorate, toys and an offer to use their home exercise equipment anytime: words are not enough.

When you invite friends over for dinner and they bring with them more groceries than the meal you’ve prepared: words are not enough.

When friends who are, themselves, struggling to make ends meet load a box with food from their pantry and deliver it to your house: words are not enough.

When you’re offered canned goods from a family’s personal store: words are not enough.

When your family doesn’t hesitate to send you hundreds of dollars, more than once, so you can pay rent, afford car repairs and pay bills: words are not enough.

When the UPS man drops two boxes full of food and an envelope with cash on your doorstep: words are not enough.

When you can laugh and smile even when you’re not sure what tomorrow holds: words are not enough.

When you look around and see a roof over your head, two smiling and healthy kids, a man whose love for you runs deep laboring side by side with you, and countless blessings that make you feel rich in all the right things: words are not enough.

When words written centuries ago burn in your soul as you read them today and you know–really know–you aren’t alone in this world: words are not enough.

When it rains one day and the sun reappears the next day: words are not enough.

Words are not enough to tell you what I’ve felt, seen and heard this week. For a writer, that’s frustrating. But also humbling. Because for some things in life, there are no words. At least not the spoken kind. For some things, your soul speaks in a language all its own and though you can’t translate the message into your native tongue, you know what’s being said. And you agree. It makes you want to shout and sing and write poetry and paint and tell people what you’ve experienced. And when you try to put it into words, you just don’t get it quite right.

Today, words are not enough.

And I’m okay with that.