Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

husbands and wives

Conversing with God is not the same as talking to myself

Day 13. On my drive home from the Quad Cities tonight, I mistook the clouds for mountains. I must be missing my other home. I love the mountains of Pennsylvania, but I’ll never be able to say that the plains of Illinois are boring. I’ll always find something beautiful about acres and acres of farmland.

I had a great evening watching a theatrical Christian production of Snow White as a parable for Christ and the church. The drive there and back was a little lonely. I miss the small talk my husband and I share, although even if he were in the same state, he wouldn’t have gone tonight. Ladies only. But I miss being able to “download” about my day or discuss whatever happens to be on my mind. I try to store up all the thoughts I’m thinking that I want to share with him, but I know they won’t all make it into conversation with him.

So, I find myself conversing with God more. Telling him the things I normally tell my husband, and feeling a little weird about it because doesn’t He know all this stuff already?

Maybe that’s another perk of this separation, developing my conversation skills with God. Just as long as no one mistakes me for a crazy person talking to herself. Then again, maybe that’s not so bad after all. Christians are a little bit crazy.

I just don’t know what to do with myself

Day 11. I forget how unscheduled we are without Phil. Even though he’s not terribly organized, our days revolve around him. On the days he has class, I have small windows of opportunity to do housework. When he works, I know I don’t have to plan anything special for supper, unless I’m really bored with eating leftovers and want to give Isabelle and myself a treat. I can’t say I miss finals week, though. Usually even when he’s in the house, he’s inaccessible because of needing to work on projects or papers.

The days without him are passing fast enough … sometimes too fast … with visits to friends and family, and opportunities like we had this morning to go to a moms’ Bible study at church. Still, I don’t know exactly what to do with the days. I don’t have the usual amount of errands, cooking, dishes and laundry to deal with, so I find myself looking for things to do. This morning, that meant spending money. Can’t afford to do that every day.

I’m a doer, so maybe this is a chance to learn to “be” more. With summer coming, and the probability that my husband won’t have any classes, just work, maybe this is an early adjustment for that transition.

As it is, I can’t believe we’re halfway through our separation. We always run out of time to visit those we love, and I can already sense the days slipping away. Better make the most of them while we have them.