Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

intervarsity press

Three words that terrify me: Review of Raise Your Voice by Kathy Khang

I have not always been the kind of person to speak up in public or in a class setting. On the rare occasions when I would raise my hand, I would have to be 100 percent certain I knew the answer. If called on to give an opinion, I would not speak with any kind of confidence.

In recent years, I’ve been learning that staying silent is costly, even though speaking up costs something, too. And I haven’t always done it well. In an effort to speak my mind, I have sometimes shut down someone else, or when I’ve been unwilling to take the risk, I’ve let my words churn inside of me until I’m anxious and stressed on the inside.

This is why Kathy Khang’s new book is necessary reading for people like me (and others who are trying to give voice to what they believe). Raise Your Voice: Why We Stay Silent and How to Speak Up is a useful, practical book in the “say anything” culture in which we find ourselves. Khang comes alongside those of us who might be hesitant to speak up or who are new to finding and using our voice in the social arena and shows us how to do both with grace and right motives.

I like how the book is structured to first address the reasons we stay silent and then gives us ways to speak up that are humble and practical. Never did it feel like the author was demanding that we speak up. The words “raise your voice” can be terrifying for a shy introvert, but Khang is a voice of encouragement and passion that makes me want to use my voice more and better.

Of the book’s 160 pages, I flagged close to half for quotes I found helpful or thought-provoking. Since I can’t share all of them with you, here are a couple of favorites.

On knowing ourselves before we speak up: “We are all children of God, and diversity is a part of that unity–not conformity or assimilation. Knowing who you are helps you deal with all of the different people you will meet, especially during those times when you’re speaking out or challenging them. Knowing who you are also helps you recognize everyone else’s humanity.” (p. 57)

On using our voice in social media: “We must not confuse using courage to speak up with responding in cowardice by lashing out because the medium affords us a degree of anonymity.” (p. 115)

On the reason behind using our voice: “Speaking up is always about the gospel–speaking and painting a picture of truth, wholeness, and hope.” (p. 130)

Khang doesn’t promise that speaking up about important issues will change the world or come without hardship. She’s honest about how it’s the opposite sometimes–maybe no one will change and you’ll suffer social backlash–and encourages readers to do it anyway, with the right motivation.

I have so much to learn, and Raise Your Voice sets me on a path toward that goal.

(Disclosure: I received a free copy of the book from the publisher. Review reflects my personal opinions.)

Like looking in a mental mirror: Review of The Road Back to You by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile

How a book can so accurately reflect the personality of the person reading it, I cannot say, but what I do know is that The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile should be required reading for anyone over the age of 20.

Three books in recent years have made me feel this way: Quiet by Susan Cain, The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron and The Road Back to You. The difference with this book is that it’s a helpful tool for anyone, not just an introvert or an HSP, audiences to which the previous books are geared, respectively. (Disclaimer: I received a free digital copy of the book from the publisher but am in no way required to write a positive review.) rbty

The Road Back to You is all about the Enneagram, a term which might make you scratch your head. I knew little about it before this year but have found it to be the most helpful personality typing tool I’m acquainted with. Even that description falls short.

In short, the Enneagram reveals who you are at your worst and at your best. It’s based on a number system, 1-9, as follows. (Thanks to the folks at Intervarsity Press for the breakdown.)

Type One: The Perfectionist

  • Famous Ones: Hillary Clinton, Jerry Seinfeld, Nelson Mandela
  • Ethical, dedicated, and reliable, ones are motivated by a desire to live the right way, improve the world, and avoid fault or blame.

Type Two: The Helper

  • Famous Twos: Mother Teresa, Desmond Tutu, Princess Diana
  • Warm, caring, and giving, twos are motivated by a need to be loved and needed, and to avoid acknowledging their own needs.

Type Three: The Performer

  • Famous Threes: Taylor Swift, Mitt Romney, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tom Cruise
  • Success-oriented, image-conscious, and wired for productivity, threes are motivated by a need to be (or appear to be) successful and to avoid failure.

Type Four: The Romantic

  • Famous Fours: Vincent van Gogh, Thomas Merton, Amy Winehouse
  • Creative, sensitive, and moody, fours are motivated by a need to be understood, experience their oversized feelings, and avoid being ordinary.

Type Five: The Investigator

  • Famous Fives: Stephen Hawking, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Bill Gates
  • Analytical, detached, and private, fives are motivated by a need to gain knowledge, conserve energy, and avoid relying on others.

Type Six: The Loyalist

  • Famous Sixes: Ellen DeGeneres, George H. W. Bush, Frodo Baggins
  • Committed, practical, and witty, sixes are worst-case-scenario thinkers who are motivated by fear and the need for security.

Type Seven: The Enthusiast

  • Famous Sevens: Robin Williams, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Stephen Colbert
  • Fun, spontaneous, and adventurous, sevens are motivated by a need to be happy, to plan stimulating experiences, and to avoid pain.

Type Eight: The Challenger

  • Famous Eights: Martin Luther King Jr., Muhammad Ali, Angela Merkel
  • Commanding, intense, and confrontational, eights are motivated by a need to be strong and avoid feeling weak or vulnerable.

Type Nine: The Peacemaker

  • Famous Nines: Pope Francis, Barack Obama, Renée Zellweger, Bill Murray
  • Pleasant, laid back, and accommodating, nines are motivated by a need to keep the peace, merge with others, and avoid conflict.

What is fascinating about the Enneagram is the variation each of these types can have. Personality and behavior are affected by the neighboring numbers, called wings, and each number reflects another number in times of stress or in times of security.

That all sounds complicated but as you explore the Enneagram, it becomes crystal clear. At least, that was my experience.

Cron and Stabile make this accessible through personal examples using stories from people in their families or friends. They also co-host a podcast of the same name where they talk to people about their Enneagram number and how that plays out. That’s the way I discovered what my number was.

After reading this book and listening to the podcast, I see things about my life and the way I react to the world around me in a new way. Discovering your place on this chart and how it uniquely plays out in your life is eye-opening. It’s hard to unsee once you see.

A word of caution: the Enneagram is a tiny bit addicting. While I was reading, I was assigning type numbers to people I know, and my husband is probably tired of me talking about my actions in light of my Enneagram number. You can go overboard with it, but it’s meant to ultimately be a tool for transformation, not an excuse to shame or typecast anyone else.

The purpose of the Enneagram is to show us how we can release the paralyzing arthritic grip we’ve kept on old, self-defeating ways of living, so we can open ourselves to experiencing more interior freedom and become our best selves.” (p. 36)

I could list dozens of quotes from the book to try to convince you to buy it, but I think the best starting point if you’re unsure is the podcast. Listen to the first couple of episodes to get a feel for the Enneagram. Or, if you have more time available, check out The Enneagram episode of The Liturgists podcast. It’s almost two hours long but is a helpful overview of the Enneagram.

However you choose to, though, I encourage you to investigate the Enneagram as a gift to yourself.

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