Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

Iraq

Stretched

Day 19. These last few days seem the hardest. Even though the kids and I have kept busy with outings and visits, with still more planned between now and Sunday, I’m just plain old worn out. If this were a marathon (and by the way, I am not, nor do I ever see myself being, a runner), I’d be nearing the finish line, wondering if I could make it to the end. Sometimes I think I don’t have the mental toughness for such endurance.

When my husband (then my fiance) was in Iraq, I thought of our relationship in terms of a huge rubber band. Each of us was standing on one side of it, and the farther apart we were geographically, the more our relationship was stretched. Sometimes it seemed like it was so tight it was going to snap. But we held on and eventually, we came back together, stretched but tighter somehow.

I’m feeling stretched again. I’m glad I don’t have to go on this way indefinitely. I’m desperately hanging on for Sunday, hoping I won’t be too exhausted to enjoy being together.

Hoping, too, that once again, our relationship will be stronger because we were stretched.

Togetherness

Day 6. Most weeks, Fridays are family days. Phil’s done with classes for the week and has fewer obligations during the day, so to “celebrate” another week passed, we tend to spend the day together until he has to go to work that night.

Today, the kids and I spent the day together but mostly indoors because I’m still not 100 percent over this flu bug, whatever it is. My MIL did come to the rescue, though, for part of the morning, and took Isabelle outside to play while it was still nice.

I know a week isn’t a long time, and we’ve been sick for most of the week, but I feel like my husband is missing out. With his school and work schedule, he’s able to be around the kids often during the day, so he sees a lot of their everyday behavior and changes. I feel like we’re making memories without him, even if we’re not doing anything monumental.

A few days ago, I walked through Amboy, the town where much of our courtship took place, and even though it’s been more than three years, the memories of those days came flooding back. I remembered walks we’d taken together, and trips to the pharmacy to have a Green River float from the soda fountain there. It was like no time had passed at all.

I have great memories of our dating years, but in the midst of our present life, they’ve slipped to the back, only to be brought to the front by a return to the scene. In the coming weeks, the kids and I are going to have lots of experiences my husband won’t be able to share with us, and although I know this is the way life has to be right now, I’m not exactly happy about it.

My husband spent a year in Iraq, before we were married, and I felt like my life was on hold. I tried to do more than just work and sleep, but at times I felt guilty for doing things without him. I didn’t eat out much or see many movies. I do not envy the families who have to endure this day in, day out, for a year or more.

So, I will count my blessings and try not to feel guilty if we have fun without him. And I’ll pray for many, many memories to come.