Day 16: These days just keep going. We got up and made breakfast and worked our way through our church’s Worship At Home guide, listening to some songs, reading a Psalm and watching the sermon.
After the sermon, I got ready for a run while Phil and the kids got ready for their at-home workout. I ran, finally completing 2 miles in 25 minutes. It was overcast and cool. I overdressed, but I was pleased with my performance. I only saw a couple of people out walking their dogs. The kids and Phil were just finishing a workout when I got home. I stretched, ate a snack, drank a bunch of water and got ready for a shower.
At 10:45, we tuned in to our sermon discussion class. We had a lot to talk about. I was pretty sure I saw a mouse run through the background in the church sanctuary during the sermon. After we presented that news, it was a lively discussion about the next chapter of Acts.
A quickish lunch and then we had a scheduled video call with Phil’s brother and family–the niece/cousin we video called last week. We had a nice long chat/visit. It makes the distance and the days seem less distance-y.
We talked about dinner plans after the call and sort of came up with an idea. Then I took one look at the state of the kitchen and decided to do dishes. Our Sunday rhythm is generally different than our other days, even when we aren’t living through a pandemic, so the dishes had piled up for almost two full days. Fortunately, it didn’t take too long for me to wash them all. The kids played outside a bit and one tried to rest. Why is it that I start to drag at about 4 o’clock every day? I worked on a blog post for the past few days of journaling while Phil went for a run.
It’ll be dinner prep when he gets back and our plan is to watch LegoMasters tonight since we totally forgot about it last night while watching Jumanji.
We made a homemade pizza with a no-yeast crust. I found a packet of yeast in the pantry, but it expired in 2017 so I figured it probably wouldn’t have worked. The crust recipe Phil found worked great, though. We topped the pizza with slices of American cheese, chopped pork, sliced red onion, frozen broccoli and an orange ginger sauce. Phil made a spicy aioli to top it all off, and it was delicious. We’re learning again to flex our creative cooking muscles so we can use up what we have without running to the store all the time.
While we ate, we video called my parents just to check in. We don’t always have a lot to report, but it’s always good to see faces and hear voices and find out what isolation is like in other parts of the country. We watched LegoMasters, then we reviewed the kids’ emails from their teachers about the online learning opportunities that start this week. Trying to get back to a schedule of some kind starting tomorrow. We talked on the phone to our friend, David. He lives alone and is having trouble with this coronavirus isolation. It has thrown off his schedule, and we can’t invite him over for meals or anything.
Phil and I watched a couple of episodes of The Office after the kids went to bed, then it was off to bed for us, too.
Day 17: The days are starting to blend, but at least today begins something new. Online learning opportunities for the kids in our district. I’m going to be honest and say that I’m kind of bummed about this as it relates to my job. I’m not getting paid by my employer, and I have no access to any online learning tools my students use, so there’s nothing I can do to help or participate in this. And it sucks. I give a lot of my time, energy, and self to my students. I miss them and I want to be involved in their learning. I worry about them. Most of them have IEPs and I’m afraid they’re going to fall behind further. I worry that I won’t get to say good-bye before they go to high school because we won’t go back to school.
My own children will benefit, I guess, from my lack of contact with my students. I can try to help them. But their learning is not my specialty. I wonder, too, what will happen with the sixth-graders this year. They usually get to visit the middle school and get clapped out of their elementary school before moving on to seventh-grade. There’s no one to blame if these things don’t happen, but man, the milestones and missing things.
Breakfast and reading and screens before starting “school.” The kids already had academic time built into their self-made schedule at 8 a.m. So, at the appointed hour, after getting dressed, we sat down and looked at their options for the day. My son needed a little more help than my daughter, but eventually they were ready. I helped Phil take the garbage out, wrote out a check for rent, and took a stack of letters to the mailbox. One of the assignments my son wanted to do was a math game with a deck of cards, so I played that with him. My daughter did some math problems her teacher had assigned.
My doctor’s office called and we agreed to cancel my appointment for next Monday, and they would call me when they have my medicine. I’m hoping the paperwork I sent in will take care of the last hurdle and that the pharmacy can send the medication no problem.
At 9, I needed to wash dishes. The kids looked at their P.E. “assignment” and went outside, but we had two incidents with a jump rope within a few minutes, and I was ready to give up this whole home-schooling idea. They worked it out. I finished the dishes and started making a baked oatmeal recipe that’s part of my fitness program’s meal plan. Then it was time to get the kids set up on Zoom calls. Our son’s was smooth sailing because he’s been doing this for a week now. Our daughter had trouble logging in to her class’s, and I started to get frustrated. Phil did his workout in the living room, and I gave up on the Zoom meeting to finish making the baked oatmeal. I also realized I hadn’t eaten anything in few hours since breakfast, so I had a snack, which helped with my mood. I know we’re all new to this distance/online learning thing, but I like it when technology works.
We made lunch. And I decided after lunch that it was nice enough to go outside and work in the garden. I got ready about 11:30 and invited the kids to join me when it was chore time at noon.
The dead plants and grasses came up pretty easily because of all the rain over the weekend. Still it was hard work. Whether it was the sunshine or just working the land, my mood started to improve. The kids came out and together we cleared a good bit of the garden. It’s nowhere near ready to plant, but it looks like we’re preparing for something. A neighbor passed by with her two kids. We often see them out walking or riding bikes. We talked for a while about gardens and our lack of work. It was a short visit but these days especially it’s always nice to connect with other humans in person.
We gave up after about an hour. We didn’t quite make it down to dirt, but there’s progress.
I changed into workout clothes and the kids did some more academic time. They watched a video about germs together and then separated. Our son did some learning about clouds and completed a math problem. Our daughter watched one of her teachers do some baking and then had the assignment to write her own script for a recipe. She’s still working on it. Her writing class hosted by my writer friend was after that. I texted with a teacher friend and she’s going to drop off some goodies for our garden. This is the hope of spring.
I did my workout, which was a ladder interval: 5 minutes, then 4, 3, 2, and 1 at different intensities. I really enjoyed it. I ran/walked almost 2 miles doing the intervals.
Now it’s screens and some dinner prep. I just learned that our schools are closed indefinitely. I have so many feelings. Also, my husband’s work is going to try to get him 40 hours every week even though the market is closed one day of the week, and even if he doesn’t get 40 hours, they are going to pay him for 40 hours. What a blessing.
I made dinner while our son did some more science. Our daughter received the school news not well so the late afternoon has been a little emotional. We watched some episodes of a YouTube series from Bon Appetit where a guy cooks stuff a bunch of different ways. The kids and Phil had started a pizza episode at lunch so we finished that. Now they’re laughing/shrieking at a steak episode.
I took a shower as Phil got ready for bed. The kids started to fight a little bit. Our son wanted to watch YouTube while folding his laundry but I said no because we’ve had a lot of screens today. He did manage to fold the entire basket. I promised them we could play a game if we could have about 20 minutes of down time. They were on their devices at that point, but I’m picking my battles.
I finished a book and then asked them to pick a game we could play in the last hour before bedtime. They picked a states and capitals bingo game, which took less brain power than I thought it would. We had a good time and they both went to bed in a better mood. I know they want to spend time with me, or want me to spend time with them, but these days are draining on my energy. I’ll try a better balance tomorrow.
They went to bed. I grabbed a snack, put on the latest episode of Outlander and did my nails. (Color Street strips on the toes and the fingers.) I do have my moments of just wanting to give up, but taking care of myself in small ways helps my mental health. I’m wearing bras (sorry if that’s TMI), shaving my legs, brushing my teeth, wearing deodorant, and combing my hair. Maybe I’ll put on some lipstick one of these days just for fun. I’m worth it even if I don’t leave the house. This is what I have to remind myself of.
Now, I’m going to pick a book from the library digital collection and head to bed. Tomorrow is another day.
Day 18: Hey, it’s another day! And it’s 4 o’clock before I’m journaling anything about it. I’m growing tired of the monotony. And we had kind of a rough morning.
Everyone was awake before 6. I mentioned this to the children, who sassily told me they just needed to pee, but then I’m pretty sure they headed to the living room for screens. I scrolled my phone and listened to Pray As You Go and one session of Pray As You Stay because I just need the calm, spiritual voices to lead me right now. There’s a lot of other noise in my head that only makes me anxious.
When I did pull myself out of bed, it was past the time that I had planned to get up. I made coffee and checked in on Facebook. (I don’t have that on my phone or else I would probably spend longer in bed in the morning.) My first unemployment payment deposited this morning, so I also paid some bills. I ate breakfast and encouraged the kids to get some breakfast around 7 since our family’s educational check-in starts at 8 a.m. In that hour, I worked on the book I’ve been wanting to upload for Kindle. I went on a search for the photo I used for the cover so I could give the proper credit to the photographer and added some pages with information about me and the book. When everything was to my liking, I pressed the “publish” button as my heart rate sped up. It’s not really about the income. There won’t be much from this. It’s about the experience of offering something I wrote for sale.
At 8, we looked over the educational offerings for the day. Our daughter had a Zoom meeting schedule for 9:30, and she had some math to figure out before then. And our son picked a science review game. I worked on dishes while listening to Office Ladies. I checked in with the kids after about 30 minutes. Our daughter needed some help with fractions, which I provided. Then she needed me to print something, but it wouldn’t show up when I hit the print button, so I just made her a quick hand-drawn version. It’s an 8-square puzzle with numbers on it that you have to fold and put in order. She and I both tried several times and grew frustrated. So, I did what you’re probably not supposed to do and went to the Internet where I watched a video that explained each step. We watched it together and re-created the folds to get the answer. My daughter was supposed to then submit a FlipGrid explaining how she did it. I told her to be honest about trying it a couple of times and then watching a video about how to do it.
By the time 9:30 came, we had some more frustrating moments with Zoom that led to our daughter needing to call her teacher. None of us could figure it out and I composed a Tweet expressing my frustration. To which my brother, the tech-ed expert, replied, “How can I help?” As I was explaining the situation to him, I realized what the problem might be. We solved it and my daughter was able to get in on her Zoom call. Then it was time to get my son set up on his. Zoom meeting manager/assistant is a new skill I’m adding to my resume, in case I should need it when all this is over.
Once the kids were settled in to their meetings, I took some laundry to the bedroom to fold while listening to more Office Ladies. The calls ended before 11 and the kids were in the kitchen trying to gather some lunch. Everything was hard for us this morning. In each other’s spaces and pushing each other’s buttons. I yelled. Our daughter cried. Our son feigned innocence. It’s all part of the norm right now. We managed to get our lunches and I said we could watch The Price is Right but no other screens. So, we tuned in. Toward the end of the episode, our daughter went to the kitchen for Thin Mints (we are already dangerously low) and our son followed. I knew nothing good would come of that because he had no reason to be in the kitchen. I grabbed the rest of his lunch and went to the kitchen. I slammed the bowl on the counter, which splashed salsa on my sweatshirt (that I had just washed yesterday) which added to my anger. I was yelling so much that I was actually spitting. It’s not an easy confession. I told my son to go to his room and stay there for 15 minutes at least. I cleaned up my mess and watched the rest of the game show with my daughter after delivering all the stuffed animals to my son’s bed.
I had calmed down when the game show was over so I asked my daughter to transfer her laundry to the dryer and take a shower. We are so unscheduled for bathing right now. I went in to the kids’ room and curled up next to my son and told him I was sorry and explained why I had been upset. I asked him what else I could do to help with this situation. He shrugged and then later said the only thing he thought of is something we can’t have: a cat. He then soothed himself by shopping for stuffed animals online. (The kid already has a collection.) He did also throw a fit about wanting to take a bath and not being able to now that his sister was in the shower.
It was noon and I was ready for the day to be over.
She finished her shower and quite honestly, I’m not sure what happened after that. I did draw a bath for my son. And at some point I changed into workout clothes. Oh, I think I watched the videos for today’s workout because some of it was new. It was 1 o’clock by the time I was ready to work out. The kids found more educational(ish) things to do while I worked out. I was kind of on a tight deadline for my daughter’s writing class at 2. And the weather was chilly and rainy, so I didn’t want to be outside for long. I don’t feel like I put in a great workout today, but I did the bare minimum. Sometimes that’s all I can do.
Daughter got set up for her class. I snacked and listened to Office Ladies while cooling down from my workout. Then I asked my son if he wanted to play video games together. Sometimes the social interaction from me is what is needed, even when I don’t feel like I have a lot to give. We played the London 2012 Olympics game, and I’m terrible at most of it, but as long as I go in knowing that, it’s usually okay.
At some point in the afternoon, my book went live on Amazon so I shared some things about that and tried to forget about it.
I needed a dinner plan, so I did some quick thinking and came up with a favorite pantry-stretcher: oatmeal soup. It’s in the Fannie Farmer cookbook and it’s perfect for a chilly, rainy, overcast day. It tastes like chicken soup, kind of. I washed some more dishes and started prepping that. Then I sat and read for a few minutes. The book I picked from the library collection is Virgil Wander by Leif Enger. I’ve heard a lot of good things about it and I like Enger’s writing style. It’s definitely compelling so far.
Things have been quieter this afternoon. The kids are doing games and screens. Phil should be home soon.
Worked on and finished dinner. We watched another episode of the Bon Appetit web series, this time about all the ways to cook a potato. After that, I wanted to take a walk. Our son decided to go with and take his RC car.
We did a loop around the neighborhood. It was chilly but the rain had stopped and the fresh air was good. It’s still weird trying to avoid people while we’re out, though. We often adjust our route based on where other people are and are headed. I’ve been training for that my whole life. I’m really good at avoiding other humans.
This time after dinner and before bedtime is one of the hardest right now. My energy sags and I just want to be done being responsible for anyone except myself. This is not a new feeling; it’s just stronger during these days when we’re home all day with nowhere to go. Phil took a nap. I read a book. Our son played on his tablet. Our daughter did some school work then cleaned her dresser in her room. When the kids had settled in bed, Phil and I settled in for three episodes of The Office. I don’t always want to be watching The Office, but comedy is easiest right now.
