Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

new year

The things that helped me

It’s easy on January 1 to want to put the past behind us (especially when the past is a year like 2020), but as I was reminded by Sarah Bessey (a favorite writer of mine), there were things that helped us get through 2020 that I want to carry into 2021. She shared her list via email newsletter. (If you want a copy, I can forward it to you and then you can sign up for her monthly words! Or click the link to sign up.)

Here are a few things that helped me:

  • My Peak Challenge. I joined this program last year when it started in February before I knew how much I would need the structure and accountability for my health and fitness journey. The program includes monthly workouts and meal plans (the latter of which I followed very loosely because it’s set up for one person with lots of leftovers throughout the week and I cook for a family of four). I bought a tiny bit of equipment (bands, running shoes) and could do all the workouts or modifications at home. This is a plus for me because I hate going to the gym. I also connected online with Peakers (what we call ourselves) all over the globe. The program also raises money for charity. It’s a win-win-win for me and I’m back for a second year. (I get no compensation or reward for telling you about MPC. I just love it!)
This is a photo from April. The shirt has seen a lot of sweat since then.
  • A coffee subscription. I’m very particular about my coffee. (Read: snobby.) And I love supporting my local coffee shops. Every month bags of locally roasted coffee arrive at my house. I am always supplied with the coffee I love to drink and I’m supporting a local business with a regular purchase. (I happen to love Square One. If you find a local roaster you love, consider a coffee subscription!)
My preferred coffees are decaf because of my anxiety, but all the coffee from Square One is gooooood.
  • Sending mail. Forget the past few weeks of mail nightmares. Sending and receiving actual physical mail was a highlight of 2020. I’ve always loved this but I seldom take time for it. In 2021, I’m pledging to mail a letter to someone once a week. (If you’d like to be a recipient, send me a message with your address. I’ll put you on my list!) Postcards are an especially simple way to send a little note of care or encouragement. I was pleased to learn about these beauties from Ink & Willow. (I did receive a sample of these postcards to review. My opinion is independent of the freebie.) These hopeful messages you can color and send to others is a simple way to let people know you’re thinking of them. (I particularly love that they aren’t all Bible verses. Some are song lyrics; others are quotes from inspiring writers.)
  • Reading. (And the library). This will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me, but one aspect of reading I want to take into the new year is reading what I enjoy. Maybe that’s a no-brainer, but I still feel pressure sometimes to read what I think I should be reading. There is a place for that, and I do want my reading to educate me. But toward the end of the year, I just need to read for fun. I binged on cozy mysteries and my mood improved. Our family has always been prolific users of the public library, and 2020 was no different. I will continue to support them with my donations, late fees, and loans.
  • Supporting small businesses. This ties in to the coffee, I know, but it goes beyond that. I made a decision a while back to no longer buy books from Amazon because I have two really great independent bookstores nearby. I ordered all my books this year from independent bookstores. (If you don’t have one near you, check out IndieBound. You can shop the site just like you would the other site and your purchase will help independent bookstores around the country. I made one purchase like this.) Beyond bookstores, I tried to purchase Christmas gifts from local shops or online stores that are tied to small businesses. And we committed to eating takeout once a month from a local restaurant. All of these things make me feel good about how I’m spending my money and how I’m investing in the community.
  • Hiking. We did SO MUCH hiking this year, even when it was cold. And we plan to continue monthly hikes during the school year and, I hope, weekly hikes in the summer. Being outside refreshes me, and we have a plethora of parks and conservation areas within a short drive of our house, so there was no shortage of places to explore. We’ve barely even started. (You can find most of our hiking pictures on my Instagram.)
  • Puzzles and cross-stitch. Both hobbies help me focus when my brain is trying to lead me in a hundred different directions. I completed two cross-stitch projects this year and started a third. That’s more than in previous years combined. While my family isn’t as crazy about puzzles as I am, they do make room for my obsession at the dining room table and occasionally join my quest. Between me and Santa, we’re covered for puzzles this year.
One of the cross-stitch projects I completed and framed to give to a friend.
  • And like it or not, but video calls helped us stay connected with people. We could have done more than we did, but we participated in games with friends and family, toasted with friends on my birthday, and had family video chats that felt like being together. I don’t want to let distance or social distancing to be an excuse not to connect with people anymore.

There are probably more things, but this is a good list. What helped you get through 2020 that you want to carry into 2021?

How do you measure a year?

It’s been a full year and I can hardly believe it’s almost over. Nothing that happened this year feels incredibly momentous but I also don’t want to forget the seemingly small things. Every year is unique and contains memories that will never be repeated, not exactly. It’s a time in our lives we can never get back, and I don’t say that to lament. It is part of life. I think remembering is important, and sometimes seeing things all together is a good reminder of the things that filled our life this year.

A quick scroll through social media helps me remember and the more I think back, the more I see themes emerge. I begin to see what our priorities are, what was important to us this year.

An overview. In reverse.

December: Our son turned 9. Maybe that’s not a milestone, but every year older he gets is just evidence of how our family is enduring and thriving. 

November: Phil and I ran a 5k on Thanksgiving morning. We revamped our living room and bought a furniture set for the first time in our married life. Also a new TV. We don’t have to squint to see words on the screen anymore. We redefined family for our Thanksgiving meal, and it was so memorable and lovely. A tree came down in our yard.

October: Phil ran a 5k in Philadelphia. I completed a Whole30 eating plan. I published my first co-writing project with a client. And started playing guitar in church.

September: We spent a day in Washington D.C. that we hoped would include a baseball game, but it rained the whole day. Still, we visited two museums, including the National Portrait Gallery, which was my personal highlight of the day. We hosted a Labor Day gathering at our house.

August: We saw the Cubs play in Pittsburgh. Our daughter went to a sewing camp and discovered she loved it.

July: We spent the Fourth of July in Harper’s Ferry. The kids and I traveled to Illinois to visit family. We gathered a group of friends to watch fireworks. We hosted a Kenya team reunion. The kids rocked their swimming lessons.

June: We took an epic road trip to our vacation in Florida with my family, a wonderful week of unforgettable memories, including a visit to Kennedy Space Center where we saw a space shuttle up close and personal. We took the long way home visiting friends in North Carolina and driving a portion of the  Blue Ridge Parkway. I drove to the Philly suburbs to gather with other Chicken Soup for the Soul writers and to meet the publisher.

May: I turned 40. We bought a car and traded in our van. Phil threw me a small birthday party gathering. I ran with my daughter in the Girls on the Run 5k, during which it poured the whole time.

April: Phil and our daughter ran a 5K at Cowan’s Gap State Park. It was the first time we’d been back there since a visit on our fifth wedding anniversary. I got four long braids of hair cut off.

March: Our daughter turned 10. We went to our first hockey game.

February: I started running again, training for the 5k in May. I met one of my favorite authors at a local event. We watched the Olympics.

January: I started working part-time at a school.

If I was going to pick a theme for our year, it would be “improvement.” Or maybe “rebirth.” This was the first year in maybe our entire married/family life that I felt like we got to make positive choices for our family and didn’t have to settle for doing things the way they’d always been done or making choices that weren’t necessarily bad but also not necessarily good. For so many years, the choices and decisions for our family were based on survival and/or meeting our basic needs. This year, we had more freedom to choose based on what would help our family be healthy in all the ways.

From job decisions to physical achievements to conscious choices about food to vacation and travel, I felt like we had more control over our life. That’s groundbreaking when all I can sometimes remember is feeling like I’ve been carried along by circumstances and the consequences of those.

It was a year of plenty for us, a major shift for a family that has known only “enough” and often “lack.” Where previously we were surviving, this year, I sense what it means to thrive: as an individual, as a couple, as a family.

This does not, of course, discount anything else about 2018 that wasn’t good or great. There has been a lot of sadness and turmoil and the world is still a place with so much hurt. A year can be both wonderful personally and terrible globally. This is a hard dichotomy to reconcile. I think maybe I haven’t allowed myself enough engagement in others’ pain this year. More opportunity to do better in 2019.

How did your year measure up? What defines a year for you?