Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

obesity

When who we are is hiding in plain sight: Review of Invisible by Ginny Yttrup

Years ago I watched a movie starring Barbara Streisand called The Mirror Has Two Faces. I can’t remember much about the movie except that Bryan Adams sang on the soundtrack (and I was practically in love with Bryan Adams) and the female lead was not confident about her appearance or her attractiveness to men.

I could relate.

When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t like what I saw, and I didn’t believe anyone else who said they saw something different.

invisible coverAlmost 20 years later, the struggle isn’t as intense, but it’s still a battle. And it’s this image battle that novelist Ginny Yttrup writes about in her new book Invisible.

Ellyn is the owner and head chef of a restaurant in Mendocino, California. She’s also overweight, has never had a relationship with a man and she’s skeptical when a widowed doctor, Miles, shows interest in her. She hears a voice in her head (she calls him “Earl”) that constantly puts her down. She loves butter. (Who doesn’t?)

Twila works at a shop owned by her mom. They specialize in herbal medicines, organic foods, and natural products. Twila bears a tattoo of thorns on her face, a mark of solidarity with those who suffer. She is thin and recovering from an eating disorder (she calls it “Ed”) and re-establishing a healthy relationship with food.

Sabina has come to Mendocino to escape. She’s a therapist carrying a suitcase stuffed with guilt and battling depression. She’s on a break from her practice, her family and God. Each day is a struggle to get out of bed.

Ellyn befriends Twila and Sabina and as the three of them get to know each other and their “issues,” they realize they aren’t as different as they might seem on the outside. Each of them, with the help of the others, is on a journey to discover who they are and why they’ve hidden behind food, an eating disorder and professional success.

I don’t know how she does it, but Yttrup creates characters that could walk off the page and into your living room. Invisible is an honest look at what happens in the female mind, and how distorted our view of ourselves can be. I found myself able to identify with each woman for a different reason.

This quote is one of my favorites from the book:

invisible quote

And if you like the writings of Christian saints, you’ll appreciate Yttrup’s inclusion of quotes from St. Augustine at the start of each chapter. A quote from his writings plays a major role in the theme of the book. (Yttrup did this with Madame Guyon in her last book, Lost and Found. I appreciate the ancient-modern connection.)

Yttrup has a unique style. Each chapter is written from the first-person perspective of one of the characters. Sometimes I had to go back and remind myself who was talking, but the chapters are short and the movement of the characters toward wholeness is fluid and hard to step away from.

I enjoyed reading this book on my own but think it would be even more meaningful in a discussion group with other women. So, if you’re looking for a book club read or you have a group of girlfriends who like to read and talk, I’d put this one on the list.

Read more about the author’s personal experience with the issues she writes about here.

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In exchange for my review, I received a free copy of Invisible from Handlebar Marketing.

Diary of a fat kid

Week 4, Day 2. It’s getting serious now. Today we drove to the Lebanon Valley Rail Trail (sort of like the trail that goes to Lowell Park for all you Sauk Valley-ites) for our training session. The trail will be part of the 5K course we plan to run in November. I don’t know what it was about today — Two days of rest? A long walk the night before? No breakfast? — but I struggled to stay motivated today. For the first time since we started this journey, I felt like giving up during one of the running segments. It’s a mental game for me right now, I think. My body can do it. I know my body can do it. But, at least today, I didn’t want to. We finished without turning around, so we had a long walk back to the car, but by the time that was over, I felt like I could run again, not that I was going to, but I had recovered my will a little.

The reality of running this far is starting to weigh on me. I keep thinking of myself as the fat kid trying to run a mile and a half in gym class in enough time not to fail. I see the athletes and skinny kids passing me, finishing with an A or a B grade while I struggled to push myself to a D grade. I’m wondering if I really can do this, if I really have it in me.

Forgive my side trip into therapy here for a minute, but this teenage insecurity has been plaguing me lately. Last night, I suggested to my husband that we go for a walk as a family because I didn’t think our 2-year-old had had enough exercise that day, and I thought, when I looked at her, that I could see a bit of a “pooch” in her belly.

So here’s my fear: I am still scarred by my own body image insecurities and will pass those on to my daughter through my actions, attitudes, behaviors, etc. Being the “fat kid” in grade school gives me a bit of anxiety when the doctor says Isabelle is in the 75th percentile for weight and the 10th percentile for height. I don’t want her to have to struggle with her weight or how she sees herself or to be teased by kids and have her zest for life sapped from her.

This exercise with family thing is such a balancing act. If my husband and I want to have a good workout, then the kids have to ride. If we want the kids to get exercise, then we sacrifice our own fitness because of their pace. I’m happy about the changes we’re making to be healthy and fit, and I know that by building this foundation now, we’re setting ourselves up for an easier time of family exercise when the kids can keep up or ride bikes. Still, I worry. Too much.

And I know that if I don’t deal with the “fat kid” from my past, then I’ll be of no help to my daughter when she begins to face these issues. I don’t want to be indifferent about her activity levels, but I also don’t want to create an environment where she overreacts to the many changes her body will undergo. (We’re watching the current season of “The Biggest Loser,” and one of the contestants has a daughter who was starving herself because she didn’t want to be fat like her mom. Lord, help me, I don’t want to be there.)

Like I said before, it’s a mental game right now, and this is some of the baggage I’m carrying as we train. I’m hoping to throw off what hinders, as the apostle Paul says, so I can truly run free … literally and spiritually.