Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

parenting

Mommy 911

Moms with 2 or more kids, I need your help. I’m drowning here. I never imagined having 2 kids could be so hard. Maybe because you all make it look so easy?

I feel constantly pulled in two directions. It’s like the kids conspire against me to need something from me at the exact same time. The baby has a full diaper, and Isabelle’s suddenly starving or needs a glass of juice. Or Corban is nursing and Isabelle chooses that moment to want to sit on the potty. Or they’re both ready for lunch at the same time, and I’ve yet to figure out how to nurse and make a sandwich.

I feel like one of them is always getting shortchanged, and maybe that’s OK. I also feel like I’m just surviving and I want to enjoy this. It’s like I’m walking around half-asleep, half-starved and always thirsty, subsisting on whatever I can put in my mouth the fastest and easiest. Cheese, chocolate, granola bars, occasionally something healthy like a banana.

On my worst days — you know, the ones that end in “y” — I’m convinced that Isabelle will still be potty training when she’s 5 and Corban will still be refusing baby food when he’s 2.

Yesterday I talked with a mom whose kids are about the same age as mine and she practically bragged that her baby took two scheduled naps a day and was eating regular baby food meals. I wanted to hate her. Motherhood to two children didn’t seem to faze her. I’m sure she never lets her 2-year-old watch 4 episodes of “Dora” in a row, and I bet they always eat regularly scheduled meals at the kitchen table.

My husband helps when he’s not doing husbandly things — working, meetings, school prep, sleeping, watching sports. OK, that’s a bit unfair. He does help a lot, but he basically told me to get used to this. With two years of seminary left, a “real” job isn’t far off and he won’t be as available to help during the day as he has been.

So, ladies, can you offer any advice? Is it possible to keep two kids happy at the same time? Am I ruining them by denying what seems to be a basic request so I can take care of the other one? How do I do this day in, day out with losing my mind? (I know why they call those housewives on Wisteria Lane “desperate” — they have children!)

And, if there aren’t any good answers to these questions, could you just let me know I’m not alone? That you’ve been there, done that or are there right now?

This mom just needs a little encouragement.

Father, may I?

A friend recently told me that 2 1/2 is a special age. We’re finding that out with Isabelle. Her imagination is expanding. We frequently have a baby and an Elmo join us at the dinner table, and she brings them to her table to play Play-Doh. And she sings made-up songs. Or a combination of made-up songs.

She’s also becoming increasingly inquisitive. Besides asking, “Mommy, what’s that?” she also frequently asks permission to do all sorts of things. “Mommy, can I?” is an oft-heard phrase around here. Sometimes, it’s appropriate, like, “Mommy, can I watch ‘Barney’?” Other times, it’s not. “Mommy, can I finish my dinner?” is not a question that needs to be asked. Am I going to say “No” to that? Some of her questions are met with a “yes,” others will always be answered “No,” like “Mommy, can I ride in the back seat?” when we’re in the van negotiating our little lawyer into her car seat before we start the car.

Her questions make me think of how I talk to God. Sometimes I think I ask Him questions I already know the answer to. Like, do I really need His permission to help someone in need, or start a conversation, or smile at a stranger? Or any other number of things that would always get a “Yes” from Him. Conversely, I know that some things are always going to generate a “No.”  Can I hold a grudge? Can I be bitter? Is it OK for me to envy that person a little? Can I temporarily disown my husband while he’s engrossed in watching World Cup soccer matches and shouting at the TV or computer?

We’re studying prayer in our Sunday School class right now, and this week we learned that obedience to God opens the lines of communication with Him while sin and disobedience close those lines. In some ways, it’s like when my daughter whines for something she wants. I sometimes tell her I can’t hear her when she talks like that. Or if she forgets “the magic word” when she demands we fulfill a request, we wait until we hear it before letting her have what she’s asked for.

God is the ultimate parent and being a parent has deepened my relationship with Him because I see so much more from His point of view what it must be like to watch His children grow in their faith. How much patience, love, instruction, discipline and work is involved, and how He cares for us.

I didn’t intend for this to be a Father’s Day post, but it’s sort of turning into that. I wonder if God celebrates Father’s Day or if for Him, every day is Father’s Day.