Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

security

I found common ground with a pencil sharpener

My daughter is really into sharpening pencils right now. Sometimes she uses her manual Tinkerbell pencil sharpener. Other times she likes to use the battery-operated one. She brought it to me for help one day and I happened to see the sticker attached to the bottom: Receptacle must be secure for unit to operate.

“Must be secure for unit to operate.” Join the club, I thought.

I also just so happened to be reading Beth Moore’s So Long, Insecurity, and in typical Beth Moore fashion, I feel exposed and vulnerable because she’s speaking my language. The book is subtitled “You’ve been a bad friend to us,” and I’m discovering through it the deep net of insecurity in which my life is caught.

So when I read, “Must be secure .. to operate,” I thought of how that’s exactly what God wants. Insecurity keeps us from operating and functioning for God’s pre-planned purposes. When I’m secure in Him, I can do whatever He wants me to do without paralyzing fear or self-doubt.

I love how God uses two unrelated pieces of my life to bring home a point.

More on the book:

Moore has a passion for this topic. You can read a portion of it in the first chapter here. What’s especially great about the book is she offers not just words but tools to overcome insecurity. Prayers, scriptures and practical no-duh tips for walking and living securely amidst life’s disappointments and hurts.

Moore also doesn’t endorse glossing over hurt or denying emotions. She just wants us, women in general, to detach insecurity from these other hurts.

I borrowed this book from my aunt while I wait to receive my copy in the mail. She said it’s a book you could read every 6 months or so. I agree. What a blessing.

I’m not long acquainted with Beth Moore yet, but the two Bible studies of hers I’ve done, and now this book, have been life-altering. And they’ve seemed to address a current spiritual issue in my life. Moore is in tune with what women need spiritually because a) she is one and b) she has a close relationship with the Lord. This book, she writes, is birthed from experience. She’s been there, done that and shares personal experiences throughout.

Are you a woman? You NEED to read this book.

No pressure, but really, it’s that good. Even at its most painfully honest moments, I can’t wait to read it again and really dig in to the freeing message God has for me as a woman. I struggle deeply with insecurity. Moore’s book helps me believe that I don’t have to anymore.

That it is possible to live securely as a woman in this uncertain and painful world.

What sweet words of encouragement to this weary soul.

God ruined my life

It’s been no secret that lately I’ve been struggling with being a mom to my kids … feeling overwhelmed, underqualified, impatient, tired and exasperated. Then I had a wake-up call and my attitude has changed. The past week has been one of the best weeks with my kids (minus the tantrums my 2-year-old threw over the weekend at bedtime). This change of heart and mind was confirmed by the sermon I heard on Sunday.

I will admit that I cannot remember much about what our pastor said, but one phrase stuck out. I can’t remember the context, either. (Sorry, Pastor Dave. Saturday night was a rough one with Izzy.) But I recall hearing something about God invading our lives, and something in my mind clicked with that concept.

I remember exactly how God took over my life, when I let Him, but He began invading it long before then. He was wooing me from a young age, through my uncle, my grandparents and friends. I just didn’t get it until I was 19. Actually, I’m not sure I totally “get it” now, but I know one thing: I’m not the same as I was then.

God ruined my life. At least, the life I was living. I was depressed, insecure, desperate for love, on the verge of jumping into a sexually loose lifestyle and ignorant of who I was or  what I wanted out of life.

God changed all of that. He gave me joy, security, unfailing love, purity, acceptance, purpose and hope. He ruined the path I was on, and I am forever grateful.

In a similar way, my children have ruined my life. They, too, invaded my life and took over. In a whole new way, my life is not my own. They’ve ruined me for selfishness, laziness, monotony, greed, and independence. Without them in my life, I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, anytime I wanted. I could spend all the money I had on myself and be my own person. Those things are attractive, sometimes, and please don’t think I’m in any way condemning or judging you if you don’t have children. I just know myself and how I would be as a person if God hadn’t given me children.

Sometimes I’m frustrated that my schedule revolves around theirs, that I have to share whatever I’m eating or drinking with my daughter if I’m consuming it while she’s awake, that I can’t even go to the bathroom without her opening the door or calling out, “Mommy, where are you?” And, at times, I’m a little jealous that I have to buy the kids new clothes every few months while my tired wardrobe decays further in my closet. (Except for the new pieces I got for my birthday; thanks Mom and Grandma!)

I may not have known what I was in for when my husband and I decided to have children (at least the first one!) but I knew sacrifice would be involved. The same is true of my faith. In both cases, I can’t stay the same person I was or even do a lot of the things I used to do. Most of the time, that’s a good thing.

I like this song “Miracle” by Audio Adrenaline. The chorus says:

“You took my dreams
And stole my schemes
And turned my life upside down
You took my heart
Stole every part
And made it a miracle”

I wouldn’t trade this miraculous life for what it was before, but when I entertain the thought of going back, I have to remember that this was no hostile takeover of my life. With God and with my kids, I surrendered the ground I was holding and welcomed the invasion.