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Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

separation anxiety

When the lost are found (and found again)

September 30, 2013

She gripped the hand of a stranger as tears streamed down her face. Her name had just been announced over the PA system. She was lost. Looking for her mother.

And I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

My son and I were in the petting zoo at the fair, just feet from where she stood. I, too, began looking for someone, anyone, to claim her.

Minutes passed. Too many minutes, I thought.

Was she part of a school group?

Did anyone know she was missing?

My son was tugging my hand to move on, but I wanted to know how it ended.

I had to know she was going to be found.

—

Philippians 1:6: “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion, until the day of Christ Jesus.”

It was one of the first Bible verses to ever “speak” to me. philippians16

I was a new Christian, not unlike the little girl, lost and alone in a big, scary world, looking for someone to save me. I looked in a few wrong places before I found the Savior.

I used to think it was He who found me, but when I think about it like that, it sounds like He didn’t know where I was.

He always knew.

It was me who didn’t know I was lost.

But being found was just the beginning.

—

A second announcement over the loudspeaker for the lost little girl. The fear in her eyes was building.

What if no one comes for her?

I thought of my daughter, a kindergartener, who knows her name and address and her parents’ names. This girl was younger. She knew her first name, but what if they needed more information?

My mother’s heart began to worry. One of my fears is my kids being separated from me. I was grateful for the two women who left what they were doing to stand with the girl while they waited for someone to claim her. I hoped I would do the same thing if the need ever arose.

 I wanted to do something. But everything they could do was being done.

—

I’m a quick learner. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say that I catch on quickly. In school, I could give you the “right” answer faster than anyone else in the class, even if I never learned a thing. I sped through homework and tests just to get them done, hardly recalling the information I regurgitated onto the page.

I learned quickly, too, that in some Christian circles, there are right and wrong answers, right and wrong ways to live. And even though I was new to this world, I quickly caught on to the “right” way of doing things. I voted the way I “should.” I believed what I was told. I listened to the (unofficially) approved teachings of popular pastors. I got rid of all my “secular” music. After all, I was a new creation, and my life needed to reflect that.

It wasn’t until many years later that I would realize that all of those efforts left me empty. When life didn’t turn out like I thought it would. When I didn’t change in the ways I thought I should. When I felt guilty for wanting more than what I had in life. Hadn’t I been found? What was I doing wrong?

—

My son and I were just about to move on to the exhibits inside the tent when I heard the good news. A cowboy-type gentleman came running over to the little girl and said, “Come with me. I’ve found your mom.” The girl hesitated, but he gently persisted.

Then I saw her.

The mom.

She was running as fast as her legs could carry her with a baby backpack strapped to her. She wiped tears of relief from her face as she scooped up her daughter and hugged her.

I looked away lest I start swimming in my own pool of tears. I took one more look and everyone was smiling. The women who had held her hand. The mom. The little girl. A smile found its way to my mouth, and my heart lifted.

What was lost was found.

—

If you’re ever separated from your family, stay in one place.

I still think about this advice when I’m out with my family or friends. I’m prone to wander. Even as an adult, I don’t stay in one place very well. Sometimes we split up to keep the kids occupied. Or to take one of them to the bathroom. And I’m forever fearful of being left behind. (I would be the worst field trip chaperone, but I still want to go to the zoo with my daughter’s class.)

I don’t know how the little girl became separated from her mother. Maybe she got really interested in one of the animals when it was time to move on and didn’t notice her mother leaving.

I was captivated by my new faith, so busy watching and learning about the “right” way to live that I didn’t realize it was time to move on.

Like the lost little girl, the familiar was gone and I was standing with strangers, desperately wanting to be found again.

Time passed painfully slowly, and I wondered if God had given up on me. Did He even know I was lost?

I thought about going to search for Him but remembered another piece of advice: When you don’t know what to do next, do the last thing God said.

So, I waited. Even when it felt like I was stuck.

And I barely dared to hope when others would say: “He’s right over there! Come with me!”

But they were right. Like a mother frantically searching for her lost child, God found me again.

Right in the place where I lost Him.

—

My son and I wandered through a tent full of exhibits and spotted a collection of antique tractors outside. We separated from our group to walk past each one and snap a few pictures. “For Papa,” my son said.

corban tractor

We were coming up the final row when I caught a glimpse of blond hair. I turned and saw the little girl who had been lost, sitting on a blanket with her mom, eating a sandwich. They looked like a happy family enjoying a picnic lunch. No one passing by knew the trauma of their separation, less than an hour earlier.

But I would guess it’s something neither of them will quickly forget.

—

So it is with me.

Lost. Found. Wandering. Found again.

I do not doubt my relationship to Jesus, but I can’t say for certain that I won’t lose my way, in some way, again. I am so easily distracted. So easily led astray. So eager to do the right thing. So sure of the path.

I am a sheep in need of a shepherd.

The word I heard all those years ago, that God would complete His work, is speaking to me still.

What He started, He will finish. And it will take time.

—

I remember what it is to be lost.

I remember what it is to be found.

Lord, have mercy, if I ever forget.

Filed Under: Children & motherhood, faith & spirituality Tagged With: changing beliefs, evolving faith, god isn't finished yet, lost and found, philippians 1:6, separation anxiety

Saturday smiles: out of the zone edition

January 14, 2012

So, I’m not exactly smiling as I write this. I’m at the beginning of a weekend of single parenting, and I already miss my husband terribly. Not because the kids are awful, but I just get used to the company, I guess. I cry like a baby when we’re apart. Maybe that’s good.

I do have a lot to smile about this week, and I know the weekend won’t last forever.

Here we go.

Toe socks. I wasn’t sure I’d like them, but they’re strangely comfortable. And secretly fun. Like, no one can actually see them on your toes when you’re out and about, but you know they’re on your feet, which puts a little extra zip in your step. (This is the last picture of my feet, I promise. Sorry if feet creep you out!)

Breaking the routine. After dropping my husband off at the church where he was catching a ride to a weekend retreat, I took the kids to the mall to play at Club Kid, a sort of indoor playground awesome land for the little ones. We bought a pass for the month of January especially for days such as this where I feel the need to treat them (and me!) to a little change of pace. Afterwards, we ate slices of pizza at Mancino’s, just across the way from Club Kid and still in the mall. All in all, we had fun. Sometimes, I pre-freak out when considering doing something new and different with the kids by myself. But afterwards, I gain a little confidence and courage to do it again.

Meeting new people. I am so shy sometimes, but every now and then, I open up and share a piece of my life with strangers. Like other moms at indoor playgrounds. I met a nice Italian woman Friday night whose father is the namesake and founder of a local pizza place. She was excited to hear that my husband is in seminary and about to graduate and shared with me about her church experience. She said she hoped we’d meet again. I’ve never considered myself good at making friends, so it gives me a boost emotionally and spiritually to interact with strangers and walk away with a potential friend.

A good night’s sleep. I felt ill a couple of nights ago and went to bed before 8:30. When I woke up at 6 with the kids the next day, I felt refreshed. I love sleep, and it’s something I’ve had to give up for parenting (which is like sacrificing for Lent, only longer).

Our big, out-of-the-box event this week was a trip to the Pennsylvania Farm Show. This is the fourth opportunity we’ve had to go since living in Pennsylvania but the first time we could actually make the trip. We went with friends from the seminary and one of their daughters. The kids had an amazing time getting close to animals, watching draft horses in the ring and kids racing stick horses.

(We didn’t cage the kids, honest. This is the result of my daring husband dangling the camera over the arena balcony to capture our kids’ faces. I refused to do it for fear of losing the camera over the side.)

The bunnies were a big hit with Corban. He waved at most of them.

And the birds were noisy but impressive. Especially the turkeys. Holey-moley. I’ve never seen such big birds.

This guy was a Bourbon Red, and though you can’t really tell from the picture, Isabelle’s hair matched his (or maybe it was a her?) feathers perfectly. We’ve decided “Bourbon Red” will be her professional wrestling, roller derby or ultimate fighting nickname. (Just kidding. Please don’t report us to child services.)

Speaking of turkeys. I’m all for educating kids about where our meat comes from … you know, farm to table and all, but this bit of eavesdropping had me a bit uneasy. The conversation went something like this.

Mom: Daniel, do you see those turkeys? You know when we eat turkey on Thanksgiving? That’s what we eat.

Daniel: Let’s get a gun and shoot him right now and eat him!

Daniel was maybe 6 years old and shouted this several more times. Is it just me?

I learned a lot about Pennsylvania agriculture. I could probably bore you with facts about mushroom production, dairy farms and apples, so I won’t. But I will tell you this: honey ice cream is surprisingly amazing. We ate chocolate and raspberry honey ice cream over honey waffles. Dee-licious. Just ask our kids, who gobbled it up. (Maybe that was the wrong word to use after the turkey talk!)

It was a fun family outing for these native Illinoisans. We only wish we’d had more time to check it all out. Maybe another time.

I’ll leave you with one last nugget of smile-making. If you’re not smiling yet, I hope you will be after you see this. My kids are silly and that often makes me smile.

Have a great week!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFm6CWXvxjo&feature=youtu.be]

Filed Under: Children & motherhood, Saturday smiles Tagged With: agriculture, family outings, pa farm show, separation anxiety, things that make you smile, winter activities for kids

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