Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

servanthood

An open book on marriage

It started with a sermon series called “The Peasant Princess” about the Song of Songs. My husband and I started listening to this series a while ago when our marriage was in need of a serious boost. (Confession: we haven’t finished the series but hope to go back to it soon.) During that series, the pastor, Mark Driscoll, revealed that he and his wife, Grace, were writing a book on marriage. Based on the insights I was gleaning from the sermon series, I considered the book a must-read before I even knew when it was releasing.

When I had the chance to get my hands on Real Marriage: the Truth about Sex, Friendship and Life Together for free through the publisher’s blogging program, I grabbed it.

I would have paid money for this book, though. The Driscolls haven’t just written a book on marriage. They’ve written THE book on marriage. They pull no punches when it comes to the foundation for a successful marriage (friendship), how to have a fulfilling love life (serve one another), and keeping hope alive (plan and dream about the future). The book is part memoir — the Driscolls honestly talk about their mistakes before marriage, the early years of their life together when they weren’t living “happily ever after” and what it took to overcome and change all that — and part handbook. A good chunk toward the end of the book offers a blueprint for intentionality in marriage. It’s like homework, but I’m really excited to dig into it with my husband and dream about all our marriage can be.

If your marriage is new, Real Marriage can help you avoid some common — and maybe not-so-common — pitfalls. At the very least, it’s encouraging that no matter your past or current experience, a great marriage is possible.

If you’re in the pre-marriage stage — engaged or nearly engaged, then Real Marriage would be useful in a premarital counseling setting. I consider some parts of the book “for marrieds or to-be-marrieds only” so use discretion if you’re in the single-and-looking category.

If your marriage is seasoned with years, use this book as a way to connect with younger married couples and pre-married couples around you.

FAVORITES: The reverse-engineering plan at the end of the book. I love practical application. It would be a shame to have read this book and not known what to do with the information. The plan offers a lengthy and detailed examination of your marriage and where you want it to go. Like I said earlier, I’m excited for this.

FAULTS: The Driscolls take firm stances on just about everything. I disagreed with them on a few points, and at times I felt like they were portraying themselves as the only couple with the truth about marriage. It’s irritating but not a deal-breaker for reading the book. The Driscolls even give that as a warning in the preface “How Not to Read this Book,” saying that they strive to be biblical but are imperfect and will make  mistakes.

IN A WORD: Real. Okay, so it’s in the title of the book, but the Driscolls are Real (capital “R” intended) about everything from their lives before marriage and the mistakes they’ve made since to the hyper-sexualized culture we live in. Seriously, there were times in this book I was almost blushing because of how frank they are in discussing certain topics. But an unwillingness in the church to discuss sex and the questions everyone’s thinking but no one dares ask can lead to an unhealthy and ungodly view of sex and marriage as God intended. I’m sure writing the book couldn’t have been easy, but bravo to the Driscolls for holding nothing back.

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In exchange for this review, I received a free copy of Real Marriage: the Truth About Sex, Friendship and Life Together from Thomas Nelson Publishers.

I review for BookSneeze®

Heard and not seen

© Robert Pernell | Dreamstime.com

Donald Trump’s getting a lot of air time and attention these days. (The Donald for president? Really?) But I want to talk about someone else on “Celebrity Apprentice”: Jack Jason.

If you don’t know the name, don’t worry. I didn’t either. I’ve been calling him Marlee Matlin’s interpreter for weeks. Until I googled him, I couldn’t have even told you what letter his name started with. He was introduced when the show started, and even though I hear his voice every week when I watch, his name wasn’t important enough for me to learn it.

In a way, I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. He is, after all, the interpreter, not the star. But I was thinking, while watching the episode where they filmed the commercial for the video phone, how hard it must be to not answer people’s questions with his own opinions. People talk to Marlee, but he answers for her, and even though he’s in the room and could give his opinion, that’s not his job. His job is to speak for her.

Last week, when Marlee raised $1 million for her charity, Jack cried his own tears. It was a meaningful moment for me. I’ve since learned that his parents are deaf, so charities that benefit those with hearing disabilities is personal for him as well. But it was a rare glimpse of how connected they are, and I was reminded that he is a person, too.

It must take a lot of humility to be someone’s personal sign language interpreter. You’re essentially a background figure. Necessary, essential and important, but your life is all about someone else.

Not unlike a Christian’s life. When we choose to follow Christ, we choose to become part of something bigger than ourselves. We choose to let God work through us, and ideally, give Him the credit for it.

That’s not always easy. I’m learning this myself. I used to think that I needed to write a book or have magazine articles published with my byline to feel successful at writing. My two most recent paid writing gigs won’t have my name prominently displayed anywhere on them. But they paid, and they’re writing credits. Glory be to God.

I’ve heard said that you can accomplish much if you don’t care who gets the credit, and I think that’s where I’m at with writing and God and the Christian life right now. It really isn’t about me, after all, and God can accomplish much more through me when I hang on to that truth.

Back to Jack Jason. He was Marlee Matlin’s interpreter when she won an Academy Award, and thus got to voice her acceptance speech. He said this about that experience:

“I flashed back to when I was eight years old [and] wrote in a school journal that it was my aspiration to have my voice be heard by millions of people as a DJ or a TV announcer. There I was doing just that. The moment was even sweeter as Marlee thanked her parents and I spoke those words, knowing my parents were in the audience too. It was a moment I’ll never forget.”

You can read more of his thoughts from that interview here.

I don’t know what your dreams are, but I know mine, and I’m finally coming to understand that God may not grant them in the way that I expect. And that’s OK.

It’s not self-defeating to not care who gets the credit; it’s freeing. If all I’m worried about is whether or not someone is going to recognize the work I do, then I won’t do much work at all. But if I join the work God is doing, and let Him get the credit, then who knows what might happen.

I choose to serve Him as faithfully as I know how, to communicate the messages He wants people to hear and forget about myself in the process. I don’t expect it to be easy. Humility never is.

And on a show where the objective is for the contestants to use their celebrity to win tasks and eventually be named “Celebrity Apprentice,” I’m grateful for the reminder that serving can still be celebrated.

When I tune in tonight, I’ll be watching for more than the stars’ antics. I’ll be seeking a lesson in humble service.