Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

spiritual gifts

Take your time with this one: Review of Restless by Jennie Allen

restlessIt’s the rare book that takes me two months to read, especially if I like it, but such was the case with Restless by Jennie Allen. Honestly, I’d gladly take six months or a year to read this book, so full is it of reflective questions and topics for deep thinking. Two months has felt like too fast for this book. (Disclaimer: I received a free copy of the book through the BookLook Bloggers program.)

And because it’s been hanging around for a while, and because summer is coming and we all want good books to read, and because it’s hitting me right where I live, I’m calling it a bonus book review on the blog this week. It won’t be light summer reading, but it might be life-changing summer reading.

Recently, I’ve told you about my restless feelings and about my journey as a writer. Both of those reflections were informed by reading Restless.

So, what is Restless? In short, it’s permission to dream. Whatever stage of life we find ourselves in, Jennie Allen encourages us to consider what we were made for. She takes readers through her own journey of discovering and rediscovering her calling in the midst of motherhood and gives us the opportunity to identify painful and meaningful experiences from our past. It was on those pages that I personally realized I’d always been a writer and that writing will be a constant in my life, no matter the other passions and pursuits I find myself exploring.

Restless is a uniquely personal journey for every reader. Our church’s book club has been reading through it, and the few times I’ve been part of those discussions, I can see that it has different meaning for everyone. (And not just for women in their 20s and 30s. Women of ALL ages can benefit from finding their purpose and passion.)

I love the way the author writes. It’s like chatting with a friend across a cafe table with coffee mugs in hand. I half expected her to reach through the pages and offer a hug like she said she wanted to do. Her words are authentic, real and challenging.

Toward the end of the book, she offers a letter from her husband to husbands about helping the women in their lives find their purpose and follow it. It was touching, and while I might hand it over to my husband to have him read it, I’m grateful that he is already on board with my passions.

So, if you pick this one up, don’t rush through it. Get a notebook and fill it with words and scribbles. Grab a friend and read it together and look over your threads, as Allen calls them, and dream together.

I think that’s what I love best about the book: its emphatic message that it’s okay to dream. Too often I think we, women, give up our dreams for our families or our families become our dreams. Sometimes that’s okay or it’s okay for a season, but for me, I know that discovering my passions and following them is a source of great fulfillment that carries over into my family. When I am doing what God made me to do, I’m a better wife and mom.

Restless confirms and encourages that, for any stage, any calling. It doesn’t discount the call to motherhood or serving families. It releases us to be whatever God made us to be.

And that, friends, is freeing.

Note: There’s also a video series available for Restless, and I have a copy to review that I haven’t had a chance to watch yet. Stay tuned for a separate review of that!

The gift of receiving

Years ago, when I was attending Bible study regularly for the first time, we talked about spiritual gifts–things like teaching, discernment, encouragement and giving. I remember our leader at the time joked that he had the gift of receiving. We laughed, of course, because really, who wouldn’t want that gift?

In recent years, I’ve discovered that there just might be a gift to receiving. Or maybe it’s an art.

Here are a couple of ways NOT to do it:

  • Someone brings you unasked-for gifts for your children and you notice that the puzzle for your son is one he already has. Definitely do NOT tell the person, “Oh, he already has that one.” Unless of course you enjoy crushing people.
  • You receive a gift at a birthday party and you already have it. Do NOT be rude by tossing it aside and announcing, “Oh, another one.” See the previous example about crushing people’s spirits.

Both are true stories. Both perpetrated by me. I was an elementary student when one of them happened. The other, it was yesterday. So, see I still have a lot to learn about receiving.

Our family is in a season of receiving, which sounds really selfish and greedy when I write it that way. But it’s true. In the last four years, we have received everything from child care to  food to money, all given in love, without condition or thought of repayment.

Based on some of the things people have said when they were giving us things, I could add a couple more “do nots” to the previous ones.

  • Don’t be ungrateful. Say “thank you” no matter what it is. If it’s something you wouldn’t or couldn’t eat or didn’t like, don’t embarrass the giver by telling them that. Our family isn’t picky when it comes to food, so I can’t think of anything we’d turn down. And we definitely wouldn’t ask the person to return it and get us something else. A gift is a gift, and the intentions are likely good. Pass on the blessing if you find yourself with something you can’t use.
  • Don’t make a fuss or pretend you don’t need help. Some people will just give you money or food and not ask first if they can. I like these people because they go ahead and do what they feel led to do. Others will say, “Is it okay if I …?” and that sometimes makes it  harder to say, “yes.” Even if it’s embarrassing or humbling, let people help you. I can’t imagine turning down help when we truly need it. It doesn’t get easier, but there are times when you’re in need to the point that you can’t say “no.”

In this season of receiving, we’re also learning how to give. To hold things loosely, as people like to say. To bless others out of the abundance we have. We might not be able to give someone the money they need but we have an attic full of kids’ clothes, so we’re finding homes for those. In the obscene wealth of this country (as compared to other countries) there is always something to give. We exchange child care with another family–gifts of time.

And because we’ve received, we feel an obligation, a responsibility, to give in the future to those who face the same situations we’ve faced: graduate school with a young family, pastoral ministry, unemployment, underemployment. We won’t limit our giving to only those, remembering “to whom much is given, much is required.”

I’ve seen people graciously receive, and I’ve seen them ungraciously receive. And I’m somewhere in between, still learning what to say and how to say it.

What would you add to the list of how not to receive? What have you learned about giving?