Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

stories of friendship

Stories of Friendship: The kindred spirit

Fridays are for friendship here, specifically stories of friendship, as a way to celebrate the special people in our lives. You can catch up on past posts by clicking on the “friendship” category at the bottom of this post. And if you have a story you’d like to share, send a paragraph or two to lmbartelt (at) gmail (dot) com and tell us about your friend!

I remember the first time I met Alison, maybe because I was doing my best to not retreat into my introvert shell and actually make a friend at writers group. There I was, sitting in the middle of a row, minding my own business because I hate small talk and there are only so many times you can ask, “So, what do you write?” in one morning. And she walked in, coffee in hand, and asked if the seat near me was taken. Then she moved to take her coat off and I offered to hold her coffee while she did that because folding chairs are notoriously unreliable at holding hot coffee and hot coffee is a precious commodity on a cold Saturday morning.

Coffee was the door to conversation. I know this now because we’re both introverts. When I think about our friendship, it’s definitely a God-thing that we ever got to know each other in the first place. So, we did the chit-chat thing, discovered we both had young children and–surprise of surprises!–both had been journalists in another life. In my mind, we were already the best of friends. She didn’t run screaming from the room when I asked if I could find her on Facebook since writers group was only once a month and we lived about an hour apart.

All of this I remember clearly. How our friendship actually developed after that escapes me. We would see each other occasionally at those writers group meetings and at the larger gathering one-day conference, and eventually we found each other on Facebook, so I suppose there was some kind of natural progression of getting to know each other.

But it really wasn’t until our family moved to Lancaster last year that I truly discovered that Alison and I are kindred spirits. (I have several people I would put in this category, but it still surprises me when I find someone who fits.)

Here’s why I consider Alison among that group: She’s a writer, so she automatically gets all the craziness in my head. And she’s good at it, even though she doubts. (Um, that is SO familiar! And by the way, you should read her blog.) She is passionate about important things like orphans and adoption and justice, and she’s so passionate that she doesn’t just talk a good game, she does stuff about it and feels like it’s never enough. You want to know her heart? Just talk to her about Rwanda. You’ll see it.

She is married to a silly husband, something I thought was my curse blessing alone. (I desperately want our husbands to be friends, but they’ve only met once and I don’t want to seem pushy.)

Alison appreciates a good hot drink, and now that we both have some kid-free time during the week, we’re able to meet for hot drinks all by ourselves with no responsibilities for a few hours.

She is encouraging, intelligent and authentic. I am so comfortable with Alison that I would tell her just about anything. When we’ve had a coffee/Panera date, I walk away refreshed. Neither of us is perfect or living our lives exactly the way we want. We both struggle with some things that leave us frustrated. But our time together is one of the highlights of us moving to Lancaster.

Sadly, we do not have a picture together either, something I’m finding I must remedy with lots of friends. (I mean, it’s not like there’s a camera on my phone or anything and I don’t go anywhere without it.)

Not all friends have to be kindred spirits, but I think it’s good to have at least one. Do you have a friend like this?

Stories of Friendship: The ties you forget are there

This week’s Stories of Friendship post is a bit different than previous weeks. And a day later than normal. To see previous posts, check out last week’s, which contains links to all the posts in this series. If you’re interested in sharing a post about a friend who is important to you, send me a message.

This week, instead of focusing on one friend who has had an impact on me, I want to tell you what I learned about friendship this week.

On Monday, I received word from a friend and former co-worker that a colleague of ours had a severe reaction to something that caused her to stop breathing and be hospitalized. Her condition was serious and over the next several days, we exchanged dozens of messages with updates on her condition. During those days, I was also in contact with many of my former work colleagues, letting them know her status.

It’s been more than seven years since I worked at that company, and many of the people I keep up with marginally on Facebook. I haven’t seen most of them in seven years.

But instantly, we were a team again. Praying. Exchanging information. Connected even though we are literally scattered across the country, from California to Pennsylvania, Wisconsin to Texas. All of us were joined in mutual concern for our friend and colleague.

Though we’re not connected by a common workplace anymore, those years we spent working together solidified our bond. I mean, when you spend 8-10 hours a day, 5-6 days a week, in good times and bad, with co-workers, they really become more like family. And for me, a 20-something trying to find her way in the world, those co-workers were some of my first adult friends. And I’m sorry that tragedy has brought us back in touch with each other, but it reminded me that friendship comes in a variety of forms and just because bonds are stretched doesn’t mean they are broken.

So, today, as we continue talking about friendship, I ask you to pray for our friend, Marla. She is bold and outspoken, funny in all the best ways (I still smile thinking about things she said all those years ago), a fighter and survivor with a smile that fills a room. She is playful and unpredictable. There were times she scared me a little as I walked by her desk because she is fiercely loyal to her people and her beliefs and you don’t want to cross her.

Even if she was none of those things, I’d still ask for your prayers for her. We are waiting and watching and hoping for her recovery from this reaction.

Thank you for your prayers.