Beauty on the Backroads

Stories of grace for life's unexpected turns

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No, really. There are starving children in Africa.

I don’t know if my parents ever said those words to me over the dinner table. If my current eating habits are any indication, I seriously doubt I ever failed to clean my plate.

My parents weren’t really the guilt-trip kind, either. And now that I think about it, forcing your kids to eat everything on their plate because “there are starving children in Africa” is some messed up logic.

When I read something like this about what’s happening to children in Somalia, my heart breaks. And my first inclination is not to eat everything in sight but to actually eat less. That’s the whole point of this challenge. But I feel like I’m failing.

We, Americans, are nothing if not gluttons. My personal recent examples: Popcorn at the movies. Pizza and fried pickles afterwards for supper. No-bake cookies on a night when I just HAD to have chocolate. A refrigerator so full of food we had to invite people over to help us eat just so we didn’t have to throw stuff out before we head to Illinois for two weeks. We have so many choices we can eat whatever we want. And even when my kids refuse a meal, I know they won’t die of starvation.

Heavy thoughts. Pun, sort of intended.

Weight update for the week: I gained 2 pounds. Since I began this challenge, I have GAINED 4 and a half pounds. Not what I thought was going to happen.

A high point from the week: Even though I didn’t make it to the gym at all, hubby and I cleaned the house from top to bottom over three mornings. Housework equals burning calories, even if I was not as faithful with my eating habits.

Another high point: While out with a friend on Tuesday, I ordered an avocado turkey burger with roasted spaghetti squash and a salad. And I wanted it because it sounded good, not just because I felt the need to watch my calories. Later, we went to Dairy Queen and I ordered a mini Blizzard instead of larger size. It was just enough to satisfy my taste buds.

I know I can make good decisions. Now, to follow through. My husband and I are planning to train again for the 5K we ran last year. Running 3 times a week for 9 weeks will help. So will accountability. I’m thinking about starting a food journal to raise my awareness of what actually goes into my mouth in a day. Has anyone had any success with this? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Pray for me, also. I feel like I’m failing the Liberian women and children I vowed to help. Discouragement is a nasty enemy, and with your help, I will fight it.

A women’s Bible study resource

Years ago, my mother-in-law invited me to some women’s events that featured speakers from Stonecroft Ministries. I always appreciated the speakers’ stories and the program they presented.

So, I was excited to learn about this Bible study resource from Grace Fox in partnership with Stonecroft Ministries.

I haven’t viewed or browsed the DVD and study guide because I’d prefer to use it in participation with a small group, as it is intended. But read on to learn more about Moving From Fear to Freedom: A woman-to-woman conversation guide and hear from the author herself. Also, don’t forget to click on the link at the bottom of the post to find ways to win a FREE copy.

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Has fear kept you awake at night?  Has it hindered you from saying yes to a new opportunity? Has it caused you to make impulsive choices you later regretted? If so, you’re not alone! Fear is a big deal for many women. If left unchecked, it can prevent us from fulfilling God’s purpose for our lives. So, what’s the answer? How can we move beyond fear into freedom?

Author Grace Fox has partnered with Stonecroft Ministries to write a small group resource titled Moving from Fear to Freedom: A Woman-to-Woman Conversation. This resource addresses women’s common fears and gives biblical and practical strategies to move beyond them.

Fear seems to be an ever-present theme throughout the Bible. Describe the difference between healthy and unhealthy fear.

Healthy fear steers us toward wise decisions and actions. It promotes self-preservation. For example, we look both ways before crossing the street for fear of getting hit by a car. In contrast, unhealthy fear hinders our ability to fully embrace life because it consumes us with negative thinking and what-ifs. The effects can literally make us sick.

How does destructive fear stunt our emotional or spiritual growth?

Destructive fear—the fear of rejection, for instance—might keep us from admitting to someone that we’ve been physically or sexually abused. Without receiving the help we need to deal with those issues, we never experience freedom. Our struggles might seriously hamper our ability to truly love and receive love in a marital relationship. This is just one example among many of how our emotional growth is affected.

Spiritually, fear can cause us to say no to God-given dreams or assignments because we’re afraid of personal inadequacy or financial insecurity. If we never step out in faith, then we never experience God’s ability to equip and provide in amazing ways. Spiritual growth comes when we say yes to God and “do it afraid.”

You suggest we need to place our focus on God and not on fear. In practical terms, how do we do this?

Several strategies that I’ve found helpful…

  • Memorize Scripture promises and meditate on them throughout the day and as we fall asleep at night. We are transformed as our mind is renewed.
  • Fill our homes with praise and worship music.
  • Spend time in God’s word on a regular basis, not just when we’re in a panic. The more we do so, the more familiar we become with His promises and the better prepared we are to face frightening circumstances when they come.
  • Talk to the Lord throughout the day. Invite Him into the mundane. Practice His presence. The more we get to know Him, the more we’re able to trust Him in the face of fear.

Most of us feel inadequate at times. You suggest we cannot use our inadequacies as an excuse for not participating with God’s purposes. How do we get past this?

We get past our fear of inadequacy by admitting we have it. Then we need to retrain our thinking to focus on God’s adequacies rather than our inadequacies.

  • Tell God how we feel. “Help! I don’t think I can do such-and-such.”
  • Tell a trusted friend and ask her to pray for us.
  • Move forward. Do it afraid and expect God to equip us.

Describe this resource and how participants can receive the greatest benefit as they use it.

It’s a seven-week study filled with biblical teaching and personal anecdotes that can be used easily by either a small group of friends in a private home setting or a large women’s ministry. Each session begins by viewing a 25-30 minute teaching video. When the video ends, participants follow suggested Table Talk questions for about 15 minutes. Then they do the Bible study questions together. Each participant uses her own guide book so she can take notes and write answers. Facilitator’s notes are included. The study covers these topics:

  • an overview of fear
  • fear for our loved ones’ well-being
  • fear of personal inadequacy
  • fear of rejection
  • fear of facing the ghosts of our past
  • fear of the storms of life
  • fear of the unknown future


Where can I buy this study?

It’s available through your local Christian book store, on Amazon, www.barnesandnoble.com, www.christianbooks.com, www.stl-distribution.com, www.winepressbooks.com, and of course, on Grace’s Website, where group discounts apply, www.gracefox.com.  Visit Grace’s website for more information about her other books and speaking ministry.

For more opportunities for a FREE copy of this DVD & Study Guide set of MOVING FROM FEAR TO FREEDOM, please follow this CSS Virtual Book Tour on Twitter (@Christianspkrs) or Facebook.

Check out this 3-minute video for a preview of the study and teaching.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eu3hx8b2DM&feature=youtu.be]

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I was given a complimentary copy of this DVD & Study Guide set from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

Learning to ride a trike

“I caaaaaaaaan’t!”

There we were, in the middle of the block, my 3-year-old wearing a dress and rainboots, sitting on her red tricycle, and wailing. (Said 3-year-old also had not had a nap, therefore everything was Tragic, capital T.)

Meanwhile, the boy, recently turned 20 months, was numerous yards farther down the block, scooting his three-wheeler along like it was his job and he had no intention of quitting.

And me, in the middle, as usual, wondering if it was tough love time for the girl who refuses to pedal, if the boy would listen when I tell him to stop, if any of the neighbors were watching and laughing, if I should haul everything back to our yard and take the kids inside, once again giving up on a “walk” around the block with the kids.

I’m happy to tell you that we pressed on. There was more wailing. Some frustration. A moment when the boy nearly rolled himself into the road. And another moment when I nearly dumped the 3-year-old off her tricycle on accident helping her over a bump.

But there were also brief moments of joy when the 3-year-old realized she could actually pedal the tricycle and go farther and faster than she could trying to scoot or drag it behind her.

She grinned as she cruised down the block, then cried out when she stopped pedaling and couldn’t get started again.

“Keep pedaling,” I told her again and again. “It’s easier if you just keep going.”

The words ring true not only for riding a tricycle and but for following Jesus.

“I struggle with forward motion,” the band Relient K sings.

I thought of this as I watched my daughter start and stop and start and stop and grow frustrated with the whole process of riding a tricycle. She really wants to graduate to a “big girl” bike. I insist that she must learn to pedal the trike first.

Christian growth can be like this: a repeated stopping and starting, becoming frustrated with the progress (or lack of it), tempted to give up on the whole idea.

Pedaling was hardest when the path was uphill. It was then that my daughter most needed my help. I pushed. I pulled. I guided. It was tiring, but we had to get home.

Life is often hardest when the road is uphill — sickness, trial, unmet expectations, unforgiveness, unrelinquished sin. It is then that we need someone else, someone more experienced, older, who’s been through this before, to journey with us. To hold our hands. To encourage us to keep going. To push us ever closer to Christ.

Even when circumstances are not as dire, we need each other’s help.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.” (Hebrews 10:24)

Working together, not in competition. I know my daughter, a feisty redhead if ever there was one, was not happy to be lagging behind her brother the younger. One time, she almost passed him. But their methods are not the same. He does not pedal. And his tricycle sits lower to the ground. She is working toward a different goal. And she is a different person.

The same could be said for our Christian brothers and sisters. Some of us are growing in tangible and noticeable  ways. Some of us seem stuck where we’re at. But we’re all on different vehicles, with different skills.

“… let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.” (Hebrews 12:1)

The race marked out for us. Is it possible the race is marked out differently for each believer? I don’t know for sure, but I know it’s dangerous to compare spiritual growth and “progress” in the Christian life between believers.

I don’t know when my daughter “should” be able to pedal her tricycle, but I know she won’t learn how by sitting inside the house watching movies or walking when she could be riding. She will have to do it. Over and over again.

The Christian life requires discipline. And practice. It’s a relationship. It takes time. And effort. Frankly, it’s hard. But it gets easier, for moments, until you move on to the next level of growth. The “big girl” bike, if you will.

Keep pedaling, friends. We have to get home.

Scotland on my mind

My thoughts have turned to Scotland. Privileged to have visited there once, I now long to go back, thanks to Liz Curtis Higgs and Here Burns My Candle.

Higgs once again shows her mastery of taking a familiar Bible story and transplanting it to a different time and place. Here Burns My Candle is the book of Ruth set in mid-1700s Scotland. Ruth and Naomi become Lady Elisabeth Kerr and Lady Marjory Kerr, daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, respectively, who face widowhood and loss, and who are changed by faith in the Almighty God.

Knowing the Bible story, I knew, in part, where the story was headed, and I wished it different, at times. Fortunately, finishing Here Burns My Candle is not the end of the women’s journey. It’s really just the beginning. Their journey concludes in the sequel, Mine is the Night, which will soon be on my reading list.

With my mind full of Scottish English and my thoughts fixed on Scotland, I half-jokingly told my husband we shouldn’t delay any longer in applying for passports. I long to walk the streets Higgs describes and let my imagination run wild as I picture the Lady Kerrs going about their business.

Two things I know: I have not yet read a Liz Curtis Higgs book I haven’t liked. Here Burns My Candle continues that streak. And even if I can’t travel to Scotland for a few years, Higgs’ command of words and language will take me there again and again. Check out her other books here. (She has another series set in Scotland that tells the story of Jacob, Leah and Rachel. It’s a page-turner, too.)

Read the first chapter of Here Burns My Candle here and tell me you aren’t hooked on this story.

Check out the trailer below for another taste of the story.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eGOeKWCS-zs&feature=player_embedded]

In exchange for this review, I received a free copy of the book from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group.

Would you take a moment to click the box and rank this review?

No news is good news, right?

Week 4 down. No change on the weight loss from last week, but that’s actually good news this week. I struggled with low back pain most of the week and only made it to the gym one time. I tried not to be a total couch potato because that made the pain worse sometimes, but I can tell you this was not a particularly active week. Nor was I 100 percent faithful to any sort of eating plan. I made some mistakes. I made some good decisions. This challenge is a long haul, and I’m in it for the duration. My expectations for quick and dramatic results are significantly lower than when I started. Consistency is key.

This week will prove again difficult for dedicated exercise time. Regardless, I hope to make good eating decisions.

I find encouragement in this:

“Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.” (Isaiah 55:2b)

There’s a body-soul connection I’ve been missing. Listen to God. Eat what is good. My soul will be satisfied as with a gourmet meal.

People lose weight all the time whether they acknowledge God or not. I’m not saying He’s going to guarantee me success in this goal, but my focus has changed. It’s not just about losing weight. It’s about honoring God with my choices. What I eat. What I do. How I do it.

With that in mind, I’m looking forward to a good week.

A whole new world of parenting

My husband and I used to tell people we wanted to have 8 kids — 4 by birth and 4 by adoption.

Having 2 kids 20 months apart has changed that. So did reading this book. 

I won’t say that “Praying Through Your Adoption” closed the door in my mind to ever adopting a child, but it certainly gave me a lot to think about that I never before considered. Like the sacrifices (not just financial) involved, and the waiting (I’m terrible at waiting!), and the insecurity (will the birth mother change her mind?).

We’re nowhere close to being in a place to be ready to adopt. I knew that before reading. But now I know some of the things that need to happen before we ever begin pursuing it. Things like prayer, most of all, and research. What I appreciated most about this book were the personal stories of victory, frustration, anguish, elation, compassion, submission and reality. The author, Michele C. Scott, shares not only her own family’s story of adopting a son, but dozens of other families’ experiences.

This is a rich resource for anyone considering adoption. And because of that, I would like to give the book away. If you’re considering adoption for the first time, or a second or third time, or know someone who would benefit from this resource, then leave a comment on this blog. On Friday, August 5, I’ll pick a winner using Random.org and post the results here. For additional chances to win a book, visit the Christian Speaker Services blog or check out the Virtual Book Tour on Facebook.

And read on for an interview with the author.

What can you tell us about yourself, your childhood, and the present?

I grew up as an only child in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Faith was a vital part of our family life, so I believed in God from an early age. About mid-way through college, after heartaches and some poor decisions, I decided to trust Jesus and the plans He has for my life. I graduated, moved to the suburbs, and married my husband, Eric. I worked in the corporate world and Christian ministry before becoming a work-at-home mom through adoption.


When did you first realize you wanted to become a writer? 

I started writing poems and stories for fun as a child. I even had a poem published in Highlights for Children. Through high school and college I enjoyed researching and writing papers, but I never considered becoming a professional writer until I wrote Praying Through Your Adoption.

What inspired you to write Praying Through Your Adoption?

I’ve been talking to God in prayer for as long as I can remember. I turned to prayer during our infertility, and I had planned to pray through a pregnancy if that had been God’s plan. While adopting our son from Russia, we experienced painful delays and obstacles, such as increased fees and additional paperwork. At a particularly low point in the adoption process, I participated in an online prayer vigil that directed me to pray for very specific aspects of adoption – from government officials to waiting children. I realized the power of prayer specifically in adoption and saw the need to help other families pray through their adoptions as well.

How did you come up with the title?

Becoming an adoptive family is a process. First, you make decisions about the type of adoption and the age of the child you wish to pursue. Then you work to become approved, educated, and prepared for welcoming and parenting this new child. Praying Through Your Adoption shows families how to rely on God and their faith through the entire journey of creating and nurturing their forever family.

What other life experiences shaped you to write this book?

Wow, many life experiences influenced this book. Our infertility is probably the biggest since the longing and waiting for our son is a large portion of our story. But even getting laid-off right before our adoption, experiencing post-adoption depression, and dealing with special needs made me want to encourage others dealing with similar difficulties.

What was the hardest part of writing your book?

Retelling my experience with post-adoption depression was hard. After our difficult time becoming parents, I never imagined I’d feel overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed as a new mom. As much as I wanted to skip over that chapter in my life and in the book, I felt it was important to paint a realistic picture for prospective adoptive families. Thankfully, other adoptive families were willing to share their real-life joys and challenges in the book as well.

What’s one of the most important things people need to know about adoption?

One of my favorite quotes in the book is from the late Derek Loux, an adoptive father of and an advocate for orphans. He said,

“My friends, adoption is redemption. It’s costly, exhausting, expensive, and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much. When God set out to redeem us, it killed Him. And when He redeems us, we can’t even really appreciate or comprehend it.”

Derek’s words capture so much. There is loss, and, yes, there are sacrifices – financial and otherwise – in adoption. But the rewards for answering God’s call to care for orphans are priceless.

Did you learn anything from writing your book and what was it?

In writing the book, I had the opportunity to feature around 20 families and their unique adoption stories. No matter the circumstances, I could see the special love that ordinary families experience as forever families. I’m grateful for their transparency and support for this project, and I think the readers will be, too.

Do you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers? 

With over 143 million orphans across the globe, I would love to see more families consider adoption. But I deeply respect the person who reads this interview or picks up this book and, for whatever reason, decides adoption is not right for them. I hope they would at least consider providing prayer support and perhaps even financial support to families pursuing adoption.

Where can readers learn more about you and adoption?

I encourage readers to visit www.PrayLoveAdopt.com, a website I created to provide information, encouragement, and prayer support for families in any stage of the adoption journey. Visitors can read an excerpt from Praying Through Your Adoption and order a paperback or e-book copy if they desire. They can also visit my blog, www.MommyForward.com, and my main website, www.MicheleCScott.com to learn more about me and my other projects.

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I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speaker Services (www.ChristianSpeakerServices.com).

Why Stuart Smalley got it wrong

During my SNL (Saturday Night Live) obsession, the good old days of Mike Myers, Chris Farley, Dana Carvey et al., the Stuart Smalley segment was one of my favorites. You know him, right? “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me.” Here’s a clip, in case you missed ’90s late night television.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ldAQ6Rh5ZI&feature=related]

Lately I’ve found myself in the Stuart Smalley camp of self-esteem. Building myself up. Affirming my abilities. Reminding myself of my accomplishments.

But the truth is: it’s not helping. Those tactics only make failure seem worse.

Take, for example, this writing project I’m working on. I sent in the first drafts. Getting to that point was tough. I felt physically exhausted. (I’d also been dealing with a sick toddler away from our home doctor and recovery from a week at Bible camp and multiple days with less than 4 hours of sleep.) But I felt good about the ideas. Not great. Just good.

They came back on Friday with comments for me to work on for final drafts. This is part of the process. It’s not a big deal and it’s not like I was told everything was crap and I have to start over. But I get a letdown sometimes when I’m given suggestions for improvement.

I’m like that with life, too. When I realize I don’t measure up. I’m not who I want to be. And I’m not making the kind of progress I think I should.

I’ve failed, my mind says. I’m not competent, I hear. I shouldn’t be doing this, I convince myself. I’m not talented. Or capable. Or (fill in the blank).

So, I was liberated listening to a series of messages by James MacDonald this week on insecurity. He taught from Exodus 4, the story of Moses telling God all the reasons He shouldn’t use him to deliver the Hebrews from slavery.

At one point, MacDonald drives home the point that the truth about us, compared to God, is we’re nobody. God doesn’t need us to do His work. We are nothing without Him.

That’s tough stuff to swallow, especially in a country where we’re ranked by our accomplishments, levels of success and income.

Nothing? Isn’t that sort of self-defeating? Putting yourself down? Even Christians have trouble sometimes calling ourselves nothing. Aren’t we made in the image of God? Fearfully and wonderfully made? A work of art?

Yes to the latter questions. We are created, but we are nothing without the creator. Can a masterpiece hanging on the wall of a gallery praise itself for its artistry? Can a sculpture boast about the work of its hands? Can a story tell itself?

The reality is I’m not good enough. Or smart enough. And some people don’t like me. (My apologies, Stuart.)

But God loves me. And He made me. And He wants me to be a living, breathing picture of His mastery. And I can’t do it alone.

Whether in writing or in life, I need help. And that’s OK.

Being able to say what I’m not gives me the freedom to tell who God is.

I am nothing. He is everything.

It’s not about me. It’s all about Him.

I’m a slow learner, but I have a patient Teacher.

Freedom. Can you taste it? It’s oh, so sweet.

Like a sugar high, but better

Grace.

It’s one of those words we use that’s hard to explain. We can’t touch it or hold it, but we know it when we see it. And when we receive it, it blows us away.

This is how Lisa Velthouse describes it in her memoir, Craving Grace.

There’s a certain wooziness that accompanies grace. That much I know. It’s the feeling of being bowled over by generosity and simultaneously being gut-certain you don’t come close to deserving it. It’s the kind of feeling that can leave one awed and overjoyed in an instant, that can throw legitimate doubts and fears out the window.

This leaped off the page at me about a quarter of the way through the book. I get what she’s talking about.

See, Velthouse was trying to earn God’s favor by doing everything right in her life. She wanted to deserve his blessings and his grace. Then she messed up in what, for her, was a big way. Craving Grace is a story of longing — for romance, for chocolate, for significance — and longing fulfilled. It’s funny, but more importantly, it’s real. And therefore, refreshing.

A friend loaned me the book for the Tyndale Summer Reading program. I’m so glad she did. I would have missed out on a great read.

A Heart Thing to Consider

My comfortable life is in jeopardy.

In Christianity there’s this often-overlooked, seldom-preached, rarely-lived theology of suffering. In the Bible it’s sometimes called the “fellowship of suffering” or “sharing in Christ’s suffering.” Faithful Bible readers — I’d consider myself one — know this, maybe even have a verse or two on suffering memorized.

I would agree, most days, that Christians will have to suffer. That Christians do suffer. But I don’t expect this, or embrace it, or seek it, in my own life.

After all, nobody really wants to suffer, right? I’ll say it: I don’t want to suffer. But does that mean I’m rejecting a part of Christ? And can I reject a part of Him and not reject the whole?

Here’s another confession: I avoid suffering whenever possible. This shows itself in little things like holding my son at arm’s length because I don’t want his grimy, supper-slathered hands touching my clothes. (Shallow and vain, don’t you think?) That’s hardly suffering, but in this land of comfort, anything that disrupts the status quo or the appearance of having it all together, we count as suffering.

My attitude when things go wrong indicates how I view suffering. God, heal my back. Lord, make my son’s fever go away. Jesus, provide for this need. Much rarer is the prayer during suffering, Lord, make me more like You through this. Teach me, Lord. Show me something new about Yourself.

I feel bombarded lately with images of suffering.

Like this article I read on human trafficking. (Warning: It’s a disturbing read. I am saddened, disgusted and longing for a world where this is NO ONE’s normal.)

Or this Facebook post from an AP reporter in Somalia.

And the catalyst to this self-analyzation: I read a book about adoption. (Come back Monday, Aug. 1 for the review.) My husband and I once considered adoption, before we were married or had our two kids. It’s still in the back of our minds, but after reading this book, I wanted to run from the possibility. I don’t need family life to be harder, I thought. I don’t want my marriage to suffer because of tension over an adopted child’s needs. I don’t want my children to feel overlooked or neglected.

And the “I” list went on and on.

But the families who shared their stories said they wouldn’t trade all the difficulties, the suffering, for the child who was now a part of their lives.

Suffering does not go unrewarded.

In the grand scheme of things, I have not suffered much. But the times I have suffered have also been times of deepened spiritual awareness. Close times with God. Renewed human relationships. Visible expressions of glory not my own.

I don’t know the future, what sufferings I will or won’t experience.

It’s naive to think I will never suffer, or never again suffer, so I’m praying now for the strength and grace to endure whatever form suffering takes.

And because I don’t know how to end this ramble, I leave you with a song I can’t get out my head.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e8HgAVenbUU]